ce livre-ci est du genre où tu dois rester assis, en silence après la dernière page. c'est une lecture qui rendrait n'importe quel ivrogne très sobre,ce livre-ci est du genre où tu dois rester assis, en silence après la dernière page. c'est une lecture qui rendrait n'importe quel ivrogne très sobre, émotionellement très complexe. je trouve ça difficile de décrire les vives piqûres dans ma case thoracique et les durs pincements entre mes sourcil lorsque je lisais les avoeux tout le long du récit. c'est terrible comment cette autofiction est une vraie rapière pour l'âme. (4.5) -- spoilers ahead
'je vous demande de fermer les yeux et d'imaginer un endroit calme' est une histoire intime d'une vie infligée de fléaux internes, primairement la relation intense et consummatrice d'inceste émotionnel entre mère-fille, née d'une codépendance débilitante entre ces deux. une mère émotionnellement immature, instable et incompréhensible, négligente malgré son amour pour sa fille, elle qui est dépourvue de sense, d'affection, s'agrippe à sa mère pour découvrir la vie et l'amour, les ongles qui saignent.
c'est une relation incroyablement âpre et complexe, qui a engendré d'autres complexes dans sa vie de jeune fille comme le plaisir sensuel et sexuel de son automutilation (et conséquemment son association du plaisir à la mort et vice veersa) et la perception que les agressions sexuelles répétées par l'ex-mari de sa mère comme son baptême de femme, de visibilité pour qui elle est aux yeux de sa mère et de partenariat avec sa mère... michelle lapierre-dallaire approche aussi plus tard les défis de sa vie de femme bisexuelle ou bien de lesbienne (j'oublie), et sa fascination et son dégoût comme deux facettes de la même médaille d'un point de vue qui nous 'punch' l'estomac, mais vraiment, lire les pages 41 jusqu'à 44 m'ont ramassé comme l'homme des poubelles qui jete les bacs de poubelles tous les jeudis matin - c'est vraiment pour vous qu'ils m'ont décalissés en tabarnak, comme la chute à partir d'un balcon au huitième étage. y'a pas de mot. peut-être le coeur dans l'estomac ou les intestins libres sur le plancher de la cuisine, je sais pas. je sais juste que j'étais hors de moi.
autre que les recoins dégeulasses et vulgaires le récit de sa vie nous a inévitablement mené, michelle lapierre-dallaire a une plume crue que j'ai adoré, et m'a aussi rappeler celle de francis ouellet dans 'mélasse de fantasie'. j'ai le même compliment: c'est une écriture vulnérable, douloureusement honnête et proprement québecoise. l'utilisation des anglicismes et des québecismes mélangés parfois avec un vocabulaire proprement litéraire est toujours plaisant pour moi - c'est souvent comment mes amis parlent en vrai. ce livre a tant de fabuleux passages comme il y a des passages agonisants. j'ai beaucoup souligné, encerclé, commenté dans ma copie. j'ai notamment beaucoup écrit entre les pages lorsque lapierre-dallaire discutait de l'influence et l'agression des hommes même dans des relations amoureuses entre femmes et de son souhait secret intermittent d'être un homme et d'avoir un pénis pour plaire (à sa mère, dans ce cas-ci) - c'est des sujets qui m'ont beaucoup piqués.
j'avais souvent le goût de discuter en groupe ou en classe de ce livre, je pourrais vraiment discuter en long et en large de l'âme dérobée dans ce récit, dépliés et exposés dans les galleries que sont ces pages. bien que des fois j'avais des froids avec le ton vers la fin/la conclusion, j'ai eu une incroyable expérience avec ce récit. si t'es prêt, je recommene à 100%...more
yet again another silly goofy monster romantasy, just like i love them!
i was in amsterdam and i needed a chill, easy romance, a simple read and kimbeyet again another silly goofy monster romantasy, just like i love them!
i was in amsterdam and i needed a chill, easy romance, a simple read and kimberly lemming serves everytime for me, anytime, any place! (edit: okay janet jackson!!). i liked dante being the rich (baby) daddy to cherry, a rightfully vain madam. love a sassy, so babygirl boyfriend with a stubborn girlfriend (i am projecting myself onto cherry, i love dante). also alexis made a comback and she has to be there for every other novel in the series. i demand it!!
anyways, their romance was very fun, despite the bumps and i felt the adventure dante and cherry take on could have been more meaningful somehow. i don't know it just didn't struck me like the two first one did. i think i may have expected more intense and dramatic of a fight amid the romance, like the first (with the goddess myva) and the second (the fallout of myva and the incel cult) or now that i'm writing it down, i think i missed more absurdity like i was used to than anything else. the absence of such may attract more "normal" audience but really i'm here bcs i need my lowkey disgusting and saucy monster boyfriend time xoxo (if you know me irl, you don't xoxo). i still loved it but let's course-correct... if possible.
the smut was good and the way dante foreplays is exquisite to me, even though dante and cheery's actual sexual dynamic falls more into sub and dom and i was waiting for a switch in roles or a tease of such. but that's a me thing.
alas, i am now in need for a fourth book (please please please miss lemming, i cannot stand this drought)...more
this is a daunting one for me to write. bcs this is very obviously a beloved novel and the truth of the matter is that i had a fantastic time! ...untithis is a daunting one for me to write. bcs this is very obviously a beloved novel and the truth of the matter is that i had a fantastic time! ...until the very end. and there was so much to talk about with material, with just the content of the novel itself. and i was having a hard time deciding what rating i would give this novel, i took 5 days to debate myself about it. but if i can attempt to sum it up in a word, it would be "vibrant". (3.75)
truly, even if i'm upset at the end of it, this novel was a riot. tommy orange HAS the skill necessary to write all these distinct vibrant voices, not to say 'to have been born with that talent". and on top, to have them intertwined across the deep enmeshed stories where characters are subject to cultural, socioeconomical and political struggles that are specific the native american - WOW!! i see how tommy orange wrote - fought! long and hard to revolutionize the native character in literature - well, at least for me, he made me realize that it was the first urban native story i had read. i was like "huh... it's true that all the indigenous reading i have done have featured them in the country or way in the past". and for tommy orange to bring it back to now and make them as vivid and alive and painstakingly human, it's a feat, most certainly. "there there" announces for me a great writer who i will be following but also the arrival of an important archetype missing in the literary landscape, of which he immediate demystifies, humanizes, decronstructs before our eyes with the vast cast of characters. that is a TRUE skill. reading the dialogues was a pleasure, the switches from 1st person to 3rd back and forth or full stop a written piece by the author himself, the wide narrative structure paired with the direction of the novel was creative and amusing to cross-reference on accident or to notice how they intertwine in minor or major ways a character might or might not notice. the economist had it on the money: it's "not merely a literary triumph but a cultural and political one".
the lives told strike across three generations of urban native americans, all linked somehow by an upcoming powwow in oakland. ranging from a resentment for a disconnection to one's culture, difficulties of sobriety, the prominence of alcoholism within the community and the pains of history that continue to hurt, all the generational violences and silent oppression in its many trenchcoats - really, these urban stories are a new face of contemporary indigenous lives (for a person who's not in the community), showcasing the different relations to being native in an urban setting, currently how a great part of indigenous people live. it's the vamp it needed. these voices in "there there" and their stories are versatile, multiple, emotionally complex and demand to be read with care, consideration and most important outloud.
personally, i felt very strongly for my homegirl, jacquie red feather. she's had a rough life, not a second of rest. but there was a moment in the novel (and i'm sure you can guess where if you've read it) which i was so mad for her tbh. like i know i would absolutely lose my mind if i were her, like actually hysterical batshit crazy full mental breakdown. i'd flee the country, i'd rip my hair off, i'd kill, i don't know what i would do irl, i just know i couldn't possibly be sane and handle like she did. out of all the stories in this novel, jacquie's story was earthquake-like to me.
her story was great until the last page, but that doesn't i like how this novel ended. in literary theory or cinematic theory, i understand that tommy orange properly set us his novel, like yes chekhov's gun, i know... i've heard: "if you said the gun was going to go off by the end, it has to go off by the end" or "if it's not going to fired, it shouldn't be hanging there" or whatever - i KNOW....... BUT it was so quick and dry and "brusque" and i was left in suspense with nothing and i don't know, i just feel there are at least another 30 pages beyond the last page and i needed them to be there for this novel. the cutoff was jarring to me, i don't know how to explain to y'all.
also! i almost forgot: all these people and no gay?
anyways. the ending personally really soured it for me, but it's still a great novel overall. i'm probably going to get to wandering stars before the end of the year, bcs except for the end, i rlly liked tommy orange. just don't pull another stunt like that please xoxo ...more
QUEERS!! QUIET AND LOUD!! SENIOR AND BABY!! RISE UP!! WELL I SHOULD HAVE RISEN UP WHEN IT WAS LITERALLY ALL THE RAVE LAST YEAR OR EALIY THIS YEAR!!! BQUEERS!! QUIET AND LOUD!! SENIOR AND BABY!! RISE UP!! WELL I SHOULD HAVE RISEN UP WHEN IT WAS LITERALLY ALL THE RAVE LAST YEAR OR EALIY THIS YEAR!!! BUT I HAVE RISEN UP AND I'M CELEBRATING QUEER YOUNG LOVE!! (4.5)
no seriously, this was so cute, i was contorting myself out of the cuteness of it all, like i wouldn't stop squealing. it was high school (i'm glad it makes me recoil in the good way), like it had that quality that all high school shows really try so bad to get but alice oseman just GOT it.
i'm really looking forward to charlie and nick's developing love story upon them being cute and doing really cute shit too. charlie and nick's character announced themselves profound in the same way teens' inner lives. i mean rich in personal complexities but incredibly fun to see them struggle as an adult who's done it internally bcs they're kinda not that important but obviously and absolutely are when you are a teenager - i just wanna make sure that i mean no shade to the possible older teens that will be seeing this - i'm just 20 and i still recoil at the sight of a group of teenagers... so as much as i really REALLY dislike ben, he is a character i hope to see more, like he's on some shady shit and i wanna see play it out for him and for our boy charlie AND the girlfriend involved from higgs. we're exploring themes off being out to people so i think ben should be there to contrast nick's on-coming experience. this character also reminded me the little piece carmen maria machado wrote called "dreamhouse as queer villainy" in her memoir "in the dream house" and i look forward to see how ben's gonna grow with that angle in mind.
and while i'm on the topic of ben's character, the way he conducted himself when he talked about not having come out reminded me of a passionate take i have around the "coming out" rite of passage in queer circle: you literally don't have to "come out" of the closet. you don't have to do shit, you can just be queer and you don't have to announce anything about your sexuality. you can signal it but really, if you don't want to, you shouldn't have to. do it if you want but i think no queer person should ever feel like they have to announce their sexuality to everyone. i think it's literally no one's business and it perpetuates heteronormativity. no bcs literally just start kissing whoever you'd like to kiss (with their consent ofc) and don't offer an explanation. bcs literally why would i do this FOR YALL? why do i have explain what i like to YALL? whom are WHOLLY unaffected or, at most, would be approached romantically (and respectfully)? how does "coming out" even serve me, in this day and age? how about you just don't assume i'm straight instead of holding this "queer" rite that only seems to serve heteros and homophobes? the exception are *maybe* traditional parents and you don't want to shock them when you as a woman are coming home to present them your partner who is - surprise! - also a woman. but except for those situations, abolish the "coming out" rite of passage.
anyways! the art style reminds me of my sister's art. in the sense that, i noticed how even dialogues look handwritten and it felt personal, like my own little sister handing me her comic project (she does have a comic project and i have edited it per her demand - she has since stopped asking me for my editing bcs i do not mince my words when criticizing) - like these drawings weren't digitized at all. very very homey!
the lightest criticism i have for this first volume is that the length of it, like 250 pages for the amount of story we get is actually pretty strikingly low, but i understand why that choice was made - they preferred gains in character likeability over early story conflict (and it worked bcs now i'm invested in my baby queers).
anyways, if you are in need pf a quick shot of queer young love, i have the graphic novel for you xoxo...more
this novel took "ain't i my sister's keeper" to another level, y'all. and it made for nollywood goodness!! like just in its premise and storyline direthis novel took "ain't i my sister's keeper" to another level, y'all. and it made for nollywood goodness!! like just in its premise and storyline direction and dialogues in english an yoruba... SO FUN!!!!! (some spoilers)
reading this book was like sitting in the semi-dark, in the know, a little tiny bit anxious about how it's going to go down. and it was growing slighgtly bigger as it was coming to its climax. my smile was devious, knowing and probably a bit crooked. i was sticking out my tongue just a tiny tiny bit, i was biting my nails like a diva!
but i still had some rough moments... not directly bcs of the content itself but it reminded me off... y'all need to know that for almost 6 years, i was just like korede when it came to tade... like JUST LIKE HER !! it's not my proudest years at all and it pained me so much to see my past self into this novel, like oh my god, this was what i looked like?????? AAAH !?!??!???!!! and with what unfolded??? i would be so sick... in fact I WAS SICK!! okay?? for her sake and my past self, i was terribly ill, i need to hospitalized, fallen into a deep coma, i'm bedridden, plugged in the machines in the ICU, on life-support, knocking on heaven's door. it was just so triggering to see these convos progressed between korede and tade, and how ayoola was behaving and exploiting that... i was so worked up bcs of the memories, it was unreasonably so for this read, really. but i'm over it now, i'm healed and i wishes korede had ended killing him by the end - it would have done REAL good to me.
feelings aside, this novel was very interesting, surprisingly a very fast read. it was very fun and funny but it stayed very much mature on the exploration of african family dynamics, specifically about the responsibility of the eldest daughter for the younger one, or the responsibility of the one for the more beautiful/gifted sibling. it's really the main interest of this novel as it is taken to the extremes with a serial killer sister and i thought it was really well handled and it reached me, as an eldest daughter in a black carribean household with a black mother. it was sensible, honest and made the jokes at the right time, did the nollywood classics with the same hilarious tang. but also along sings many other takes on beauty standard, the emotional repercussions being the one responsible does, pretty privilege and ofc course, colorism.
overall, this is rlly telling me that i need to read more african authors that give off scandalous, drama-filled nollywood vibes :)...more
i'd like to rescind my previous reservations towards emily henry i had in happy place. i apologize, i wasn't familiar with your game!! i've been convei'd like to rescind my previous reservations towards emily henry i had in happy place. i apologize, i wasn't familiar with your game!! i've been converted!! (certain spoilers ahead)
i really REALLY loved beach read, so much so, it made me realize that i wasn't so into happy place as i thought i was or could be with emily henry's romances. as i'm typing this, i'm literally reconsidering my rating from a 4 to a 3.5 for happy place. 'beach read' was laced in something so good, emily henry's literally walter white and i'm jesse pinkman in the flesh. i mean... :) in happy place, i liked them and appreciated its complexities about relationships but here? i rlly fell for the main characters and their story this time.
like wow, emily henry went to GRAD SCHOOL of flawed and lovely characters, like the characterization in here was gold. interlinked and intertwined peripeties and complexes and all. had it on lock - romanticizing and grief-stricken janie and traumatized and dejected gus, both with their own family secrets that have effected them heavily (i was shocked at one of gus's, i was like wow, i feel just as upset as janie is feeling rn and felt like a total asshole when gus clocked us both). and all these layers are being revealed slowly as they heal or barricaded themselves up again (as progress isnt linear). janie and gus are out there processing their shit, hashing it out, bonding with the chemistry being off the fucking chart, coming closer together... ahh the tension was so good, so palpable.
i rlly liked how gus' story back to janie kinda mirrored janie's dad's secret affair-not-so-affair. it was great for janie, realizing that there was a complex history and that there was nuance. thru comparing herself and gus to her dad and his mistress, it allowed her to make peace with her conflict. and i really like that, that the inner conflict and outer conflict help each other. i don't know if explaining myself well, i just woke up from a nap.
i already expressed how i loved the characters and i did for both, but gus everett is literally my man, like what do you mean. "when i watch you sleep, i feel overwhelmed that you exist" OOH that's my man, like i'm so sorry that's my man. and you can't do anything about it actually. gus everett is my man xoxo like just him day to day, his inner world and everything... him in the car at the drive-in movie OOOOOOHH STOPPP I CAN'T TALK PROPERLY!! i can't think normally about that scene, i was literally losing my mind at work. and when we got the scenes, oh emily henry you earned back your medals. like oh my god gus you were so languorous and i loved you so much xoxo. anyways the tension and the chemistry and the banter between them was so good, the smut smutted AND did one of my favorite things ever which, if you know, it's the crossings of love/sex x religion. like i lost my mind when janie said "are you praying to me?" and gus answered "something like that" while going down. like i'm gonna jump off a bridge in a videogame, OHH IM LOSING IT. i cant explain to yall how that intersection makes me lose my mind and spiral in yearning. i mean, i could explain it all but that would be so long and my words cannot do justice to my passion for it.
beach read has minor minor minor flaws and many icks for some but this story fitted me so much, i loved it so much, i actually don't care about anything else xoxo. ...more
this read was particularly sensitive and difficult, given the on-going genocide in gaza. the palestinian suffering is vivid like an open, gaping breatthis read was particularly sensitive and difficult, given the on-going genocide in gaza. the palestinian suffering is vivid like an open, gaping breathing wound. this small work captures the aftermath of the nakba and the following daily, outright or insidious violence through the eyes of an israeli psychopathic straight-up fucking evil IDF soldier who participated in a gang r*ape and eventual murder of a bedouin woman, and through the eyes of palestinian woman on the spectrum who's hyper fixated on that horrific crime. it's a story that's worth every listen and every available ear on this earth.
also, reading this in august was horrible, and so close to the date of the crime. it made for a torturous juxtaposition while reading. it was sickening.
but as a body of literary work, i do have criticisms. for this one, i question the length for the israeli's pov. while i think it was essential for this pov, to really get a inner view of a thru-and-thru zionist's thoughts and attitudes, i think we stayed too long. zionism is a jewish ethno-nationalist colonizing school of thought, it's a simple straight forward type of violence. i only regret staying so long in their head bcs i wished for more of the palestinian woman's and that it's kinda really fucking awful to be in a zionist's head. other editorial choices like only two chapiters for the pov division, is one that agree with it but it did leave for walls of text, along with dialogues being embedded in said wall text without dialogue markers - little little breathers in between.
as for the end of the novel, i am confused abit for this type of end. i get that it's about a cyclical systemic virtually inescapability of it, living under apartheid but i just don't understand the present of a woman at the end. i want to think it's the bedouin woman who was presumably left for dead but it's a bit confusing, so it's a less satisfying end to it. it's a small thing really but it's for the end so i'm inclined to be a bit harsher.
aside for the crime, i think the most harrowing moment in this novel is when the palestinian woman is staying in an inn outside of the strip and she hears bombing in gaza in the middle of night and she describes to us how it feels to be bombed in the middle of the night, how the dust gets everywhere, how ear-shattering they are, how the buildings crumble. and how still and unbothered it is on the other side, how there's no dust and sand rushing up to the window and their nose, how you can still hear some of them dropping but it's nothing but a drum beating in the distant. how they, on the other side, sleep soundly and live peaceful lives. it's like the zone of interest, rlly. i can't understand how they, who live close to the strip, can live with themselves.
in short, it was a difficult and rather necessary read with some editorial choices that can make this hard read an even harder one. ...more
i couldn't wait too long to read another zapata romance, and while it didn't hit like all rhodes lead here, i still had fun with this one of hers. (lei couldn't wait too long to read another zapata romance, and while it didn't hit like all rhodes lead here, i still had fun with this one of hers. (leaning towards a 3.5 or 3.75 for this one)
this slowburn actually made me realize that this was a slowburn, like in all rhodes lead here, i wasn't actively realizing how many pages i was reading, the slowburn took its time but it just had that addictive quality that i just didn't find with this one. it took a minute to get to the obvious 'break-in' moment... but it was worth it bcs i lost my mind when i read it and i was at work... like in all rhodes lead here, it was when ora went on a date and mr rhodes was kinda on the fence about it - and i went crazy like i was squealing. here, at the basketball game and aiden had his hands softly around the back of her neck and was being so talkative and he gave her a little peck..... i so couldn't handle it, i developed a little verbal tick or stim for the next 4 hours. i was tweaking bcs that moment was when i actually started liking aiden and i was like "no one understands me... no one understands me". bcs you have to understand, i'm losing over PAPER nd most of my coworkers are like 40+ year old like they can't understand.... anyways...
it was fun, easy, really cute and way more subtle with aiden which kinda frustrating me sometimes, like he was too much of a stoic at times? but ohh well, i'm here for fun. but also vanessa kept using that phrase like "it's only a thing i would notice bcs i've known him for two years now" or "he's gone canadian on me" or "the big guy'" and it got very old around the 275 page mark - ALSO!! OH bcs i can take a handful or reminders of a man's big physical size, i'm a ali hazelwood completionist. but in this novel? absolutely overboard about it, like it's actually insane how many times his size is mentioned.
personally, i wish i had seen more of vanessa's trauma WITH her family irl, like show me how the sisters are actually horrible. like please, i believe you that they are being absolutely shits to her especially susie but for all i know, vanessa could be lying. like during the family meeting for the holiday? that was the part i was looking for bcs i wanted to see in what family dynamic she grew up in. showing that you have also made her anger issues more believable in my opinion... bcs idk for y'all but i just thought she was feisty until vanessa explicitly said she had anger issues. idk if it's just me an actually i have anger issues... i don't think so but i live in my head so...
anyways, the smut, i didn't comment in my journal but i think it was rather... dull? like the dupe when the alarm got activated, yeah that was hot but the actual bit is just... eh! already i feel okay about the characters, so on top the okay smut was... just there :)
also there were two separate moments of which i just couldn't smile and was kinda rlly fucking put-off, notably the one where aiden meets a fan in vegas and that fan gropes aiden's ass and vanessa just kinda laughs about it? like i know y'all don't like each other yet but it was very icky... like i couldn't be so lighthearted about something like that. looking left and right... crickets... straight line over my lips... but other than those two moments, it was a straight no chaser type of fun!
if you have questions as to why i even cracked a page of this: it was a bookclub pick. i was willing to try and i have... but i will say this is sometif you have questions as to why i even cracked a page of this: it was a bookclub pick. i was willing to try and i have... but i will say this is something i would have never picked for myself, let alone be on my radar.
i think this was supposed to be some sort of dyspotian satire on social media, desensitivity and american politics i guess? but it totally forgot that too. the writing and plot choices are just poor and incredibly unappealing, coming off as too juvenile for it's YA audience too at times even. though it's a rather fast-paced story, it was a drag for me. like coming home and opening my pc and reading it, it just made me sigh the whole time... like especially with the gore like... it's so okay and tame? like i'm not even disgusted. i was sitting thru the first one like 'so when are you done? you're being annoying'.
anyways, i literally cannot sit thru more of this shit tbh. this is definite dnf. ...more
before picking this up, i didn't know ada limon was the peot laureate for the u.s. not that it changes much of my thoughts on this collection i've reabefore picking this up, i didn't know ada limon was the peot laureate for the u.s. not that it changes much of my thoughts on this collection i've read over a week ago at this point. (sorry i've been busy)
i thought that the collection was hopping between big themes like fertility and then passion and after politics? all great topics to read poetry about but i think i just like my big themes in poetry to be under an umbrella at least. maybe it's just me who rlly needs this sense of direction and ultimate purpose in poetry, as if each poem is a piece of tainted glass placed under light to show a beautiful mosaique of something. for me, i'd rather reduce the scope of ada limon's collection.
the writing is good, definitely. ada limon uses depictions of nature and natural elements in this collection in a way that should be satisfying for one but jsut wasn't for me? i don't know to be honest. i think simply she just might not be for me. it's a good and easy collection to start with, if a reader is on a journey of discovering poetry but it just ultimately didn't do much for me.
maybe i'm just really in love with warsan shire....more
we, as a people (and im excluding myself), must have forgotten the basics... respectfully. y'all must have been seduced - scratch that - hypnotize by we, as a people (and im excluding myself), must have forgotten the basics... respectfully. y'all must have been seduced - scratch that - hypnotize by the prose or even the movie aesthetic. as pretty and uncomfortably (and perhaps inappropriately) lustful as the prose was at times, you simply cannot make me forget or look away from the fact that elio is a teenager... fucking on a grown man.
this is pedophilia, romanticized. the writing AND elio know it (side note: elio can be a literally genius for all i care - knowing it doesn't make it less bad!! he cannot consent!!!).
and it's a most definite choice to give them these ages, of which its inexistence or correction would have changed absolutely nothing to the story. making elio 17 and oliver 25 or 26, was a choice that served literally nothing else. elio could have been 19 and oliver 24, and it would have been better. definitely dubious but much more acceptable. i cannot stress enough how i don't understand why andré aciman made this decision. maybe he thought writing about queer longing and yearning was the shit but he tied it with literal pedophilia -- which it absolutely DOES NOT fucking help the LGBTQIA+ community as the literal conservative almost-fascist are already grasping at straws to convince the rest of the world that queer people are groomers. i don't give a fuck that it was written in 2007: this literary work perpetuates the gay groomers allegations.
the writing, though at first lush, end up being quite nauseating by the 100th page. the yearning part was too intense too quick. like a band that tries to do a crescendo but starts too loud and end up breaking pitch when they try to go louder. along with her, the writing was weirdly and inappropriately lustful - you know as we are adults into this horny teenager's head. it's one thing to indicate us that he's aroused, it's another thing to directly tell your reader how rock hard elio's cock is for oliver. yea... as a freshly 20 year old, very VERY uncomfortable. the story itself, lessen by its content choices and writing choices, was unremarkable and sickening.
now i'd like to share a passage, which it comes after elio fucked a peach to recall his previous night with oliver. trigger warning for SA:
"the bruised and damaged peach, like a rape victim, lay on its side on my desk, shamed, loyal, aching, and confused, struggling not to spill what i'd left inside. it reminded me that i (elio) had probably looked no different on his (oliver) bed last night after he's come inside me the first time."
i was literally screamed in shock when i read this. i had to stop reading. comparing the peach to a rape victim is insane. following up, calling it 'loyal', this raped peach... absolutely insensitive, insane and unfathomable. then, to liken it to elio from his previous night, was crazier bcs, in the context of that scene, it implied a "yea it could be interpreted as such, but it wasn't what it was. i'm not a victim of SA, it's love and horny longing" and that perspective is rewarded by the storyline of the novel. i was sick to be honest, like i was literally gagged in the worst way possible. literally there are no words.
tldr: how the fuck are y'all even able to like this? ...more
with the on-going and acceleration of the palestinian genocide in gaza led by the israeli apartheid, these poems, semi-following the poet's grandmothewith the on-going and acceleration of the palestinian genocide in gaza led by the israeli apartheid, these poems, semi-following the poet's grandmother who's older than israel, felt all the more powerful, important and most of all, beyond devastating. rifqa was 103 years old, when she passed away on june 16th, 2020. she was a living breathing symbol of resistance in front of all the instances of settler colonial violence, terrorism and genocide. she lived thru the nakba. reading this collection, paired with the images coming straight from gaza, was... just... there are no words.
as for the poetry itself, it was dry-cut, direct prose with woved with bleeding and bloody memories and a suffering only palestinian person could feel. his prose just hightens the horrors on paper and fiercely warns us to stand by the oppressed and reject the lies of the oppressor. i really appreciated the use of godhood and the occasional references stories from the quran. "no moses in siege" was my favorite poem, of which recalled the cruelty the IDF navy showed on july 16th 2014 when it fired on boys playing soccer on the beach in gaza city. absbolutely inhuman.
"do i believe in violence? well i don't believe in violation"
while sometimes i found that the poem's visual srtucture was a bit confusing, it always manage to sap all the air out of my lungs.
i had an itch for silly romantasy adventure and i got my fill thankfully. i'm so happy i picked up a book that knew what it was - it leaned in the sili had an itch for silly romantasy adventure and i got my fill thankfully. i'm so happy i picked up a book that knew what it was - it leaned in the silliness, into the fun of adventure. it was genuinely funny (and confirmed the sassy men apocalypse is upon us)!
and here's the deal: objectively, it's a 3 - i'll be so honest. but i had so much fun and i got so attached to the cast of characters... it was so addictive, fast-paced and contemporary-internet-funny (i'm sorry my brain is rotten). the writing of course has its flaws, most definitely but i forgive it bcs it knew what it was + kimberly lemming knows how to create loveable characters and dialogue. are their constructions strong? apart from the main characters? no they could be stronger but it is the first in a serie so the side characters might be stronger / get out of their archetypes in the next books. but even a particular aspect of cinnamon's character was too easy: losing your religion! i felt she lost it very easily, it didn't shook her as hard as i think losing your religion should be.
for the world-building, it was intriguing at first but as i progressed it was getting less and less good, and more and more convinient. for exemple, it mentions creatures by their common real-life names of which some are based in greek mythology (a lamia and a minotaur). bcs this is high fantasy, you can't name them like that bcs it implies they know greek mythology, which is impossible. sometimes, it was a word like "al dente" - this implies the existence of the italy and italians (get out your forks). those are pretty grave mistake for an editor to slip up on (this novel was originally an indie book but was picked by tradition publishing when it gained lots of attraction, i think). but oh well! i knew they were going to be silly. like i don't know anyone picked up on it but myva is basically the minecraft ender dragon LMAO.
as for the smut, it's definitiely for a particular audience as it does contain some light BDSM and dubcon (of which i think they were well-handed and well approached). of course, if these are not your thing at all, i recommend you skip this. the smut is perfectly fine, if sometimes it's not my thing. this is also a slightly possessive and slightly feral mmc, fallon - this panders to alot of people. i'm not in that audience but done well, i don't mind at all, but here i liked it bcs he stated what he felt and was open about this, and respected cinnamon's wishes. but fallon's sassy and so petty so i like him regardless.
it's a real fun ride with much giggles, they are so unserious. also ambrose is my pookie, i don't make the rules. ...more
i’m gonna compose myself… okay… you have to tell yourself - someone wrote this, the editor edited this, it had a book deal. i cannot believe such thati’m gonna compose myself… okay… you have to tell yourself - someone wrote this, the editor edited this, it had a book deal. i cannot believe such that such an incel narrator and masturbatory novel was allow to be. no fuck it, i’m about to spew some hate bcs literally how the fuck did this get published? who the fuck put some fucking money in the writing of this novel? who wrote this and more importantly what shit type of editor said “yeah this is good”?
you know, some have the decency to hide their bigotry and co-opt progressive language but this one is just overtly bigoted and wears so proudly and prominently. what a distorted view of the world, what corny and reddit-like writing, what scattered and uncharted plot. it’s really not the novel or the apparent mastery it sets itself out to be by comparing it with other truly masterful works. and please know this, i am not new to unlikeable characters. i am very familiar. like the narrator should at least have one redeemable quality… (the whole appeal of this charater is that they have one thing riding for them) but no, not even a little bit. being self-aware and hating yourself doesn’t make it any better. i am not in favor of book burning but i will throw this book into the pits of fucking hell myself. i cannot take this incel shit anymore. if i read any more, i’m going to cannibalize myself - i’d rather do that. i’m beyond flabbergasted that it sits at a generous 2.74. i crave unspeakable violence towards this book. i’m furious that this book even exists. the hatred in my heart i have for this “novel” is enough to kill an cherub. it’s so fucking disrespectful for this to even compare itself to lolita and it being classified as a “classic”??? who do i have to shoot?? and then i’ll put a shotgun in my mouth before i hear any word of this hot piece of shit....more
-- thank you to netgalley and the publisher for the e-arc!
ironically, i have a love-hate relationship with my reading of this novel. it was racy, torn-- thank you to netgalley and the publisher for the e-arc!
ironically, i have a love-hate relationship with my reading of this novel. it was racy, tornado, neurotic, lesbian... all things i love! but it was also insufferable at times, and doing roundabouts. i guess it's the point a bit, as it's supposed to mimic dynamics in 1950s lesbian pulp fictions.
at the core of this novel is astrid dahl - to read this novel is to learn about her. astrid is this well-fleshed out recovering addict and cancelled writer who probably has undiagnosed adhd and is chronically online (as reflected in the voice). as a character, she's fun, trashy, interesting and so very unlikeable. like i'd hate to be her friend. the novel, and astrid, was fast-paced, weirdly compelling if at times i needed a break from it all, feeling overfed.
i also found that astrid's character was a bit of a mouthpiece. while astrid did her best to at times not be slightly offensive, i found that she was critical at times, others, she was a bit skewed and had underdeveloped opinions. she's knowledgeable here, and then totally ignorant over there (and when it wouldn't really make sense since they would be interlinked, sorta). i was just scratching my head as to how it could be in one character... but it's astrid dahl so oh well! as for other characters, i liked them well enough in my head but they were weaker compared to the main character - they kinda stayed closer to prototypes.
astrid is a 'cancelled' writer as i have said. but i find personally that this cancellation aspect was not full brought to its fullest. it should have been more forward in my opinion, bcs it's a rather rare thing to be one self be the subject of cancellation - the internet makes it seems like everyone is getting cancelled left and right but really it happens to a very small percentage of people on this planet. the opportunity for a more thorough exploration was there and missed unfortunately. it would have been even more interesting especially when it wasn't even bad and that 'cancellation' isn't even a cancellation (homegirl is still getting a movie for her books even after the backlash). it was set to be a rather prominent thing in the story but it was mostly used as a prop for conversation.
overall, i like it enough to be now intrigued by anna dorn's previous works but i would have changed a fair bit of it....more
warsan shire immediately ambushed me with a knife to my throat, drew my blood, and laid down all the woes and the pains in such ravishing, rightfully warsan shire immediately ambushed me with a knife to my throat, drew my blood, and laid down all the woes and the pains in such ravishing, rightfully bitter and poignant prose, i can only stand there, like an idiot, totally disarmed and bewitched. there is simultaneously a violence and a beauty in this collection of poems - which i understand, is her first! - that is rarely found elsewhere...
"no one leaves home unless home is the mouth of a shark. you only run for the border when you see the whole city running as well. the boy you went to school with, who kissed you dizzy behind the old tin factory, is holding a gun bigger than his body. you only leave home when home won't let you stay.
no one puts their children in a boat, unless the water is safer than the land. no one would choose days and nights in the stomach of a truck, unless the miles traveled meant something more than journey
no one would choose to crawl under fences, beaten until you shadow leaves, raped, forced off the boat because you are darker, drowned, sold, starved, shot at the border like a sick animal, pitied. no one would choose to make a refugee camp home for a year or two or ten, stripped and searched, finding prison everywhere"
you'd open a page and you would see the work speaks for it self. there is hardly any other collection cleverer, more torturous and more gorgeous than shire's collection of poems. she writes candidly about the traumatizing life experience of being black, being a black woman, being a black woman of muslim faith, being a black woman who's a refugee - to be othered and in search of home again, forced to seek... anything to hold on to in diasporas. this poem collection stings you and then makes your body ache. warsan shire's talent is immeasurable. her agony reverberates long after you've read it, it's as if you were personally scorned. her poems take you from personal to intergenerational traumas, from almost-savage girlhood to grievous womanhood, while all being super precise and relating to her own experience. as a black woman, i must profess - this is phenomenal.
"we found something crouching behind your bed, it grunted when approached, sang a severed song, a dead thing clinging to life, a mass of knots, born of fiber, torn from blood vessels, dry to the touch.
when it stood, it was the height of a shrill scream, we asked its name, it said your name.
in the garden we set fire to it, it burnt quickly, made a neonatal sound, left behind the perfume of scorched sulfur. was it yours?"
one said that the way warsan shire writes the same way nina simone sang. i cannot agree more. she captures the suffering like i have yet to see elsewhere. this collection is raging, hadean and a magnetic piece - an excellent knock-out blow for prose.
this collection of poems was on literaryhub's most anticipated reads and i was most excited to read from a palestinian-american poet to read about disthis collection of poems was on literaryhub's most anticipated reads and i was most excited to read from a palestinian-american poet to read about displacement, violence, diasporas, fears and indirectly the on-going genocide in palestine.
in a space and time bending haze, we hop from beirut, damascus, basra, jerusalem in the west bank, dubai - all over the middle east. it's a hard read for those who are particularly sensitive to that awful feeling of divorce between a person and their people/home... but i have to admit that the poems themselves, while i deeply appreciated their raw and haunting content, didn't always sit with me in their formats. for me, some were hits, some misses.
the range of which hala alyan is reaching, is of noble intention but there is this zoom-in and zoom-out that felt slightly awkward to me between poems. the polyvocality ( - the perfect word another review has used for these poems, i fear -) hasn't been nailed perfectly. nothing major but it's remarkable to me. this sometimes would tie to the poems that were must more visually striking and/or interactive - which is the most i have ever read, by the way. it was creative to add these "fill the blank" forms as a poem, a true play with page design. but i personally am more about the word play within the words or a simple text. these interactive poems were interesting but in my case, i failed to see the pertinence or the pleasure in having to solve these. not bcs i don't love a puzzle - i love a puzzle - but bcs i can easily misconstrue, bcs i have to probe and poke and play with the words and the sentences, and bcs whatever i came up with, just might not be the "correct" or the "true" order. and perhaps that was the beauty in it. but for my little plausibly neurodivergent brain, the poems would lose their charm bcs i would be preoccupied with the puzzle than with the words and the message or the poem. the worry and the exponential possibilities would tick tick tick in back of my head and whine to me "what if you didn't read it right?". and so that took away alot during my reading.
long story short, while i really appreciated the creative effort and the content, it did landed awkwardly with me and i left the poem collection feeling nervous about the correctness of my order during those interactive poems. ...more
-- thank you to netgalley and the publisher for the e-arc!
i find that this novel had alot of potential. in my opinion, much was done well, much could -- thank you to netgalley and the publisher for the e-arc!
i find that this novel had alot of potential. in my opinion, much was done well, much could have been done better. and unfortunately, though i feel very conflicted, i did not finish my reading.
this queer retelling of shakespeare's henriad had a good start. though i had difficulties in the beginning to differentiate the characters, the prose was pretty and slightly somber. the aggressively religious environment of hal and his practices had some slight inconsistencies (credentials: i used to go to christian summer camps) but i find it's nothing too dramatic. i think allen bretton did a great job at portraying trauma and repression. the incestuous and sexual abuse is well-written as far i could tell. but then... it kinda dropped in the middle of the novel.
at the end of pretty paragraphs, i would find awkward and clunky sentences that didn't fit. at first the textos were a fright, and god, why would you use emoji in literary fiction? it has its place in YA and thrillers but god, i abhor it in literary fiction... i started noticing that for a novel confronting queerness, abuse and catholicism, the catholic elements were not enough. we should get more confessions, for exemple. the narration was already confusing (is it 3rd? or 1st? are we doing jane austen style?) but as i progress it became jarring. sometimes, it didn't feel like 20 something year-old hal speaking... at this point in my reading, it felt awkward and stunted
i feel everything just dropped and to be honest, it became a drag to read. i'm really sad that my first arc is rather a negative one but i do think allen bratton has alot of potential as an author. i'd say just allen bratton to keep it short, succinct and ofc always pointed (when it comes to themes). for me, it's a 2.5. very middle of the road and no more....more
le faubourg de ouellette est le quartier urbain de sa vie, qu'est sa vie, en proie d'une misère virulante et trj'ai le coeur qui saigne. abondamment.
le faubourg de ouellette est le quartier urbain de sa vie, qu'est sa vie, en proie d'une misère virulante et tragique. je ne peux qu'imaginer le bien qu'écrire et décortiquer le c-ptsd a pu faire pour francis ouellette. et en plus de l'écrire avec une intimité propre à lui, lové dans des habitudes uniquement québécoises, je dirais aussi spécialement montréalaises. je suis vraiment reconnaissante pour l'effort constant du dénichement des traumatismes qu'il a vécu et pour l'encre utilisé pour le communiquer à nous.
ce roman est très physiquement proche de moi, simplement par le fait qu'on vit dans la même ville, que je connais son quartier - je le vois quand je ferme les yeux, je vois ce qu'il voit, liée par notre connexion au québec et à la ville de montréal. avant même que je lis la première page, je vois francis ouellette dans mon voisin, dans le passager du métro, sachant qu'il est ici dans cette ville et qu'il nous avoue sa vie.
ce livre est proprement québécois. il est vraiment pour les gens du québec. je pense que le monde qui n'est familier avec le québec, les francophones d'ailleurs, auront plus de difficultés à comprendre les tournures de phrases, les expressions, les anglicismes de notre région, les jurons et tout le jeu de transformation linguistique (comment un sacre peut devenir un adjectif, un nom common ou un nom propre, un verbe, un adverbe) dans cette oeuvre et l'héritage linguistique. c'est bien sûr double-tranchant, mais clairement il y a une richesse immense et chérie ,et c'est exploré vivement dans l'écriture de francis ouellette. ce jeu de québécitude est aussi incrusté dans la plus grande danse de niveaux de langues du livre - passant d'un niveau de langue littéraire, à super familier, à courant et tout les remix possibles. cela fait pour une lecture surprenante, pleine de 'jab', joviale, vigoureuse, tout en étant capable de laisser ses mots se peser et de nous déchirer, lorsque le temps vient.
francis ouellette raconte les événements importants de sa vie avec un humour volontairement inapproprié, un que je connais déjà - celui des mononcles et puis, un peu plus tard, celui des adolescents nouvellement adultes. malgré les grandes tristesses de son histoire, sa narration rebondie donne l'ambiance d'une soirée dans la cours de ton ami avec son barbecue ou d'un feu, une bière dans la main assis dans une chaise repliante, quelque part dans une ville. il y a du fun et de la vivacité dans la plume comme la soirée barbecue, mais il y a amplement de la place pour la vulnérabilité de francis ouellette, la véracité de ses mots, une fois la nuit tombée sur la soirée. on ne peut s'empêcher d'écouter attentivement, notre main qui frotte son dos avec tendresse.
ce livre se colle à moi par sa québécitude et ses jurons, son honnêteté, son jeu de la langue française remarquable qu'on connait si bien. je trouve le tout très bien joué même si à quelques instants, je le trouvais maladroit pour mon goût personelle dans ces moments vulnérables. mais s'il vous plaît ne laissez pas moi (une fille qui aime vivre près du côté d'ouest de la ligne orange) décourager quiconque - ce livre est un joyau propre à notre province! digne de tous les amours qu'il reçoit!
en tout, mélasse de fantaisie est une oeuvre touchante, vorace et pleine d'humour. à suivre, ce cinéphile, ce francis ouellette!...more
what started as a very promising cult-classic serie became quite clouded in my mind by a couple of pretty serious criticisms. akira vol.1 sits uncomfowhat started as a very promising cult-classic serie became quite clouded in my mind by a couple of pretty serious criticisms. akira vol.1 sits uncomfortably with me and unfortunately, it's not really for the right reasons.
firstly, though the premise/set-up in dystopian neo-tokyo and the visual execution is pretty cinematographic, almost flawless, almost gory and intriguing, i cannot fucking shake it out of my mind that the main characters are literally 15 years old. like that's child, a baby, a fetus with legs in fact. like hello i'm sorry that's my sister's age next year - you want me to believe that they are a biker gang who get high all the time and are bad asf all around town? let alone they have their licenses in 2030 neo-tokyo? i just thought it would have been so easy for the mangaka to just make them 17 years old and that would have been so much more believable. and the awkwardness for their age is actually going to follow almost everything else about akira.
with their age, the sexual innuendo felt pretty vile - especially as you progress enough into the novel to understand that kaneda, our main guy, is not just a morally dubious kid but an awful fucking creep? with the only two woman-presenting characters in this manga, he acts and talks pretty disgustingly with them. with one, kaneda pretty much sexually assaults kei for a minute to get to her gun. i don't know why katsuhiro otomo didn't just make them fighting each other for the gun... i'm just saying that this is definitely a choice, since this is volume one and we are still learning about kaneda's character.
i think the emotional peak of this manga is gonna feature the ultimate clash between kaneda and tetsuo (it is a trope that i will eat and shit and cry over forever), but they were once 'besties' apparently (tbh they felt like normal friends)? anyways it's not great for a first introductory volume but honestly, this can totally be arranged in the next volume by illustrating their past friendship and all. it's fixable and i have to recall myself that this is the first volume and we don't get the full picture yet (in my personal belief, we should have a full picture by the end of volume 3 normally but since this is 6 volumes, i expect it to be fully set-up by the end of the next volume). other sets i expect to be fixed by the end of the next is neo-tokyo as a city. again, i'm having difficulties seeing how different is this to just regular-in-real-life tokyo and seeing why it was named "neo-" tokyo. again, totally fixable.
but even with these criticisms, akira is very well set-up to be a sprawling and whirlwind adventure with lots of dynamic action scenes with a now-classic science-fiction mystery. it's really all thanks to the mangaka's ability to see the best way a fast-paced action can be drawn and the best believable dialogue with great hooks. the story has a lot of potential so i'm not gonna give on the series yet despite the big icks i got from the first volume....more
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