So, I’m currently purging my bookcases. I have over 1500 books on them. So I’m culling what to keep and what to pass on. Of course JUST BUY THIS BOOK.
So, I’m currently purging my bookcases. I have over 1500 books on them. So I’m culling what to keep and what to pass on. Of course as I’m doing this I’m finding books I read years ago and get distracted and read again. This is one of those. This one is staying on the bookshelves.
Where do I start about this book? I needed this book right now to fall into my hands and I can honestly say with all of my heart that I will never live my life the same way again. It's almost impossible to really describe the way the book has impacted me and how I believe it can impact anyone who absorbs it. It is for those saying "what next?" and so many other questions.
Why Bother? That is the question. The answers in this book are not only what I call epiphany lightbulb messages but if applied to your life, it cannot do anything BUT change for the better. This is not about fluffy positive mental attitude or staring at a candle saying "OHM" over and over. It's not self-help, it's more than that.
Why do we do so much in life that does not serve us, or make us happy? Rushing around, listening to the "shoulds` in our minds. Spending time doing things that will never bring us any joy? Keeping friendships that are really not bring you joy. Going places you’d really rather not go but feel guilty if you don’t?
It doesn't have to be like that. Jennifer talks of everything from just "sitting" - which involves slowing down, or setting aside a few hours, a day, a week, whatever works for you and just listening to what you need RIGHT NOW. Not tomorrow, not next week but in that moment, for that day. Then giving yourself those things that you desire.
How do we numb ourselves? Everyday life addictions that block us from our real selves, true connection and actually being alive, fully engaged. What are your addictions? She talks of many, like online games, bingeing for hours on Netflix, stuffing our faces with food and not even noticing, then beating ourselves up about it. As for social media? Is it working for you? Does seeing somebody's "beautiful" life and comparing it to yours really good for you? Are you exhausted from keeping up your image or brand on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and then realising that you don't know the real you anymore?
From the book blurb:
Louden demonstrates why it’s important to bother after creative faceplants, professional defeats, heartbreak, illness, and loss. She shows why you’re worth prioritizing at any time of your life, even after sidelining your dreams to raise kids, pay the rent, or take care of aging parents. And—crucially—she shows you how tapping into your deepest desires can give you the energy to move forward—even when the world seems in such dire straits.
After all, no one wants the alternative—giving up, shutting down, or phoning it in. It's time to reclaim the dignity and beauty of your desires. It's time to get your bother on.
Are you tired of being a yes person? Do you caretake for others out of guilt or seeking praise and admiration. This book will really let you see (if you let it) what really matters and how to live life differently.
Jennifer urges us to tap into our desires, dig deep into what we really want to do and how we want to live life then simply doing it. She gives you the tools though. Sharing her own journey was powerful as are the stories of others who just found that they were saying Why Bother way too much. What resonated with me was when Jennifer realised that her years of dreaming and striving and working to be a writer and make it big with screenplays wasn't working for her. She wanted to be successful with it. It meant a lot. It was what she thought she was going to be/do. A voice inside was saying "let it go`. It was an inner battle but she did. What came of that was a whole new direction and a number of bestselling books.
We don't need to do anything for a minute that makes us unhappy. We have choices. Lots of them.
With a real heart for empowering and encouraging, Jennifer hits the mark with this book. My review has touched on maybe 5% of what is in the book. I had emotions running through me when reading every single word. Somehow, you just GET IT. That's what the book does.
No matter where you are in life right now, I guarantee you that this book can and will change your life in some way for the better. It can be so simple as stopping all the noise, the internet, the TV, the emails that yell at you for instant response, the messages on Facebook you really have no energy for and finding things that bring you joy.
This morning, before writing this review one of my cats came to me and was just loving being stroked and cuddled. He purred and looked at me with unconditional love in his eyes. He was in the moment. Receiving the love. Cats get it. Instead of rushing that time because I needed to write this review/have my morning coffee/check Twitter/start a new book/answer my emails blah blah blah I just grabbed the joy I felt.
Oh man, I don't feel like I am giving this book the kudos it deserves. What I hope is you will read this book for yourself. Buy it for your friends and family. Borrow it from someone. Just read it. I have read so many "self-help" books for over 25 years and this is not really in that category but it has had more impact on me than all of them rolled together. In fact most self-help books are on repeat and not helpful at all.
Find the meaning and purpose in your life and go for it. First step? Grab the book and get ready.
Thanks so much for reading my review! If you’d like to connect you can follow me or please send me a friend request. ...more
This is such a popular book that it’s been a bestseller for twenty years. For good reason. The content is essential reading for anyone wanting to idenThis is such a popular book that it’s been a bestseller for twenty years. For good reason. The content is essential reading for anyone wanting to identify, escape, heal from and avoid any person who uses manipulation on you. This can be anyone from your spouse to your boss or your teenager.
It covers different types of aggression and the desire to control especially from what is labelled a Covert-aggressor. Not to be mixed up with Passive-Aggression which is different. The CA list of operating tactics and impact on others is very similar to the Covert Narcissist but not exactly the same.
These are dangerous people with totally wrong motives who can cause tremendous harm in your life. Reading this book gives you the insights into how they tick, what that looks like, how they achieve it and identify you as a target and most importantly how to not be vulnerable and recognise the manipulative predator early...and run!
One thing that stuck with me after reading this was the comment that many of us think people are fundamentally the same. Maybe someone is a bit broken, damaged and if we try to help them they’ll change. Wrong. The book teaches that certain personality disordered people are hard wired that way and do not think the same or have the same agenda to their counterparts. Keep that tidbit handy.
Details of how manipulation looks to what it can do over time. You’ll be worn down, hopeless, confused and this can lead to depression and other issues that make you even more vulnerable to the predators need to control you covertly.
An essential read. Everyone should be aware of how these dangerous folk operate and be educated on how to avoid them. 4 stars....more
This is one of the best books from a Survivor’s perspective I’ve read. The author describes her own painful and devastating journey with her NarcissisThis is one of the best books from a Survivor’s perspective I’ve read. The author describes her own painful and devastating journey with her Narcissistic mother and then the abusive Narcissistic man that was her husband for many years.
It’s more than just her story which I related to so much with both relationships but it’s informative as to what Narcissist’s do and how there are varying degrees of it.
It has a brilliant extensive section on gaslighting, most books cover it but this really dissects the crazy making way it messes you up. I got so much from that.
Another unique aspect I love about this book is the powerful advice given about how to divorce the Narcissist with the least amount of pain and damage. This is excellent advice and it’s US based but a lot can be applied to divorce anywhere.
The writing style is personal, I felt like the author and I were having a chat. I read the book in one sitting and despite reading lots about this insidious form of abuse I got lots new from this.
The chapter and messages on healing yourself are really good and if you are a Christian like me there are references to particular podcasts, YouTube videos and speakers to watch/listen. If you are not a Christian don’t worry, the book will speak to anyone. The Christian links are provided near the end. However know that God abhors abuse and never expects you or your children to stay and suffer. You may find some of those resources comforting.
I’ve had more than one Narcissist in my life and I’m now divorced from the worst of the lot. I know too well how even the strongest woman can end up not even being able to get out of bed and believe she’s not doing enough to make her abuser happy. Recovery from this abuse is not easy but so necessary so the pattern is not repeated. The good news? It takes time but you can heal and have a healthy relationship pattern going forward.
I highly recommend this book. No doubt about it, this one will give you a lot of clarity. Be kind to yourself. Five stars from me!
Thanks so much for reading my review of this book. Join me as a friend or follower and feel free to browse my shelves for your next great book! I love to connect with other readers.
A unique and valuable perspective on how a Narcissist hurts, hooks and controls you.
I've read lots on this subject. I've watched lots on You Tube abouA unique and valuable perspective on how a Narcissist hurts, hooks and controls you.
I've read lots on this subject. I've watched lots on You Tube about it. I've been victim to Narcissistic abuse both by a parent and partners. It is a horrendous journey. Like me, it may take you many years before you even have an inkling if what you are being subjected to. Freedom is possible however, I am a walking testimony to that.
This book is written by an actually male Narcissist, he’s written a lot of books. He kind of knows his subject matter and this gives you a unique perspective into everything they say, do and think. Invaluable tools and knowledge to either get away from the Narcissist in your life and show you what to watch for in future relationships.
I would like to see everyone with a good heart seeking genuine healthy love to read this. Knowledge is power! It hurts when you realise the one you love is an illusion and all your efforts and hope for it to change was wasted time and precious energy.
If you or someone you know is suffering this abuse then get this book. It can be a life changing read. I recommend a lot of his other books too.
Whilst gaining insight into the horrendous mind and plans a Narcissist has to destroy you, it's hard to like the author of course. No matter this is one of the most valuable books I have ever read on this subject. Five stars from me and my prayer is that YOU are set free and heal from Narcissistic abuse.
Thanks so much for reading my review of this book. Join me as a friend or follower and feel free to browse my shelves for your next great book! I love to connect with other readers.
If you are in peri menopause or full blown menopause like me you are desperate for answers and help for the personal hell you are in right?
I mean you If you are in peri menopause or full blown menopause like me you are desperate for answers and help for the personal hell you are in right?
I mean you knew about night sweats and hot flushes and mood swings but holy crap Batman nobody mentioned the other 15 symptoms that stop your life from looking anything like normal!
Brain fog, yup, like today, I’m trying to remember my own mobile number to tell someone, a number I’ve had for years and is super easy to remember. Four times I got it wrong! It’s like your brain has gone on holiday! You speak sentences and forget words like “and” or “then” and you are sure your IQ is in minus figures! It sucks ladies.
Headaches from hell. I’m talking “someone is using a chainsaw in my brain and they’ve been there at it for four days now”! Painkillers? Don’t bother. Just chop your head off, then the pain stops.
Let’s talk night sweats. This is no little bit of polite perspiration, oh no indeed! We are talking FLOODS of sweat! Sleeping on 3 layers of towels, the fan on full speed when it’s minus two outside and 23 pajama changes from start to finish. Ladies, I’m telling you, go now and stock up on cool cotton nightwear...grab a few hundred. Sexy? Pfft! If you’ve started a new relationship your new man is gonna run for the hills when he wakes up swimming in your sweat! Long term partners just suck it up because if they don’t they’ll cop a load of your raging crazy hormones!
Ok...now the book is going to educate you highly on hormones. Amazing. Who knew there were so many and that they impact pretty much every part of your body and mind. So when the pesky things start depleting and your lady clock halts be prepared for things nobody can prepare you for.
Women get a lot to deal with! Men get nothing. You’ll feel super pissed about that a lot. When you see a woman on the bus frantically fanning herself with the latest copy of Vogue magazine you’ll smile and salute her as you fan yourself with the latest edition of House & Garden. You are in a sisterhood. Solidarity. She gets you.
Hot flushes feel like your blood is being heated up from your toes to your brain! You’ll be stripping off then putting it back on and repeat...oh! Do not, I repeat do not go out in public in any fabric that might show a bucketload of sweat. In fact, dress in gym clothes so you can tell people you’ve just ran a half marathon. Or join a nudist colony!
Back to the book! I was hoping this had a bit more about how to cope, I was snoozing off a bit (oh yes! Wait until you get menopause fatigue, that is indescribable). I got a bit bored with the hormone details and explanations but I got educated. We learn about different ways of coping from HRT to important dietary changes that can help.
For me this was an okay book. I kinda wanted something more so I’ll keep reading on this topic and let you read my reviews. I’m writing this at 3am..it’s my third night (I kid you not!) of insomnia and no sleep. Another thing nobody told you about. By the way only 1 in 5 women report that their doctor connected different symptoms with the onset of peri menopause - so the minute you suspect, ask for your hormones to be checked.
I’m lucky enough to have every single darn symptom and my life is hell. My life has stopped and it’s different for everyone. My aunt for example breezes through it with just a few hot flushes whereas another aunt nearly murdered her family in fits of hormone crazed mood swings and rage.
If you are on this journey sister, I salute you. This book can really give you some super knowledge on what the hell is going on with your body and mind. So grab it and read it, buy the paperback as it can be also used to fan yourself during hot flushes. 😡...more
If you want to know if someone you love, your partner, boss, parent, sister is a Covert Narcissist THIS book can’t be missed. This is the best book I’If you want to know if someone you love, your partner, boss, parent, sister is a Covert Narcissist THIS book can’t be missed. This is the best book I’ve read from many on the Covert Narcissist.
It’s written in plain non-psycho babble wording. It outlines everything you need to know from traits to specific techniques of abuse and cycles this Narcissist puts you through. I broke a cardinal rule for this paperback...
Shock! I underlined and highlighted everywhere! With a pen! Arrest-able offence I know. I had to! It was like the author spoke directly to me. Every question I’ve ever had was answered. I’ve had Narcissistic people, both overt and Covert in my life all my life and only now am recognising this abuse that wears you down until there is not a bit of spark left in you.
Understanding what you are up against and that a true Narcissist CANNOT and rarely changes can help you start to heal. You can’t apply logic to these people. You are part of a horrible painful cruel game. Sad but true.
The author really cares for the reader, those under Narcissist bonds. It really comes across. Every word of this book made sense, brought revelation and clarity. I read this for myself and partly for research for a novel I’m writing. It exceeded all expectations. If it’s the only book on Covert Narcissism you read you are in good hands.
Get this book. Even if you suspect a Covert Narcissist is in your life. This could be life changing for you.
Thanks so much for reading my review! If you’d like to connect you can follow me or please send me a friend request. ...more
This book is a must-have for any wife coping with a husband having a real mid-life crisis. Especially if you are separated during this time. No matterThis book is a must-have for any wife coping with a husband having a real mid-life crisis. Especially if you are separated during this time. No matter what state you are in emotionally this book will help you!
It's very practical, you can apply the advice immediately in your life, all of it makes sense. You'll have revelations as the book teaches you a lot of the "why" behind your husbands bizarre, mean and selfish choices and actions.
The best bit is it shows you how to stop focusing on his midlife crisis which has already drained you no doubt. How to focus on you now, your happiness, building up your life. Let him wallow in his midlife crisis - it's not your fault! Despite him shifting blame on to you.
No matter what happens to your marriage if you follow this book you'll grow into a better person and heal so much on the way. I can't recommend this book enough! 5 stars....more
This is a very simplistic book, possibly too much so where 75 questions most ask about narcissists are answered in short sentences or brief paragraphsThis is a very simplistic book, possibly too much so where 75 questions most ask about narcissists are answered in short sentences or brief paragraphs.
It's a good starting point book but I felt it repeated areas a lot and didn't have enough information for the person aware of narcissism traits and looking for real solutions or answers.
I would recommend this if you've not already read a lot on this subject. I read this under an hour at 101 pages and hoped to get a bit more for my money. 3 stars. A fair effort....more
I felt it my duty to women around the world to check if the authors were sending the right message to the male audience for this book. I was also justI felt it my duty to women around the world to check if the authors were sending the right message to the male audience for this book. I was also just plan curious what other women said they wanted in the bedroom.
It's a great book! With survey statistics that surprised me at times to funny anecdotes of disastrous sexual moments it's a highly entertaining and educational book. Men may indeed need to be somewhat humbled to get the best from this book. Maybe that great move you use all the time is disliked by 98% of the women surveyed? Ouch! All egos must be laid aside.
It's easy to read, you could even read it with a partner and use it for discussion or you could just ahem....be more practical. I think men should be given this book at around the age of 20 as a life-changing book. Until that age he might not listen anyway or read a book about....pleasing a woman.
So ladies. Does it describe what women want in bed? It does. It's varied. Not all women are the same and I think some things will shock some men a lot. An interesting book with surveys like "does size really matter" and "what are major turn-offs?" to "does it bother you when a man falls asleep after sex?" - it's all here. The answers you want to know! Educational, eye-opening at times and fun too. Recommended reading.
My favourite moment? The woman who once dated a man who "had a coke can in his pants" and stated "what the hell was I supposed to do with that!?" God bless her. She's still recovering....more
Wow. This is a must-have little book for any woman who has read Robin Norwood's bestselling book Women Who Love Too Much or women determined to undersWow. This is a must-have little book for any woman who has read Robin Norwood's bestselling book Women Who Love Too Much or women determined to understand and heal from codependency issues and the unrealistic thinking of "if I just love him more and try harder, if I change and beg and plead he will change and our relationship will be amazing then!". Quite simply - it won't happen.
The book is written with a little bit of advice and some illustrations on each day of the year, so you cold read a page a year. Me? I devoured it over two days and there were many profound lightbulb moments. To be honest, I think any woman in relationship could get something from this book as nobody does relationships perfectly. This is a book to keep close, to go back to over and over again if you are in recovery or starting recovery from trying to rescue and change a man who wants to do absolutely nothing about working on himself or the relationship. As the book says "if a relationship equals pain then something is very wrong".
It's astonishing that most women who find themselves in relationship addiction or choosing totally the wrong men for them are smart, clever intelligent women. Others may look on and say "why?" - the book has some prime quotes about how these women are re-enacting unhealed childhood roles desperate to get closure on them. But it won't work. Not with a partner.
My prayer is that many women will get this book and that all of them will begin recovery from loving too much, that they will gain back the self-esteem that has gone, start to find happiness from themselves and other things in life, stop trying a million ways to beg their man to change when he quite simply can't be bothered and go on to a healthier life.
Love yourself first. You matter.
A highly recommended book, cannot fault it. 5 massive impressed stars from me.
Thanks for reading my review! For more of my book reviews, plenty of awesome books to win, author interviews and features come over to join me for book fun at: https://www.facebook.com/BookloverCat...
I think the best way to describe dysthymia is that everything is always grey, different shades of grey and you get so used to that you just think it'sI think the best way to describe dysthymia is that everything is always grey, different shades of grey and you get so used to that you just think it's they way you are. Often it has been present since teenage years so can really embed itself and impact somebody's life - yet a form of depression not talked about much.
Those with dysthymia are at risk of slipping into what they call "double depression" which is when you slide down so far that a major depressive episode occurs alongside the lower grade depression. Oh yay! Depression amplified. Hell on earth let me tell you. You are also very vulnerable to suicidal thoughts and ideation and who the heck wants that going on in their head? Not me.
I found the book simplistically good in it's explanation of the condition and then it offers some helpful (and proven) techniques on how to manage it from mild exercise to breathing focused meditation, managing panic and anxiety (often hand in hand) and beyond. There are simple things in other words aside from pills that can help lift your mood that are proven to change things in the brain to make you feel better - release endorphins and what-not.
If you or someone you know has this condition this is a good little book to start with, sadly many who have this condition don't seek help from their GP or Mental Health professionals as they don't realise that how they feel all the time is not normal, it's just "they way I am". Not so. Things can be improved upon and life can start to have splashes of colour and brighter days. I would not wish this condition on my worst enemy and it takes great courage to live with it and keep going.
I would certainly recommend this book and would encourage seekers to keep looking for other good reading material on the condition. Hopefully more awareness of it to help with it being diagnosed properly will come one day soon. 4 stars from me for this helpful book.
Thanks so much for reading my review! If you’d like to connect you can follow me or please send me a friend request. ...more
I have read this book 3 times now and in my opinion it’s still THE best book out there about Narcissistic Mothers.
This is the must have book if you grI have read this book 3 times now and in my opinion it’s still THE best book out there about Narcissistic Mothers.
This is the must have book if you grew up and/or still have a narcissistic mother in your life or even suspect that you do. I am one of those unfortunate daughters.
Narcissistic mothers destroy their daughters on the inside. I was shocked to understand how much my mother's issues have truly shaped me, more importantly this book gave me the chapters I needed on how to heal from the cruel effects of it forever.
If your mother is on the narcissism spectrum ranging from full-blown NPD to having some traits then you've got a mother who cannot love, protect or give to a child in a healthy way. Children become empty broken vessels around these mothers. Self-esteem is eroded and a life is spent trying to hear the praise that will never come from her mouth.
The book is incredibly good. As I read of other women's stories in their commentary of their childhood, teen years and adult years it was like the book was written about my mother. I've read a lot of self-help books about the way my mother was but until now never quite hit the nail on the head. It validates your experiences. It's not all in your head.
It shares the "why" behind what mother does, shatters some lies that you have been believing about yourself, looks at how now as adults you are still living by that inner voice that sounds like your mother. Her criticism, ridicule, coldness and neglect are NOT your fault. This book is very healing.
I had to read over a few weeks as its bound to tap into emotions. You will totally understand this disorder at the end of it and because the book has specific chapters on how to heal, how to find the real you and what to do if your mother is still around now it's a must read book.
From the diagnostic criteria of narcissism to how that plays out in everyday life, finally a book that's easy to understand without a lot of confusing psychobabble.
It's opened up truth to me, taught me so much and brought much healing. My heart is that if you too have a narcissistic mother or are suspicious she might be that you can read this book, hug that child within and start to heal. The benefits of Trauma Therapy including EMDR can be critical to your healing. Do love yourself enough to seek any help you can get. I recommend assessing if any Therapist understands Narcissists as sadly a lot don’t.
This is incredibly important writing from this author. A timeless book that I hope helps so many people.
5 huge stars from me. Cannot fault a thing about it. A life-saving book for daughters of mothers with narcissism. Brilliant.
Thanks so much for taking a little time to read my review! I hope you enjoyed it, if you did I’d be delighted if you leave me a “like” and I love to read your comments. If you’d like to connect you can follow me or please send me a friend request....more
I grabbed this book off my shelf to lend to a friend and decided to read it again and re-review it. I first read and wrote a review in 2017.
This bookI grabbed this book off my shelf to lend to a friend and decided to read it again and re-review it. I first read and wrote a review in 2017.
This book can be a relationship changer. I can't recommend it highly enough for couples where a woman with Aspergers/Autism is with a Neurotypical (non-Autistic) partner. It’s ideal to read together then discuss.
I was diagnosed late in life (age 43, I'm now 51) which had its own challenges but also explained SO much about my life to that point. I first read this book alone - nodding my head and exclaiming "Oh my God, I do that!" a lot then read it with my partner. He also said things like "Oh my God, you do that!"
It was so good to have simplistic explanations as the book is not written with psychobabble. I understood why I did certain things, how I was wired and we both realised a lot about me. We both also realised that Aspergers was just a part of who I was. Nothing to be afraid of or worry about. I was still me.
My son who is now 24 was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 7 (along with ADHD, learning disabilities and dyspraxia) and it was Rudy’s website that first showed me that it’s SO different in women and males. This is why so many women are having late life diagnostic surprises as for a long time it was thought to only impact males!
I worked as a Job Coach for young adults with Autism and other disabilities and the differences between all were incredible. You cannot stereotype someone with Autism. I run the largest group on Facebook for women with Autism in the U.K. (just over 3000 now!) and they are aged 18-75 and are all so unique (I’m writing a book sharing many of their voices to showcase that not one is like another).
Sadly so many people out there judge Autistic people. There is a range on the Autism Spectrum and it’s still incredibly misunderstood despite a huge amount of forward leaps for sure.
It's just a book I feel any woman should read who is on the autism spectrum - even if not in a current relationship and certainly brilliant for partners who want to understand more. I found it to be an accurate portrayal of how life can be for an Aspie in a relationship. We had some laughs reading some moments too. Enjoyable reading!
I also recommend it to anybody wanting to understand a friend or family member with Aspergers too.
Rudy also wrote a book with a similar title for men with Aspergers, this one being for their partner to understand them. Sadly due to many factors she is no longer a major voice in the Autistic community but her books are still of huge value. She has a few out there so worth a look.
Don't miss this one! One you'll want to own and re-read over and over. 5 stars.
Thanks so much for reading my review! If you’d like to connect you can follow me or please send me a friend request. ...more
Loading...
