Powdered Saxophone Music Quotes

“John Daly is all the Caddyshack characters in one body. He's a caricature of a person, and that's why I'm a fan.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“It's not easy to be the best. But it helps if you're willing to buy your own trophies.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“I predicted The Financial Crisis of 2008 way back in 2010. In about a month it will be 2024, and you won't believe what I see coming.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Steven Seagal makes movies only blind people could love. I'm glad he goes full Helen Keller and makes music you have to be deaf to appreciate.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“John Daly is all the Caddyshack characters in one body. He's a caricature of a person, and that's why I'm a fan.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Changing the land is shaping the future. In a sense, a bulldozer is a time machine.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Old men having an earnest conversation about college football, is there anything more American? Makes me want to VOTE and then send out some 18-year-old to die for my FREEDOM.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Music is fluid, and my ducks love splashing in it. When I fill my pool full of Vaporwave, they swim like they're dancing.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Psychological trigger codes used to be hidden words embedded in images. But what if the words are now invisible and inaudible and pulsed at you at a frequency that's easily absorbed by your penis?”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Ducks splash in water like an aqua saxophone swims in jazz. Elevators have space that needs to be filled with anti-silence, and I have a surplus of liquid music you can purchase or lease.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“My ducks swim like they are water dancing. They do this because I play the saxophone like it's liquid music.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Midget is kind of a long word. I wonder if it’s short for anything.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“My heart has defined size, which means its volume can be calculated. Despite this, the amount of love for you it can hold is without limit.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Holding a Pekin duckling is like hand cuddling a ball of sunshine. It's a power-charging station for the heart.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Ducks are water gymnasts. Their fluid motion goes beyond dance and into art.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Ducks are born to swim. Fears are born to drown. Sometimes, you just need to help them remember.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Instead of 200, what if man's pre-flood IQ was a thousand? Everyone was smarter, bigger, and lived longer. But what if animals had IQs of a hundred? Maybe interspecies communication was the norm, unlike now where only weirdos like me talk to cats, dogs, and ducks.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“VOTERS are the ultimate Consoomers. The product they fanboy over is either Team Red or Team Blue, and their whole self-identify revolves around the ritual of deluding themselves into believing they had any control over the selection of the actor pretending to be their leader.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“U2 makes music for guys who have ears and can hear. But U2 makes concert imagery for guys who need visual stimulation to help push kidney stones through their urethras.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“It's too bad the military draft has an upper age limit. Imagine the beautiful society we would have if WWIII were fought exclusively by Boomers.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“I make music for people who dance like squids. Each song is fluid, and if you heard one you’d probably drown.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“I just invented an Applause Machine. You turn it on by clapping. I figure I'll have no trouble securing Venture Capital funding, because VCs love congratulating themselves, and this time when they do, my machine will respond by adding to their self-kudos.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Time is a murderer. A clock’s two hands slowly strangle us all.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“To me, moths are ugly butterflies. But these days, society probably considers them beauty queens.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“AI doesn't take any breaks. Plus, AI won't file sexual harassment charges when your boss flirts with it.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“I thought people loved it when I played my guitar. Last time I performed Toby Keith, and everyone at the party started engaging in gay butt sex.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“I am as America as apple pie shaped like a pocket, so you can carry it in your pants to eat later. My blood is red, white, and blue, I didn't VOTE for the moon landing, but I did fake it, and that's all that matters.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“The future hasn’t come. And when it arrives, it will be the present. Think about that next time you’re late.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Nature is the best. I suppose you could say that that would therefore make unnatural the second best, but I prefer to think of it as the worst.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Being a college or pro football fan is in the same intellectual category of Funko Pop collecting. It's using a mass-crafted product to self-identify yourself because without people associating you with a certain team you have nothing to do with, you have no personality.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music