karen's Reviews > Eclipse

snif. my link is worthless now.

this is the virgin daiquiri version of wuthering heights, all watered down, plopped in a blender, and sitting at the folding card table with the kiddies.and they are all gulping it down without knowing that the real deal is way more fun.

elizabeth has probably written the best review this book could ever get, with much wittier analogies, so go read that, then come back here for some less-articulate complaints.

i messed up. i thought i would have a nice vacation, where i would have plenty of time and concentration to lounge over our mutual friend. instead, there was drinking, and some self-pity, and vacation-langour, and i just couldn't give dickens the attention he deserves. you know who really doesn't deserve my complete attention? stephenie meyer.

and why is that? because she has grievously misinterpreted one of my favorite books and has created this sort of chimera byproduct that you can see some of the source material in if you squint, but it's mostly just wrong.

i mean, at this point in everyone's lives, the world doesn't need another eclipse review, right? so i am mostly going to just bitch about why this book misrepresents wuthering heights and why that makes me cranky.

i suppose it is ambitious of her to have attempted to pepper her vampire romance novels with elements of better works of literature like, say, shakespeare and jane austen. she made the decision to try to shoehorn these characters into the mold of another book, and just didn't bother trying to fix the parts that overflowed or got stuck together.

but you can't get mad at a puppy for pissing on the rug.

and i knew what i was getting into.

before i started reading this, i was aware that this was the wuthering heights installment of the series, so i was obligated to read it on those grounds alone, as i will read any retelling of w.h., for better or for worse. usually worse.

and elizabeth had warned me and warned me that meyer got w.h. all wrong and had reversed the roles of heathcliff and linton in a most embarrassing way, but at first, i saw no problems. bella was obviously catherine, edward was heathcliff the true love and jacob was linton,the more "appropriate" choice, right? done and done. i kept reading, shocked, thinking, "but elizabeth is never wrong! what gives??"

is she only basing this on appearance? on the superficial? edward is fair and wealthy and very understanding of bella's other ties - like linton (maybe not "understanding" in linton's case, but "ineffectual") and jacob is definitely darker-complected, like heathcliff, and tied to nature and the earth. but that shouldn't change the basic differences.

because obviously edward is the sun to bella's flower face. she cannot be without him - even an afternoon spent apart is unendurable and the intensity of their love is undeniable and unbreakable and blah and blah. jacob is her father's choice for her, which makes him linton, who is technically a better choice because there is less self-destructive passion, and choosing him allows her to remain, you know, alive.

but let's back up.

because wuthering heights was never a choice between two suitable men. it was a choice between passion and security. head and heart. and linton was never an alternative to heathcliff, catherine always just wanted it all. it was never about love, not with linton.he was simply the path of least resistance, and a means to an end. securing him meant securing a place for heathcliff, whom she could never marry. but who needs marriage when your husband is much weaker than your lover?

so, in a more modern version of the story,it makes sense to do away with the financial angle, especially with characters this young. the conflict here is between soul and body. all bella has to do is choose humanity or immortality.easy-peasy. so the reversal of edward and jacob's fortunes didn't cause me too much grief, and still maintains the distinction between edward/heathcliff and jacob/linton. the root of the conflict is the same: to go with an all-consuming passion that "eclipses" one's own self and is potentially dangerous (for so so many reasons here) or to go with the one who feels more like "family," who has the paternal approval, who will allow her to remain a living breathing human and retain her entire life...except her passion.

fine. this still parallels w.h.

and the more specific details: heathcliff goes away while catherine recovers at the linton's. and then he goes on that much longer absence, plunging her into despair. so far, so good. edward leaves bella in new moon and jacob steps in to be there for her and heals her and manages to stick a little bit of him in the space edward's leaving left.

but then it gets messy and too many of heathcliff's characteristics start leaking into jacob. because jacob is kind of a dick. forcing kisses, always smirking and pushing his boundaries.he takes much more delight in troublemaking and hurting his rival, and occasionally hurts bella,too. jacob is warm and furious and tied to the forest the way heathcliff is tied to the moors.

it is jacob who is the earthbound heathcliff she can remain a grubby child with. meyer rightly recognizes edward as the other half of bella's soul, but extracts all the physical, earthly passion from that role and gives it to jacob.edward protects her like a fine crystal object while his sister dresses her like a doll. what does this sound like?? linton linton linton!

bella as catherine is obviously the weakest here. she is nothing like catherine. she moans about not being good enough for edward. catherine was never "good" enough for linton, but did that stop her? she barreled in and took what she wanted and refused to leave. bella fusses over everyone and just wants everyone to be happy and self-sacrifices all over the place. i understand that bella's character has already been established in other books, but how can she compare herself to catherine with a straight face?? catherine is a goddamn honey badger. bella is a mother hen.

her relationship with edward certainly has elements that are unappealing - who wants to be watched and protected that closely all the time?, but at least i believed in their feelings because they are always reminding me and shoving my face in it.

jacob forces himself on her, laughs at her human weakness when she fights back, and tries to separate her from her happiness at every turn. it is both arrogant and insecure, but this is still somehow, but the one who is most "like family" who bella's dad wants her to be with. (do NOT get me started on "parental roles in the twilight saga.")(but quickly: our girl walks through the door from her vacation and already is making dinner for her father who supports some shirtless douchebag's forced kisses, but hates the rich boy who really wants to marry his daughter and preserve her virginity.) but this is another reversal to w.h., too since heathcliff was at least raised as family, even if you don't interpret heathcliff as mr. earnshaw's bastad son. which is not a belief i personally subscribe to, but it is out there.

edward is patient and forgiving and gentle and willing to give bella the space she needs before making her decision before she is even aware there is a decision to make.come on - that can't be right!

heathcliff doesn't share. he can tolerate linton because he is weak and catherine would not have him harmed, but this vampire zen shit has no place in a heathcliff character, and isn't even a linton quality. that element is pure meyer.

in wuthering heights, everyone behaves poorly.in this one, it is really just jacob as linton, i mean heathcliff, i mean jacob.

nonsense.

apart from any messing-with-the-heights stumbles, this also maintains all the lazy writing and comical details meyer interprets as passion: all the tooth grinding and clenching and chuckling and things said under the breath.oh, and snorting. why does everyone snort? and borrowing lines from wuthering heights to help bolster your characters is like posing next to the chubby girl in photographs to look slimmer. we see your borrowed finery.

and the love triangle thing is pretty forced. bella herself doesn't even realize until the end that she is even in a love triangle, so how are we supposed to? honestly, i am aware that there is such a thing as "team jacob" because i am a citizen of the world, but god - what's the appeal in some pushy dude who won't take "no" for an answer??

and why do i excuse heathcliff all his sins? is it because the writing is better? is it because i believe in his love in a way i do not believe in bella? because when i think of heathcliff i feel a physical reaction in my heart. when i think of jacob, i roll my eyes.

i actually liked twilight, despite its flaws. new moon was boring and repetitive. this one was irritating because of how much i looove w.h.

there is no evil in this book - no revenge. the stakes are too low in the triangle.i picture the three of them at a bar:

oh, i made sure jacob would overhear my conversation with bella about our upcoming nuptials. snort chuckle. eeeevil! oh, i knew edward could read my mind so i thought about how sad bella was when he went away. clenched teeth, snort,eeeevil! oh, i married her husband's sister, alternately beating and ignoring her, raised my enemy's son to be an illiterate brute, and ruined everyone's lives while i mourned my one true love. (crickets... the sound of edward and jacob pissing themselves)

here is some exciting eclipse information for this year:

http://eclipse.gsfc.nasa.gov/eclipse....

and get on that venus one, because you're not gonna get another chance unless you are team edward.

and because this still makes me laugh:

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/f03d...

i think i have probably made a point or two in that rant somewhere. i wasn't enraged, overall, not really, but it was a pretty bloated book and i really don't get all the love for this series...

oh, and a gross dedication:

to my husband pancho for your patience, love, friendship, humor, and willingness to eat out.

TMI, stephenie meyer, TMI ...

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