"Here we stand, literally surrounded by history, unable to face our own.""Here we stand, literally surrounded by history, unable to face our own."...more
"I'm good at appearing to be okay. Projecting normalcy when I don't feel normal.""I'm good at appearing to be okay. Projecting normalcy when I don't feel normal."...more
TW: suicide This has some spoilers. I think I hid them all under spoiler tags.
[image]
Starfish is a nuanced portrayal of the harm anxiety can wreck on aTW: suicide This has some spoilers. I think I hid them all under spoiler tags.
[image]
Starfish is a nuanced portrayal of the harm anxiety can wreck on a person's life. Kiko's difficulties happen side by side with toxic family relations, friendships full of love and understanding, and a budding romance. Kiko's art is her release and her story centres around her search for an art college where she can nurture her talent and escape her past.
"I live my life in the small space between uncomfortable and awkward."
Starfish has very thorough (own voices) descriptions of social anxiety. Seeing Kiko's experiences and her reactions to anxiety-inducing situations helps readers who suffer from anxiety. Whether this is the social anxiety of Kiko, generalized anxiety that impacts all aspects life, or any other diagnosed anxiety disorder. Many readers have found themselves echoed in Kiko's thoughts.
"Normal people don't need to prepare for social interactions. Normal people don't panic at the sight of strangers. Normal people don't want to cry because the plan they've processed in their head is suddenly not the plan that's going to happen."
Including this heartfelt response to Kiko's anxiety from a GR friend. We had a convo in the comments about our thoughts on Starfish. If you don't have an IRL book group, online is always there, especially if you have anxiety issues.
Of course I have qualms, don't I always? A shy person has a lot of worry going into a social situation. They may decide not to go, go and be unable to talk to anyone, or go and leave soon after due to worry. They're unlikely to have a panic attack. Kiko has panic attacks in social situations. A doctor would use a host of indicators for diagnosis including: intrusive thoughts, being unable to speak in social situations, etc. Any doctor would diagnose her with an anxiety disorder, but unfortunately there's no medical intervention in sight for Kiko.
"I'm too busy trying not to make eye contact with people while giving off the illusion that I am."
An anxiety disorder doesn't go away by itself, although it can be managed over time. Anxiety disorders like selective mutism can seem to be "grown out of." It's more that the child learns to cope better with triggers and manage their anxiety. Talking to a therapist and parental/carer involvement are imperative. eg. I regress in my ability to talk when my depression is at its worst, but never to the extent I was as a child. People with a good social network (family/friends) helping them could manage anxiety without medical intervention. Part of that is the support of their network and talking. Kiko mentions this but her toxic home life cancels out the possibility. While reading I kept wondering why her Dad and step family weren't an option. Hello, mini Brady Bunch over here. Hiroshi and his family (view spoiler)[do become important for Kiko, but in reality severe anxiety needs more than this. (hide spoiler)]
"The painting isn't about the starfish. It's about the girl who wants to venture out into the ocean, away from the starfish, so she can feel like she matters."
Sea stars aren't fish, so calling them starfish is incorrect.
Talking to a therapist, cognitive bahavioural therapy, and exposure therapy are some methods used to combat anxiety disorders. And medication. There are people who are anti-psychiatric meds. I'm not sure there's ever been a person with Type 1 Diabetes who thinks insulin won't help them. I can't fathom why mental illness is different. Akane casually mentions her depression to Kiko and talks about medication.
So why aren't there therapeutic interations in Starfish? Love curing mental illness? Dreamy Jamie (view spoiler)[is all over that. Here's hoping that trope gets squashed at the same wall Kiko thinks her lust has flattened her against. Nope. (hide spoiler)]
There's no indication Kiko has received therapy in the past or any kind of treatment for her anxiety. I doubt she could have the insight that many of her descriptions require. Perhaps if she had access to this book... Her use of the term "normal people" in the second quote isn't helpful. And she has a whole lot of unhelpful thoughts. A person receiving therapy could still think of herself as "not normal" while hoping to improve her reactions in anxiety-inducing situations. It's a work in progress. Over time she could work toward dropping the normal/not normal dichotomy. Michael Warner expresses the harm in using the term normal:
Kiko is only pathological in the sense a person with Diabetes is pathological. Both conditions can be managed with treatment.
"I draw a girl shrinking into the grass until she's hidden by a bed of flowers that are all so much prettier than she is."
A person in Kiko's situation who is suffocated by her home life and wants to escape, but feels she has no option, often ends up homeless. Good thing dreamy Jamie drops back into Kiko's life. Being able to fit back into their friendship is realistic for a person with anxiety. Symptons can lessen dramatically around people you feel comfortable with. I'm glad there was no sleeping rough for Kiko, but I kept hoping (view spoiler)[we'd find out Jamie has a boyfriend/girlfriend back home. Nope again. (hide spoiler)]
"I've never been around someone who" - he pauses - "reacts the way you do. You didn't used to be like this."
This is a good point, showing how an anxiety disorder changes a person. But his reactions to her fears are too mature. The views of someone who knows a lot about psychology and anxiety, has received their own therapy, etc. Kiko's friend Emery has similar knowledge. This is more believable because Kiko and Emery have been good friends while she's had anxiety. They've spent time together when Kiko experiences anxiety and over time Emery has learnt helpful ways to react. Jamie hasn't had that length of experience with Kiko, only when they were younger and she didn't have anxiety. Unless he's experienced the anxiety of someone else in his life? (view spoiler)[Nope. (hide spoiler)]
But I didn’t write this story for the people who need to be convinced.
I wrote it for the people who needed to see their own experiences brought to life. I wrote it to give them a voice — a mirror. I wrote it for the people who already know.
Akemi Dawn Bowman wrote the above about Starfish. I've known so much anxiety, panic attacks, agorophobia and I can see parts of myself in Kiko. But for all the people I've met during stays in psychiatric hospitals, who were never cured by love, this book is not for you. As one of those people, despite my love for the beauty in Starfish, I'm not convinced.
The cover and internal design by Sarah Creech is spectacular. I could look at this book all day long.
For good anxiety rep and therapeutic interactions have a look at Beautiful Mess by Claire Christian with bonus LoveOzYA! I read these two books simultaneously (not on purpose, it just happened that way).
I was reading when I was depressed so maybe that's why I was getting so aggro. I should finish to see if ElizaHad to return this to the library at 18%
I was reading when I was depressed so maybe that's why I was getting so aggro. I should finish to see if Eliza continues disrespecting Wallace's selective mutism or not.
Piper has selective mutism. She can't talk when people other than her immediate family or close friends, are present. She's battled her silence her whole life - with therapy, understanding teachers and the support of her family.
Starting at a new school in Year 12, Piper thinks this could be the change she needs to finally talk. When popular boy West takes an interest in Piper, despite her silence, things are looking up. Piper's anxiety support group, new friend Tanvi, the school magazine committee, and her photography, combine to help. But there are kids at school who don't understand selective mutism and memories of what happened at Piper's old school. Having a boyfriend is hard enough when you can talk your problems through, perhaps it's just not worth it.
"This is the only place where no one expects anything of me, the only place I can't disappoint anyone."
Piper lives in the Blue Mountains and nature is her solace. Obviously, I loved this aspect of The Things I Didn't Say. Bonding with West over bird calls, hunting for the elusive lyre bird, and hiking in the bush when everything gets too much. Then there's the geography assignment where they have to email a tree in Melbourne. (Why is this not real!?)
"The Urban Forest Plan is attempting to connect people with the trees to create a growing awareness of the importance of nature in urban environments."
Who knew trees could answer all your existential questions? I suspected as much all along. The gum tree outside my bedroom window is always there for me.
"Why can't I live in a world where no one speaks and there's only the sound of the birds?"
I agree Piper. I picked up The Things I Didn't Say because I had selective mutism as a child and teenager. My silence battled with the things I wanted to say for years, although my selective mutism was very different to Piper's. Sadly I never had the hottest guy in school pining for me. I would have loved reading The Things I Didn't Say as a teenager. I hope Piper's journey helps many readers.
"Hearts don't break like dropping a glass. They crack slowly, so you can feel each fracture."
There was a problem, perhaps due to my being all romanced out. (Despite what recent reading seems to imply, it's my least fav genre. Give me an un-romance any day!) At about the 200 page mark, I struggled to keep going. West's dithering was starting to grate. Piper's decision on p.243 had me ready to wind things up, 50 more pages weren't in agreement.
Then I got to the post-it note. That freaked me out. Good thing I kept reading. Sometimes you have to wade through the romance to get what you want. (I think they're only in copies bought from the book launch.)
I love the cover design by Bruno Herfst. (There were two options and I prefer what was published.) I think it's a rule that any book about selective mutism must have the cover picture's mouth obscured. Using torn paper, from the myriad scraps Piper writes on to communicate, is perfect. I would have liked a hand written typography, but perhaps that's just my typog obsession showing up. Internally, Piper's notes use a hand written font and when West replies in writing, his hand has a different font.