Humorous Fiction Quotes

“So, you do speak English. That makes sense now.” Catherine said, shaking her head.

“Of course, I speak English. I’m from Australia, not Tanzania.”
― Diane Merrill Wigginton, A Compromising Position

“Oh, sorry, love. I was just getting out of the shower when I heard this loud commotion in front of my door.” Jake gave her a sloppy grin. “I didn’t realize there was a dress code when coming to the aid of a beautiful neighbor. I’ll keep it in mind for the next time I come running.”
― Diane Merrill Wigginton, A Compromising Position

“Warmth radiated from her skin in waves. Her pulse beneath his fingertips. The telltale flutter in her neck. Life. It mattered, was precious. And could be taken away in an instant.”
― J. Rose Black, Losing My Breath

“He clamped his eyes shut and waited for the pang of something he could no longer name to subside; it plucked at steel threads holding him together and reverberated through his system.”
― J. Rose Black, Losing My Breath

“He grimaced and went after her. “I’m not a trainer. Just spent a lot of time working out.” 

“Misspent youth, clearly.” She held the door open, standing just outside. 

“My application to princess school was rejected.” Callan exited the building and fell into step alongside her. “Working out was how I coped.”

Sunlight peeked out from behind striped clouds and lit the early-morning sky. Autumn weather chilled the perspiration on his skin. 

“Such a shame.” Meridian glanced up at him out of the corner of her eye. 

“What is?” 

“That you didn’t go to princess school. Could have learned some manners.” Her blue-green eyes sparked in the sunlight. And her mouth . . . Her lips set in some smart-looking, lopsided grin, with a small dimple. 

I should definitely kiss that look off her face.

“Overrated. Inefficient. And I look terrible in a tiara.”
― J. Rose Black, Losing My Breath

“Light flashed in her eyes. In fact, it clung to her—flaring around her skin, her hair, her whole body. It was a trick of the eyes, his mind, when adrenaline hit his system. But she glowed. Vivid. Alive. And for a moment, he’d have given anything to be like her.”
― J. Rose Black, Losing My Breath

“You know what people are doing on the other side of the world, what’s happening on another planet, but not what’s going on inside the person next to you.”
― Graham Spaid, tireless:

“We put our flags in soil when we
arrive, as if it now belongs to us and we know where we are.”
― Graham Spaid, tireless:

“The world is indeed a cold, hard stone.”
― Graham Spaid, tireless:

“What do writers look like?”
― Graham Spaid, tireless:

“A nose is ordinarily naked. A nose isn’t
nipple, although there are similarities.”
― Graham Spaid, tireless:

“The emotion was the most important thing.”
― Graham Spaid, tireless:

“…he’d assumed their relationship would go on forever. It was going on now, but in another way, like the rearrangement of the stars, which were all still in the sky, just burning in unexpected places.”
― Graham Spaid, tireless:

“We just move on, don’t we, with traitors still amongst us? But there was one thought that wouldn’t go away. If I loved him, I would forgive him.”
― Graham Spaid, tireless:

“The expected battle hadn’t taken place, yet something else had. Images of the entertainment which had just gone down were already coming back into Rat’s head. It had been wonderful to watch, unbelievably wonderful, the enactment of several plays at once on a single stage, and Rat was sorry it was over, but in a way it was even better to relive it now in the privacy of his mind. He hadn’t believed the boy-doctor and that stuff about the condom being used or warm, but he had gone along with it and the emotion which it powered. Everybody had. The emotion was the most important thing. He wondered how he could ever put such a chaotic, hilarious, sad thing down on paper, organise it into scenes or verses and fix his own pewiod at the end. He could never do it justice. He would never get that emotion back.”
― Graham Spaid, tireless:

“The sexual contact before this?
“It was the first time.”
The woman looked at Rat again, harder. The silence was more painful than the words. What she had just heard went beyond plain immorality. It was ridiculous.”
― Graham Spaid, tireless:

“Olga was better, in the sun, where he could see every pore in her skin. Get closer. Feel her next to him. It was all he wanted in the world. It was the last thing in the world that he could do.”
― Graham Spaid, tireless:

“Some people say he engineered his own arrest to gain an insight into modern methods of policing for a thriller he had planned. But you know what happens to artistic rats in prison: they have their rectums stretched, and not by overindulgence in Michelin-star food; they have their columns examined, and not by internet humorists or a qualified medical practitioner. I’m sure Rat knew this, too. Although he likes to accumulate a wide general knowledge, he would rather have a narrow rectum. A colon comes in handy here, before examples: two dots on top of one other, like the cowboys who copulate on Brokeback Mountain, on a slope so far away you need binoculars to see them properly. In prison there are too many insights and examples. Rat would never risk it.”
― Graham Spaid, tireless:

“But this bus was a bit too full. The driver only appeared to control the glass and metal around him. In reality, he was at the nose of a travelling paroxysm.”
― Graham Spaid

“Dear Time,
You're so beautiful when You stand still.”
― Jon Ng, Dear Time: Circle of Life

“As I taught you, my dear. Trip. Run into the most ostentatiously dressed women. Step on toes, and snub anyone you can. Perhaps sneeze in a cup or two of punch, and Mary will be begging us to leave.”
― Roseanna M. White, The Lost Heiress

“It’s not the end of the party when you die mate,’ said Dexter. ‘The party, it still goes on, you just get permanently booted out of it.”
― Sue Tort, Witness a Killing : Mumford Mystery Book 1