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282 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 7, 2019
Sarina Bowen is the 24-time USA Today bestselling and Wall Street Journal bestselling author of contemporary fiction, including: The Five Year Lie, the True North series, and the Brooklyn Hockey series. She's the co-author of Him/Us and the WAGs series with Elle Kennedy. And more!
He said I was stingy with love, and he was right. I am really not sure that will ever change. But if there’s anyone in the world I could change for, it’s certainly him.
I’m just a guy, standing on a beach in nothing but his favorite pair of lobster shorts, waiting for the right man to love me.
LobsterShorts: I’m fresh out of lobster sex facts atm. BUT…lemme tell you about sea slugs.
SinnerThree: Omg yes. I can’t wait for this. Hold on. Let me undo my pants.
This time I snort out loud. I know he’s kidding, and I play along. Actually, I’ll do that, too. Having both our dicks out for this fun fact is so fitting.
SinnerThree: Dick’s out. All right. Slug sex. Now, baby.
LobsterShorts: OK—you ready for this?
SinnerThree: Hit me. Blow my mind.
LobsterShorts: Sea slugs have penis fights.
Dead air follows my revelation. I see the three dots appear to indicate he’s typing. Then they disappear. Reappear. Disappear. Finally, a message pops up.
SinnerThree: I don’t even know what to say to that. I guess… Why?? How?? Why???
“You need to think of us like a vacation, Hayworth. Vacations feel real enough. But they always end. Like everything good.”
“You make a lot of mistakes, apparently. I was the biggest one. Ask anyone downstairs. Go on.”
SinnerThree: Okay, I’ll bite. How do lobsters find their playmates?But despite the potential, I never did feel a really strong connection between the MCs, and the story ended up seeming incomplete, somehow. Lots of elements were opened up but then either scantily developed or hastily resolved.
LobsterShorts: The female pees into the male’s shelter. And the dude is like OH BABY. Then they both pee on each other. She enters his den and molts. He kicks her clothes away like a prom dress. Then they do it missionary style.
SinnerThree: That’s a lot of detail, dude. I don’t know whether to be terrified or turned on.
⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Not Bad, But Want More*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱
SinnerThree: No, this is the fun kind of homework. I want you to imagine that I’m going to give you a blowjob. You let me unzip you. Then I reach inside your...briefs?
There’s a short delay.
Boxers, he finally replies.
SinnerThree: Should I keep going?
Another delay.
LobsterShorts: Keep going.
SinnerThree: I reach inside your boxers, and you’re already hard for me.
I stop typing and set my phone down on the bed. I wait.
And????? He types a minute later. I’m waiting here with my dick out. Well, metaphorically, he hastily adds.
I laugh so loudly it echoes against the walls of my tiny room. That’s all I’m saying. Your homework is to fill in the rest of this scenario. Report back tomorrow.
LobsterShorts: What? You cliffhangered me?
SinnerThree: Night, Lobsterman.
I close the app. Leaving people hanging is kind of my specialty, anyway.
And I really do have to write that paper.
The plot is something like You've Got Mail. But instead of Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks, you've got a couple of competing fraternity brothers who like to get frisky on an anonymous app.
Secrets and lies ✔️
Punctuation humor ✔️
“I’m just a guy, standing on a beach in nothing but his favorite pair of lobster shorts, waiting for the right man to love me.”
“Acknowledging my sexuality is starting to feel inevitable. My attraction to Luke isn’t just a one-off thing. My attraction to men is here to stay and keeping that bottled up feels wrong now. It makes the secret feel enormous.”