Bike Snob Quotes

“Drinking and cycling is like drinking and flirting—it’s pretty likely you’re going to wind up hitting something, and the results are probably going to be ugly.”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“Really, in a lot of ways being a cyclist is like being a vampire. First of all, both cyclists and vampires are cultural outcasts with cult followings who clumsily walk the line between cool and dorky. Secondly, both cyclists and vampires resemble normal humans, but they also lead secret double lives, have supernatural powers, and aren’t governed by the same rules as the rest of humanity—though cycling doesn’t come with the drawbacks of vampirism. Cyclists can ride day or night, we can consume all the garlic we want, and very few of us are afflicted with bloodlust or driven by a relentless urge to kill.”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“Everything about riding a bicycle compels you towards beauty.”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“But cycling is less a hobby than it is a discipline with the potential to transform you. It brings balance.”
― Eben Weiss, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“Bikes are for riding; they're not car hats.”
― Eben Weiss, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“Two thousand years ago Archimedes famously said, “Give me a large enough lever and a place to stand and I will move the world!” Well, nobody ever gave him that lever, and that’s why the world is still in pretty much the same place now as it was then: between Venus and Mars, orbiting the sun, and crawling with idiots.”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob

“For them, it’s not about the riding; it’s about the bike, and the riding part is simply their way of fondling their possession. They keep their bicycles clean all the time, they fear scratches like they’re herpes, and they don’t ever ride in the rain (or as they call it, “water herpes”) so their bikes won’t get dirty or rusty. They’re like the people who collect toys but don’t remove them from the package so as not to diminish their value, or who swish wine around in their mouths without swallowing it, or who never get around to having actual sex because they’re too into sniffing high-heeled shoes while dressed as Darth Vader. These are not cyclists, they’re bicycle fetishists. In”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“There’s hardly anybody who hasn’t owned or at least ridden a bicycle at some point in his or her life. I mean, sure, you do come across people occasionally who never learned how to ride a bike, but it’s rare and a little unsettling. It’s like meeting Someone who can’t operate a washing machine, or a thirty-two-year-old guy who never learned how to pee standing up. You smile politely, you pity them silently, and then you move on down to the other end of the bar. Despite”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“The Amish can resist Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, pornography, ice-cold margaritas on tropical beaches, designer drugs, fast cars (actually, all cars), thong underwear, American Idol, Amazon.com, and sneakers. But they can’t resist the bicycle. This is because the bicycle is a Truly Great Invention. A”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“hard work makes you stronger and learning your limitations allows you to overcome them.”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“Cyclists aren’t just hobbyists or lifestyle athletes; in many ways we’re actually a different type of being. We’re people with wheels. Really, in a lot of ways being a cyclist is like being a vampire. First of all, both cyclists and vampires are cultural outcasts with cult followings who clumsily walk the line between cool and dorky. Secondly, both cyclists and vampires resemble normal humans, but they also lead secret double lives, have supernatural powers, and aren’t governed by the same rules as the rest of humanity—though”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“Telling cyclists to get out of the road is like telling women to get out of the voting booth and go back into the kitchen, or telling Japanese-American people to “Go back to China!”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob

“Any cyclist will tell you that one of the things they value most about cycling is what it does for their heads. It cleans out the clutter. Cycling allows for reflection. It simultaneously offers time to mull over problems and to escape those problems. It’s both meditative and contemplative. Whether you’re weaving through traffic or climbing a long country road, the effect is the same. Your body’s working, and your mind is working. And when those two things start working in concert, other aspects of life can start falling into place too.”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“A typical city dog is neutered and doesn’t have much interest in reproducing. However, that’s not true of its owner, who will use the dog as an integral part of the pickup process. (Humans are the only animals that use other animals to facilitate mating. Have you ever seen a monkey use a squirrel to pick up another monkey?)”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“Really, in a lot of ways being a cyclist is like being a vampire. First of all, both cyclists and vampires are cultural outcasts with cult followings who clumsily walk the line between cool and dorky. Secondly, both cyclists and vampires resemble normal humans, but they also lead secret double lives, have supernatural powers, and aren’t governed by the same rules as the rest of humanity—though cycling doesn’t come with the drawbacks of vampirism.”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“In light of this, I say that the definition of a cyclist needs a qualifier, and that it should be: (1) a person who rides a bicycle even when he or she doesn’t have to; (2) a person who values the act of riding a bicycle over the tools one needs in order to do it.”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“If narrow bars are cool, then really narrow bars are really cool, right? So now people look like they’re controlling their bikes with hot dogs.”
― BikeSnobNYC (aka Eben Weiss), Bike Snob

“Now, you may have the strongest bicycle lock in the world, but that lock is only as strong as the object to which your bicycle is fastened. A thief may not have the tools or time to cut your lock, but if you lock it to a giant peppermint stick or a gingerbread house because you’re naive and you treat life like it’s a stroll through Candyland, it’s not going to matter.”
― BikeSnobNYC (aka Eben Weiss), Bike Snob

“In the meantime, when you approach an intersection think of the cars as affectionate cats that are going to try to rub themselves against you.”
― BikeSnobNYC (aka Eben Weiss), Bike Snob