Ada Calhoun

this is a book filled with marriage advice and Ada Calhoun's advice about not getting divorced.. don't get divorced. this book is an antidote to the heartfelt admissions couples make at weddings. ludicrous bargains, impossible standards and fancy analogies. when Ada Calhoun shares some hard-won advice that the first 20 years are the hardest, she's not kidding. she's smart, funny and willing to throw open the doors of her marriage and let us snoop around inside without having tidied everything up first. as hers is messy, chaotic, broken in places, hopelessly mundane in others but still home… (more)

Reminiscent of [b:Out of Sheer Rage: Wrestling With D.H. Lawrence|49423|Out of Sheer Rage Wrestling With D.H. Lawrence|Geoff Dyer|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1316738650l/49423._SX50_.jpg|880896] in which the author writes about a book he couldn't write, [a:Ada Calhoun|3000741|Ada Calhoun|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1624936880p2/3000741.jpg] starts out writing a book based on inherited interview tapes about the poet [a:Frank O'Hara|80892|Frank O'Hara|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1498162125p2/80892.jpg] from her art critic/poet father, Peter Sjeldahl [a:Peter Schjeldahl|456352|Peter Schjeldahl|https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/nophoto/user/u_50x66-632230dc9882b4352d753eedf9396530.png], but her process is hampered by her subject's sister. I enjoyed the book and valued its notes at the end plus her bibliography. At first, I was prone to irritation with her withering interactions and striving to get her dad's attention but as the story continues, I became increasingly empathetic toward Calhoun and her complicated father. The tapes he gives her of interviews with mostly dead artists and poets are interesting and the whole milieu of 1950's St. Mark's Place in Greenwich Village is, too. I've ordered O'Hara's poetry but appreciate the frustration she felt at not being able to quote his work in context.… (more)

I wanted to like this book much more than I did.
It started well and as a Gen X woman initially I really felt seen, but over the course of the book, it started to wear on me. This might not happen for you, but things that irked me were - so much of the book/the anecdotes/the interviews feature motherhood or children. There are a few people she interviews who are single and childfree but it's weighted heavily towards mothers. If you're not one there are whole chunks that you can skip.
It's also incredibly American, the focus here is almost specifically on American Gen X women. While I partook in much of the pop culture that the book mentions it's probably not going to resonate as much if you were born outside of the US.
Mostly what I found troublesome about the book was that it's just a bummer. Where Jeff Gordiner's 'X Saves The World' took all the same bad stuff into account I left that read feeling positive and active. This book felt like a list of complaints and no real recommendations or solutions. I know that it isn't a self-help book but I finished this feeling less positive than I started it.
Probably not exactly what you need in 2020.
Finally, as an entirely personal issue I found the lack of exploration of any possible themes outside society and upbringing (and anything vaguely akin to spiritual) left this book feeling very surface level to me.
Not a bad book, but not for me!
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