Brittany's Reviews > The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

I actually really liked this book but you did bring up some really interesting points there.

"Super helpful". LOL. Funny review :)

I agree with much of what you mention on your review, especially the sexist thing, and I also wish I had Googled' in advance, since it was a lot more Christian than I had imagined it would be before I read it.

Glad I read your post as I was thinking it was just me

I believe the book relates beyond the confines of a romantic relationship - having implication for how to express appreciation and gratitude and affection for friends, co-workers, and family members. I agree the book was written myopically though the reach is larger than the authors ever intended - which is a wonderful thing.

I totally agree. It had some good points but for the most part was overly simplistic..

I agree with the simplicity, but for many, that's exactly what they need. I'm reading it for the foundation and then will apply what I can to my own life as I go.

I agree with the simplicity, but for many, that's exactly what they need. I'm reading it for the foundation and then will apply what I can to my own life as I go.

I agree with the simplicity, but for many, that's exactly what they need. I'm reading it for the foundation and then will apply what I can to my own life as I go.

Good assessment. This could have been 4 pages long, and still presented every single concept in it's entirety.

Tried to read this book two times and it's impossible. Not for me indeed. I have a very different point of view. The only thing the author and me agree is we have different love languages.

I believe this is a self-help book and based on love (which lets admit, allot of people are clueless on) so I kinda get why he kept it in the"dummy level" as you say.

I agree with your assessment. I found the basic core thought of this book (that people understand and express love through a variety of ways and if you aren't communicating with them on their level, your message isn't being heard even if you think it is being said) to be interesting and it rang true.

The writing itself and the actual specifics of the book are where it falls apart. The examples are simplistic and saccharine, the suggestions are simply not workable in many context, and I found that it felt like it was ignoring the existence of people who are not upper middle to upper class as well. There's a passing mention to somebody working two jobs (I believe it says temporarily, because of course) but honestly so many of the examples included a stay at home mom that I started to wonder about where and when it was written.

I think this could be a useful jumping off point for a better writer who is more inclusive and intersectional to write something truly useful, but this book isn't it.

Totally agree with all your points. I thought it was funny how he starts to plug all his spin off books towards the end (5 love languages for men, for teenagers, for children). It started to sound like a cheap infomercial.

أني حبيت وطبقت الموجودً لكل اللي بالكتاب
تاليها تعتبرني صديقها
كتاب فاشل حيل

Here's what I cannot figure out. You're on Goodreads. Did you NOT look on here for this book BEFORE buying it? If you had, you would have seen the author's bio and known that the book was going to come from a Christian point of view and the author is unapologetic about it. He doesn't have to apologize for the book being a book that speaks directly to Christian people. Did you NOT read any of the reviews BEFORE you bought the book?

Even if one read the back of the physical book or the cover of a hardback version, one would STILL see the man's bio. I don't get how people MISSED that. At all.

Furthermore, because he's coming from a Christian background and education and actually IS a pastor, of course he's going to refer to heterosexual spouses and not partners, same sex couples, significant others and so on.

Look at when the original was published. That was in 1990. The world was an extremely different world in 1990 than it is today. However, the book has still maintained itself for 29 YEARS. It must be helping somebody if it's been around for that long and still continues to be bought by pretty much all types of people.

I don't read self-help books. I think authors who write self-help books should provide some kind of proof that they themselves went through what they're writing about and they should provide proof that it actually did help them.

That aside, it's like any other book. Fiction, non-fiction, etc. You read it, you take what can be used and you use it. Things that don't work for you don't get used. Sometimes, you don't know what will work until you try it. If we all know exactly how to do all of this stuff all the time, life would be extremely boring.

This book has 248,906 ratings, 10,209 reviews, and rates at 4.24 stars. It must be helping a LOT of somebodys for it to have that much of a positive rating and rave reviews. It's got longevity unlike a lot of self-help books. For this book to have held on for this long is rare.

I wholeheartedly agree with @Theresa Ann. It is so sad how hateful you are of Christianity and Christians, Brittany. I get how you might feel about the book and be all feminist 2019 but to attack someone on their religion says a lot about you. Maybe you ran into a hypocrite Christian person and that experience left you scarred but, really, we are not all like that and being offended by a people that believe in Jesus Christ doesn't mean you have to be nasty about it. You can be all feminist and haughty about what century you live in but let's be honest here; NOTHING HAS CHANGED! It has just modernized. Men still like to be cooked for and cared for and while yes they help out more the women do all the main things. Feminism just gave you a career and doing the same shit your mom and grandma did 50 years ago. This book is for idiots that want to give up on their marriage bc it's easier to be a quitter. Basic love language is easy but people make everything hard. So judge the book you read not anyone's beliefs. I bet if he'd been Jewish or Muslim you would've held your tongue a bit more. Wish you luck.

I understand your point. However, I believe with a topic like “love” some people need the dumbing down to fully grasp the idea of speaking love differently. Not everyone was raised with parents who expressed how proud they are, so when you get married to someone who craves acknowledgment and praise, it can be difficult to do that, so explaining - in detail - how you can apply these love languages is helpful to some.

Great review, good thing I haven't bought it yet😅 Can you recommend a better book about communication and relationships?

2 bad good read don't have Dislike button. Omg, no gay people in this book, what a bad book... I hate people like you. This book is great because of its simplicity. Some times we forget in life simlpe things what makes us humans.

I bet 100% you also hate - Dale Carnegie books, because it a book 4 idiots who don't know how to communicate with each other : )

I think he did make an effort to swap the gender roles around occasionally, and I appreciated that, though most of his examples had women cleaning the house and men occasionally "helping" (is it not their house too?). I think that's because of the community he lives and works in, so I was ok with it.

I agree that just one gay couple, just one, would have been very affirming and important. At the same time, Jesus never said anything about gay people and neither does Gary. If he says nothing we can take it to mean he is open-minded about it, can't we? I don't want to judge someone from another culture because of what they didn't say, I'd rather look at what they said, and what they hinted at. But I assume you are from the same or a similar culture to him and so you are more entitled to judge than I am

hmmmm just reading now his education:

He is a graduate of the Moody Bible Institute and holds a Bachelor of Arts (B.A.) and Master of Arts (M.A.) degree in anthropology from Wheaton College and from Wake Forest University. He also received Master of Religious Education (M.R.E.) and Doctor of Philosophy (Ph.D.) degrees in adult education from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.


I think it would be very very difficult to come out of a masters or phd in counselling and psychotherapy and not be completely open to LGBTQ+ people, but he has avoided that sort of route completely and even avoided secular education, so you may very well be right.

An answer from an atheist (me): if you have trouble taking what you need and leave the rest, you will have huge trouble in your life in general. Irrelevant what Chapman’s religious background is, what he has written almost 30 years ago is still groundbraking when it comes to relationships. It even has many common points with Rosenbergs NVC. Sorry that you gave it only one star, just because you were triggered. Little minds think like that.

Ioanna wrote: "An answer from an atheist (me): if you have trouble taking what you need and leave the rest, you will have huge trouble in your life in general. Irrelevant what Chapman’s religious background is, w..."

You started so well and I agreed with you right up until the last sentence and then you completely lost the plot and showed your rage, resorting to personal insults "little minds" and you even appropriated language originating in therapy for people suffering PTSD and weaponized it against her.

Totally agree on everything you said!!

THANKS!!! I totally agree with you. I decided to read this book as it was highly recommended by a lot of people as some sort of ‘bible’ that anyone ‘must’ read.

Such a disappointment, terrible sexist book. There were even examples of clearly abusive couples and his reply was to basically tell the woman to suck it up for God and anyway give the man sex. I am truly disgusted.

I observed the same things. There were times were he said wife and then a paragraph later corrected to spouse or his "you're a genius" part said every so chapters. But i still enjoyed and loved the book.

"that's common sense" well, everyone has it.

Lmao

You mentioned "common sense" and it's obvious you didn't read the book. At best you read lines from it, but didn't get the message. And it's more obvious you are not ready to love, as you are not ready to sacrifice yourself for your loved one. Just because Chapman cited the Bible like 5 times in 160 pages you got out and showed your narrow way of thinking. It's sad to see people ignore gold and diamonds just because it's not wrapped the way they imagined.

Maybe we should take his idea and write our own updated version ;)

@Van I know this is a joke but It would be really interesting to expand on Gary Chapmans ideas. I believe his book holds a good deal of wisdom but including more examples and exploring his ideas from other perspectives, would be really useful. Dr Chapman included his ideas through his background and it would be nice to get some second opinions from people of other backgrounds. He likes to include a lot of examples and tell about his advice given to those couples. And most of them come from similar backgrounds and have similar relationship structures. So his specific advice would be most relevant towards those couples, even if his general advice is relevant to everyone. I’d like to see more applications of counseling under the love languages given towards people of different cultures, sexualities, ages, financial background, and relationship structures.

Although my fiancee and I are only halfway through, I didn't notice the author particularly praising himself as "smart", much less suggesting he's God.

can you recommend a good book for beginners in the relationships?

The author says that all the examples given are true examples, should he disguise their identity by not only changing their names and geographical location but also their gender identity and sexual preference just to make you feel better? Also, where exactly does the author mention the participants' ethnicity or socio-economic status for you to make such assumptions? All I read here is cynicism, which unfortunately gets in the way of you all taking away an important message which was laid out so simply to understand.