Sean Goh's Reviews > How to Be Alive: A Guide To The Kind of Happiness That Helps The World

Generally agree with the message of the book, which is care for each other, and start with yourself. Form a community, question the status quo, build your own life. My main beef with it is that it's very Ameri-centric. Still, a worthy goal to strive towards, especially personal community.

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Shifting from self-help to each-other help gives you a deeper, wider and more satisfying idea of what success means.

The time when "you have to grow up" is actually the time many of us stunt our own growth. Because we decide that we are too scared to go our own way. We force ourselves to forget that life is magical. We learn to override ourselves.

It's okay to desire things for yourself if you point the energy of that desire in a direction that will help others. Use your karma to help the world.

The surprising result of No Impact Man was learning that we don't have to deprive ourselves for the sake of the world. It is not about not wanting things, but simply learning to want the things that actually make us happy. Nurturing wisdom, not suppressing desire.

Lifequesters are the people who have begun or are ready to begin the search for the kind of life choices that are both true to themselves and to the world.
Ask yourself: "Is the world your stories are creating the one you actually want to live in?"

Call out your limiting stories. Ask yourself what is stopping you from being more heroic, from changing your life in the way you want to, from making a difference.
Often, we suffer not because of what is, but because of our stories about what is.
Ask yourself then: "Who would I be, without that story?"

To deny our individual agency is to refuse to be the hand of God or the universe or any other force for good. There is no movement towards utopia without our participation.

Two components of a good life: Security and Meaning.
Security is what you need to be alive, safe, healthy and comfortable. It comes from what you get from the world through your relationships.
Meaning is the buzz you get from being alive, and includes self-expression, the ability to change things, adventure, and service, all of which come from what you give to the world through your relationships.

When you find yourself alienated from society's stories and standard life approaches, you are not supposed to leave society, you are supposed to lead it.

Whoever's fault it mostly is, yours is the only part we can actually change.

Part of the essence of optimism is holding a vision of the world we want to live in. Give thanks for a wonderful world and help that wonderfulness spread to others.

The key to economic prosperity is the organised creation of dissatisfaction.

With money you can so easily buy isolation. Conversely, when you don't have money you start to be more aware of the interdependence of people.
The research shows that people who grow up in insecure circumstances turn to materialistic goals.
Research by Tim Kasser suggests that being in the presence of "a person who clearly likes you, tends to be very accepting and non-evaluative of you, and simply accepts you for who you are" causes a shift away from extrinsic values and towards intrinsic values.

Americans eat 48 pints of ice cream per person per year, and 2/3s of Americans most frequently eat their ice cream in front of the TV or the couch.

Food itself cannot give comfort. Comfort at a meal comes when someone you love sits and eats with you and talks to you and listens to you and cares for you.

To train your self-reliance muscles do things that show you are capable of meeting your own challenges, like growing and choosing and cooking your own food, or walking/biking.

Ownership is a good paradigm for things we use all the time and want no one else to use. The standard relationship with stuff - long-term ownership - makes the stuff less effective in bringing us happiness because of its storage and upkeep cost. Renting or borrowing can let you enjoy stuff without the downside of owning it.
Never plan to shop with your friends as a social activity, you simply end up buying things you don't need when you just wanted to spend time with your friends.

The quality of your commute can be as important to your overall life satisfaction as having a life partner or child. Solo drivers are the least happy of all commuters.

A government or society acts a certain way only as long as the people who participate in it agree to follow the rules.

Beginning or committing more fully to one's lifequest has a great fear. The fear that we will no longer be acceptable to those around us, that we won't be loved and liked, and that we won't be supportable.
By stripping off our masks, we break our promises to our groups about who we will be.
This is one reason why the heroic act of becoming your True Self is such an act of bravery. It is to venture into the unknown and the vulnerability of demonstrating parts of yourself that your groups have not agreed to accept.

Social integration in a personal community and spending time with unconnected best friends or a partner can't replace each other.
Interconnectedness makes us feel safer (by knowing you'll be taken care of), which in turn helps our bodies and brains function better (lower stress levels).

When we are not with our group, loneliness predisposes our brains and bodies to believe that any stranger we encounter is a potential threat. This is how loneliness breeds loneliness.

When setting up your personal community: the key word is to diversify.
Don't have too many colleagues who might disappear if you changed job.
Don't have only friends and family of your romantic partner, which stifles richness and is putting all your eggs in one basket.
Don't be the only person of your type (e.g. gay, parent), you will spend forever explaining your needs.
Don't have only one of each type of friend.
Mix the network with people of different ages, employment situations.
Don't let the community stagnate.

There is a biological drive to nurture creatures weaker than ourselves. This nurturant bonding systems involving oxytocin and dopamine is part of why we love puppies and kittens and babies so much.

Being a child's primary caregiver requires nonmentoring activities like doing their laundry and working to support them, unlike when you parent other peoples' kids.

Douglas Steere - The question "who am I" inevitably leads to a deeper one, "whose am I?" because there is no identity outside of relationship. You can't be a person by yourself.

Let yourself wander. Then build your corral where you find yourself staying.

At all times a simple question rose in his mind: "Given my situation, how can I help?"

If delusions are endless, why get upset about the fact that we are deluded? If I can avoid being inside fucked up - if I can accept the noise - then I won't have to put my energy into trying to change what can't be changed: being human. I will have freedom.

Use whatever argument you are most passionate about. Because it may not be what they can hear best, but it is what you can say best.