Lea (drumsofautumn)'s Reviews > Solitaire

[2022 PSA:] I READ THIS BOOK IN 2017, IN AN OLD PAPERBACK COPY THAT DID NOT HAVE TRIGGER WARNINGS!
My review is based on that edition. I have no idea of the changes that have been made recently. I'm glad for trigger warnings having been added and any potential edits that have been made. Take this review with a grain of salt for that reason though.

Also I will not be engaging with anyone in the comments about anything at all whatsoever. I am not trying to argue with people about my personal experience nor the contents of the book, especially since they might have been edited in recent copies and it's been 5 years since I have read it. I do not remember the details nor do I have my paperback copy to look up any specifics scenes. And frankly, I'd like to spend my energy on other things. [2022 PSA END]

ORIGINAL REVIEW:

I really wanted to write a very detailed, as objective as possible of a review of this but honestly I'm realizing I just can't. I thought this book was super problematic so I'm just gonna write my thoughts as they come to me.

Trigger warnings for suicide/suicidal thoughts, self-harm and eating disorders. Pretty sure there's more so please be very aware and feel free to ask me if you want to know about any specific ones!

I know the main character is relatable for many and I hope that any of you who read this will understand that anything I say in this is nothing against your or your experiences. NOR is it anything against the author, as I know they were very young when the book was published.

This is a very, very subjective review based on MY personal experiences but also based on the fact that I am much older than the main character and yet I felt incredibly triggered by this book. It would've been very harmful for me to read this at a younger age and so I want to share my experience, in an effort to potentially warn other readers before they dive into this story.

Let's talk about Tori's brother a little bit first because that is what I found most disturbing. I think I could have been okay with lots of things in this book but this pointed out how problematic it truly is.
Charlie tries to kill himself, he is self-harming and has an eating disorder. And what happens after he gets out of the hospital after that first suicide attempt? I GUESS NOTHING! Not once is therapy even mentioned except for a little bit of treatment when Charlie is in the hospital. (edit in 2022: And I do NOT care that it comes up in Heartstopper, this book should stand on its own)
Say what you want about the way mental health and illness is portrayed in this book in general but it is NOT okay to basically ignore a suicide attempt! Tori even mentions that she sees Charlie wearing long-sleeved shirts quite a lot, which should absolutely have everybody's alarm bells ring.

About Tori. Completely separate to what is actually going on with her mental health, I found it super problematic that apparently Tori was the one who found her brother after that first suicide attempt. And I guess nobody ever cared about that either? Oh, she just saw her brother bleeding to death, that's fine, A SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL CAN HANDLE IT!!!! WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also I hated the portrayal of Tori's parents. I get it, it's supposed to be that way. Many people are alone in their struggles. But in a FICTIONAL book, I wish we would've had one adult showing at least a little bit of concern.

There's also a bunch of super graphic descriptions of how Tori just wants everybody around her to die and it was just too much for me. I get it, sometimes you're like I hate everybody, please die but it's more like "I would pick up a gun and shoot everybody in the head and I would see them bleed to death." I honestly didn't really understand why this needed to be so graphic?

And why the fuck is the tagline "this is not a love story"? IT IS a love story! And that is perfectly fine but not if you try to sell it like it's not, like a romantic storyline should be something to look down on. Honestly the love story was almost one of my favourite parts. I liked the basic romantic storyline, I even liked the love interest and I wanted them to get together.

BUT I thought there was also a little bit of the "love can heal you" trope.
Tori never ever smiles. She doesn't find joy in anything. She hates everything. But when she talks to Michael she smiles.
Tori spends her whole day in bed and doesn't want to talk to anybody. She find out Michael has an important event where he needs support. She jumps out of bed and goes to that event.
SO??? I DON'T REALLY GET IT???? Is this supposed to be a portrayal of a teenager just being a little bit sad and kind of stuck in a weird place and then she finally finds someone who cares about her and so things get better for her? Because that would be a legit thing for me. I'd be fine with that as long as it's made clear.

But it's never really mentioned. We never really know if Tori has depression or what the fuck is even going on. So from everything we read - it does seem Tori is supposed to be a character with depression. And it's basically the most cliche portrayal of depression ever and it's just upsetting - especially when THEN a single person can swoop in and make things better.

So - as you can tell, I really didn't like this book. After writing this review I'm even thinking of giving it only a 1 star rating but there were certain aspects that I enjoyed. It was just that with everything I have experienced it was an incredibly upsetting read for me.
I did think of DNFing it but I thought maybe there'd be a redemption arc or something. There simply wasn't. So I'm left with this horrible feeling and I just want to share my thoughts to be able to stop others from from potentially having the same experience.