Well, it's been twelve bloody years since this book came out so of course I've known the plot for a while. I'm late, yeah, I know. So I suppose this iWell, it's been twelve bloody years since this book came out so of course I've known the plot for a while. I'm late, yeah, I know. So I suppose this is a test of whether this book holds up when you already know what happens because nobody could shut up about it a few years ago.
Ah, see, I hate it. I really hate it. I would compare it to Marmite but god knows a million people probably already have and I don't think it matters what I think, because it never has and it never will, but it's just so OBNOXIOUS. It doesn't matter if I hate it; one can always say, "But that's the point! Of course you hate it! That means it makes you FEEL things!" Yes, yes unique blah blah blah but I could not read more than a handful of pages at a time, so whoever wrote that drivel on the frontispiece with all the praise saying 'you have to read it in one sitting!' was either on a very long flight with no other entertainment options or was simply trying to get it over with as quickly as humanly possible.
Like, I get it. I understand the book. I understand the concept, I understand the choice, I understand the bouleversement of the literary world with this choice of concept. But good lord I just feel disgusting reading it, and I don't want to feel disgusting when reading a book. I want to feel emotions, dude, and disgusting is not an emotion. The book is revolting - "oh, but that's the POINT!" - yes, dearest, I know kidnapping and emprisonment happen in Outside and not just on Television Planet or whatever sinister-twee nickname we want to give it; doesn't mean I don't feel a bit sick in my mouth reading about a five year old breastfeeding every two pages.
Did everyone in 2010 just pass this around not quite knowing what to make of it and telling other people it's a good book so they, in turn, would read it and tell them an opinion about it so they'd know how to feel? But no one did so everyone was just pretending to like it the whole time?
I'm not 17 anymore. I'm not here to angrily trash a book like I used to in the bad old days when I thought somebody might actually read my garbage reviews full of swearing over the internet at Cassandra Clare. But this one is just grim, dude. I have a high tolerance for grim, believe me; I'm a 3am Wikipedia doomscroller when trapped in the self-defeating cycle of insomnia. Ultimately, I think it's the Marmite make or break for me: perspective.
Again, I get it. I understand why it was written in the way it was. I'm sure a lot of people found this bien bouleversant, in a 'wow, I never thought about it this way!'-way. But I found it sicky-in-my-mouth-y, in a detached way rather than an invested way. (Way.) It's not like your favourite character is in life or death jeopardy and your heart is in your mouth. It's just a feeling of, "...Oh. There are still 300 pages left and I am too pedantic to give up on a book. 'Penis floats.' ...Right."
Anyway, if there's a keypad in the room then surely you have enough time spent in there to try every number from 0000 to 9999. Worth a shot, no? Book over. I read this simultaneously with Love Hina and I looked forward to reading that one more - and that one is a male fantasy garbage lowbrow sex comedy. God, I'm just pickling my brain with my choices of literature at this point. Charity shop purchases of 2015 that have lived on my shelves must be read, don't you know.
Mostly, I'm just terribly bored. Steppa steps on Lego, the mad man. It gets better in the later chapters. Anyway, I suppose I'm glad I read it but I'll never read it again. It's tiring to get through, and that's not nice.
Please don't talk to me about the last 20 pages because they made me want to hurl with how trite they were.
2 God's faces' cousins but actually 1.5 which is half of 1 less than 2....more
Yeah, just pick a book at random because your boss had a screaming fit at you for reading during the brief moment you took for eating a sandwich. ThreYeah, just pick a book at random because your boss had a screaming fit at you for reading during the brief moment you took for eating a sandwich. Threatened to fire you. Very reasonable behaviour. Whatever. Just read books on your phone instead, then you can hide them. You don't like ebooks particularly, but this is the way of things now, even though you don't plan on staying at this miserable job for very long. So just sort by library popularity on that app on your phone you haven't touched for months, and here we are. Three Women. Never heard of it. Whatever. Gives me a way to pass some time while I stand around because I've done everything there possibly could be to do, and I'm on my own down here.
It's overwritten. I hate the overused oxymoronic statements. It was and wasn't this or that or some such. It is entirely not my jam in terms of subject matter, but I read it all the same because, well, in the spirit of Mastermind: I've started so I'll finish. Insanity prevails.
"The wine tastes like cool sneezes." Really now. Maybe prosecco could be a 'cool sneeze', but come on, dude. Anyone for a snotty beverage? Am I missing something? Why are there no speech marks? Why do we keep switching from second person to third person? God, I just want this over with. It's all making me feel a bit sick. I'd never even heard of it beforehand so it's not like I had any expectations. I just don't know what I'm meant to take from it.
Some of it is beautifully written, some of it is terribly clunky. But mostly I feel like I've been tricked into reading cringy erotica and I'm not a fan, actually. All erotica is violently cringe to me, granted, but that doesn't mean this didn't make me want to vom. So that brings an unintended meaning to "books to hide at work." The whole point of randomly selecting books is to not know what you're in for, and my pedantic completionism prevails.
I must echo another reviewer, whose name escapes me but whose review I read when I had to put my phone down for a moment because of the phrase "like a gynaecological exam" during what is ostensibly meant to be a sexy sexytime: I hope there is something good to come of Maggie's story being told. It does feel out of step with the rest of the book, and that's because it is. I would have preferred, frankly, to read just her story and be angry about what happened. The rest of it can just fuck off. I don't normally read reviews before I have written my own one, mostly because of my own pathetic sponge-like absorption of other people's opinions as facts, but this one made me take cringe breaks where I scrolled through Goodreads. I mostly agree, it has to be said, with other low-star reviews. Having Maggie's story interspersed with the other two felt entirely incongruous. The part about having long fingernails so she couldn't pull her eyelashes out made my heart ache.
I read this one a few years ago - I think I got it from a charity shop when I went to Northampton - and I enjoyed it enough to keep it for future refeI read this one a few years ago - I think I got it from a charity shop when I went to Northampton - and I enjoyed it enough to keep it for future reference. It went onto my keep-shelf. I would like to say that donating my books to charity or to a book exchange is some grand act of benevolence, but it's also for economy of space. As a practitioner of tsundoku, I have about 300 unread books littering my house and if I kept all of them after I very slowly read them, my tsundoku would get me into even more trouble with my mother than it already does. But if I love a book, it stays. Apparently I liked this one enough to keep it, though through the fog of time I can't remember quite why. I know that this time I won't keep it. That's not an indictment of the quality, because I still found this book funny and realistic when it comes to the general pressures of teenage-girldom. Shout out also to the extremely accurate portrayal of dad texts: one singular Y as a third message is exquisite in its evocation of what it's like getting texts from my dad.
It's really emotionally mature, too. It may not seem so at first with Jamie's choices, but any time I find myself going "Nooooo, what are you doing?!" to a character, it's kind of a good thing. It means I care. Character development, innit. But while emotionally mature it is also simplistically summerised: it's all spelled out to you, just in case you missed it.
I hope someone else will find this book in the charity shop I donate it to, as I did when I was 16-odd, (and 16 and odd) and have it speak to them as much as it seemingly did to me a few years ago. May it rest for a long time on their own keep-shelf....more
This is why I go to the library a few times a year and pick out books at random, all from different sections, based on whatever the time is. 11:46am? This is why I go to the library a few times a year and pick out books at random, all from different sections, based on whatever the time is. 11:46am? 1st shelf, 10th book. Sometimes you find wonders.
I appreciate how raw this book is. I appreciate the anger, the fact Pearl runs away and frequently can't cope, and doesn't know how to act, and does things on terrible impulses, and doesn't know what to do or how to do it. It's all so very real, and I'm glad I read this book....more
I am making the marvellous discovery that I am unable to read. All my wondrous plans for reading the hundreds of books I've tsundoku'd and stashed awaI am making the marvellous discovery that I am unable to read. All my wondrous plans for reading the hundreds of books I've tsundoku'd and stashed away in my house dissipate like the morning mist. But hey, I finished this one I bought in 2015 for a quid from a charity shop. It's not good, no, but I don't have the capacity for a beautiful, hilarious scathing review, nor a cultural examination of the 1990s being the era of the sex comedy. I'd rather just... say it's not great and move on.
Morgan is a wet blanket of a character but other than that I really enjoyed this! And I'm very happy the libraries are open again so I can take randomMorgan is a wet blanket of a character but other than that I really enjoyed this! And I'm very happy the libraries are open again so I can take random books off the shelves that I wouldn't otherwise have found....more
Oh, you dastardly books, you! We'll call it a 3.5, lest I spend the rest of my days wrestling with my bloody reviews.
Yes, green little me thought she Oh, you dastardly books, you! We'll call it a 3.5, lest I spend the rest of my days wrestling with my bloody reviews.
Yes, green little me thought she could get through one book in the ASOIAF series per year until she reached that last one that isn't the last one but you know what I mean. Could she? No. I was meant to finish this, ahem, heckin' chonker of a book over the summer last year, and I failed. Is that the book's fault, or is that my fault? I don't know. Maybe it's both. And it's not even the longest one! 550 pages is something a greater person than I could sneeze and finish reading. It's been 6 months, and not only do I not have a clue how I feel about this book, I also hate myself for not sticking to a very feeble goal, AND I shall have to put my one ASOIAF novel a year thing on hold because there's no way in hell I'm getting through A Feast For Crows this year. I think I just need to see other authors for a while. Read different books, ones that don't take me 6 billion years to get through. Christ, I'm only reading these because I felt like I missed out on the hype not getting into the TV show! And n0w I own all the books and I can't just get rid of them without reading them, can I?!
Well, whatever. Internal crisis aside, I don't actually have an opinion on this bloody book. And screw you, Goodreads Reading Challenge, for making me feel shit because I failed that last year, too. It's not that deep, no. But sometimes the external pressures end up spoiling the experience of just reading a book, and what's the point of that?...more
I am a notorious faffer, and as such I have a hard time making decisions. This is why I choose my library books at random, whether it be online or in I am a notorious faffer, and as such I have a hard time making decisions. This is why I choose my library books at random, whether it be online or in person - and gosh, do I miss the physical, actual library after this year. Anyway, this one was another random book pick from the annals of the online library. I came to realise within the first hour of the audiobook that I haven't read a Young Adult book for a little while. I noticed this because the whole set up of this book was rather on the nose. I don't much appreciate the very shallow (no water-based pun intended) allegory of the story. I mean, yes, fairytales in their very nature are often allegorical, but I also don't really like the whole YA trend of everyone rewriting fairytales and making them woke and shit. I could write ten thousand words about how narrow and stifling the contemporary commercial YA market is, but no one wants to read that, and no one is actually reading this review right now, so I would basically be talking to myself. I'm good at that.
Anyway, I'll read nearly anything, hence the random selection. I was predisposed by the introductory chapters of The Surface Breaks to think, "Hmm, this is a bit on the nose for me." Fairytales are overplayed, etc. So what of the rest of the book?
It's beautifully written, and I think any girls the same age as Gaia would find it an important and compelling read. But like I said before, it's just too obvious for me. Yeah, I hate Zale but not through any effort of character development and action; I hate him mostly from his words, and we all know the idiom, don't we?
The exposition is really clunky, and when not poetic, the narration is awkward. You can slap Hans Christian Andersen's name onto the cover but it is profoundly obvious that this is Disney fanfiction - red haired mermaids and evil, fat, lipstick-wearing sea witches? I'm not overly familiar with the source text myself but I can imagine that Mr Andersen did not base anything in his text on Divine, darling. The worldbuilding is a tad pitiful and the thinly-veiled allegorical content started to give me a headache as it went on. Perhaps it's because I'm already an avowed feminist and don't need to be beaten over the head with things I've known for years, I don't know.
Then when she becomes human I just cringed. I also don't know what era it was meant to be set in, though maybe that's my own fault for not picking up on context clues so it's not necessarily a critique of the author, merely a limitation of the audiobook format; it's far more difficult to check on bits you might have missed.
My main problem with this book is that it's constantly stating the bleedin' obvious. We're in the final chapter and stuff we could quite easily infer is still being explained to the reader. It's just frustrating in the end, and I didn't care about any of the characters, either. Gaia has no personality, and that's not a claim I like to level against books, but it's true.
Finally, Flora? I won't spoil it (not that anyone reads my reviews in the first place) but believe me, if you've seen The Little Mermaid, you'll know. I haven't seen it since I was about 8, and I knew instantly.
Ahem. Voilà. C'est ça. It's fine. Not for me, though. 2 stars....more
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