uh, guys...i'm definitely with you and everything...absolutely one of the cool kids, having the popular opinion, agreeing with the mainstream, etc...buh, guys...i'm definitely with you and everything...absolutely one of the cool kids, having the popular opinion, agreeing with the mainstream, etc...but um. just remind me.
why do we not like this book?
the average rating is 3.5. and i totally get it. but for argument's sake, or just for laughs or whatever...explain it to me like i enjoyed it.
as if, for example, this was so funny and weird and magical and emotional.
i will admit that for the first, like, 200 pages, it was an absolute chore to pick up. i dreaded it. i could only make myself do it by sandwiching chapters between chapters of other books i wasn't really enjoying (otherwise there was no way i was returning to it).
matters were made worse by the fact that i was reading an ebook with a tiny font, meaning i had to read 4 normal-sized pages for what counted as 1 page, and by the end my laptop was so overwhelmed it required 10 seconds to turn those pages, and 10 seconds is actually a long time if you think about it in that context, the context being that this book is 637 pages long. so, to me, 2,548 pages.
i now understand sisyphus completely.
but at some point, my feelings did a 180. even when i was reading books i liked, or listening to enjoyable audiobooks, or picking up my most anticipated read of the year, or even - gasp - watching tiktoks...i kind of always low level wanted to be reading this.
it's that good.
it's very one of a kind: three kids die and come back, and there's a death-like figurehead and a magical music teacher and a cursed splinter and a moon woman and a haunting carousel and a child named carousel. there's an unforgettable unrealistic town. there's a series of weird annoying romances. there are twists and laughs and tragedies, and all of them made me actually feel something, which - to those of you who know my whole thing - is not nothing. (see: my cold dark chunk of christmas coal of a heart.)
when i got past the rock-pushing task of the page count and the brain-murdering task of the first third, i had a really good time.
that's not nothing, either.
bottom line: i'm having the fun kind of unpopular opinion again.
4.5
------------------------- tbr review
me at a horror movie: :) me at a haunted house: :) me at a long book: AHHHHHHHHHH
The central point of this book is that thirty-seven years of being a woman is enough to drive a person to kill.
And truer words were never spoken.
Yes, The central point of this book is that thirty-seven years of being a woman is enough to drive a person to kill.
And truer words were never spoken.
Yes, this is also wildly well written, causing me (a non-marker by nature) to highlight and annotate like it was my job, and yes, the theme of prey and predator as it comes to gender dynamics is excellent, and sure, these characters may not stay with me as long as what they were intended to portray will, but who cares about any of that.
Cool Girls like this book and it's feminist in the most f*cked up way on earth.
Another win for literary fiction about women who are horrible.
Bottom line: As long as I have something to read like this book, I'm pretty sure I'll live forever.
---------------- pre-review
i don't really highlight or annotate when i read - it doesn't occur naturally to me - but my borrowed ebook of this is ravaged by blue-lined passages.
review to come / 4 stars
---------------- tbr review
this is on a lot of Cool Girls' best of the year lists, and that's all i need to know...more
For me, it's a combination. It's a little bit how I felt about a book while I was reading it, but it's mostly how IHow do you give a five star rating?
For me, it's a combination. It's a little bit how I felt about a book while I was reading it, but it's mostly how I feel about it after. If I'm unable to stop thinking about it: five stars. If it leaves a mark on my brain I can't shake: five stars. If it changes the way I think, even if it's a subtle tone shift, even if it doesn't last very long: five stars.
This is why most of my five star ratings come out of books I initially four starred, or four-point-five starred, or refused to rate.
Because in the other case, I five star a book impulsively based on how much I liked reading it, but I don't come out of it thinking much at all.
Like in the case of this.
I couldn't put this book down. It's beautifully written, I connected with our protagonist hard, I adored the setting (BOSTON I LOVE YOU!), it ate me up while I read it. And for a day or so after, I did wish I was still reading it, because I am constantly in search of that feeling. It's why I read so much. (Too much, you could say, if you wanted to give my branding a boost. #emmareadstoomuch)
But now, a month later (exactly!), I'm left not feeling much. I remember this book, sure, but in the way you remember a conversation you had a few weeks ago or a mundane dream. In a surface-level, simple remembrance way. It didn't leave a mark.
So: dropping to four point five rounded down it is!
Bottom line: Reading is weird. But the best weird thing.
----------------- pre-review
oh, no. i couldn't stop reading this book and now i'm finished and it's 2 am.
review to come from a sleepy me / 5 stars i think (dropped to 4.5 upon reviewing)
----------------- tbr review
give me all the literary fiction with boston settings...more
Hang on, I swear I’m about to write this review, but first I need to call up every real estate agent in the greater Philadelphia area and inquire abouHang on, I swear I’m about to write this review, but first I need to call up every real estate agent in the greater Philadelphia area and inquire about purchasing the Dutch House.
Okay, so yes, the Dutch House is fictional.
Plan B: I will make millions and millions of dollars and then become best friends with Ann Patchett and she and I will team up as co-architects to construct a real life version, and both of us will ignore the fact that we have no architecture experience and that I haven’t taken an actual math class in about 6 years (long story) and also that the Dutch House as a literary symbol brings only suffering and obsession.
I’m sure I’ll figure it out. I’m an English major, so according to my calculations, making millions of dollars will take me...476 years.
We’ve got time.
Until then, I will think about this book. To keep me motivated and inspired.
I will think about how it is beautifully written, and so real and emotive and human, and how I FELT everything that happened in this book. How it all felt real and painful and true.
I will think about how I love Maeve, and I love Danny, and I love May and Kevin and Celeste, and I love Sandy and Jocelyn, and how I even love Norma and Bright.
Mostly, I will think about the Dutch House, and the borderline grotesque beauty of the dining room, and the big portraits in the living room, and the windowseat in the best bedroom, and the seating area at the top of the stairs, and the warm kitchen, and the cold high-up beds.
And those 476 years will just fly by.
Bottom line: Immediately after finishing this book, I resolved to read everything by Ann Patchett.
---------------- pre-review
actually i grew up in the Dutch House and the characters from this book are my family and this is the story of my life.
review to come / 4.5 stars
---------------- tbr review
i promise eventually i'll move on from gazing lovingly at this cover and actually open this book...more
My original review of this wasn't much of anything, because I believed (and still kind of do) that everything worth saying about this book has been saMy original review of this wasn't much of anything, because I believed (and still kind of do) that everything worth saying about this book has been said.
However, there are things that I believe no one should say emerging in real time, and so contributing my likely already-expressed thoughts might counterbalance them, to some degree.
In my first foray at writing about this (which you can still see below), I focused on the immersion of it. I said I "loved" its characters, though of course I meant more that I loved them as figures, considering they are unlikable murderers. I wrote about it vaguely and glowingly, thinking everyone had sort of...gotten the point of the book, already.
But then I read this review in Gawker, so I'm coming back.
The Secret History follows mainly our narrator, Richard, as he looks back on his time in the classics program of a liberal arts college. Richard is unhappy, impressionable, desperate. His values are more ideas than ideals - vague and dim reflections of what love, and beauty, and wisdom, concepts he's never known, might feel or look like, rather than what they are.
He arrives at his preppy and prestigious(ish) New England college to slowly become obsessed and then part of the mysterious and selective classics program, a cultlike group of trust fund babies led by an often-overstepping and charismatic professor.
Coming from a poor and abusive background, where beauty is nowhere to be found, Richard wants nothing more than to immerse and lose himself in this group of wealthy and charming students. He wants to befriend them, to sleep with them, to live with them, to do everything he can to become them.
Including, as they indulge in ever-spiraling hedonism, murder.
And it never works.
When our story ends, our group is decimated, some members dead, some irrevocably changed, all unwilling to return to the story of that fateful year - all except Richard, who is unable to leave it behind.
When I hear this, I don't believe that the point of the story, or what Tartt is trying to tell us, is that a love of beauty is equivalent to an amoral life. I don't think she condemns an appreciation for the aesthetic, or even a classical scholarship.
I don't think you're supposed to like these characters, or even think they're very realistic - they are, after all, portraits in hindsight written by someone in the throes of unrequited obsession.
I don't think you're supposed to relate to them, or to see their story as something that might happen to you if you read too much Greek myth or like pretty things too much.
To quote the article that inspired the fit of rage that has me typing away, I don't think this is "about all the things [its writer] loved," while "miss[ing] the point of them entirely." At the age of seventeen, they continue, they "wanted (I thought) exactly what its youthful characters wanted: a poetic life, a mythic life, a life shot through with meaning. I loved (I thought) exactly what its characters loved: nostalgic emblems of an era imagined as significant."
To that I say: huh?
As I grow older, I care less for lovely or perfect or nice or even good (in the moral definition of the word) characters, and find myself only wanting to read about the unlikable, the complex, the ones who have something to say on what I shouldn't do, rather than teach me about what I should.
It was clear to me that The Secret History is not the latter example, but the former.
Our merry band of classics fetishists may think they are living a life of poetry and meaning, but we, the readers, know they aren't. We know that life's beauty lies not in pleasure without regard for others, in the fulfillment of selfish desires, but in case we get confused, Donna Tartt shows us that a life lived by those guidelines leads to irrevocably damaged relationships, unfading pain, and death.
The Secret History is not a nihilistic book because its characters' behaviors result in no meaning. Quite the opposite - it is a book about what makes life meaningful by showing us what meaning is not.
The Gawker piece quotes a Tartt essay in which she writes, “'Something in the spirit longs for meaning — longs to believe in a world order where nothing is purposeless, where character is more than chemistry, and people are something more than a random chaos of molecules,'” and in this vein concludes, "To take Tartt the essayist seriously is to wager on that meaning. Even if that means leaving Hampden behind."
And I would agree. To find meaning, one must leave Hampden behind - for it was never intended that what happened there should be lived by as example.
(I also think there's something very interesting in the class dynamics here. But I'll save that for the next time I get mad enough to write almost 1,000 words.)
Bottom line: Book so nice I reviewed it twice.
------------ book club update
this is the july pick for the beautiful world book club!! elle and i will be vibing amidst the dark academia and the gluttony and the classics. please join us!!
------------ original review
Here is the problem with reviewing every book I read: Sometimes I throw around terms before I really need them, and then once I read THE book, The Story that requires and deserves that descriptor, I have nothing to give it.
Right now I have this problem. Because I have used the word “immersive” before, and immediately upon my completion of this book it became clear that I should have saved it for right now.
I felt like I lived inside these pages. I felt like I began to think in the beautiful and sharp prose that fills them. I felt like I knew the characters, ate decadent lunches and walked the snowy campus and whispered with them. I felt an aching emptiness, a genuine longing, when I read the final words.
I miss living here.
This was very, very slow - to the point that about halfway through I said (inexplicably, aloud), “I don’t know what they’ll even do for the rest of the book” - and yet I was gripped by it.
It’s genuinely masterful.
I love Richard and I LOVE Camilla and I love Francis and I, fine, okay, at least like Charles and Henry and even Bunny and Julian.
And I miss them all.
This is an incredible work, but maybe the most incredible thing is how the reader is Richard. I, too, miss my bygone days at my prestigious New England college with my whip-smart group of eccentric friends, and, like him, I am too quickly forced to realize the fallacy of such a feeling.
After all, it was all a fiction.
Bottom line: I’m raising this to a five star rating.
------------ pre-review
you'll have to excuse me, i'd love to actually write something here but my brain is broken and i am incapable of thought.
also seems absurd to try to use words when donna tartt took all the good ones.
Someone PLEASE procure me a striking, modern, big-city apartment with lots of windows, where I can hold a glass of expensive wine and gaze unseeing ovSomeone PLEASE procure me a striking, modern, big-city apartment with lots of windows, where I can hold a glass of expensive wine and gaze unseeing over the skyline at night, because apparently I’m going to feel melancholy for the rest of my life over never again being able to read this for the first time and if I’m going to do so I at least want to be glamorous about it.
Or, at the very least, I need to locate the sort of old-fashioned library described in 1920s mystery novels with a bar cart stocked with aged scotch and shelves filled with leather-bound tomes, except their antique spines will be a façade for the kinds of things I actually enjoy reading, rather than being 800 different copies of the Bible or whatever, and I will never drink the scotch because everything about the process of drinking scotch is like the scotch is asking you not to drink it. (Scotch is the poison-dart frog of beverages.)
Basically what I’m saying here is - Ever since I read the last page of this book three months ago, I have felt a small, unrelenting sadness, which I believe will only be solved by one of the following methods: a) I dedicate my life to tracking down a door to the Starless Sea, and either I find one or it turns out the real reward was the friends I made along the way; b) I experience repeated memory loss, allowing myself to read this book over and over again for the first time, re-beginning every time I finish it; or c) I live the rest of my days in homage to this story.
All options will require funds that I will never have (I’m an English major, after all), so please kindly Venmo me at your convenience. Thanks.
This is the most gorgeous ode to stories and literature. It’s a thank-you gift to anyone who has ever been a Reader, with a capital R - not just someone who reads but someone WHO READS, as an identity, as a life-force, as a passion, as the meaning of life.
I dare any true bookworm to read this book with an open heart and a ready mind and not feel grateful that their life overlapped with its publication date.
Erin Morgenstern’s ability to create divine settings you can see and smell and lust after and yearn to experience is unparalleled.
My favorite book ever is, as anyone who has so much as made the online equivalent of eye contact me knows, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. I love it with enough passion that everything about it is my favorite of that thing: my favorite characters, my favorite prose, and, naturally, my favorite setting.
Before I read this book, my unrivaled first runner-up was the setting of the Night Circus.
Now, I think both Wonderland and the circus may have been bumped down a slot. Never has a setting known me, seen my soul, like that of the magical underground great world of stories in these pages.
Plus, I didn’t have to slog through a Night Circus-level instalove romance to get there.
This was a perfect book. Mysterious, confusing, strange, magical. Beautifully written and populated with characters you love hard and immediately. I read this so slowly because I SAVORED it. I, a compulsive speed-reader whose simultaneous highest compliment and M.O. is reading a book in a day or so, knew that my finishing this book would be a small heartbreak, and so I tried to postpone it as long as I could.
So instead, I’ll pay the highest compliment to this that any reader can pay to any story -
Bottom line: It was hard to pick up another book after reading this one.
------------- rereading updates
THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!
all month long, i'll be rereading this fav as part of my book club with my lovely elle! follow on instagram here or join the discussion here.
-------------
Yes, I teared up upon finishing my reread of this book like a starlet in an old movie. No, I don't want to talk about it. I JUST WANT THIS TO NEVER END.
First off, this book is teeny as all get out and oh MAN I love a short book!!!
Come to think of it...I really love a short book. Three five star ratings so far this year, and they’re clocking in at 173 pages, 181 pages, and a whopping 190 pages.
Maybe I just hate reading?
No no no no I will not get distracted from the fact that this is the literary equivalent of someone hacking my Ok Cupid profile to build my perfect match. (I do not have an Ok Cupid profile.)
In addition to being the perfect length (which is to say, just a touch above nonexistent), this is also my ideal genre??? Say it with me: WELL DONE MAGICAL REALISM BABY!!! (Sorry if the improvised “baby” prevented you from saying it with me.)
This book is about a boarding school for children who have fallen into other worlds (magical ones!) and been unceremoniously dropped back into our boring old magic-less one. (Boo! Can you imagine.) Think Wonderland (!!!), Narnia, etc.
Which brings up two MORE ways this book is perfect for me! One, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland (my favorite book ever of all time, in case you’re new here) is canon in this world. Two, MAGIC BOARDING SCHOOL. Who doesn’t loooove that trope.
Another perfect thing: a touch of MURRRRDERRRR?!?!?!?! Yes! Murder! We have blood and mystery on our hands folks! (Hopefully not literally. That sounds unpleasant. You may want to hand sanitizer that sh*t. Except not actually because that cute lil keychain Purell you’re holding is CONTRIBUTING TO ANTIBIOTIC RESISTANCE YOU LOON.) (Sorry for all the caps lock in this one. I’m excited.)
And perhaps the most perfect thing of all: This book is so diverse it puts literally every other book ever to shame. In 173 pages, this story contained more solid representation than pretty much every YA fantasy I read last year COMBINED.
Our protagonist, Nancy, is asexual. A pal of hers is trans. Essentially every single character is of color or non-gender-conforming or non-straight and there is so much mental illness rep it makes me griiiiin EAR to EAR. Which is actually a very off-putting image. But don’t let the creepiness of my physically improbably smiling deter you from this book please.
To conclude: amazingly short + wonderful magical realism + Alice + boarding school + murder + mystery + effortless immersive diversity = I am one happy camper. Dare I say...the happiest camper....more
Ahem. (Picture me gently clinking a knife on the side of a wine glass, or whatever that classy thing is people do before they give toasts at swanky diAhem. (Picture me gently clinking a knife on the side of a wine glass, or whatever that classy thing is people do before they give toasts at swanky dinner parties.)
Hello, everyone. If I could get your attention. I just want to say a few words.
So you all know Emily, yes? Emily Henry? The writer of this very book?
I only “met” Emily for the first time in June of last year, when I read her book A Million Junes. And as soon as I picked it up, I knew. It wasn’t just the pretty cover or the compelling synopsis - it was deeper than that. This was love.
But, you know, I thought I’d known before, so I waited it out. I finished the book before I made any announcements. And it was just as I had thought and hoped and dreamed it would be: a beautiful, truthful magical realism with wonderful, funny characters, strong female friendship, a happy family, a charming romance that didn’t take over the narrative, and above all, perhaps the loveliest writing style I’d ever encountered in YA. I was hooked.
Love at first sight turned out to be true love. <3 <3 <3
Still, love is a bumpy road. So I waited six months to be sure before I picked up her first book. With a pretty low average rating, complaints of a slow plot and instalove, I knew this would be the ultimate test of my affections. I entered with trepidation.
From the start, I should have known I needn’t have worried. It was another gorgeous cover, another compelling synopsis. As I began reading, I discovered the same wonderful magical realism, sense of humor, full and lovable characters, friendships, and that irresistible writing that had made me fall in love in the first place.
The romance was a little much comparatively, it’s true, but who has time to be bothered by love being laid on a little thick when there’s time travel and parallel universes and Native American folklore and coming of age and the most nostalgic, caring depiction of the end of high school I’ve ever read?
I guess The Love That Split the World isn’t for everyone, but it is for me. Looks like it’s a question that split the world! I kid, I kid.
In short, Emily Henry, I loved your second, underrated-but-acclaimed book, and I loved your underloved debut. I love the brilliantly done magical realism, the banter, the characters, the friendships and family relationships that aren’t left by the wayside, the realness of the emotions, and above all, the gorgeous writing.
So…(picture me getting on one knee here, or something)...Emily, I have a very important question to ask you:
Will you be the only YA author on my all time favorite authors list?
(Here is either where I’ll insert a SHE SAID YES!!! Or just leave this parenthetical here in the event that she doesn’t respond. I have to be honest with myself and say it’s probably going to be the latter.)
Bottom line: Apparently this book isn’t for everyone. BUT DON’T YOU EVER COME INTO THIS HOUSE AND INSULT MY WIFE FAVORITE YA AUTHOR.
-------------- pre-review
A series of things of which I am totally convinced:
- This book is achingly lovely. - I want to squeeze every character in it (in a loving way). - Everyone, straight up everyone, should read this (but only after reading A Million Junes) - Emily Henry sees the world differently from all of us, quite possibly in the best way possible, and I want to crack her head open and live inside it but only after I give her a big hug and perhaps a kiss on the forehead.
I love the premise of it so much it hurts me to try to put it into words. But I will suffer through this pain for you.
So, The School for Good and Evil focuses on Sophie and Agatha. Sophie is beautiful, shallow, and a bit of a snob. Agatha is ugly, insecure, and very kind. They live in a world in which fairytales happen, and every year, the two kindest and most terrible children, respectively, from their village are kidnapped, never to return.
But eventually, they show up in the fairytales the children read.
That’s actually one of about a thousand massive plot holes, but whatever. We’re not done yet, synopsis-wise.
Sophie is obsessed with the idea of ending up in a fairytale. Agatha dreads the idea of becoming a witch.
They’re both kidnapped, unsurprisingly. BUT PLOT TWIST: Agatha ends up in the School for Good, and Sophie, in the School for Evil.
DUN DUN DUN.
It’s actually a whole lot more boring than that. This book is a million pages long, and every possible bad side effect that could come with that does. It’s boring; it’s repetitive; it’s slow-moving; it’s filled with plot-holes; it’s supremely indecisive about its own themes, characters, and storylines.
But.
That premise tho.
I am so fully torn on EVERYTHING ELSE about this book.
The characters: equal like and dislike. Agatha is pretty consistently adorable and likable; Sophie is occasionally a total badass, but most of the time so snobby and intolerable and mean. I just wanted her to accept her inner villain, and it was awesome when she did, BUT IT LASTED LIKE FIVE PAGES. Guh.
The relationships: equal like and dislike. There’s this guy Tedros who is a total babe, and Sophie targets him, but I kinda like the him/Agatha schtick? Except it’s always made to be sooooo dramaaaaatic and just...yuck. There’s a big friendship with Sophie and Agatha, which I normally love (yay female friendship!) but it’s just so problematic sometimes. To quote the great Britney Spears: “toxic.”
The themes: equal like and dislike. There’s a shaky theme of “no one is truly good or evil,” which is cool, except it completely ruins the chances of me seeing the badass villains I wanted so badly out of this book. It also seems like there’s some sort of attempt toward feminism, based off how short the princess end of the stick is compared to the princes’, but it never quite gets there???
The premise versus the execution: Seriously one of the most brilliant, creative worlds I’ve EVER EVEN HEARD OF, but the execution can be just awful. SO MUCH WASTED POTENTIAL I COULD CRY.
I don’t know. I guess I’ll read the sequel and see whether like or dislike wins out. (HA. Like whether “Good” or “Evil” wins in this book! I am so funny I impress even myself.)
But then I’ll probably still read the third one either way, because I am both a massive pushover baby and a glutton for literary punishment.
And I wonder why my average rating is so low.
But I digress.
Oh! I almost forgot! This absolutely, no way no how, is a children’s book. Nor is it YA. Nor should the characters be 12, or however old they are. That’s digusting.
HOW DO YOU WRITE A REVIEW OF A BOOK THAT YOU LOVED SO MUCH IT MAKES YOUR HEART WARM AND IT RESTORED YOUR FAITH IN YA AND EVERYTHING IS GOOD IN THE WORHOW DO YOU WRITE A REVIEW OF A BOOK THAT YOU LOVED SO MUCH IT MAKES YOUR HEART WARM AND IT RESTORED YOUR FAITH IN YA AND EVERYTHING IS GOOD IN THE WORLD WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT AND FLOWERS BLOOM AND BIRDS FLOAT AROUND YOUR HEAD AND SING OR TWEET OR WHATEVER IT IS THEY DO.
No, seriously, please tell me how. Because I read this book a month ago and I got nothin.
I suppose I will begin with what I know to be true, and what I know to be true is that Richard Gansey III is my husband. I have said this now in three (3) consecutive reviews of each of the three (3) books in this series I have read, and yet it only grows to be more true. Because he only gets better. (What does it say about me that I'm now one hundred percent convinced I just jinxed myself and will hate him by the next book? In other words what is wrong with me. This is a cry for help.)
I love Gansey. It’s an all-consuming love. It’s above analysis, so I can’t even tell you why I do. But I do. And I’m claiming him. He is THE book boyfriend for me now. (Goodbye, Étienne St. Clair from Anna and the French Kiss. It’s been a good three years, but I’ve grown. I've matured. I’ve moved on. And also, you’re short, and that’s just never been a viable option for me.)
Excluding Gansey (because I could talk about my love for that elegant man-boy for pages and nobody wants that)...things tend a lot more toward the "eh" end of the spectrum. As in, Ronan is still incredibly blah. Who caaaaaares. We get it. You're edgy. You can stop now. Also, Adam, still sooooooo eh. But I willllll say...a certain relationship begins to blossom and bloom and beautifully pop up from the soil...and that shindig is not eh at all. (Insert the smolder emoji here.)
But, quelle surprise, nothing is perfect because nothing is ever good or easy, and there is a relationship that is so incredibly eh it's almost like it's too eh for the world eh. Like, they tried to put a picture of this relationship in the dictionary next to the word eh, but they were like one, this is a fictional couple so that's impossible, two, is the word eh even in the dictionary, and three, THIS IS TOO EH EVEN FOR THIS.
That's the dictionary people, angrily shouting NEXT, as in "next person proposing an image to be added next to a definition." I bet you didn't consider how much time dealing with those queries takes for the employees of dictionaries.
ANYWAY. That horribly boring and blah relationship is...sigh...Blue and Gansey. That pairing can die, really. Brutally. That budding duo can get run over by a steamroller and come out all Flat Stanley'd and non-viable on the other side. Also, to clarify, I mean the relationship itself can die. I would never endorse the murder of Gansey.
ANYWAY AGAIN. When did Blue/Gansey happen? One second they're just a pair of pals and the next second they are SMASHING their FACES together PRETENDING they're KISSING. Horrible! Gross! For so many reasons! On so many levels!
Also, I am not saying this due to any repressed jealousy. That would be insane. And while I may be at a level of insanity that I would call dibs on the hand in marriage of a fictional character, I am not yet at a level of insanity wherein I am jealous of the fictional beaux of that fictional character. That would be, in case anyone is wondering just when this whole thing will officially have gone too far, the moment when help should be contacted.
But back to the characters. I literally did not even finish that section. God help me. ANYWAY. Blue is pretty cool in this book, because she always is. Noah is still my small spooky son, and I love him and he should’ve been in this book more, but that’s just because he should be in everything. In order for me to attain true happiness I need to reach a point where Noah is popping up even in content not created by Maggie Stiefvater. He’s a goddamn prince and he deserves it.
The Gray Man sticks around for this book, which is a thrill because I love him. (I do not know why this is true, because his literal defining characteristic is that he is gray, but I love him anyway.) AND PLUS, NEW PEOPLE COME. AND GUESS WHAT? THEY'RE ALSO GREAT.
Piper is a queen. A literal queen, because I am crowning her queen of all villains. This is legitimate and legal in the eyes of the law, because I crowned myself ruler of all books.
Piper's husband what's his name is also pretty sick. Which is really surprising, because one, male villains are so boring, and two, Evil Teacher Guy has also been done. Like, within this very series. Two books ago.
Hahahahaha oh my god. Whoa. I almost forgot about that horrendous bore. What a snoozefest that guy was. The improvement to this series just by this book alone is WILD my friends. WILD.
But there are even more new people! These include: - a woman who is cool (both the least spoilery AND least interesting way I could possibly put that) - a guy named Jesse who is pretty cute and lovable
Maggie Stiefvater can really crank out characters I care about. (A feat matched by, guess what, literally no other authors. I am semi-incapable of even fictional love and affection.)
The setting remains sick, because it always has been. The magic is even amazing-er than ever. (How does it keep getting better?!)
This book is just...a more action-packed version of the other two. More of the stuff ya like, less of the same filler sh*t from the first two. You know. Less “Adam is poor and insecure about it, Blue eats yogurt and let’s talk more about the whole amplifier thing, Ronan is angsty, Gansey chews a mint leaf and plays with toys and has a journal and is somehow very rich throughout, Ronan is angsty, Noah is blurry and also, oh yeah, (view spoiler)[dead (hide spoiler)], and of course, Ronan, in case you forgot, is extraordinarily, next-level angsty.”
Seriously, that's a spot on encapsulation of the first two books. I am honestly proud of myself. You could definitely just skip the first two books and cut to what matters based on that paragraph alone. (Please don't do that.)
I'm quite pleased I didn't give The Raven Boys or The Dream Thieves five stars, because this sh*t is on a whole other level baby. They aren't even in the same REALM OF EXISTENCE. If those two are books this one straight up has to be called something else. We have to make up a new word based on how much better this one is than those garbage monsters.
Ugh! I am filled with love. And also excitement. And also immense fear and trepidation and regret because oh my god the next one just cannot be as good there is no way it's impossible life is just an endless feast of disappointment with countless courses of sadness casserole, which is also known as just "casserole."
Um.
Just realized I'm not going to ever ever read the last book.
Bottom line: WHATEVER LITERALLY JUST READ THE SERIES FOR THIS BOOK IT IS LIFE-CHANGING AND I KNOW I DID A BAD JOB OF EXPLAINING HOW GREAT IT IS BUT JUST TRUST ME, OK? I'm not used to five star reviews.
------------------- PRE-REVIEW
my skin is clear. my bank account is full. my bookshelves aren't messy and my crops survived the winter.
ok well none of that is true BUT THIS BOOK CHANGED MY STUPID LIFE!!!!!!
review to come once i resurrect my laptop (even my keyboard died of shock at a five star rating)
------------------- CURRENTLY-READING UPDATE
ho
ly
shit.
IS THIS GOING TO BE A FIVE STAR READ?????????...more
As far as Spooky Scary Suspense books go, this is a B-, but in terms of HGTV novelizations this is the best in the business.
(What’s that glowing on thAs far as Spooky Scary Suspense books go, this is a B-, but in terms of HGTV novelizations this is the best in the business.
(What’s that glowing on the horizon? Oh, it’s the pitchfork-toting angry mob ready to burn me at the stake for comparing this masterpiece of fiction to a television channel about what happens when you subject real estate agents to couples six months away from divorcing who seem unable to understand how money relates to the acquisition of residences.)
What I’m saying is: for me, this story is not particularly action-packed or exciting. What it does have is one of the best settings of all time. Also, gorgeous writing.
An acceptable compromise.
In case you have been living under a rock since August 1938, or have specifically been avoiding all mentions of literary classics and Alfred Hitchcock’s filmography, I will provide a brief synopsis of this book.
Rebecca follows our nameless narrator, a poor girl who goes from being the lady-in-waiting (or something) to a very unpleasant woman to being the second wife of a rich man. (Same thing, am I right? Buh dum ch!) Said rich man is Maxim de Winter, who lives in the bestestest place in all England: Manderley.
Sounds like the jackpot, no? Except for the fact that good ol’ Max’s first wife, Rebecca, is (mysteriously) dead, and also according to everyone was wayyy better than our friend the narrator. Plus the creepy housekeeper, Mrs. Danvers, is obsessed with Rebecca.
DUN DUN DUN.
I won’t lie, Mrs. Danvers did creep me out a time or two. And while I found some minor plot points to be very predictable, some of the bigger ones still surprised me. So yes, the romance was totally meh for me, and yes, the story took me a while to get into (as in more than half the book), but it was far from a wash.
And that’s before you take into account how beautifully written and immersive and gorgeously described this is. Manderley really is like a character (view spoiler)[and I felt its loss like a death. Like, goodbye to all these basic ass characters, who cares, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BUILDING?! (hide spoiler)]. And I liked our little nameless narrator too. Even though she drove me crazy with secondhand embarrassment every other page.
Bottom line: This is legendary for a reason. (Pretend like my opinion on that matters. As if this isn’t already cemented among the great works of all time.)
----------------- pre-review
if you'll excuse me, i'll be laying down in a dark room for the next 4-6 business days.
review to come / 4 stars
----------------- currently-reading updates
i am ready to be SPOOKED. i am ready to be SHOCKED. i am ready to be DAZZLED by BEAUTIFUL LANGUAGE...more
I love Emily Henry, and I love June (aka Jack O'Donnell IV) and I love Saul and I love Hannah and I love Jack O'Donnell III and I lI LOVE EMILY HENRY.
I love Emily Henry, and I love June (aka Jack O'Donnell IV) and I love Saul and I love Hannah and I love Jack O'Donnell III and I love families and I love magical realism and I love this book.
I love it so, so, so so so so much.
Changing this to a five star because a) obviously and b) you should always five star books that are so pretty they make you tear up a little bit on a Greyhound bus.
Those of you who have followed me for a hot second know about my complex relationship with magical realism. Me and magical realism’s Facebook relationship status: it’s complicated. If the feelings between me and magical realism were a math equation, they’d be a super long one.
To sum up my relationship with magical realism: When it’s done right, I LOVE IT. Like, more than any other genre. My perfect book is probably really good magical realism. (Examples of lit magical realism: The Night Circus (!), The World to Come.) But that’s almost never what happens. I don’t know what it is, but I’m rarely content with the sh*t in this genre. And I tend to get way angrier when it’s bad. Like, YOU WERE SO CLOSE! You could have been so good. (Examples of magical realism that made me want to light a trash can on fire: The Darkest Part of the Forest, Miss Peregrine’s, Mr. Penumbra’s 24-Hour Bookstore, Every Day, the first two Dorothy Must Die books...I could go on, but this paragraph is hella long.)
I think I’ve boiled down my equation for a good magical realism book to two things: first, it has to make you wonder if maybe there could be magic in our dumb, boring old reality, and second, it has to make you hope that there is, and that it’s the particular breed of magic outlined in the book.
I’m thrilled to inform you that A Million Junes, for the most part, checks those boxes.
So, in this book, we follow June, who lives in a magic house and is the heir apparent to one half of a small town Minnesota war between families. She’s still reeling from the decade-ago death of her dad, who she super loved, when the heir apparent to the OTHER family shows up in town. And is a total flippin’ babe. And then stuff gets very weird, and very magical, AND I CAN’T DO THIS BOOK JUSTICE BUT TRUST ME, IT’S WORTH READING.
I mean...this book wasn’t perfect. When is it ever? But let’s stick with the good stuff for now. In fact, let’s talk characters.
Ah, these characters. Well, specifically June, Saul, and Hannah. June is our protagonist, our narrator, the light of my life and joy of my soul. She’s shockingly funny (when are characters ever truly funny?) and so fun to follow. She makes not like other girls jokes! I was in love with her by the twenty page mark. She’s so not the typical YA narrator, for so many reasons. (And no, that wasn’t a not like other girls joke. Or was it?)
Saul is June’s perfect complement. Their banter is so great. He’s a lil cutie and I like him a lot. That’s all I have to say.
Also, the female friendship in this is AMAZING. June’s BFF Hannah is so wonderful and a tiny angel and I want the absolute best for her. My God. Just...the characters and relationships in this book, man! It gives me I’ll Give You the Sun vibes in terms of how totally fab both of those things are.
The setting is total magic. I don’t even want to talk about it - I want it to take you all blindly and by storm like it did me. It begins just reasonably enough and becomes perfectly wild (for a little while). In other words, the formula for MAKING YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC.
And maybe most importantly, this book is sososo gorgeously written. I feel like in a lot of YA, the quality of writing after a certain point is sorta left by the wayside, but that's so untrue of this book. Emily Henry's style is achingly lovely, and I may have to pick up everything she ever writes forever for that reason.
But...now, unfortunately, we have to delve into the kinda-bad and the straight-up bad. This book starts off confusing, and it does NOT wait for you to get up and get your head on straight. Your shoes on the right feet. Your pants on not-backwards. It just goes. Eventually you catch up, and you have the first half of the book to enjoy before everything gets increasingly f*cked up and confusing until the last quarter, when, if you’re anything like me, you’ll be holding onto your hat and BEGGING FOR AN EXPLANATION. It’s like becoming the math lady, from that one meme. You know. This one:
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Anyways. That explanation does not come.
I consider myself a mind-bogginglyextremelygenius-level decently smart person, but I had no clue what was going on at some points. It doesn’t ruin the book or anything, since it’s supposed to be kinda magical and mysterious, but still. It loses the grounding in reality that magical realism has, or should have, and I was left with a metric f*ck ton of questions.
And it feels like the characters lose themselves in the second half, and that just sucks. First 200 pages: June-Saul-Hannah central. Remaining chunk: dismally characterization-free.
What I’m saying is the first half was better. The second half wasn’t terrible, but I just fondly reminisced on the beginning and thought:
The only other negative was that most other characters fell by the wayside, but WHO CARES? I probably would’ve just wanted more JuneSaulHannah if anyone else got characterization time anyway.
Honestly, I feel like this book could have been 100 or 200 pages longer. And I NEVER say that. (But I’m not asking for a sequel. I’ll shout it from the rooftops: NO SEQUEL FOR THIS BOOK!!! Trust me on that.)
Bottom line: Ohmygod, read this. We only get so many good magical realism books....more
Okay. Okay okay okay. So. This book, I would say, is the following mix: video games + ’80s culture + sci-fi + semi-dystopia + general nerdiness. Excluding the latter, I am not interested in any of those things.
BUT DAMN IF I DIDN’T LOVE THIS BOOK.
Okay. I’m sorry. I’m trying to calm myself down enough to write a review.
Was this book perfect? No. Sometimes it was dumb, or confusing, or slow, or overly complex, or not complex enough. But it still deserves five stars. MORE THAN FIVE STARS. Immediately after finishing this review, I’ll be penning a handwritten letter to Goodreads to ask for a sixth star. Like a super-like, or what I imagine a super-like is as someone who doesn’t use Tinder and never will. I’M GETTING VERY DISTRACTED.
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So in this book, it’s, like, fifty years in the future, or something. The world has gone to utter sh*t (not hard to believe, eh?) and in order to cope, the majority of people immerse themselves in a virtual-reality experience called the OASIS. It was invented by this guy, James Halliday, who just up and DIED and left the sickest technological scavenger hunt ever thought of behind. And the winner? Gets the company and TWO HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS. It’s like the darkest, most futuristic version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Though unfortunately fewer delicious descriptions of food. But still, I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT. I’ll try to cool it on the caps lock.
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So...y’all know I love a good setting, and this one is just amazing. There’s something about immersive video games as a setting that I just am obsessed with. I read some book in middle school that was kind of similar and it was SO GREAT. For someone who doesn’t game at all I am very into reading about it.
God, I wish I didn’t have to leave this worldddddd. Give me 11 more books in it. Wait, the author has another book, right?! IS IT SIMILAR?!!! Oh man. Okay. Sorry, I’m still just very hype.
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There was a lotttt of worldbuilding. Like, a LOT a lot. Pages and pages of it and a time. And the most information-heavy passages you can imagine. I didn’t mind it, because I was so flipping fascinated by this book that, if given some sort of magical opportunity I would have moved into it in a hot Texas minute, but still. It’s not exactly seamless.
So that could kind of slow down the plot a little, but again, I NEVER MINDED ONCE. It’s a little hard to settle in, because the book will be goddamn molasses for like 50 pages and then SUDDENLY BREAKNECK SPEED EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING PEOPLE COULD DIE YOU’D BETTER READ AS FAST AS YOUR EYES CAN SKITTER ACROSS THIS TEXT BABY and then that’d be over in a dozen pages and it’d be moreeee slownesssss. But I’d read Cline’s grocery lists if they were set in the OASIS, so IT’S ALL SUNSHINE OVER HERE.
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In terms of characters, we have a handful of main ones. I really, really, really, super-love our narrator, Wade. He’s wicked smart and super nerdy and knows so much about everything. I would like to curl up inside of his head for forever, please and thanks. (Especially since his life is so goddamn interesting.)
I do have some complaints, though. It’s still me.
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For example, Wade is the only character I really feel any sort of way about. Except for Halliday, who I love, but he doesn’t count. He’s dead. There’s also Aech (who is fine), Daito and Shoto, I think (who are also fine), and Art3mis, who sucks, but in a semi-harmless way.
Well, except for one thing. Yes, folks, you may have guessed it: This book includes a forced, uncomfortable, unnecessary, boring ROMANCE. (Boooooo! We hate you, unnecessary romance! shouts the crowd.)
This totally deducted from my enjoyment of the book - not enough to make me not love it, obviously, but significantly still - and I just was so MAD. Why did that have to be included? We get it, nerds deserve love too. Obviously. But does the odyssey of losing his V-card need to play such a big role in Wade’s story, when everything else going on is so goddamn interesting? Ugh. So vanilla, when everything about this book was the total opposite of that. Not chocolate, though. The analogy wouldn’t track, since vanilla > chocolate.
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Anyway. What else, what else...Oh yeah. One last thing. The ending lowkey sucked in comparison to the rest of the book. It was kind of choppy and rushed. A lot of loose ends were left, IMO. It makes sense, kinda, since there were SO many ends to be tied, but still. It didn’t feel concluded. I have no sense of what happened to the characters or the world.
Also, I expected more of a Moral. Like, an Aesop’s-fables type. Because this book follows a dystopian society attempting to escape from the repercussions of, well, our irresponsible actions through a video game. IMO again, but that doesn’t feel like the sickest possible solution. A few times characters will point out that the OASIS isn’t ~really life~, but no real impact is made by the end. I don’t know. I expected more.
BUT I STILL ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS BOOK. No book can be perfect, and this wasn’t, but I loved it so much. I miss reading it already.
Bottom line: I don’t care WHO you are, this book is sosososo fun and great and you should read it right now. Now, I say!...more
Okay, that’s a little bit of a lie. I know the most important thing I have to say. First and foremost: I’M IN LOVE WITH HENRY TILNEY.
SO FUNNY, smart, handsome, owns a cute house, and dare I say...surprisingly non bigoted?! He’s the best. But let me backtrack a bit.
Northanger Abbey is Austen’s satire, and she pokes fun at gothic horror books by having her heroine, Catherine, believe she’s essentially in one. AND SO MUCH GOOD COMES OUT OF THIS. The satire is hilarious - there’s one moment, for example, when what Catherine believes is a ~spooky, ghastly scroll~ is really a list of the contents of a linen closet.
But right when it’s about to stop being funny, and you’re getting just the teensiest bit annoyed at Catherine’s naïveté, it ends! She confesses to Henry, whose father she believes is a murderer, and he gently shoots her down while still being all, “I love you, girl.” It’s really great. AUSTEN IS A TALENT.
That’s the wonderful bit about this satire, IMO. I don’t alwayssss love literary satire, because it gives me secondhand-embarrassment cringes. But this is satire within another narrative - a more typical Austen storyline. So it’s funny and biting, while also being cute and happy and having adorable characters and a lovely ending! Talk about a TOTAL win-win, amiright?
There are also even MORE plus sides to this. Austen makes a lot of sweeping generalizations about “heroines” and plots and books, and they are all hysterically funny and insanely accurate. She also writes a few amazing defenses of fiction - isn’t that wild? While we’re out here with people trying to make others feel bad for liking YA, our brethren in Austen’s lifetime couldn’t even read novels without judgment. Call me crazy, but I’d rather someone insult my intellect for having read Sarah J. Maas than have to read 19th century TEXTBOOKS in order to be considered ~marriage material~. Bleh. Total nightmare, no? Let’s count our blessings and chill the hell out for one freaking second.
But I digress. Let’s talk more about those characterssss. They are, in turn, perfectly hate-able and lovable. Hang on. I’ll explain.
When people are all, “She’s a villain I love to hate!” I seriously never understand. I don’t ever love hating characters. It makes reading unpleasant, usually, even villains. Like Levana from The Lunar Chronicles, or whatever. I just hated her. I didn’t enjoy hating her. She got on my nerves and I was displeased whenever she showed up.
But...Isabella and her brother in this book? Pretty hilarious. They’re super annoying - Isabella uses people, is self-obsessed, and lies all the time; her brother is a total self-serving asshole. But when sweet lil Catherine is utterly ignorant to their flaws? It’s really funny. The way Isabella’s dialogue is written in particular made me laugh a lot, genuinely. Do people actually laugh out loud while reading on the reg?
But also there are characters who are so intensely lovable! (Especially my husband.) Catherine, for one thing. She could be a little irritating, because she’s SO immature sometimes, but she’s just, like, a good person to her core who is so kind to those around her. You can’t hate her. At least I couldn’t, and I hate most characters.
But let’s talk more about bae. You can’t see me, but I actually just turned into a heart eyes emoji from the neck up. Henry Tilney is a charmer from the SECOND he shows up. The banter he has with Catherine...unreal. Austen outdoes herself. Now I wanna reread their meeting scene. Ugh.
And ultimately, this is just a bananas well-written book. A real masterpiece. Some of Austen’s most famous quotes are from this book, and it totally makes sense why. Here are a couple fresh examples:
“The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.” “There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.”
See what I mean? I just read this book and I already wanna pick it up again.
Bottom line: Charming characters, hilarity, biting satire, gorgeous quotes...It’s Austen at her best. But when isn’t she at her best?...more
we are BACK (and a week late) for Project Long Classics, in which elle and i tackle a long intimidating classic in small chunks for an entire month.
however, this book is not long, and it's not intimidating, and personally i will be reading this AND the sequel at a chapter-ish a day.
join our book club to join the project!! follow on instagram here or join the discussion here.
DAY 1: DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE as we start things off, i'll include the cheesy declaration of love i wrote when announcing this pick in our book club discord:
this is my favorite book of all time. this teeny tiny children's classic is so dear to me - whether you want a light fairytaley read or a thematically rich toughie you can analyze all day long, you can find either experience in this.
filled with whimsy, imagination, and the bittersweet nostalgia of dreams and childhood, i never tire of this - and i get something new from it with every read. at one chapter a day, this and its sequel (THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS AND WHAT ALICE FOUND THERE), which i see as a continuation of the first more than a separate book, can be read in 24 days!
bleh. gross. look how sweet and earnest.
DAY 2: THE POOL OF TEARS it's actually day 8. i'm terribly slumped - the kind where it literally never occurs to you to read and then when it does you're like...am i physically capable of doing this? how did i ever make these words enter my head?
if anything can heal me it's this.
update: not yet, but we did get our first curiouser and curiouser...slay...
DAY 3: A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE the titular mouse's tale / mouse tail pun here...one of the greatest of all time i dare say...
DAY 4: THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL i don't know how the little EAT ME cakes manage to sound so good with virtually no description, but they do. maybe because these look so goddamn delicious?
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or maybe just because i like cake.
DAY 5: ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR folks...it's day 12.
i've never been slumped like this and at this point i am Frightened. my goodreads challenge is beginning to appear to stare back at me, like the void or one of those scary crusty small white dogs.
but this book is simply...everything.
DAY 6: PIG AND PEPPER the baby-turning-into-a-pig thing is honestly objectively terrifying. especially when alice is like "this baby is like a star-fish" and looks down and boom.
but! cheshire cat appearance. and "we're all mad here." huge quote for people with watercolor tattoos and hot topic graphic tees.
DAY 7: A MAD TEA-PARTY ICONS ALERT!!! a real heavy hitter. maybe my favorite chapter.
what can i say? not all my opinions are unpopular.
DAY 8: THE QUEEN'S CROQUET-GROUND monarchs, am i right.
DAY 9: THE MOCK TURTLE'S STORY well, it's actually day 14, so i might as well mess around and finish this book already. i wanted to relish it but my dumb suddenly-illiterate brain refuses to allow me to!
also: "Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first, because the Duchess was very ugly." vibes.
DAY 10: THE LOBSTER QUADRILLE this one is a ton of fun but impossible to compete in a universe that contains the walrus and the carpenter.
DAY 11: WHO STOLE THE TARTS? let's go to court!!!!!
sooooo important to remember that even in a nonsense-world, nothing is more illogical and annoying than outdated monarchical structures and the incompetence of the judicial system.
DAY 12: ALICE'S EVIDENCE and it was all a dream!!!
or was it?
or does it even matter at all?
(no.)
perfect book.
OVERALL i have this wholeeeee five star review below, but i'll quickly say that nothing makes me happy and fulfilled and whimsical like this book does. and that's my ideal way to be.
my favorite forever! rating: 5
------------------------ original review
THIS IS MY FAVORITE BOOK.
No qualifier. No excuse. No “one of my favorites.” This one is it, y’all.
Well, also Through the Looking Glass. But THAT’S PRACTICALLY THE SECOND HALF OF THE SAME BOOK. (And other examples of my inability to make decisions or commit in any way to anything.)
I currently have 18 copies of this book. I’ve attempted to read it at least annually for the past three years. And by “annually,” I mean I last revisited this book about nine months ago.
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But hey, it was a different year then, technically speaking.
How do I even review this? I don’t know where to begin. (Just a heads up that my obsessive personality is going to become verrrrry clear as this review progresses. I’m not proud. This is who I am, you guys. I was a member of the fandoms of some teen pop sensation or other for nearly ten consecutive years. I’m no longer thirteen but I still need an outlet. Honestly I’m quite afraid that if I don’t have an obsession, I’ll become a drug addict. Lots of pent up energy.)
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Well, I’ll say that I always, always, always feel enveloped by this book. I have never picked this up without feeling instantly submersed in Wonderland. And it’s really my favorite place to be. It’s hard to feel unhappy when you’re in the greatest setting ever created.
And oh yeah, there’s that. I firmly believe this is the most amazing and beautiful and confusing and curious setting of all time. It’s immersive, and it’s strange, and it’s so unique and fantastic and creative and I love it so much. I can come up with even more loosely positive adjectives if that overwhelming number didn’t suffice.
Wonderland is my Hogwarts. While many readers pray their letters just got lost in the mail, I’m constantly hoping I’ll see a white rabbit in a waistcoat and fall down, down, down into what must be the center of the earth.
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I love Alice and her curiosity. She may also be my favorite character ever. She’s funny and sweet and childish and such a blast to read about. Her reactions to everything are so, so funny. Her curiosity always outweighs confusion and fear. I’d like to wake up one day and be Alice. I’ll likely become one of those creeps who pays millions for plastic surgery in order to “resemble” some celebrity or other.
On an unrelated note, anyone have millions of dollars they’re trying to get rid of?
I’m also fiercely protective of this book. I constantly pick up retellings only to be utterly disappointed. (Like Heartless. Get out of here with your shoddy Carroll-stealing.) DO NOT, DO NOT! GET ME STARTED ON THE TIM BURTON FILM ADAPTATION. Horrific. Alice, an adult? Alice, engaged? Alice FIGHTING THE GODDAMN JABBERWOCK?
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But I do love the original animated Disney adaptation. There’s a certain quality to the book that’s captured within that film, which I haven’t found recreated in any other retelling or use of the setting or adaptation.
Oh, and one more thing, while I’m here.
THIS BOOK ISN’T ABOUT DRUGS, YOU SURFACE-LEVEL INTERPRETERS OF SYMBOLISM. It’s not that easy, boo.
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In the words of BBC News, “[the drug] references may say more about the people making them than the author.”
Lewis Carroll isn’t thought to have been a user of drugs, the Caterpillar was smoking tobacco, and the mushroom is no more magic than the various cakes Alice eats.
Honestly, the drug reading is simple and boring. It’s such a stretch to attempt to read each character as a different substance. And scrolling through countless quasi-psychedelic GIFs to find the actual ones was irritating, too. Ah, yes, real art: taking images from a 1951 children’s film but messing with the colors and movement until it looks like nothing more than a trigger for epilepsy. Enough, Tumblr.
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Alice in Wonderland carries as much or as little significance as you want it to. It’s everything from a mindless romp in an imaginative land to a depiction of the effects of a ruthlessly authoritarian system of justice.
Just have fun with it.
And please, for the love of God, stop applying your weird psychedelic edits to a Disney movie.
Note on the audiobook: This time around, I listened to the audiobook, to switch things up. Scarlett Johansson read it. I loved her funny accents and hated her overly-acted narration. A mixed bag.
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Bottom line: This is my favoritest and I doubt it will be dethroned anytime soon. Come at me, every other book.
------------ reread updates
when I find myself in times of trouble Lewis Carroll comes to me speaking words of wisdom "just reread"...more
Well, what a beautiful return to lovely childhood memories that was. If I felt any human emotions ever, I could almost get worked up about it.
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Replace “ones” with “books” and I feel much the same as...is this Sirius? It really has been a decade since I’ve read the books and I’ve never seen the movies.
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Okay but really important question: How do people like Snape?! I remember what is supposed to “redeem” him, but he is really one of the most awful characters I’ve read. “Always”? Bleh. I wish Fluffy killed him. Every time he shows up I have a temper tantrum. (See below for visual aid.)
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I have to be honest, I was halfway convinced I wouldn’t like this book much at all. I tend to have opinions that are irritatingly against the YA grain, and then I can’t join in the fun. (Okay, yes, I’m mainly talking about Throne of Glass.) Instead, I read the whole thing in one sitting. And it’s the week before finals, too. Ain’t that logical? (Harry is me trying to study; Hermione is my mind reminding me there’s HP to read.)
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My only complaint about this is a very English major one: none of the poems/songs have meter! They sound all lopsided. (How nitpicky is that?! The truth is I loved this book, but I still love to complain.)
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Now I’m about to die because I don’t own a copy of the second book AND I WANT TO READ THE NEXT ONE. I don’t know what to do!
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Bottom line: Who am I kidding? You’ve all read this. And you all know it to be an absolute…
For one thing, this didn’t have the same mastery of language as the first. It seemed in Sorcerer’s Stone that every word was a careful choice. Here, the phrase “after all” was used three times in one measly paragraph. It wasn’t poorly written by any stretch of the imagination...but it could be a bit sloppy.
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Two: not as exciting. The second act plot-line may have been better than the first book’s, but it took forever to get to that point. The first two-thirds or three-quarters of this book dragged for me, really. And I needed some excitement to break up the endless studying and work of finals week!
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Three: as I mentioned in my HPSS review, my favorite part of this series is the worldbuilding. Every aspect of this world drips with magic, and it’s so lovely. I’ll never tire of reading about Diagon Alley, or Hogwarts feasts, or Quidditch - and I cannot wait for Hogsmeade! There was a lot less discussion of the world here. God, how I wish there was. Is there more in the other books? It seems there’d have to be in Goblet of Fire, no?
Four: I missed Hermione! I didn’t realize how much of the appeal of this series for me was based on her. At least this book really confirmed my adoration of her. Absolutely one of the best YA characters ever, in my opinion. I missed Neville, too! At least Hermione had a reason for not being there, but where was the lovely Neville this whole time?
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Five: In general, this book seemed a bit...stuck. Sorcerer’s Stone has a great variety of characters, and features different classes and aspects of Hogwarts life. This installment gave me cabin fever. The whole thing is limited almost entirely to Harry and Ron. They’re great, don’t get me wrong, but...I wanted there to be other people too. Hagrid wasn’t here much, nor Fred and George. Quidditch only happened, what, once? The only class truly described was Lockhart’s, which made me want to bang my head against the wall. In short, I missed everybody. All the new characters introduced here are just unbearable. (Colin, Lucius, Gilderoy...even Dobby at some points. Sorry.)
On the bright side, I don’t think this is anybody’s favorite Harry Potter book. I’m a bit deflated, but overall rather excited to get on with this reread. (Once a few of my finals are done with, though. Shiver.)
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Bottom line: every series has its weak points. I’m still thrilled to be doing this reread, and am sure I’ll love the next one!...more
I’m debating whether to unleash the anti-Snape rant that’s been building up inside me for a decade now. I think I’ll wait until his supposedly redeeming backstory is revealed. What book is that in? Anyway, just his extensive presence in this book made the whole thing less fun for me.
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I feel about Snape the way Michael Scott feels about Toby. But I digress. My main thing with this book is that Rowling can be kind of...bad at fitting the parameters of the universe she created. That’s understandable, since it’s immense and so impressive, but there’s also little common sense things that get under my skin. (This would be under “general stupidity” if I hated this book - which I absolutely don’t.) I wanted to be having a great time, but instead I was caught up in the little mistakes.
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Some examples: There’s just no way McGonagall would have given Hermione the Time Turner. No way. I get the significance of the thing to the plot, and it’s a really creative and entertaining concept, but my girl Minerva would NEVER have handed that over. This is the woman who will shut any student down, take Harry Potter’s broom, deduct points from her own team, throw shade at Trelawney...what I’m saying is she’s a one hundred percent badass. And she’s a badass who exudes said badassery with the well-being of all Hogwarts students in mind. But I’m supposed to believe she put herself out there, petitioned the government, and presumably put in effort to convince her fellow faculty just so Hermione could take a purely overwhelming number of classes? Nah. She would have recognized it as unnecessary (Hermione never even gives a reason beyond "wanting to" for her overloaded schedule) and a huge pressure (workload's making a thirteen year old cry all the time and lose the ability to sleep). In other words, Minerva would have shut that shit down in a hot Texas minute.
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But wait - I have more examples! Lupin tells us that when he was at Hogwarts, they went through an INSANE amount of work to get him off the grounds when he ~underwent his transformation~. Keep in mind this whole thing is for one. Effing. Student. They put in a magic, violent tree (the infamous Whomping Willow), dig a tunnel that is presumably at least a mile or two long, and mess with (build?) a shack-like shelter. This is way, way, way too much to ensure that a single student can attend the school. But even suspending your disbelief there - why would you put a werewolf inside a WEAK, SHUT UP BUILDING to protect people? One, don’t put a rabid monstrous creature in a house, because two, he can break out of it and now the inhabitants of Hogsmeade are at risk. Also, putting in the Whomping Willow? Are you kidding me? It’s a danger to the students! And so is building a passageway in/out. There are so, so, so many more problems than solutions here.
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And here’s the most wild, laughable one for me. At the end, Sirius Black reveals that it was him - HIM! - who bought Harry Potter the Firebolt, hundreds-of-Galleons price tag and all. This is INSANE. Since Ron had earlier mentioned that it would have been impossible for Black to buy a broomstick, J.K. is so kind as to reveal how he did it in his letter to Harry. He says he sent Crookshanks (a f*cking cat) to the Owl Post, had him order the broomstick under Harry’s name, and had it charged to his own bank account at Gringotts. HAHAHAHA, WHAT?! You’re telling me a goddamn cat walked into a post office, conveyed the information that Harry Potter was ordering the most expensive broom on the market, and charged it to the most wanted man in Britain’s account without consequence? Like everyone was just like, yeah, okay, we didn’t really want to find him anyway? We won’t bring this up to the Ministry or Potter or anything? Jeeessssuuuuussss. Also, how did my guy have that much money in his account anyway? How is his account even open?
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Also, I know this is well-discussed, but there is just so much conflicting information about how many people attend Hogwarts. It drives me insane. I’ll never be satisfied with one answer, because there are always a million other pieces of evidence that conflict.
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The sheer confusion of the story relayed in the Shrieking Shack was also so confusing. Like, I get why there had to be a dozen f*cking pages of Black/Lupin begging the story to be told and Hermione/Ron/Harry essentially covering their ears and singing “Walking on Sunshine,” but they couldn’t at least have told the story with some semblance of organization once they finally got there? I mean, Jesus.
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On the other hand, characters. Hermione is still killin’ it - Time Turner, baby! And slaying those exams! But she did have less time with the squad (fighting) and a lot of scenes where it was just like, “Oh. Yeah. Hermione. Uh, she’s...doing homework over there.” Plus Neville was not really included, like, at all. But Lupin was introduced, and he’s one of my favorites! But Snape was here as hell and I hate him so much. But no Colin Creevey or Lockhart or Dobby! But Trelawney and Malfoy and Pansy. But Sirius! But mainly he was villain-ing it up. Oh well. It’s a real 50/50 in this one.
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Still, it was definitely enjoyable. Like, I read it in pretty much one sitting, and I haven’t done that in a whileeee. I missed doing it. And this was so, so much better than the second book. So this is so hard to rate! I am having a really hard time here, you guys.
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And my absolute favorite aspect of these books - which was missing in the second volume - was one hundred percent present and accounted for. I’m talking a look into the world, baby! We get Hogsmeade, we get an entire fortnight of Diagon Alley, we get a bunch of discussion of the school and the classes. Even the bad parts, like Azkaban. Ugh! I could read a series’ worth of books just on the world, I swear.
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So, bottom line: In some ways I liked this as much as the first, but it definitely had more problems. I am looking forward to continuing my reread, and hopin’ I find just as much of the world and even more of the good characters. Goblet of Fire, I expect to see you soon!...more
welcome to...ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN SEPTEMBERLAND, PART 2!
i know that seems like a copout, but to be fair, i've always considered this book a continuatwelcome to...ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN SEPTEMBERLAND, PART 2!
i know that seems like a copout, but to be fair, i've always considered this book a continuation of the first one, rather than a separate entity.
usually as, well, a copout so i can call both of them my favorite book of all time.
anyway! here we are for part two of a modified installment of Project Long Classics, in which elle and i tackle a long intimidating classic in small chunks for an entire month.
but because alice is not long to me, nor is it intimidating, and i consider both books to be like one thing, i'm reading both! welcome to that.
join our book club to join the project!! follow on instagram here or join the discussion here.
DAY 1: LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE immediately we're off to the races. man, this slays.
the thing about this book (and keep in mind i have said "the thing about [an alice book]" and followed up with about 97 different statements in the course of my life) is that there has never been a more curious, more interesting, more charming character than alice - and yet she is perfect believable. kids are like this. it rules.
DAY 2: THE GARDEN OF LIVE FLOWERS iconic!!!!!!
i love to think that if flowers could talk, they'd be pretty and mean and prone to puns.
DAY 3: THE LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS talking flowers would be a tough act to follow by any stretch, but goddamn. BUGS are the best we can do?!
but oh my god oh my god. speaking of all stars...tomorrow we head to the dweebs.
DAY 4: TWEEDLEDUM AND TWEEDLEDEE AYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
mandela effect because "tweedledum and tweedledee" sounds so wrong. feels like it should be the other way around. but then again i typed wrong as "swonr" on the first try so what do i know.
is there any word better than contrariwise?
DAY 5: WOOL AND WATER alice is forever the one exception to my talking-animal rule (that they're boring and dumb and should be left out of everything).
cue paramore.
DAY 6: HUMPTY DUMPTY a children's classic crossover fav!
DAY 7: THE LION AND THE UNICORN wordplay city!!!! imagine how hard this would hit if 99% of these poems and riddles and songs and sh*t were still in pop culture. it's like the SNL of the 19th century. but like, a good era of SNL.
DAY 8: "IT'S MY OWN INVENTION" and suddenly.......an icon receives her crown..............
DAY 9: QUEEN ALICE queen of my heart alice!!! queen of all characters of all time alice!!! queen of being the best there ever was and it isn't close alice!!!
life should have more dinner parties. and they should always be written like this: "dinner-party." and they should contain altogether more nonsense.
DAY 10: SHAKING no...
DAY 11: WAKING don't. :(
it's all over now. what a real and literal awakening. like a wake-up call.
DAY 12: WHICH DREAMED IT? i'm no poetry girl. but possibly my favorite poem ever comes at the end of this chapter.
OVERALL this has a little less of the nonsensical whimsy of the first alice and a bit too much animal chatter even for my taste, but this exploration of dreaming and childhood and magic and nostalgia is so charming and dear to my heart. i will love it forever. rating: 5
---------------- full review
It’s not fair that I have to review this book.
I mean, no one is making me. Technically speaking, I am in no way obligated to review this. But also, in a much more real important way, because I am the one saying it: I absolutely must.
Because I love this book so goddamn much.
BUT HOW AM I POSSIBLY EXPECTED TO PUT THAT LOVE INTO WORDS.
There’s only one way to do it.
By cheating.
Read my review of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland so you understand the immensity of my love for these books (which I kind of count as one book, spiritually, and only don’t actually count as one book for reading challenge purposes).
But you still won’t really know how much I love these books, so you should probably read me scream more about it in my review of The Annotated Alice. And Alice's Adventures Under Ground, for good measure.
And also, you should read all of Shakespeare’s love sonnets, and the great love letters of history, and the collected works of Jane Austen. You should watch the bird scene from The Notebook, and the sad part from Titanic, and the scene in Say Anything when John Cusack holds the boombox over his head.
All of those viewings are just to have a good laugh, though. And also to jam the f*ck out to In Your Eyes, a musical treasure.
To reallyyyy understand, you should watch Booksmart and Safety Not Guaranteed and Mamma Mia 2: Here We Go Again!
Perhaps through all of these reviews and readings and viewings, you can gain a passing understanding of how much I love Alice.
Probably not, though.
Bottom line: I HAVE TOO MUCH LOVE IN MY HEART....more
Oh, GOD. Why did I start rereading books?! It has only resulted in heartbreak. (Except you, Wanderlove. You know you’re different.) Years of ne[image]
Oh, GOD. Why did I start rereading books?! It has only resulted in heartbreak. (Except you, Wanderlove. You know you’re different.) Years of never picking up the same book twice? The right decision. Now there’s a 2-star book on my 2016 favorites shelf. WHAT KIND OF WORLD DO WE LIVE IN.
Anyway. This was...not as good as I remembered. Like, in a big way. (Note: There are some spoilers in here, I think, especially for A Court of Thorns and Roses.)
What would the two sweeping generalizations I’d make about the first and second half of this book be, you ask? I’m so glad you brought this up, fictional reader of this review. You get me. And to answer your fake question: I would say the first half of this book is super boring, and the second half is bonkers cringeworthy.
Oh, man, talk about an unpopular opinion. Don’t yell at me.
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O.K. (There’s something about spelling okay that way that makes me giggle.) Let’s get into it.
So, as you all know, we follow our girl Feyre. Feyre’s a bish who has PTSD after, like, killing people and dying and being resurrected and going through trials, et cetera. (Makes sense, no? Like, why doesn’t every YA fantasy protagonist have full-on PTSD.) Anyway, at the beginning of this book, she’s bundled up in a boring old love-nest with her loverrrrr from the first book, Tamlin. Feyre is all skinny (doesn’t eat and stress-vomits, I guess) and sad (she did a lot of things) and bored (not allowed to do anything, now) and tired (nightmares like it’s her JOB).
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Then Rhysand, the tall/dark/mysterious/flirtatious asshole (trope I’m never into) rescues her from Tamlin, who literally one second ago was the dream guy. (More on that later.) Feyre is bustled off to the Night Court, which rocks, to become a full on badass and have a ton of sex. (More on that later too.)
But...this book is kind of boring, a lot of the time. I know! I made it sound so exciting. That’s just because it’s impossible for me to be boring. I’m fun and thrilling all the time. Okay?!
Anyway. There’s a whole plotline, wherein war is coming and Feyre and the Gang™ must prevent it. (Feyre and the Gang™ is the name of the vintage hip-hop super group formed by Feyre and Rhysand, plus a handful of other goofballs: Mor, who is Rhysand’s...sister?, Cassian, who is his war guy, Azriel, who is his sneaky spooky spy, and Amren...I have straight up no idea what her deal is.)Again, may sound exciting, but I DID NOT FIND IT INTERESTING. All they do in this storyline is spend literally hundreds of pages info-dumping about some history guy named Jurian and corresponding with some human queens (humans are suuuuper boring, as we know).
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Confession: I allowed myself to skip skim these boring parts. Because they’re boring. And I didn’t care about them at all.
Even the big climactic scenes in this book were boring to me! The battle at Velaris? Snoozefest. The Cauldron bit, at the end? Soothed me to sleep like a lullaby. And fun stuff kept getting skipped entirely. At one point, Feyre’s like, “I’m going to catch the Suriel” and then the next sentence is, essentially, “I caught the Suriel.” I HATE IT.
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So, that’s the first half. The second half (or last third, really) is not any better. It’s just a different kind of terrible.
See, in this part, Feyre and Rhysand realize their ~loooooove~ for each other. Or, I’m sorry, not JUST their love. They’re destined for each other. They’re mates, you guys.
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What follows is a TOTAL CRINGEFEST. Feyre says the word “mate” easily 800 times. This is because, instead of doing, you know, actual writing, I’m assuming Maas just copied the mantra “Mate. My mate.” and pasted it on every page from here to Timbuktu. Which, kill me.
BUT IT DOESN’T END THERE. Rhysand and Feyre can’t even interact with each other without full-on f*cking. Doesn’t matter where they are. There are sex scenes (in gruesome, painful detail) in bathtubs, against walls, on kitchen tables. It’s nasty. A nonstop cringe party for what felt like years.
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And that brings me to maybe (dare I say) the most annoying bit of this book: The Tamlin Thing™. See, I didn’t like the first book even the first time around, so I refuse to reread it. But I don’t have to revisit that garbage dump to know that Tamlin was sure as sh*t presented positively as hell. With, like, no exceptions. He was endgame. (I remember preferring him to Rhysand, because, again, Rhysand is an example of a trope I abhor. Oh, boohoo, you’re a d*ck because you’re broken. Cry me a river, and get a personality while you’re at it.)
But back to Tamlin. From page one of this book, he’s presented as less than. He’s boring first, then oblivious, then uncaring, then full-on OPPRESSIVE in the span of fifty pages. With just a fraction of the book done, he’s so obviously a villain that Feyre has to be rescued...by the last book’s love interest-slash-villain.
It’s a total role reversal, and IMO, you can’t just write like that. You can’t just toss the last book to the wind because the fangirls preferred the mysterious guy with purple eyes. It’s ridiculous. It feels like fanfiction - like a thirteen-year-old writing a love story about herself and Harry Styles, but she switches and decides to go for Zayn. UGH. This freaking book, dude.
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There were good bits to this. The settings are really amazing (Velaris! The Summer Court!), and I liked when Feyre and the Gang™ hung out. I’m fairly into the characters (even Rhysand, walking/talking trope that he is, has his moments, and Feyre is pretty badass). I really do love the world, especially certain parts of it. I just wish that more of this book was spent with that stuff, the good stuff, instead of cheesy smut, info-dumps and poor writing technique.
Also, the ending was maybe the best part, which is so CLASSIC. That’s a next-level plot twist and cliffhanger. Now I’m a) tricked into thinking I liked this more than I did and b) eagerly awaiting the next book. I SEE YOU, MAAS.
Bottom line: This was fun sometimes, but mostly it hurt itself. WHY CAN’T YOU FOCUS ON THE BITS YOU’RE GOOD AT, SARAH?! God, I hope the next book is all sneaky spying and squad hangouts and not info-dumps and human interactions. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Epiphany: I’ve now given every Maas book I’ve ever read 2 stars.
------------------------ ORIGINAL REVIEW
5/5
AH. when's the next one?!
it's been such a long time since i really adored a book--and i never would have guessed that sentiment finally would have arrived in the form of the sequel to a book i felt so eh toward.
feyre is absolutely awesome. (finally.)
rhysand is pretty great too.
mor, cassian, azriel, amren, nesta, elain--they're all cool. (autocorrect just had a field day with those names.)
the writing was way better. (gives me hope for the rest of throne of glass!)
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