WHAT IN THE COFFINATED HECKING ASHY MI*clears throat* *prepares vocal chords* *breathes deeply*
So.
Hi.
*nodding*
I finished it.
...
Yeah.
*keeps on nodding*
WHAT IN THE COFFINATED HECKING ASHY MIDDLE EARTH, WAS THAT DANG ENDING. I SWEAR, ON MY BOOK'S GRAVE, I WILL TEAR APART SOMEBODY IF I DON'T GET ANSWERS. AND THAT SOMEBODY WILL PROBABLY BE MYSELF. AND IT WILL ~HURT~. *throws tantrum* WhYyHhyhyyyyy
~Personal thanks to the author for sending me a copy in exchange for an honest review~
Um...what in the h-e double bookmarks just happened? Um, what?! Let me be honest by saying, I had basically forgotten the synopsis AND the cover, by the time I had made up my mind to read this book (forgive my ever dying brain cells) so I truthfully went in blind. As a bat. Wait, no, as a hag. More...original. *snort* And because I am THAT organized of a blogger (I truly am not, and for that my soul apologizes. I mostly rant. And throw sarcastic remarks.) I shall divide this review accordingly with my thought process. For those who have been looking for a light thriller who may give that ‘I saw that coming, but am still SHOOKETH’ feeling, this story is definitely for you. And for those who might not want to get much sleep, because SOMEHOW you picked this book at 10 pm. To read. Also, who would've thought things would end the way they did?!
~Thanks to NetGalley for providing me a complimentary copy of AMELIA UNABRIDGED by Ashley Schumacher in exchange for my honest review.~
First thoughts when receiving the ARC: *silence* MOTHER OF HOLY WATER DROPS, I CANNOT BREATHE, I CANNOT. MY LUNGS. MAMAAAAA, I HAVE AN ARC. I GOT IT. I GOT IT. NOW HOW THE HECK DO YOU OPEN THI-
First thoughts when opening the book: *joker like smile* I am going to enjoy this so MUCH.
First thoughts when a certain character died: What--How did that--Oh my goat. I cannot feel my face. I cannot feel my heart.
First thoughts when meeting the love interest: ... Okay. *nodding* Alright, I can deal.
First thoughts when I finished the book: Um, why do I feel a bit broken inside. *swallows waterfalls* I-
*a week later, because yes, I needed time.*
Okay...this was slightly disappointing. One sentence. Well, two (because I need the rest for the full review that will approximately obliterate kindly ask for a vital part of me).
1.) Less than a week 2.) A connecting rope between characters (I think I just threw up a little)
Will not spoil, so if you know what I mean. Then you know what I mean. ALSO, THE LOVE INTEREST WAS ANO--as I was saying, no spoilers present, and I hope that if you have requested this ARC, that you shall receive it. BECAUSE I NEED TO SAY SOME STUFF THAT MAY OR MAY NOT, EXPRESS MY ANGER TOWARDS THE--
*goes into hermit mode for the time being*
I'M BACK. Alright, being completely honest here, I have never reviewed an ARC (if it's not already completely obvious) therefore, this might be a complete mess. But really, when isn't it a complete mess? Don't answer that. Even though my bookish soul is craving to throw spoilers and rant against some well deserved stuff, I will be slightly unable to do so (ugh). Here it is, my friends. A completely glossed over ~spoiler free~ review of Amelia Unabridged. (bear in mind I had to redo it at least 3 times, since yes, spoilers were included.)
Well, you see, let's start with the charact-*realizes she cannot do so, because that would be considered spoilerific* YOU KNOW WHAT? FINE. I'LL STOOP TO THIS LEVEL.
The writing in this lushly imaginative novel, truly inspired my tear ducts to go for a run, amidst the pandemic. Since we all know who dies (considering the SYNOPSIS, publishers please don't come after me) I can truly say...that I felt something. Maybe not as much as I could've, SINCE said character was in the story for less time than one of my pimples (those things are basically people, I've even named some of those. Example: YOU BLOODY DISGUSTING FAT NUISANCE. Or my personal favorite: WHY IN THE PECKING WORLD DO YOU EXIST). As I was saying, the writing was so heart-wrenching and outstandingly painful to read, and that truly added a lot more to the story than some might think.
(A second try) The characters. Some made me conflicted, some annoyed me to the end of my patience limit, and some used the word 'please' definitely too much. Like, too much. Apart from that, I absolutely adored the dynamic and friendship (FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN A FEMALE AND A MALE, WHO WOULD'VE ThOUght?!). The utterly magnanimous foundation that was constructed between each one of them. And I cannot express how thankful I am, that said characters actually had LIVES, apart from being the main character's friends, family, etc.
The romance~ ... I actually, well. Um...it wasn't as good as it could've been. (reference to the two sentences written at the beginning, but shhhh, don't tell) Also, seriously?
The overall cryability (yes, that's a thing) of this story: A solid 7 and a half. I wish I would've felt it more, alas, I'm a heartless witch. Thank you, brain, for commanding such grandiousness to spew from my vocal facility. Now, my loves, my ducklings, my CoNeCTioN (uh-huh, you KNOW), this shall be the end of this horrifically spoiler free ✨masterpiece✨. Also, I want to forget the dang epilogue. I NEED to forget it. Like, it is for my well-being.
Can you tell I have to do a million things but instead I am laying in bed, writing this review and watching You of the Tube?
P.S: I am TOTALLY doing something productive, right? Also, yes, I would totally recommend this book to people in search for a story that will be as cute as it is pungent in its very core. Want romance? It has it. Want drama? Oh yes, it has a LOT....more
Why did I do this- I KNEW the consequences of this- SO EXPLAIN TO ME, WHY DID I CHOOSE TO BE COMPLETELY OBLITERATI have never been so stupid in my life.
Why did I do this- I KNEW the consequences of this- SO EXPLAIN TO ME, WHY DID I CHOOSE TO BE COMPLETELY OBLITERATED BY THIS BOOK I CANNOT WITH THIS-
Excuse me as I go kindly threaten the author for the sequel. ———————-
WHAT WAS THAT ENDING?!! NO, I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT'S IT. NO, MA'AM. NO, NO, NO. HOW COULD YOU--WHY CAN'T YOU--UGHHH. WHAT WAS THAT ENDING?!! NO, I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT'S IT. NO, MA'AM. NO, NO, NO. HOW COULD YOU--WHY CAN'T YOU--UGHHH. ...more
Oh! What's that? A tear? Here is another one! Ooooo here's one more! And what's that over there? My heart? Hanging from a tree? Hmm, how InTEresTinG!Oh! What's that? A tear? Here is another one! Ooooo here's one more! And what's that over there? My heart? Hanging from a tree? Hmm, how InTEresTinG!...more
This was an underrated, beautiful, awestrucking, tear-jerking, torture read that tore my skin to pieces and expected me to sew them back together withThis was an underrated, beautiful, awestrucking, tear-jerking, torture read that tore my skin to pieces and expected me to sew them back together with a rusty needle.
And I adored every single stretch of bloody fabric that made my pain all the more pronounced and real....more
I would give this a 3.8 just because the main character was as awful as they come. I disliked her with a PASSION. If the main guy (forgive me, my husbI would give this a 3.8 just because the main character was as awful as they come. I disliked her with a PASSION. If the main guy (forgive me, my husband) wasn't like he is I would've totally given it a 2.5. For trying. But WITH him? Let me just get out of the way this fact: HE IS SARCASTIC. AND HE LOVES READING, I REPEAT, HE LOVES READING. Catch me please, I have fallen. Down a cliff, call 911. My heart cannot take the pressure. Shrapnel...everywhere. And let me tell you, would I recommend this? Not necessarily, based on the fact that again, the main girl? An absolute pain in the butt. Or like, as much pain as getting your toe punctured by that dang corner that ALWAYS seems to want to stab you. That's how I would describe her. Also, sunshine on a Disney movie. On steroids. I don't like princesses so yes, she would be exactly that. Again, let me fangirl a bit about Davin. He was wow, he was perfection. He was glorious. Exquisite, mouth watering, amazing, unfathomably awesome. Yes, that would explain him perfectly. I will leave this mini mess of a review by blessing you with scraps of his existence, excuse my French, his beautiful existence, which may or may not have made me incredibly thirs-
I sighed and stretched my neck. “Okay.” I thought about it. “I twomble. If there was an Olympic medal for twombling, I would get gold. Every time. Hands down.” She snorted. “You what?” “Twomble. It means to abruptly leave an awkward situation without saying a word.”
He looked at me, his eyebrow quirked in surprise. “What?” “You went over there and ordered with total ease and confidence.” “I’m not shy, Avery. I dislike social contact. There’s a difference.”
Pardon me, how am I not supposed to fall head over heels for him??? Also, another saving point? His grandma. Loved her. Loved him. As usual, I finished the book content, all: Awww that was so sweet, I hope they persist or like, break up. Because the main witch here, needs a backbone. Make that four. To then (after closing the book and taking a deep breath, walking around, stretching my cramped self. Reading is a perilous thing my loves. Very...difficult on the bones. And like, eyesight. *snort*) have a total and absolute moment of: I NEED HIM, WHY IS HE NOT REAL?!? WHY IS HE WITH HER?!? WHERE CAN I HAVE HIM CRAFTED?!?! YO DISNEY! YOUR GIRL NEEDS YOUUUU!!*cue sadness for days* I will forever remember you, Davin Ambrose.
P.S: Did I forget to tell you HE READS?!? AND LOVES READING?!? That's it, someone get me a wedding dress and a ring. This man here, my husband he is.
P.S.S: A very nice being gently instructed me that "p.s" meant post-script (which I knew but to be fair, it was 2 am. Don't attack me please) And y'all know what I thought that "p.s" meant at that moment? Postponed Sarcasm. Pondering Sassiness. Preposterous Saltiness. Someone hit me with a brick porfavor. A small brick. Better yet, just make me watch Allegiant *horrified shudder*....more
(Please bear in mind that Booksy was very irate, annoyed, vexed, infuriated, galled... um... add other synonyms of 'angry' here, porfavoAhahahaha, no.
(Please bear in mind that Booksy was very irate, annoyed, vexed, infuriated, galled... um... add other synonyms of 'angry' here, porfavor. So we attribute all crazy-sounding spiels to that self. Thank you, and we hope you enjoy this very poor, and very not professional production. Aka, ranting)
I need time. Yeah, that's my justification. I need time. To like, cry silently. With lots of crazy arm waving. And tantrums.I need time. Yeah, that's my justification. I need time. To like, cry silently. With lots of crazy arm waving. And tantrums....more
Real rating: 4.3 (definitely subject to change, I don’t even know if THAT’S the real rating. Smart being, ‘tis I)
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! ABORT IF YOU HAVEN'T READ IT YET!
*Thinking really hard* Was it really jaw-dropping though? Like, it HAD its moments. But really though? I must get back to you on that one. IT COULD'VE BEEN LONGER, FOR ONE. And like, CARDAN COULD'VE FELT MORE...THERE. So yes, this is going to be a wonderful rant. AND WHAT THE HECK WAS UP WITH THAT SNAKE?!
Booktastically
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