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Lampoon Parodies
Nightlight: A Parody
About three things I was absolutely certain.
First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe.
Second, there was a vampire part of him--which I assumed was wildly out of his control--that wanted me dead.
And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me.
And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen in the Harvard Lampoon’s hilarious send-up of Twilight.
Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events–Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!–Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive?
Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom, Nightlight is the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl, looking for love in all the wrong places.
First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe.
Second, there was a vampire part of him--which I assumed was wildly out of his control--that wanted me dead.
And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me.
And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen in the Harvard Lampoon’s hilarious send-up of Twilight.
Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events–Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!–Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive?
Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom, Nightlight is the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl, looking for love in all the wrong places.
154 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2009
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,817 reviews
November 20, 2009
Not quite as terrible as I first thought, but still pretty bad. To give you some idea of what it's like, here's one of the passages I most enjoyed. Belle Goose is talking to her father:
"So, Belle, what's new today?"Unfortunately, most of it isn't nearly as subtle and clever as that.
"Dad," I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. "I'm in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world."
"Gosh, Belle. When someone asks you 'What's new?' the correct answer is 'Not much'. Besides, isn't it a little soon to cut yourself off from the rest of your peers, depending on a boyfriend to satisfy your social needs as opposed to making friends? Imagine what would happen if something forced that boy to leave! I'm imagining pages and pages would happen - with nothing but the names of the months on them."
"If Edwart ever left, I'd find some other monster to hang out with. You know I have no social skills," I said. "I guess I'm like my dad in that way." I wasn't usually this emotional with him, and it felt good.
January 15, 2012
This was ABSOLUTELY hilarious. This is what everyone was (or should have been) thinking while reading the Twilight books.
There are conversations such as this:
Belle and her dad before Edwart picks her up: "So, Belle, what's new today?"
"Dad," I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. "I'm in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world."
"Gosh, Belle. When someone asks you, 'what's new?' the correct answer is, 'not much.' Besides, isn't it a little soon to cut yourself off from the rest of your peers, depending on your boyfriend to satisfy your social needs as opposed to making friends? Imagine what would happen if something forced him to leave! I'm imagining pages and pages would happen- with nothing but the names of the month written on them!"
and
I heard a knock on the door and breathed in sharply. How thoughtful of Edwart to knock when he could just as easily break down the door. I opened it expectantly.
It was the mailman, grinning at me with that typical Switchblade smile.
"Hi," he said. "Nice weather."
I shifted awkwardly. I felt comfortable talking about a lot of things, but not the weather. I didn't quite have the terminology down, having skipped the grade in which you learn about various atmospheric conditions.
"Yeah-the sun's on today," I guessed tentatively.
"Well, you tell your dad I said hello."
It was then that I finally understood. He was in love with me. It was all there-the doorbell ringing, the door stading, the showing off with his weather knowledge. Were there no other girls in this town to diffuse the responsibility of being loved?
I read bits of this out loud to some friends as I was reading this, any time I found something funny, which would have me reading whole pages, and causing much hysterical laughter.
There are conversations such as this:
Belle and her dad before Edwart picks her up: "So, Belle, what's new today?"
"Dad," I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. "I'm in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world."
"Gosh, Belle. When someone asks you, 'what's new?' the correct answer is, 'not much.' Besides, isn't it a little soon to cut yourself off from the rest of your peers, depending on your boyfriend to satisfy your social needs as opposed to making friends? Imagine what would happen if something forced him to leave! I'm imagining pages and pages would happen- with nothing but the names of the month written on them!"
and
I heard a knock on the door and breathed in sharply. How thoughtful of Edwart to knock when he could just as easily break down the door. I opened it expectantly.
It was the mailman, grinning at me with that typical Switchblade smile.
"Hi," he said. "Nice weather."
I shifted awkwardly. I felt comfortable talking about a lot of things, but not the weather. I didn't quite have the terminology down, having skipped the grade in which you learn about various atmospheric conditions.
"Yeah-the sun's on today," I guessed tentatively.
"Well, you tell your dad I said hello."
It was then that I finally understood. He was in love with me. It was all there-the doorbell ringing, the door stading, the showing off with his weather knowledge. Were there no other girls in this town to diffuse the responsibility of being loved?
I read bits of this out loud to some friends as I was reading this, any time I found something funny, which would have me reading whole pages, and causing much hysterical laughter.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 31, 2010
Creative Response
Belle is my name
I've never wanted fame
I'm a little different, it's true
But so are you!
Edwart you are
Into your eyes I can see far
Your eyes changed to green
By me you can be seen
You're a vampire, I know
Even if it doesn't show
You may say you're not
But that's not what I thought
Until I met Josh
Whose windows my dad does wash
In the cemetery that day
He gave it away
A vampire you're not
And that means a lot
Coming from him
Maybe it'll convince Jim
Jim is my dad
Vampires make him mad
He likes to say
That they should stay away
So now that I know
Edwart's no more than a toe
I love him more than ever
And he gives me so much pleasure!
I may be abnormal
But the dress I wore was formal
When I went to tell Edwart
That my love for him was not short
He smiled at me
And shouted with glee
"LEG CRAMP! LEG CRAMP!"
At least he didn't knock down a lamp...
Then in a moment of distress
He put his arms around my neck
And in the most gentle way
He kissed me today
Belle is my name
I've never wanted fame
I'm a little different, it's true
But so are you!
Edwart you are
Into your eyes I can see far
Your eyes changed to green
By me you can be seen
You're a vampire, I know
Even if it doesn't show
You may say you're not
But that's not what I thought
Until I met Josh
Whose windows my dad does wash
In the cemetery that day
He gave it away
A vampire you're not
And that means a lot
Coming from him
Maybe it'll convince Jim
Jim is my dad
Vampires make him mad
He likes to say
That they should stay away
So now that I know
Edwart's no more than a toe
I love him more than ever
And he gives me so much pleasure!
I may be abnormal
But the dress I wore was formal
When I went to tell Edwart
That my love for him was not short
He smiled at me
And shouted with glee
"LEG CRAMP! LEG CRAMP!"
At least he didn't knock down a lamp...
Then in a moment of distress
He put his arms around my neck
And in the most gentle way
He kissed me today
October 19, 2011
Utter shite to put it bluntly. I could write something funnier. Here is an example of the side-splitting humour...
She had brown bushy hair in a ponytail that was more like a squirrel tail in the context of her beady squirrel eyes.I thought I recognised her from somewhere, but I couldn't place it.
'Hi.' she said. 'I think I'm in all your classes.'
So that's why I recognised her. She reminded me of a squirrel I hung out with in Phoenix.'
Well har de har, excuse me while I piss myself with laughter. This was dreadful drivel that should be used as bog roll. If I could give it a minus star I'd give it minus one million. Pure cack.
She had brown bushy hair in a ponytail that was more like a squirrel tail in the context of her beady squirrel eyes.I thought I recognised her from somewhere, but I couldn't place it.
'Hi.' she said. 'I think I'm in all your classes.'
So that's why I recognised her. She reminded me of a squirrel I hung out with in Phoenix.'
Well har de har, excuse me while I piss myself with laughter. This was dreadful drivel that should be used as bog roll. If I could give it a minus star I'd give it minus one million. Pure cack.
May 20, 2010
It's hardly ground-breaking, but I'm giving it four stars on the sheer enjoyment factor. I'm actually a fan of the Twilight books, but I get that Stephenie Meyer is no Shakespeare and this series is hardly world class literature.
Twilight's gotten so huge it was only a matter of time before someone sent it up, so I was eager to see what a bunch of nerds from Harvard did to it.
Belle Goose is an exaggerated piss take of Bella. She's self obsessed, and believes everyone else to be obsessed with her. Hmm... :L
The lovely Edwart is a girl phobic, Sega hating computer nerd who Belle falls for. I laughed out loud a lot during this book, but it felt as if it was a random collection of sentences lots of different people wrote.
Very confusing. I was expecting more of a 'Pride & Prejudice & Zombies' type thing, more of an exposé on all of the cheesy moments that make up Twilight, but it doesn't matter since the whole thing is the most non-serious thing I've ever read. =)
Whether you like Twilight or believe Stephenie Meyer is the human form of Satan, Nightlight should bring you together through humour. A must-read. (:
Twilight's gotten so huge it was only a matter of time before someone sent it up, so I was eager to see what a bunch of nerds from Harvard did to it.
Belle Goose is an exaggerated piss take of Bella. She's self obsessed, and believes everyone else to be obsessed with her. Hmm... :L
The lovely Edwart is a girl phobic, Sega hating computer nerd who Belle falls for. I laughed out loud a lot during this book, but it felt as if it was a random collection of sentences lots of different people wrote.
Very confusing. I was expecting more of a 'Pride & Prejudice & Zombies' type thing, more of an exposé on all of the cheesy moments that make up Twilight, but it doesn't matter since the whole thing is the most non-serious thing I've ever read. =)
Whether you like Twilight or believe Stephenie Meyer is the human form of Satan, Nightlight should bring you together through humour. A must-read. (:
May 8, 2011
I wiped the chemical dust off my clothes and sat down. Without looking at Edwart, I pulled out my textbook and notepad. Then, without looking at Edwart, I looked at the board and wrote down the terms Mr. Franklin had written. I don’t think other people in my situation could do quite so many things without looking at Edwart.
When the bell rang I stole another glance at him and shrank into a deeper sense of worthlessness. He was now staring furiously up at the bell, shaking all the muscles in his fist at it, glowering at it with his dark, heated eyes and loathing lashes. He clenched his hair in exasperation, clinging to the tussled tufts as he raised his head to the ceiling. Then he slowly turned to me. Looking into his eyes I felt waves of electricity, currents of electrons charging towards me. Was this how it felt to be in love, I wondered, for robots? Caught in his ionized hypnosis, the old adage came to mind:Beautiful enough to kill, gut, stuff, and frame above your fireplace.
Belle Goose is a catastrophically clumsy, scarily narcissistic teenager who has just moved to Switchblade to live with her father, a window-wiper, since her stepfather is going on tour with his street hockey team around Phoenix, and there may be no space for Belle to live in his car.
Belle has a fascination with vampires, she believes her true love is destined to be one. When she spots the strange, lonely, barely-coherent Edwart Mullen in her new high school's cafeteria, she knows she's found her soul mate.
Nightlight is funny, mostly. From the cover to the last page, this book is one large fart joke aimed at Twilight, and you can't help but find it hilarious. However, it gets a little old after a while. This is not a very long book, but after the first fifty pages of taking digs at Meyer's masterpiece, it begins to get repetitive. This is one of the main reasons I like satires better than spoofs. At least satires have a plot and actual characters. This is like a joke book - after the first fifty jokes, you want a break.
There are some parts where the jokes are really funny, even subtle, and those made me laugh. However, you can pretty much tell from the preponderance of snot and body odor jokes that this was written by a bunch of smart-but-nerdy undergrads.
Of course the end message, about judging by appearances, about building relationships on false illusions, about learning to love a person instead of an ideal, is one that every YA author ought to take home-
"We looked at each other and laughed a little because, hey, relationships take work, and communication."
All in all, it's a quick entertaining read, but if you're expecting subtlety, class or major wit in your spoof, you're likely to be disappointed.
When the bell rang I stole another glance at him and shrank into a deeper sense of worthlessness. He was now staring furiously up at the bell, shaking all the muscles in his fist at it, glowering at it with his dark, heated eyes and loathing lashes. He clenched his hair in exasperation, clinging to the tussled tufts as he raised his head to the ceiling. Then he slowly turned to me. Looking into his eyes I felt waves of electricity, currents of electrons charging towards me. Was this how it felt to be in love, I wondered, for robots? Caught in his ionized hypnosis, the old adage came to mind:Beautiful enough to kill, gut, stuff, and frame above your fireplace.
Belle Goose is a catastrophically clumsy, scarily narcissistic teenager who has just moved to Switchblade to live with her father, a window-wiper, since her stepfather is going on tour with his street hockey team around Phoenix, and there may be no space for Belle to live in his car.
Belle has a fascination with vampires, she believes her true love is destined to be one. When she spots the strange, lonely, barely-coherent Edwart Mullen in her new high school's cafeteria, she knows she's found her soul mate.
Nightlight is funny, mostly. From the cover to the last page, this book is one large fart joke aimed at Twilight, and you can't help but find it hilarious. However, it gets a little old after a while. This is not a very long book, but after the first fifty pages of taking digs at Meyer's masterpiece, it begins to get repetitive. This is one of the main reasons I like satires better than spoofs. At least satires have a plot and actual characters. This is like a joke book - after the first fifty jokes, you want a break.
There are some parts where the jokes are really funny, even subtle, and those made me laugh. However, you can pretty much tell from the preponderance of snot and body odor jokes that this was written by a bunch of smart-but-nerdy undergrads.
Of course the end message, about judging by appearances, about building relationships on false illusions, about learning to love a person instead of an ideal, is one that every YA author ought to take home-
"We looked at each other and laughed a little because, hey, relationships take work, and communication."
All in all, it's a quick entertaining read, but if you're expecting subtlety, class or major wit in your spoof, you're likely to be disappointed.
July 3, 2020
hilarious, makes fun of Twilight every two sentences (a.k.a. the book version of me and my friends) and just outright ridiculous. was it good writing? nope. it also wasn't that interesting or captivating. but it was HELLA funny. legitimately laugh out loud material (i refuse to write LOL in a review). great fun!
January 19, 2018
A little too slapstick for my tastes and some jokes didn't make much sense to me
February 27, 2010
I love how people try to justify their bad reviews for this book by continuously stating that they do not like Twilight and that they are in fact true lovers of a parody.
I really liked this book. But anything that takes piss out of this universal tragedy is a win. Some of the reviews here stated that the parody was 'too exaggerated,' 'overly obvious' etc. but I found it to be delightfully subtle; where minor details or single words effectively pinpoint the craptastic wonder of smeyer.
There were some negatives about the parody. First was that my interest fluctuated throughout (I would be engaged one minute and then unattached the next).
Second, it simply didn't hit hard enough. It was too soft on the twihards and the rest of the population in forcing them to realise that the this supposed 'best novel of all times' has the dead (and living) writhing in their graves.
However the major con was the reader's realisation that a parody should never be better written (with a better plot and character development) than its original. Makes you lose hope for a little while...
Will stop twi bashing now. Here is a widget that perfectly shows off smeyers pointless drivel of descriptions.
"I typed in a single word: Vampre. Google asked, "Did you mean 'vampire?'" I said, "Yes."
I really liked this book. But anything that takes piss out of this universal tragedy is a win. Some of the reviews here stated that the parody was 'too exaggerated,' 'overly obvious' etc. but I found it to be delightfully subtle; where minor details or single words effectively pinpoint the craptastic wonder of smeyer.
There were some negatives about the parody. First was that my interest fluctuated throughout (I would be engaged one minute and then unattached the next).
Second, it simply didn't hit hard enough. It was too soft on the twihards and the rest of the population in forcing them to realise that the this supposed 'best novel of all times' has the dead (and living) writhing in their graves.
However the major con was the reader's realisation that a parody should never be better written (with a better plot and character development) than its original. Makes you lose hope for a little while...
Will stop twi bashing now. Here is a widget that perfectly shows off smeyers pointless drivel of descriptions.
"I typed in a single word: Vampre. Google asked, "Did you mean 'vampire?'" I said, "Yes."
September 8, 2011
By far the more popular and more widely-available Twilight parody novel on the market, Nightlight was a huge disappointment. For a book written by the Harvard Lampoon - you know, IVY LEAGUE HUMOR PEOPLE - it's painfully dumb. Painfully. Perhaps it was my mistake for expecting something, I dunnno, more from them, but I went in to Nightlight hoping for some kind of relevant, witty commentary on Twilight's failures as a book. You know, jokes about the faults of its characters, the absurdities of the storyline, or lack there of. I expected something smart. In reality, the level of humor here can be accurately surmised by the monikers the Lampoon has bestowed on its lead characters. If you think Belle Goose and Edwart Mullen are downright HILARIOUS variations of Edward and Bella's names, then you may possibly find Nightlight funny. If, however, your reaction was closer to "Really? Is that the best you could come up with? Was that like...funny to you guys?" then you'd probably be better off avoiding it.
It's a shame, too, because there were some amusing concepts and ideas presented in Nightlight that suffered terribly from skewed development. The idea is that Belle is delusional - she convinces herself that Edwart, your everyday unremarkable nerd, is a vampire because she wants him to be. Vampire boyfriends are cool, man, so she actively shoehorns him into that mold. Belle sees supernatural attributes where there clearly are none, and at points goes so far as to instruct Edwart in how to behave more like a vampire would. For example, she orders him to be more possessive and controlling of her - despite Edwart's obvious discomfort with it - because that's how vampires treat their girlfriends in the movies, hurhur. It's more a parody of the fangirl mentality than of Twilight itself, which could have worked fine, if more effort and intelligence had been put into it. Instead, aside from one or two amusing bits in the beginning re: Bella's mom, the Lampoon settles for nerd jokes and pratfalls rather than any meaningful satire.
It's mind-boggling as to why, with a series as rife for parody as Twilight, the writers chose to take the delusional fangirl schtick and run it into the ground. If it weren't for the way the book mocks Stephenie Meyer's writing style, I'd wonder if the writers had even read Twilight at all, or if they'd simply settled for gathering their material from what they'd seen on tv and heard from their girlfriends and younger sisters. We get no kind of love triangle parody at all, which is absolutely absurd to me considering how much of Twilight, as a series, is devoted to that triangle, but how could we when there's not even a Jacob-equivalent character, if you can believe that. We really get no commentary on Bella's characterization except for her clumsiness, which is played often and loudly like she's a lost member of the Three Stooges, nor do we get any real parody of the increasingly ridiculous plot points throughout the Twilight series.
Instead, at the last minute we get a random twist that involves Belle dating an actual vampire for a chapter or two, where she discovers the moral of the story: that dating an immortal asshole probably isn't all it's cracked up to be. Again, it's a nice idea, but aside from presenting said thesis in the most obvious way possible, that twist completely fizzles out and goes nowhere. Hell, even the Vampire Prom at the end - literally, a separate prom for vampires, probably the only joke that does garner a chuckle simply by existing - is wasted because they do nothing with it. It's just there. And for some reason, the authors have decided that things just being there is enough of a reason to laugh. And it's really not.
Nightlight's saving grace is its brevity. At 150 pages, it's something you can breeze through in an hour, if you really feel like sticking with it that long. Personally, I'd say don't even bother with it at all.
It's a shame, too, because there were some amusing concepts and ideas presented in Nightlight that suffered terribly from skewed development. The idea is that Belle is delusional - she convinces herself that Edwart, your everyday unremarkable nerd, is a vampire because she wants him to be. Vampire boyfriends are cool, man, so she actively shoehorns him into that mold. Belle sees supernatural attributes where there clearly are none, and at points goes so far as to instruct Edwart in how to behave more like a vampire would. For example, she orders him to be more possessive and controlling of her - despite Edwart's obvious discomfort with it - because that's how vampires treat their girlfriends in the movies, hurhur. It's more a parody of the fangirl mentality than of Twilight itself, which could have worked fine, if more effort and intelligence had been put into it. Instead, aside from one or two amusing bits in the beginning re: Bella's mom, the Lampoon settles for nerd jokes and pratfalls rather than any meaningful satire.
It's mind-boggling as to why, with a series as rife for parody as Twilight, the writers chose to take the delusional fangirl schtick and run it into the ground. If it weren't for the way the book mocks Stephenie Meyer's writing style, I'd wonder if the writers had even read Twilight at all, or if they'd simply settled for gathering their material from what they'd seen on tv and heard from their girlfriends and younger sisters. We get no kind of love triangle parody at all, which is absolutely absurd to me considering how much of Twilight, as a series, is devoted to that triangle, but how could we when there's not even a Jacob-equivalent character, if you can believe that. We really get no commentary on Bella's characterization except for her clumsiness, which is played often and loudly like she's a lost member of the Three Stooges, nor do we get any real parody of the increasingly ridiculous plot points throughout the Twilight series.
Instead, at the last minute we get a random twist that involves Belle dating an actual vampire for a chapter or two, where she discovers the moral of the story: that dating an immortal asshole probably isn't all it's cracked up to be. Again, it's a nice idea, but aside from presenting said thesis in the most obvious way possible, that twist completely fizzles out and goes nowhere. Hell, even the Vampire Prom at the end - literally, a separate prom for vampires, probably the only joke that does garner a chuckle simply by existing - is wasted because they do nothing with it. It's just there. And for some reason, the authors have decided that things just being there is enough of a reason to laugh. And it's really not.
Nightlight's saving grace is its brevity. At 150 pages, it's something you can breeze through in an hour, if you really feel like sticking with it that long. Personally, I'd say don't even bother with it at all.
December 29, 2010
This was a Christmas gift from my brother. He bought it for me because he “couldn’t remember which of those Twilight books you had already.” So sweet. And it’s a fitting gift from someone who only watches comedy and whose favorite TV show is “SNL.”
Nightlight is a parody—you guessed it— of the first book in the Twilight series. It stars Belle Goose, who wants to be ‘turned’ and convinces herself that Edwart Mullen is actually a vampire who is thirsting for her blood and refuses to believe him when he tells her that he’s just a shy computer nerd/storm chaser/android builder. Misunderstandings and ridiculously narcissistic, strangely observant dialogue ensue. When Belle meets a real vampire, she must decide if the lifestyle is everything she’s fantasized it to be. (Twi-hards everywhere, take note: Belle Goose is a representation of you.)
Some of my favorite moments:
“Belle,” he said. “It’s time to go.”
“Already?”
“It’s been five hours. We’ve been lying on the grass staring at each other for five hours. Please…I really need to get home.”
--
It seemed out of place, coming from a girl in a sleeveless, lacy top and bell-bottom jeans (stars on the back pockets). But I was that kind of girl—out of place. Then I shifted from that place on the dashboard to a normal position in the seat. Much better.
--
I typed in a single word: Vampre. Google asked, “Did you mean ‘vampire?’” I said, “yes.”
--
“So, Belle, what’s new today?”
“Dad,” I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. “I’m in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world.”
“Gosh, Belle. When someone asks you, ‘What’s new?’ the correct answer is, ‘not much.’”
This book was at its best when it directly satirized Twilight; the comedy got a little too Eggbert when it went on its own tangents. Need less to say, it would probably be most entertaining to those who have already read Stephenie Meyer’s series. It was dorky and stupid and really great fun. A quick, hilarious read. (Thank you again, S!)
Nightlight is a parody—you guessed it— of the first book in the Twilight series. It stars Belle Goose, who wants to be ‘turned’ and convinces herself that Edwart Mullen is actually a vampire who is thirsting for her blood and refuses to believe him when he tells her that he’s just a shy computer nerd/storm chaser/android builder. Misunderstandings and ridiculously narcissistic, strangely observant dialogue ensue. When Belle meets a real vampire, she must decide if the lifestyle is everything she’s fantasized it to be. (Twi-hards everywhere, take note: Belle Goose is a representation of you.)
Some of my favorite moments:
“Belle,” he said. “It’s time to go.”
“Already?”
“It’s been five hours. We’ve been lying on the grass staring at each other for five hours. Please…I really need to get home.”
--
It seemed out of place, coming from a girl in a sleeveless, lacy top and bell-bottom jeans (stars on the back pockets). But I was that kind of girl—out of place. Then I shifted from that place on the dashboard to a normal position in the seat. Much better.
--
I typed in a single word: Vampre. Google asked, “Did you mean ‘vampire?’” I said, “yes.”
--
“So, Belle, what’s new today?”
“Dad,” I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. “I’m in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world.”
“Gosh, Belle. When someone asks you, ‘What’s new?’ the correct answer is, ‘not much.’”
This book was at its best when it directly satirized Twilight; the comedy got a little too Eggbert when it went on its own tangents. Need less to say, it would probably be most entertaining to those who have already read Stephenie Meyer’s series. It was dorky and stupid and really great fun. A quick, hilarious read. (Thank you again, S!)
February 2, 2011
This book was probably written by a bunch of drunk Lampoon employees at 2am. Then again, the book it's parodying reads like it was written in about 45 minutes by an unpopular 16-year-old girl who is dying to be part of the 'cool' crowd, so I suppose the authors got it bang-on with Nightlight.
The reviews here panning this book make me laugh. Well, Twitheads in general make me laugh. Anyway, this book is suppose to be bad. It's suppose to make you groan and roll your eyes as you read it. You know why? Because Twilight is bad. It's very, very bad. It's poorly written (does the term 'thesaurus rapist' mean anything to you?), it's poorly plotted, and worst of all, it's rife with misogynistic innuendo. It's basically a how-to guide for creating and maintaining an abusive and co-dependent relationship in adolescence.
Nightlight has hit the nail right on the head. Or driven the stake right through the heart. Oh, wait, I forgot! Vampires don't die from that anymore.
The reviews here panning this book make me laugh. Well, Twitheads in general make me laugh. Anyway, this book is suppose to be bad. It's suppose to make you groan and roll your eyes as you read it. You know why? Because Twilight is bad. It's very, very bad. It's poorly written (does the term 'thesaurus rapist' mean anything to you?), it's poorly plotted, and worst of all, it's rife with misogynistic innuendo. It's basically a how-to guide for creating and maintaining an abusive and co-dependent relationship in adolescence.
Nightlight has hit the nail right on the head. Or driven the stake right through the heart. Oh, wait, I forgot! Vampires don't die from that anymore.
April 19, 2022
78% of the people who read this book have no idea what a parody is.
Parody is about the original work’s qualities. Good AND bad. Especially bad.
If you hated Twilight, you HAVE TO come here and read this masterpiece. If you liked Twilight (promise I’m not judging), you’ll still like this book. Unlike the twilight fans from 2009 with their boiling fury that might just bite your ankle any moment.
The writing is immaculate, it shows Meyer’s incompetent and bland writing, with the perfect drop of mocking humour undertones. The characters are also all perfectly portrayed, just as the storyline, POV and themes are.
Soo besties, if you’re still not convinced, here are some HILARIOUS quotes because i highlighted almost every single paragraph.
“Bill nodded. He was my new stepdad and the only other person available to take care of her while I was gone. I can’t say I trusted him, but he was cheaper than a sitter.”
“You don’t have to go, Belle,” said Bill. “Sure, my street-hockey team is going on tour, but only around the neighborhood. There’s plenty of space in the car for you, your mom and me to live.”
“Twenty-seven years of being the only window-wiper in Switchblade had forced him (Charlie) to distance himself from others by at least a windowpane.”
“When I saw him waiting for me outside the terminal, I walked towards him shyly, tripping over a toddler and soaring into a keychain display. Embarrassed, I straightened up and fell down the escalator, somersaulting over the roller luggage inconsiderately placed on the left side. I get my lack of coordination from my dad, who always used to push me down when I was learning how to walk.”
“Charlie: ‘You’ve grown so big—I didn’t recognize you without the umbilical cord, I suppose.’”
“I ran ahead to my room. It looked familiar. Four walls and a ceiling, just like my old room in Phoenix!”
“I knew what they must say about me: “Belle Goose: queen, warrior, chapter-book reader.”
“He made small talk on the way about how he was abandoned as a child and will only rest easy once he is avenged.”
“She reminded me of a squirrel I hung out with in Phoenix.
‘I’m Belle.’
‘I know. We’ve introduced ourselves already. Like, four times.’
‘Oh, sorry. I have a hard time remembering things that won’t be useful to me later.’
She told me her name again. Lululu? Zagraziea? It was one of those forgettable names.”
“He stared intently at the screen, narrowing his eyes into slits and concentrating those slits on the screen as if the only thing that mattered to him was physically dominating that screen. He was muscular, like a man who could pin you up against the wall as easily as a poster, yet lean, like a man who would rather cradle you in his arms. He had reddish, blonde-brown hair that was groomed heterosexually. He looked older than the other boys in the room—maybe not as old as God or my father, but certainly a viable replacement. Imagine if you took every woman’s idea of a hot guy and averaged it out into one man.
This was that man.”
“I smirked inwardly and snorted outwardly, tucking the soda-mucous that flew out into my pocket.”
“Without looking at Edwart, I pulled out my textbook and notepad. Then, without looking at Edwart, I looked at the board and wrote down the terms Mr. Franklin had written. I don’t think other people in my situation could do quite so many things without looking at Edwart.”
“We all had gym next, but I needed my wheelchair. I have a condition which makes my legs become paralyzed every time I think about gyms.”
Yeah no this is only from the first 20 pages of the book. I didn’t even include all my highlights…
Parody is about the original work’s qualities. Good AND bad. Especially bad.
If you hated Twilight, you HAVE TO come here and read this masterpiece. If you liked Twilight (promise I’m not judging), you’ll still like this book. Unlike the twilight fans from 2009 with their boiling fury that might just bite your ankle any moment.
The writing is immaculate, it shows Meyer’s incompetent and bland writing, with the perfect drop of mocking humour undertones. The characters are also all perfectly portrayed, just as the storyline, POV and themes are.
Soo besties, if you’re still not convinced, here are some HILARIOUS quotes because i highlighted almost every single paragraph.
“Bill nodded. He was my new stepdad and the only other person available to take care of her while I was gone. I can’t say I trusted him, but he was cheaper than a sitter.”
“You don’t have to go, Belle,” said Bill. “Sure, my street-hockey team is going on tour, but only around the neighborhood. There’s plenty of space in the car for you, your mom and me to live.”
“Twenty-seven years of being the only window-wiper in Switchblade had forced him (Charlie) to distance himself from others by at least a windowpane.”
“When I saw him waiting for me outside the terminal, I walked towards him shyly, tripping over a toddler and soaring into a keychain display. Embarrassed, I straightened up and fell down the escalator, somersaulting over the roller luggage inconsiderately placed on the left side. I get my lack of coordination from my dad, who always used to push me down when I was learning how to walk.”
“Charlie: ‘You’ve grown so big—I didn’t recognize you without the umbilical cord, I suppose.’”
“I ran ahead to my room. It looked familiar. Four walls and a ceiling, just like my old room in Phoenix!”
“I knew what they must say about me: “Belle Goose: queen, warrior, chapter-book reader.”
“He made small talk on the way about how he was abandoned as a child and will only rest easy once he is avenged.”
“She reminded me of a squirrel I hung out with in Phoenix.
‘I’m Belle.’
‘I know. We’ve introduced ourselves already. Like, four times.’
‘Oh, sorry. I have a hard time remembering things that won’t be useful to me later.’
She told me her name again. Lululu? Zagraziea? It was one of those forgettable names.”
“He stared intently at the screen, narrowing his eyes into slits and concentrating those slits on the screen as if the only thing that mattered to him was physically dominating that screen. He was muscular, like a man who could pin you up against the wall as easily as a poster, yet lean, like a man who would rather cradle you in his arms. He had reddish, blonde-brown hair that was groomed heterosexually. He looked older than the other boys in the room—maybe not as old as God or my father, but certainly a viable replacement. Imagine if you took every woman’s idea of a hot guy and averaged it out into one man.
This was that man.”
“I smirked inwardly and snorted outwardly, tucking the soda-mucous that flew out into my pocket.”
“Without looking at Edwart, I pulled out my textbook and notepad. Then, without looking at Edwart, I looked at the board and wrote down the terms Mr. Franklin had written. I don’t think other people in my situation could do quite so many things without looking at Edwart.”
“We all had gym next, but I needed my wheelchair. I have a condition which makes my legs become paralyzed every time I think about gyms.”
Yeah no this is only from the first 20 pages of the book. I didn’t even include all my highlights…
June 11, 2011
It was bad and hilarious.
Here a few examples:
1. "I typed in a single word: Vampre. Google asked , "Did you mean "vampire"?" I said "yes"."
2. "About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soulmate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him (which I assumed was wildly out of his control) that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, whished he had kissed me."
3. "I should have known he wasn't a vampire. He failed to meet the three telltale criteria for vampirism: speaking in an old-timey way, being pompous, and having sparkly skin."
I had to laugh out loud a few times but still, the original "work" is Twilight so there is no way this could get more stars from me.
Here a few examples:
1. "I typed in a single word: Vampre. Google asked , "Did you mean "vampire"?" I said "yes"."
2. "About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soulmate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him (which I assumed was wildly out of his control) that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, whished he had kissed me."
3. "I should have known he wasn't a vampire. He failed to meet the three telltale criteria for vampirism: speaking in an old-timey way, being pompous, and having sparkly skin."
I had to laugh out loud a few times but still, the original "work" is Twilight so there is no way this could get more stars from me.
March 14, 2022
Aşırı saçmaydı, ama çok fazla güldüğüm yer oldu.
June 21, 2010
Now this book had me in laughing fits!
"About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe.
Second, there was a vampire part of him-- which I assumed was wildly out of his control--that wanted me dead.
And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me."
I picked up this book looking for a great laugh and boy did I get it. We meet Belle Goose, who leaves her mother and her new stepdad Bill to move to Switchblade,Oregon with her father Jim. Who by was is a window-wiper. LOL. She goes to school and meets Edwart Mullen who is completely oblivious to Belle. He doesn't even like her. Belle falls a lot and into big things. She drives a U-HAUL truck to school taking up two parking spaces! I totally want to say more but I am afraid I will ruined it for those who want to read it. This book is a great read. It kept me laughing all day. My favorite part was when Belle added information to the wiki search she did on vampires:
"Then I thought, why don't I share my knowledge with the world? I sat back down at the computer and went to the vampire Wikipedia page. I added a sentence to the article: "Edwart Mullen of Switchblade, Oregon, is a vampire, but don't kill him because I love him!" Then I added a picture of Edwart's abs."
LOL! Seriously?
Also it's a small book. It didn't take me more than an hour to read. As I did chores throughout the house, I kept thinking about what happen in the book and I would crack up. At one point, my husband found me laughing over the kitchen sink doing dishes and asked me "whats so funny" and I couldn't tell him because I couldn't breathe! He just shook his head at me and walked away. If your a fan of the Twilight series, this is a book you will enjoy.
"About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe.
Second, there was a vampire part of him-- which I assumed was wildly out of his control--that wanted me dead.
And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me."
I picked up this book looking for a great laugh and boy did I get it. We meet Belle Goose, who leaves her mother and her new stepdad Bill to move to Switchblade,Oregon with her father Jim. Who by was is a window-wiper. LOL. She goes to school and meets Edwart Mullen who is completely oblivious to Belle. He doesn't even like her. Belle falls a lot and into big things. She drives a U-HAUL truck to school taking up two parking spaces! I totally want to say more but I am afraid I will ruined it for those who want to read it. This book is a great read. It kept me laughing all day. My favorite part was when Belle added information to the wiki search she did on vampires:
"Then I thought, why don't I share my knowledge with the world? I sat back down at the computer and went to the vampire Wikipedia page. I added a sentence to the article: "Edwart Mullen of Switchblade, Oregon, is a vampire, but don't kill him because I love him!" Then I added a picture of Edwart's abs."
LOL! Seriously?
Also it's a small book. It didn't take me more than an hour to read. As I did chores throughout the house, I kept thinking about what happen in the book and I would crack up. At one point, my husband found me laughing over the kitchen sink doing dishes and asked me "whats so funny" and I couldn't tell him because I couldn't breathe! He just shook his head at me and walked away. If your a fan of the Twilight series, this is a book you will enjoy.
December 19, 2009
If you are a true "Twilight Saga" fan, then this book you will definitely add to your personal bookshelf.
Pros: With my weird sense of humor, I found this book to be absolutely comical. I laughed practically every other line, due to it's non-sensical-ness of the whole thing. This book displays some pretty funny truths of the "Twilight Saga", and in such a manner you can't do anything but agree. Fortunately, there IS some character development later in the book, and in the last chapter or so it breaks away from the "Twilight" plot to come to it's own conclusion. This book also references other books, which I also found to be pretty humorous (maybe [HOPEFULLY:] they will add more parodies of this saga in the future?).
Cons: As some reviewers have pointed out, this book can seem repetitive in it's writing style. Also, if you REALLY don't know the series (A.K.A you've only read through the series once, or you've only seen the movies), then this book will be downright confusing, weird, and not funny at all. Also, it's humor style is VERY random and different, so unless you can laugh at little things, it won't seem very funny at all.
Judgement: If you have a "laugh-at-everything" sense of humor, are reading this book for pure enjoyment, and LOVE the Twilight Saga for what it really is (no, not the fangirl kind of love), then you will absolutely enjoy this book. 4/5 stars!
Pros: With my weird sense of humor, I found this book to be absolutely comical. I laughed practically every other line, due to it's non-sensical-ness of the whole thing. This book displays some pretty funny truths of the "Twilight Saga", and in such a manner you can't do anything but agree. Fortunately, there IS some character development later in the book, and in the last chapter or so it breaks away from the "Twilight" plot to come to it's own conclusion. This book also references other books, which I also found to be pretty humorous (maybe [HOPEFULLY:] they will add more parodies of this saga in the future?).
Cons: As some reviewers have pointed out, this book can seem repetitive in it's writing style. Also, if you REALLY don't know the series (A.K.A you've only read through the series once, or you've only seen the movies), then this book will be downright confusing, weird, and not funny at all. Also, it's humor style is VERY random and different, so unless you can laugh at little things, it won't seem very funny at all.
Judgement: If you have a "laugh-at-everything" sense of humor, are reading this book for pure enjoyment, and LOVE the Twilight Saga for what it really is (no, not the fangirl kind of love), then you will absolutely enjoy this book. 4/5 stars!
September 11, 2022
He creado un nuevo estante para este libro, su nombre es: abominación.
No soy fan de Twilight ni de Stephenie Meyer, pero este libro es de un mal gusto exagerado. La sátira debe hacerse a partir del conocimiento, de forma sutil —a pesar de la exageración que requiere el género— y bastante pensado. Es un ejercicio que requiere no solo conocimiento, sino la sabiduría suficiente para saber en qué momento se hace un señalamiento. Es un ejercicio intelectual, por muy pretencioso que algo así pueda sonar y que claramente, este libro no tiene.
Soez, una burla que no tiene ni pies ni cabeza y que está ahí solo para hacer mofa de Meyer, de las lectoras de Twilight y de toda niña adolescente que le gusta identificarse con un libro o género, algo que lejos de resultar como gratificante, llega al punto grotesco. Por esa razón, también lo agrego al estante de misógino, porque no aporta nada que no sea la burla hacia las jovencitas que en algún momento se sintieron por demás interesadas en el género vampírico, algo que no, no está bien. Te puede o no te puede gustar la literatura de Meyer y eso no da derecho a burlarte de sus lectores.
No hay comedia en este libro, solo un montón de comentarios exagerados que buscan causar algún tipo de reacción en el lector y que en su necesidad por sonar sí, graciosos, solo llegan a causar cringe. Busqué un poco acerca de quienes lo publican y no me sorprendió mucho encontrarme con su origen: este libro tiene el humor de la "bola en la ingle", es decir, nada; pero no sorprende tomando en cuenta su origen, si acaso, lo que resulta extraño es que no tenga el más mínimo sentido ni siquiera dentro de su propia construcción.
Con una narrativa bastante aburrida que va empeorando con cada capítulo, me durmió. No, no es exageración: ME DURMIÓ. Terminarlo fue todo un suplicio porque lo que pude hacer en dos horas me costó cuatro con los constantes coyotitos que me eché a causa de su falta de coherencia remarcable.
Esperaba una sátira más elegante de parte de un grupo llamado The Harvard Lampoon, pero vamos, que me equivoqué, aquí de sátira no hay nada. Me pareció completamente abominable y lo único que puedo hacer es alegrarme porque al fin haya terminado.
Le pongo una sola estrella porque literalmente no hay calificación más baja, pero no, no merece ni siquiera una porque es de las peores cosas que he leído, no solo en el año, sino en toda mi vida. Casi que hasta prefiero leer la poesía de algún autonombrado poeta en Facebook, en comparación.
Mi consejo: No lean esta novela. La única gracia que encontrarán son los malabares que hagan para evitar quedarse dormidos a mitad de su narrativa.
November 30, 2014
Kick ass to the extreme! The Twilight "saga" sucks...and here's proof!
By far, this parody was the single most comical, entertaining novella I've read in ages. In addition to the fact that it was written by the Harvard Lampoon, and is thus a tiny bit of demonstrative proof that smart people realize Meyer's Twilight book series is wretched literature, the comedy was very well done. Every negative aspect to the original series was addressed; the plot holes the size of China, the vomit inducing emotional hyperbole, the transparently awful character creations, the lack of a cohesive, believable storyline, the plethora of grammatical errors, the overt evisceration of vampire lore, the death of originality...I could continue, but for the sake of wrapping up this run-on sentence, I'll refrain.
Overall, Nightlight delivered a resounding triumph in giving me, the reader and avid Twilight hater, exactly what I wanted. I couldn't have asked for a better piece of humorous fiction even if I had it special ordered!
By far, this parody was the single most comical, entertaining novella I've read in ages. In addition to the fact that it was written by the Harvard Lampoon, and is thus a tiny bit of demonstrative proof that smart people realize Meyer's Twilight book series is wretched literature, the comedy was very well done. Every negative aspect to the original series was addressed; the plot holes the size of China, the vomit inducing emotional hyperbole, the transparently awful character creations, the lack of a cohesive, believable storyline, the plethora of grammatical errors, the overt evisceration of vampire lore, the death of originality...I could continue, but for the sake of wrapping up this run-on sentence, I'll refrain.
Overall, Nightlight delivered a resounding triumph in giving me, the reader and avid Twilight hater, exactly what I wanted. I couldn't have asked for a better piece of humorous fiction even if I had it special ordered!
November 29, 2009
"You seem exhausted," Edwart said as we got in in the car.
"Yeah, I couldn't sleep that well last night."
"Neither could I," he said as we sped off.
"Yeah, those night leeches are becoming a major concern, aren't they."
"Oh, Belle," he laughed softly, "When you talk like that, I become afraid, and if you continue to do so, I will feel compelled to tell the authorities." His laugh was like the jingle of a thousand many sirens.
It's around this moment (60 pages in) that Nightlight first made me laugh, and only because I realised this is possibly the STUPIDEST book I have EVER read. I did learn some valuable life lessons though. E.g. If a guy gnashes his teeth and knits his brows together in a broody, furious expression at you, it means he has found his soulmate.
Good to know.
"Yeah, I couldn't sleep that well last night."
"Neither could I," he said as we sped off.
"Yeah, those night leeches are becoming a major concern, aren't they."
"Oh, Belle," he laughed softly, "When you talk like that, I become afraid, and if you continue to do so, I will feel compelled to tell the authorities." His laugh was like the jingle of a thousand many sirens.
It's around this moment (60 pages in) that Nightlight first made me laugh, and only because I realised this is possibly the STUPIDEST book I have EVER read. I did learn some valuable life lessons though. E.g. If a guy gnashes his teeth and knits his brows together in a broody, furious expression at you, it means he has found his soulmate.
Good to know.
April 20, 2012
Humm.... this parody has the distinct flavour of one who was trying too hard. I found myself giggling at a rare moment of accidental humor, but the rest of the way was pretty hard going. Honestly, I think the authors sacrificed all attempts at coherence and plot for bizzare and often nonsensical gags. Edwart was probably the cutest character, with his nervous, geeky attempts at fulfilling Belle's yearning for a domineering 'dangerous' boyfriend. He honestly tried so hard... Which inevitably led me to hating Belle. She was self-centred, deluded and incredibly annoying.
What can I say? This 'parody' fell a bit flat except for the adorable, hilarious and oh so tragic character of dear Edwart. If they had just simplified and stuck with the idea of a girl who is addicted to the twilight series deciding that a boy in her class is a vampire, based on the 'obvious' signs, and then pursuing him relentlessly - and him trying so hard to please her because a girl has never been interested in him before... it would have been perfect. Get rid of all the try-hard humor that doesn't stick and parody the readers themselves. Who wouldn't want to read about a twilight-addicted school girl who thinks the class nerd is a vampire?
What can I say? This 'parody' fell a bit flat except for the adorable, hilarious and oh so tragic character of dear Edwart. If they had just simplified and stuck with the idea of a girl who is addicted to the twilight series deciding that a boy in her class is a vampire, based on the 'obvious' signs, and then pursuing him relentlessly - and him trying so hard to please her because a girl has never been interested in him before... it would have been perfect. Get rid of all the try-hard humor that doesn't stick and parody the readers themselves. Who wouldn't want to read about a twilight-addicted school girl who thinks the class nerd is a vampire?
February 8, 2010
Shouldn't parodies be funny?
I mean it is like a group of preteen girls got together and made a mad libs version of twilight. I guess I expected a little more humor, and less, let's just change stationary objects in the story and names, and a little of the plot----now we've made fun of twilight.
Not very funny, but rather stupid, I suppose if you are fan of the series, or not and would like to read crap about it, than you could read this book. Honestly I feel like it would be a huge waste of your time and your eyesight, and if you really want to laugh, you won't get it here! If I could have chosen no stars, that would be great!
I mean it is like a group of preteen girls got together and made a mad libs version of twilight. I guess I expected a little more humor, and less, let's just change stationary objects in the story and names, and a little of the plot----now we've made fun of twilight.
Not very funny, but rather stupid, I suppose if you are fan of the series, or not and would like to read crap about it, than you could read this book. Honestly I feel like it would be a huge waste of your time and your eyesight, and if you really want to laugh, you won't get it here! If I could have chosen no stars, that would be great!
December 9, 2020
So obscurely funny. It just made all the jokes about twilight that I had thought and then exaggerated them and it was very enjoyable. I think this would be a good book for twilight fans (as long as they can handle the saga being made fun of 😂) and haters. There were many times where I would just chuckle at the weirdness and others where it was genuinely funny. Really enjoyed it!
July 14, 2018
there's "parody" and then there's "a waste of paper." i'd rather take twilight over this and i HATE twilight. give us something so we know you put in even a little effort in. i didn’t laugh once & im really fucking disappointed you guys
December 14, 2016
My gods . . . what can I even say about this book?!?
November 25, 2009
*giggles*
This is the tale of Belle Goose, a clumsy, self-important, day-dreaming girl from Arizona who moves to Switchblade, Oregon and falls for a brooding loner named Edwart Mullen. A vampire. Or is he?!
There were several times that this book made me laugh out loud. The endless description of how clumsy Belle is. The extremely negligent parenting. But her inner-monologue was my favorite. She constantly assumed that every boy wanted her, that everyone was talking about her or wanting to be her or wishing she would talk to them. The self-centeredness was, ok not a spot-on parody, but it certainly made me snicker & nod my head & think, "see how ridiculous you are Bella?" (Yes, Bella not Belle!)
Here's my absolute favorite paragraph of the book, which illustrates probably my most hated moment from Twilight...or New Moon or whichever one it was from. It also captures the underlying theme of "I'm nothing without my man" that irked me so terribly about the whole series!
"...isn't it a little soon to cut yourself off from the rest of your peers, depending on a boyfriend to satisfy your social needs as opposed to making friends? Imagine what would happen if something forced that boy to leave! I'm imagining pages and pages would happen - with nothing but the names of the month on them."
It's comforting to know that Belle, for all her wackiness, makes the right choice in the end. :)
This is the tale of Belle Goose, a clumsy, self-important, day-dreaming girl from Arizona who moves to Switchblade, Oregon and falls for a brooding loner named Edwart Mullen. A vampire. Or is he?!
There were several times that this book made me laugh out loud. The endless description of how clumsy Belle is. The extremely negligent parenting. But her inner-monologue was my favorite. She constantly assumed that every boy wanted her, that everyone was talking about her or wanting to be her or wishing she would talk to them. The self-centeredness was, ok not a spot-on parody, but it certainly made me snicker & nod my head & think, "see how ridiculous you are Bella?" (Yes, Bella not Belle!)
Here's my absolute favorite paragraph of the book, which illustrates probably my most hated moment from Twilight...or New Moon or whichever one it was from. It also captures the underlying theme of "I'm nothing without my man" that irked me so terribly about the whole series!
"...isn't it a little soon to cut yourself off from the rest of your peers, depending on a boyfriend to satisfy your social needs as opposed to making friends? Imagine what would happen if something forced that boy to leave! I'm imagining pages and pages would happen - with nothing but the names of the month on them."
It's comforting to know that Belle, for all her wackiness, makes the right choice in the end. :)
May 23, 2022
3/5, Still a better story than twilight. On a serious note, this was mediocre humor with some good hits but a lot of miss.
Ok, but I’m actually serious when I say that this is a better story than twilight. For once, characters have more depth and personality, and surprisingly, also a decent character development (which I didn’t expect in a satire)
I personally believe that satire is the easiest form of humor, but good satire require some clever jokes which is subtle enough with a punchline that takes you by surprise. This book…is mediocre in it.
A lot of its jokes are a bit too on the nose which largely depends on how ridiculous the situation or the characters are. However, it does have some clever jokes and nice references.
Also, while its plot is a bit boring and too out of place, surprisingly the characters are actually decent. I liked reading about both belle and edwart, they do develop pretty nicely . Also I didn’t expect much in romance but it was kinda cute ?
Overall, a mediocre satire which is fine for a good chuckle here and there but not really something I would recommend.
Ok, but I’m actually serious when I say that this is a better story than twilight. For once, characters have more depth and personality, and surprisingly, also a decent character development (which I didn’t expect in a satire)
I personally believe that satire is the easiest form of humor, but good satire require some clever jokes which is subtle enough with a punchline that takes you by surprise. This book…is mediocre in it.
A lot of its jokes are a bit too on the nose which largely depends on how ridiculous the situation or the characters are. However, it does have some clever jokes and nice references.
Also, while its plot is a bit boring and too out of place, surprisingly the characters are actually decent. I liked reading about both belle and edwart, they do develop pretty nicely . Also I didn’t expect much in romance but it was kinda cute ?
Overall, a mediocre satire which is fine for a good chuckle here and there but not really something I would recommend.
February 9, 2011
To all you Twilight-haters out there, get ready for the best parody since "Epic Movie."
When Belle Goose moves to Switchblade, Oregon, she only expects one thing: to fall in love with a vampire and have him turn her into his immortal bride. So it's no surprise that, on her first day of school, she automatically suspects nonother than a Mr. Edwart Mullen to be her perfect match. After several incidents where Belle supposedly "roleplays," she finally realizes that he is not indeed a vampire... With the help of a REAL vampire named Josh. But after a distater of a prom, she realizes that she will only ever love Edwart. The book ends with them somewhat kissing, and leaving all Twihards sobbing into their hands.
Me, on the other hand, laughed my butt off through the whole thing. I thought that it was well-written for a comedy, and had basically the same plotline Twilight. To me and my friends, we believed it was entirely the same (But more funny.) than Twilight. (Remember, this book is about 150 pages. Twilight is almost 500.) I believe that those geeks at Harvard finally did good in this world, and managed to create the best Twilight parody other than "Vampires Suck." My suggestion: Read it before 2012.
When Belle Goose moves to Switchblade, Oregon, she only expects one thing: to fall in love with a vampire and have him turn her into his immortal bride. So it's no surprise that, on her first day of school, she automatically suspects nonother than a Mr. Edwart Mullen to be her perfect match. After several incidents where Belle supposedly "roleplays," she finally realizes that he is not indeed a vampire... With the help of a REAL vampire named Josh. But after a distater of a prom, she realizes that she will only ever love Edwart. The book ends with them somewhat kissing, and leaving all Twihards sobbing into their hands.
Me, on the other hand, laughed my butt off through the whole thing. I thought that it was well-written for a comedy, and had basically the same plotline Twilight. To me and my friends, we believed it was entirely the same (But more funny.) than Twilight. (Remember, this book is about 150 pages. Twilight is almost 500.) I believe that those geeks at Harvard finally did good in this world, and managed to create the best Twilight parody other than "Vampires Suck." My suggestion: Read it before 2012.
December 22, 2009
So, a Twilight parody? Should be funny, right? And it was funny...just not as funny as I thought it would be. A good parody is supposed to be ridiculous, and this certainly was, but at times I just didn't get the stupidity. Still, worth reading if you are a Twilight fan who is willing to laugh a little at the series.
Some of my favorite quotes:
"About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him -- which I assumed was wildly out of his control -- that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he has kissed me."
"I imagined what I would be like after the transformation took place. I could probably wear leggings as pants every day, and no one would say anything because they would be afraid I'd bite them."
"I should have known he wasn't a vampire. He failed to meet the three telltale criteria for vampirism: speaking in an old-timey way, being pompous, and having sparkly skin."
Some of my favorite quotes:
"About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him -- which I assumed was wildly out of his control -- that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he has kissed me."
"I imagined what I would be like after the transformation took place. I could probably wear leggings as pants every day, and no one would say anything because they would be afraid I'd bite them."
"I should have known he wasn't a vampire. He failed to meet the three telltale criteria for vampirism: speaking in an old-timey way, being pompous, and having sparkly skin."
January 31, 2019
Oh.
My.
Goodness.
If Junie B. Jones ever got interested in vampires, the result would be Nightlight. There were parts of this book that made me want to laugh really hard. Other parts that made me want to groan. And hey! it even had a cute message thrown in at the end.
I'm not sure where to begin with this one. It was terribly funny at parts. It makes fun of Twilight ruthlessly without ever directly saying so. I would say it takes at least having read the first Twilight book to fully appreciate the humor, though.
Overall? I hafta say, I was amused. Not neccesarily appreciative, but it was funny.
My.
Goodness.
If Junie B. Jones ever got interested in vampires, the result would be Nightlight. There were parts of this book that made me want to laugh really hard. Other parts that made me want to groan. And hey! it even had a cute message thrown in at the end.
I'm not sure where to begin with this one. It was terribly funny at parts. It makes fun of Twilight ruthlessly without ever directly saying so. I would say it takes at least having read the first Twilight book to fully appreciate the humor, though.
Overall? I hafta say, I was amused. Not neccesarily appreciative, but it was funny.
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