Spin the Dawn

“I wanted to reach unto my trunk and rip Lady Sarnai’s dresses to shreds. They were the cause of everything- if I hadn’t gone on this journey to make them, none of this would have happened.”

“Lady Sarnai’s damned dresses. They were the reasons everything had gone wrong”

“War comes at a great cost,” Lady Sarnai said, “and from that sacrifice comes peace. Sometimes we must let go of what we value for the future of our country. Be it a beautiful fan, or our honor, or our lives. In the end, we all belong to the gods anyway.”

“People will see what they want to see.”

“You are meant for more, Maia.”
I turned away. “How can I be? I’m not a man.”

“Some journeys have ends, but not this one. This one will change you. Irrevocably.”

While Mulan Maia sits worriedly at her loom, one male master from each tailor family chosen by the emperor is called to serve in the army to defend China from Rouran invaders compete in the contest for being the court tailor that would please the empress-to-be, Lady Sarnai, daughter of the enemy, the traitor shansen, to stop the Five Winters’ War.

Her father is old and weak, and her younger brother is just a child who can’t weild a blade maimed after the war and can't wield a needle, so she decides to take his place and bids farewell to her parents, who supports her. She is already skilled in fighting sewing, having been taught since she was a child.

After 12 years of fighting competing against 12 tailors, the army returns the competition ends and the warriors are rewarded the winner is rewarded the title, but also given a new task, which she completes. Mulan Maia turns down does not turn down the official post and, by the order of the emperor, dons her old clothes the dress she made and meets her comrades the court members, who are shocked that they did not realize she was a woman. Then, Mulan Maia asks only for a camel is given a carpet to carry her home and is greeted with joy by her family.

[Climbing] isn’t so different from sewing, I said to myself. Pretend you’re a needle stitching up the mountain, trying to find the way to make a perfect seam. One wrong stitch, and the fabric of the mountain will be torn.

“To the West, I am known as His Most Illustrious; to the East, I am His Most Illuminating; and in every other corner of the world, I am His Most Formidable.”

“It is an illusion to assume we choose whom we love. I cannot change how I feel about you. I would move the sun and the moon if it meant being with you.”

#1 Spin the Dawn — 3.75 Stars
#2 Unravel the Dusk — 2 Stars

I knew then we were like two pieces of cloth, sewn together for life. Our stitches couldn’t be undone. I wouldn’t let them.

He broke his promise to me. At first I thought it was because the war and magic had blackened his heart, but that is just the way of men. For what is a promise if it’s made to a women?

The humming in my head was louder now. I looked down, feeling a strange trembling at my side. At first I thought it came from my scissors, but that was impossible, so I ignored it.

Then they started glowing.

I grasped them to snip a loose thread and found that I was unable to put them down. Suddenly, in my mind's eye I could see the shawl, completed - just as I had sketched it. But there was no way I could accomplish it in the hours remaining.

But you can, a voice assured me. My voice, but more confident somehow.

[. . .]

Impossible as it appeared, the scissors not only cut but embroidered. The thin silver blades split and gathered my threads and flosses to dance through the silk, embroidering intiricate flowers and birds, trees, and mountains with precision and elegance.

With magic.*

“I want you to know that some journeys have ends, but not this one. This one will change you. Irrevocably."
"Don't all journeys change you?"
"It isn't the same." He leaned forward. "I, too, once journeyed beyond the stars."
"What did you find?"
His voice turned lethally soft. "That it's just the beginning.”

➼ “ but i would give up the sun and moon and stars if it meant saving him. him—the boy with no name and yet a thousand names. the boy whose hands are stained with the blood of stars. the boy i love. ”

➼ “ my homecoming was not the end of my story. but a new and terrible beginning. ”

➼ “ the war had taken much from us. too much. i’d thought i’d hardened my heart enough after finlei’s death, then after sendo’s—to be strong for baba’s sake. but a part of me cracked that day keton returned. ” ── the burden she has to carry makes me ache every time. she has been through sm and deserves everything possible.

➼ “ i’m tired of being told i’m not worthy. ”

➼ “ why?” i spat. “are you afraid you might lose to a woman? ”

➼ “ one day, we’ll sail the seas, you and i. and you’ll see the blue in all the world. ”

➼ “ keton closed his eyes. war had driven out the rebelliousness in my youngest brother, and he looked decades older than his nineteen years ” ── i love her brothers sm <33 they genuinely made me want older brothers

➼ “ you will hold the seams of our family together, maia. no other tailor in the world can do that. finlei was brave. sendo, too, in his own way. but you, maia, you are strong. like your mother. you hold us together. ”

➼ “ you’ve seized the wind, as i always knew you would. ”

➼ “ you are my oath now, maia tamarin. and you'll never be free of me. ”

➼“ i, too, once journeyed beyond the stars. what did you find? his voice turned lethally soft. that it’s just the beginning. ”

➼ “ dare i believe you’ve finally softened toward me? ”

➼ “ what keeps you up at night?” i asked. “you’re never in your tent.” a cloud passed over his face. “demons and ghosts.” with a faint smile, he added, “and not having enough books to read. ” ── he’s literally so real

➼ “ you make me remember a part of myself i’d forgotten. ”

➼ “ you spied on me the most,” i said stubbornly. “only because you were a girl pretending to be a boy. it was interesting. the others were not so interesting. or pretty.” i hid a smile. “so what did you learn about me?” “you have a weakness for sweets,” he said slowly, “and steamed buns, especially ones with coconut or lotus paste. you’re a talented artist. but i don’t know what makes you laugh and what makes you cry.”

➼ “ i’d love to meet your father and your brother one day. as your husband, it’s scandalous that i haven’t yet. ”

➼ “ i’m sorry, maia,” he whispered. it might have meant more to me had i known that this was the first time edan the lord enchanter had ever apologized to anyone. ”

➼ “ forty lashes to her back—wake her if she faints and restart the count. i’ll ask his majesty to have her hanged in the morning. ” ── CRIED DURING THIS SCENE

➼ “ that potion for your father and brother—there is enough in it for you, too. you would have forgotten me. you would have been happy. ” ── HE WANTED HER TO FORGET ABOUT HIM, SO THAT SHE WOULDN’T HAVE TO HURT AFTER LOSING HIM 😭😭

➼ “ edan.” my eyes widened with concern. “are you all right?” “i will be,” he whispered. “once you come back to me.” he pressed a gentle kiss on my cheek. “you are strong.” he managed a smile, but it was merely a turning up of his lips. “go. find the stars. ”

➼ “ he touched his forehead to mine. then i’ll have to insinuate myself into your life more deeply, maia tamarin. ”

➼ “ no harm will come to you. i swear it. ”

➼ “ will you be able to find your way back?” his grin widened, and i realized i’d shown him a sign that i still cared. “ to you, always. ”

➼ “ i knew then that we were like two pieces of cloth, sewn together for life. our stitches couldn’t be undone. i wouldn’t let them. ”

➼ “ she moved to my corner of the room. how could she be so graceful while also so cruel? i couldn’t help admiring her as much as i disliked her. ”

I want you to know that some journeys have ends, but not this one. This one will change you. Irrevocably. 💫

i'm absolutely heartbroken to say that while i liked this story, it just didn't really click with me. i didn't feel the stakes, wasn't hooked on the plot—and maybe that's because it read more like a children's/middle-grade fantasy.

*Spoiler Alert*

Are you effing telling me that Maia went through *waves around* all that bullshit tailoring trial in addition to months on an expedition just so she could fall on a sword for a boy?

Are you fucking kidding me?!