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263 pages, Kindle Edition
Published February 12, 2019
"that's the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself another drink..."
I raised my glass and drained it. “You’re just hiding from reality, you’ll never be a writer if you hide from reality.”
“What are you talking about? That’s what writers do!”
“I mean,” he goes on, “that you represented a man walking carelessly and bravely into death, foolishly but with style like Don Quixote, the windmills . . .”
“don’t tell anybody,” I answer, “and maybe we can save the image or at least prolong it . . .”
Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind and throws you up against the wall. I have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you’re allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It’s like killing yourself, and then you’re reborn. I guess I’ve lived about ten or fifteen thousand lives now.
“Writers are mostly dissatisfied with life as life and with people as people, etc. Writing is an attempt to explain, escape and change the outrageous forces which make us more than unhappy. Drinking is a chemistry which also rearranges our horizons for us. It gives us two ways to live instead of one.”
one morning I was sitting at the window facing the street and these two delicate boys walked by.
“hey,” I heard one of them say,“that old guy in there is really wild and weird, he’s like a Neanderthal man who has broken his chain.”
I really appreciated that: recognized at last.