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Love That Lasts: How We Discovered God’s Better Way for Love, Dating, Marriage, and Sex
In Love That Lasts, New York Times bestselling author of Jesus > Religion Jefferson Bethke and his wife, Alyssa, expose the distorted views of love that permeate our culture and damage our hearts, minds, and souls.
Drawing from Jeff’s “prodigal son” personal history and from Alyssa’s “True Love Waits” experience, the Bethkes point to a third and better way. Blending personal storytelling with biblical teaching, they offer readers an inspiring, realistic vision of love, dating, marriage, and sex.
Young people today enter adulthood with expectations of blissful dating followed by a romantic, fulfilling marriage only to discover they’ve been duped. They learned about love and sexuality from social media, their friends, Disney fairy tales, pornography, or even their own rocky past, and they have no idea what healthy, lifelong love is supposed to be like. The results are often disastrous, with this generation becoming one of the most relationally sick, sexually addicted, and divorce ridden in history.
Looking to God’s design while drawing lessons from their own successes and failures, the Bethkes explode the fictions and falsehoods of our current moment. One by one, they peel back the lies, such as the belief that every person has only one soul mate, that marriage will complete you, or that pornography and hook-ups are harmless.
Drawing from Jeff’s “prodigal son” personal history and from Alyssa’s “True Love Waits” experience, the Bethkes point to a third and better way. Blending personal storytelling with biblical teaching, they offer readers an inspiring, realistic vision of love, dating, marriage, and sex.
Young people today enter adulthood with expectations of blissful dating followed by a romantic, fulfilling marriage only to discover they’ve been duped. They learned about love and sexuality from social media, their friends, Disney fairy tales, pornography, or even their own rocky past, and they have no idea what healthy, lifelong love is supposed to be like. The results are often disastrous, with this generation becoming one of the most relationally sick, sexually addicted, and divorce ridden in history.
Looking to God’s design while drawing lessons from their own successes and failures, the Bethkes explode the fictions and falsehoods of our current moment. One by one, they peel back the lies, such as the belief that every person has only one soul mate, that marriage will complete you, or that pornography and hook-ups are harmless.
256 pages, Paperback
First published October 10, 2017
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August 10, 2017
This is really more of an autobiography than a "how-to" book of any sorts, but it's impossible not to learn from Jeff & Alyssa's experiences! I think most people can relate to either Jeff OR Alyssa, but even if you find yourself somewhere in the middle, the lessons they've learned - and how they've learned to process events throughout the lives is inspiring and challenging.
Besides it being an incredibly applicable, Jeff and Alyssa's writing is hilarious, relatable, and comforting. It's impossible to feel like you aren't sitting across a table from new friends, drinking a latte talking about life and love.
I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher.
Besides it being an incredibly applicable, Jeff and Alyssa's writing is hilarious, relatable, and comforting. It's impossible to feel like you aren't sitting across a table from new friends, drinking a latte talking about life and love.
I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher.
August 10, 2017
If you're wanting Godly advice or to read about a Godly couple's experiences in navigating dating, life as newlyweds, and etc., I highly recommend this book. Jeff and Alyssa are so relatable. They hold nothing back and share some of the deepest parts of their stories, both as individuals and together. If you struggle with singleness or even an eating disorder/porn and similar things, you'll want to read this. Whether you've never been in a relationship or have been married for years, there is something for you on these pages. Jeff and Alyssa are full of wisdom. I'm a sensitive person, but their words touched me and made me cry. I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher.
August 10, 2017
I was lucky enough to have received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher and have to say, this is seriously one of the best books I have ever read. Jeff and Alyssa's openness and vulnerability give you a front row seat into their marriage, which is not only so great of them to do, but that vulnerability helps you feel open enough to look within your own heart and see where God might be leading you. Reading this made me feel like I was sitting down and talking with some of my oldest friends! I can confidently say that this is a book for everyone. Whether you are single, married, divorced, young, middle, or old, wherever you fall on the relationship timeline, this book is for you, and will no doubt help deepen your relationship with Christ; helping you learn more about who God is and who he created you to be in this world. I'm definitely recommending this to all of my friends and family!!
September 14, 2017
I COULD NOT STOP READING!! This book is amazing if you're single, in a relationship, engaged, married.. anything! Every chapter has something that you can relate to, whether you are male or female; everyone goes through similar trials and our stories can help each other grow in multiple ways. Though their book is all about their own life stories, I found that I could see myself in their shoes at one time or another and I loved that I could feel so relatable to them! The honesty and the openness that they were able to share really showed me how close we can be as a Christian community even though we are miles apart from each other. 100% recommended to any of my friends who are looking to self- reflect, strengthen their own relationships or just looking for a great book to read!
September 14, 2017
Wow! If you feel like your love life is not in line with God's best - pick up this book! Jeff and Alyssa are open and honest about how they've worked on finding 'God's Better Way' and let me tell you, it's amazing. Don't think you can't learn from this book if you are not married or dating. As someone who recently became single, I took so much away from reading this! I really believe that reading this book and learning about their own story can help anyone in whatever walk of life they're in.
I received an Advance Reader Copy from publisher.
I received an Advance Reader Copy from publisher.
August 11, 2017
I enjoyed reading this book. It made me both laugh and cry but more importantly it reminded me how important it is to keep God first in your life whether single, dating, or married. Jefferson's writing has a way of drawing you in just as his YouTube videos do (I'm a fan!). Alyssa's writing is so intriguing, it was hard to put this book down!
I received an Advanced Reader Copy from the Publisher
I received an Advanced Reader Copy from the Publisher
August 18, 2017
I was fortunate enough to receive and Advanced Reader Copy from the publisher. This book is truly amazing and gets down to the nitty gritty of you life and it really makes you think. It is a wonderful read and funny too! Jeff and Alyssa share their stories and much of it you can relate with.
Whether you are single, married, divorced, widowed, or dating, this book is a must read!
Whether you are single, married, divorced, widowed, or dating, this book is a must read!
August 10, 2017
This is a MUST READ for ANYONE! Young, old, single, dating- you can relate to it. The authors are two imperfect people who are simply sharing their story to glorify God! You did to order yourself a copy of this book. I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher.
September 14, 2017
A little backstory on my husband and I before I jump right into my review. He and I both were not raised religious. We never went to church with our families, nor did we discuss religion. It just wasn't a part of our lives. As we got older, we both experienced church a bit through our friends, but nothing in depth by any means. In April of 2017 we briefly discussed faith and that same day a pastor showed up at our door. We were stunned. A week later, Easter Sunday, we attended church and fell in love. We have not missed a Sunday since. We even volunteer once a month for set up and tear down. We have found such a love for the Lord. It has been the most incredible experience and to say that it wasn't God knocking on our door that day would be a gross disregard for the truth. His truth. In my journey to the Lord, I stumbled across the Bethke's on YouTube. Their videos were everything. I knew that I needed more. My husband and I have both sets of their relationship workbooks and we have really learned a lot from both. When I received this book, I had high hopes. I was prepared to be mind blown at least once. But this book did SO MUCH MORE. I am completely enamored with the way the Jeff and Alyssa share not only their personal stories of live, life and relationships but with how they share the Lord with their readers. As a developing infant Christian I am still learning a lot. My battles with faith have always stemmed from not knowing if I'm doing the right thing or if I'm even worthy of God's love and grace. This book reaffirmed MANY times how amazing and powerful God's love truly is. It has been a breathe of fresh air for my own journey as well as my journey with my husband in our marriage and in our collective faith. In reading this book I found so many instances where I was blown away by the content and found myself bookmarking a section to share with someone I knew who would deeply benefit from the content. I am surrounded by so many people in different seasons of life and I found something that would touch EACH AND EVERYONE OF THEM. My single friends, my married friends, my divorced friends, my parents, my church, my non religious friends and family, my acquaintances, EVERYONE. There is something for everyone in here. There are not only lessons, but there are affirmations that no matter what the circumstances, God is with us, loves us with this deep unconditional love, and is always for us. Even when we think we know better than He does, He stands next to us waiting for the moment where we jump into His arms. I am AMAZED by this book and cannot imagine the numerous ways in which this book will become a staple in my life and in my marriage. I was truly blessed with the opportunity to read this book before the release so that I can share it with everyone that I know. I guarantee that even if the entire book doesn't move you the way it did me, at least *something* will. Trust me when I say, it is worth it! Shout out to the Bethke's for creating such a gem! I am so insanely grateful and look forward to the next book! (;
I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher. (Because God knew I needed this book right now! (: )
I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher. (Because God knew I needed this book right now! (: )
October 11, 2017
This book could use a more accurate title. It posses the story of two people and how they feel in love. What little advice given can bee seen on the authors YouTube page. Also unfortunately compare to his pst books, their is a real lack of scripture. This book makes me feel like I'm listening to someone's story, and God just happens to be there on the side. The current title leads you to believe that their will be much advice about life, marriage, and sex. Honestly it's a story of two people who fall in love and give a little piece of advice at the end of each chapter.
October 13, 2017
The book is a quick and light read, with lots of great stories about the authors. They're open and honest about the struggles they have faced and the things they've learned through dating and marriage. I'm giving it three stars because if you've read the authors books before, it's a little repetitive. I've heard about their dating relationship in past books, and didn't learn anything new from it in this book. The book is also more of a memoir than an advice book. Short takeaways are given at the end of the chapter, but a good majority of each chapter is just story.
If you've never read the authors before, I'd encourage you to pick it up and give it a read as it is very encouraging to those going through dating/engagement/early marriage years. But if you've already read their other books or are not in the above life stages, this book may not be for you.
**I received and advance reader copy from the publisher **
If you've never read the authors before, I'd encourage you to pick it up and give it a read as it is very encouraging to those going through dating/engagement/early marriage years. But if you've already read their other books or are not in the above life stages, this book may not be for you.
**I received and advance reader copy from the publisher **
September 13, 2017
Wow. Just finished reading this book and although I'm bummed it's finished, I feel like I'm now well equipped to take what I read and apply it to something that seems to always make or break the human race: relationships. This book truly is for anyone. From ages 0-99, any walk of life and relationship status, gender, cultural background, etc. The author and his wife truly poured out their hearts in this book and the product was not only an amazing read, but what I like to call it, a "flashlight." Flashlight because the topics they cover expose dark areas that need healing and that aren't talked about, but are essential to have the knowledge and wisdom in these areas.
Kinda like in school- you may not have paid much attention to the Professor/Teacher (main source) but a friend comes along who has already been through the course and tells you, "Hey, I can give you pointers and you can even borrow my notes so that you can have the info in written form."
You pass up the offer and once you start the exam, the real deal, you quickly learn and think, "I should've considered what my friend had to say. He's already been through this!"
Kinda how I see the book. 52 days before I say "I do" and I'm grateful to have had knowledge and wisdom passed down to me. That's how we grow as people- through a loving community. And it's apparent that the authors wrote this book produced out of love, obedience, and a deep yearning to want to empower the audience/community they have gained.
Definitely a must read for a society and generation that is suffering because of a lack of knowledge and teaching in such an important area of life.
I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher.
Kinda like in school- you may not have paid much attention to the Professor/Teacher (main source) but a friend comes along who has already been through the course and tells you, "Hey, I can give you pointers and you can even borrow my notes so that you can have the info in written form."
You pass up the offer and once you start the exam, the real deal, you quickly learn and think, "I should've considered what my friend had to say. He's already been through this!"
Kinda how I see the book. 52 days before I say "I do" and I'm grateful to have had knowledge and wisdom passed down to me. That's how we grow as people- through a loving community. And it's apparent that the authors wrote this book produced out of love, obedience, and a deep yearning to want to empower the audience/community they have gained.
Definitely a must read for a society and generation that is suffering because of a lack of knowledge and teaching in such an important area of life.
I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher.
September 13, 2017
I am so grateful I was selected to receive an advanced reader copy. I enjoyed every second I got to read and experience the joy, hardships, struggles, and realizations that Jeff and Alyssa share. They are so vulnerable and real and relatable. I can't wait to get my own physical copy and get to mark it up, share it, and read it over and over.
I have followed the Bethkes for years now, since before they were married, and I have loved every bit of content they have shared with the world. They have such a passion and a heart for God, for His kingdom, and for other couples. It is so encouraging to know their stories, individually and apart, and be able to learn and better myself and my relationships from it.
I would strongly recommend this book to people of all relationship statuses. It is not just for married couples or even dating couples. Several chapters focus on how to examine yourself and where you are in your walk with God before you get in a place of dating or marriage. Their podcasts are a good listen as well! I hope you read it when it comes out in October and enjoy it as much as I did!
I have followed the Bethkes for years now, since before they were married, and I have loved every bit of content they have shared with the world. They have such a passion and a heart for God, for His kingdom, and for other couples. It is so encouraging to know their stories, individually and apart, and be able to learn and better myself and my relationships from it.
I would strongly recommend this book to people of all relationship statuses. It is not just for married couples or even dating couples. Several chapters focus on how to examine yourself and where you are in your walk with God before you get in a place of dating or marriage. Their podcasts are a good listen as well! I hope you read it when it comes out in October and enjoy it as much as I did!
September 13, 2017
This book has the potential to change the thinking of the younger generations in how they look at love! This was a phenomenally written book, giving insight into relationships in the 21st century and how to 'unlearn' what our culture and even our churches are feeding us when it comes to love, marriage, sex, etc. This is a book that I will make each of my children read before they start dating, when they get to that age. It is a book that is great for everyone and anyone, regardless of what stage you are in in life...single, dating, engaged, newlyweds, been married 50 years....this book is for you!
The way it was written with Jeff and Alyssa alternating chapters, made it feel like you were sitting in the same room while they told you their story! Their writing reached inside me and completely made me question most everything I had been taught, or thought I knew, about love. It turned me inside out and helped me make some needed realizations of where I needed to change my thinking and my understanding. I honestly can't recommend this book enough. I want to give it to every single person I know!
I received this Advance Reader Copy from the publisher.
The way it was written with Jeff and Alyssa alternating chapters, made it feel like you were sitting in the same room while they told you their story! Their writing reached inside me and completely made me question most everything I had been taught, or thought I knew, about love. It turned me inside out and helped me make some needed realizations of where I needed to change my thinking and my understanding. I honestly can't recommend this book enough. I want to give it to every single person I know!
I received this Advance Reader Copy from the publisher.
September 3, 2017
Jeff and Alyssa Bethke beautifully weave together a story of perfect love as exemplified in Christ's love and sacrifice for us. With this picture in mind, they vulnerably describe their successes and struggles and the crucial turning points in their own lives and marriage. Their story is intensely encouraging to anyone who values relationships built on mutual trust, acceptance of flaws, and forgiveness. Lifelong commitment to a single person may be hard, but the Bethkes illustrate it is not impossible, even in a culture that is increasingly moving away from face to face conversations and true vulnerability.
While Love That Lasts is a timeless book, perfect for any audience, I especially appreciated that it is written by two people that have navigated the age of technology and struggled and persevered through the challenges it presents. In other words, Jeff and Alyssa are OUR age, if you're a twenty-something/"young" (in quotes because of course I believe that many are also young at heart). Honestly, there are not a lot of books out there on marriage, faith, theology, and life that are written by youngsters, for lack of a better word, and I was so encouraged to read a book that spoke to my generation. At the same time, it's not just my generation that can benefit from this book, because the world we live in uses the internet, iphones, facebook, instagram, etc. on a daily basis and living out our faith in those realms is very much the same, but also a little different. We need to be Christ to the world, and the world is now so close to our fingertips.
Love That Lasts comes out October 10, 2017 and I really urge you to get a copy. I promise, you will benefit so much from the sweet words Jeff and Alyssa share. Get a cup of coffee or tea, a cozy spot, and this book and prepare to be challenged at the heart level as you laugh, cry, and soak up God's promises for good lasting relationships.
(I received an Advanced Reader Copy from the publisher.)
While Love That Lasts is a timeless book, perfect for any audience, I especially appreciated that it is written by two people that have navigated the age of technology and struggled and persevered through the challenges it presents. In other words, Jeff and Alyssa are OUR age, if you're a twenty-something/"young" (in quotes because of course I believe that many are also young at heart). Honestly, there are not a lot of books out there on marriage, faith, theology, and life that are written by youngsters, for lack of a better word, and I was so encouraged to read a book that spoke to my generation. At the same time, it's not just my generation that can benefit from this book, because the world we live in uses the internet, iphones, facebook, instagram, etc. on a daily basis and living out our faith in those realms is very much the same, but also a little different. We need to be Christ to the world, and the world is now so close to our fingertips.
Love That Lasts comes out October 10, 2017 and I really urge you to get a copy. I promise, you will benefit so much from the sweet words Jeff and Alyssa share. Get a cup of coffee or tea, a cozy spot, and this book and prepare to be challenged at the heart level as you laugh, cry, and soak up God's promises for good lasting relationships.
(I received an Advanced Reader Copy from the publisher.)
September 5, 2017
Every now and then you come across a book that is just so real and raw, so bare and honest, that you have to finish but you don't want to finish it all at the same time. This book is that. Intertwining the need for community in our relationships, as well as God's redeeming love in each of their personal lives, Jeff and Alyssa have created not a 'How-to' book, but a funny, tear-jerking, honest look at what, Who, we find true contentment and fulfillment in in order to have grace and love-filled relationships, and also where and who we won't find it, as they tell their story. I never imagined that I'd recommend a book as often as I have this one already.. to my kids, my friends, everyone in my circle and my circle's circle.. I don't read relationship books, but this time, I'm so glad I did.
*I received an advanced reader copy from the publisher.
*I received an advanced reader copy from the publisher.
August 14, 2017
I had the great privilege of reading this AMAZING book by Jeff and Alyssa. I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher, and boy, I glad I did! This book hit the deep topics of struggling with singleness, how to keep God the center go your relationships, and keeping the sanctity of marriage.
As a young woman who has struggled with many of the topics mentioned in the book, I just automatically connected with the chapters written by both authors. Jeff and Alyssa both just wrote from the heart, and just poured their lives and their experiences into this book.
There were times where I would be reading, and I would just begin to sob because of how much I related to certain situations. I felt like this book was written for me, with the timing of receiving my copy of the book and just by the situations I was going through. It was incredible. I have been dealing with feeling unwanted and unloved by people for a very long time, and as soon as I began to read, I just felt overcome with emotions. I felt God speaking to me through Jeff and Alyssa.
This is the type of book where once you start reading it, you don't want to put it down. I found myself reading it at anytime I had available, even during work!
I definitely recommend this book to anyone who is married, engaged, dating, or as single as they come. This book is just a beautiful reminder go the love that God has for us, and how to show that love to others.
As a young woman who has struggled with many of the topics mentioned in the book, I just automatically connected with the chapters written by both authors. Jeff and Alyssa both just wrote from the heart, and just poured their lives and their experiences into this book.
There were times where I would be reading, and I would just begin to sob because of how much I related to certain situations. I felt like this book was written for me, with the timing of receiving my copy of the book and just by the situations I was going through. It was incredible. I have been dealing with feeling unwanted and unloved by people for a very long time, and as soon as I began to read, I just felt overcome with emotions. I felt God speaking to me through Jeff and Alyssa.
This is the type of book where once you start reading it, you don't want to put it down. I found myself reading it at anytime I had available, even during work!
I definitely recommend this book to anyone who is married, engaged, dating, or as single as they come. This book is just a beautiful reminder go the love that God has for us, and how to show that love to others.
August 21, 2017
Let me start off with that I was given the opportunity to read an advanced copy of this amazing book! Now, I don't want to give anything away, or tell you what is in the book, because I honestly believe that this book is a MUST READ/MUST HAVE for everyone!!! The conviction I had while reading was hard at first, but the grace and love that is put into this book is outstanding. Lets, face it, we aren't perfect, there is no,perfect relationship. Its hard, especially being a stay at home mom, I know it's hard for me!! But this book brought to my attention everything I do, I do most of the time for myself. I can be very selfish!! I never realized just how selfish I had become. I was able to change my heart, and now I try to serve my husband as much as I can. I fell in love with this beautiful book, and I honestly almost cried because it hit me and made so much sense. I love that I can still fall in love with my husband, I love that even on the days that I don't really even want to like him, I still choose him. And he still chooses me. Whether you are single, married, in a relationship, divorced, widowed, this is a book that is worth every penny!! I will be buying several copies for friends and family!!
August 13, 2017
I have now decided to buy this book as a wedding gift for every one of my friends, in addition to purchasing it for all the “single ladies” (now put your hands up!) in my life. Love That Lasts is one of the most riveting books I have ever read. While the book isn’t considered a “novel”, the stories Jeff and Alyssa share will you keep you on your toes the entire read. Unique in nature, the book covers many challenging topics facing our world today: true love, self worth, relationships, and sex. The book is fun, exciting, and written in personal story form, with pieces of deep scripture-based wisdom. Even as a 24-year old single female, I read this book in a few days (I couldn’t put it down) and walked away asking different questions, praying for healing in weak areas, and gaining a newfound outlook on relationships. I am so thankful that Jeff and Alyssa Bethke didn’t allow their young age to deter them from writing this book. Their rawness and boldness is admirable.
*I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher*
*I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher*
August 10, 2017
One of the most honest and heartfelt books I have read. Both Jeff and Alyssa opened up about their struggles with relationships and things from the past that impacted how they viewed marriage and love. It guides the reader back to Christ and His love for us.
Totally relatable with many different examples from their own lives and incredibly well written. This book made me cry and laugh out loud.
It is a book that I will read over and over and encourage anyone I know to read it.
I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher
Totally relatable with many different examples from their own lives and incredibly well written. This book made me cry and laugh out loud.
It is a book that I will read over and over and encourage anyone I know to read it.
I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher
September 9, 2017
I've been a big fan of Jeff & Alyssa Bethke since I first started following Jesus back in November 2014. I am so thankful for their YouTube Channel, Instagram posts, and the books they write. Their thoughts on life are always so life-giving to me!
As someone who is in a serious dating relationship I am incredibly thankful for this book! I would recommend LOVE THAT LASTS for anyone who is single, dating, or engaged. While Jeff & Alyssa touch a little bit on marriage I do think that this book is geared more towards those preparing to get engaged or married.
I really appreciated Alyssa's gentle and encouraging storytelling voice and Jeff's more sermon-like approach to his writing. This is definitely more of a memoir rather than an advice book, but at the end of each chapter is a little takeaway to apply to our own lives, which is something I sincerely appreciated.
I sped through this book because both Jeff and Alyssa write in such a way is conversational and feels as though I am out to coffee chattin' about life with the two of them. Also, they write so beautifully too! I had to pause several times to scribble down passages in my journal to look back on. I love how each one of them talks about how our relationship with God is the greatest relationship of all and how that main relationship flows into our identity and how we view ourselves and who we want to marry one day. Jeff is honest about his past with pornography and discusses how porn kills love, but how Jesus can redeem anyones past. I also appreciate on the other side of the spectrum how idolizing purity isn't healthy for the relationship either; how it can actually distort our view of God's grace. I'm thankful that they touched on how marriage wasn't intended to make us happy, but rather to make us holy. How the friction between two people shouldn't encourage us to pull away and quit, but to rather lean in and smooth each other out more and more into the character of Jesus. And lastly, I loved how the Bethke's talked about the importance of having a vision for your marriage. Businesses have a clear vision of what they want to accomplish and quarterly check-ins, but marriages--our biggest endeavor ever--don't. That needs to change! Thank you Jeff and Alyssa for writing this book!
Here is one of my favorite quotes from the book: "One of the best ways to guarantee relational health is to make the relationship proactive, not reactive. Create a vision and set goals for your relationship together. Implement rhythms. Form encouraging practices. Decide to Sabbath. To go on date nights. To give money to those who need it. Invite your neighbors over for dinner. Let your relationship be an intentional blessing to others." (pg 148)
*I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher*
As someone who is in a serious dating relationship I am incredibly thankful for this book! I would recommend LOVE THAT LASTS for anyone who is single, dating, or engaged. While Jeff & Alyssa touch a little bit on marriage I do think that this book is geared more towards those preparing to get engaged or married.
I really appreciated Alyssa's gentle and encouraging storytelling voice and Jeff's more sermon-like approach to his writing. This is definitely more of a memoir rather than an advice book, but at the end of each chapter is a little takeaway to apply to our own lives, which is something I sincerely appreciated.
I sped through this book because both Jeff and Alyssa write in such a way is conversational and feels as though I am out to coffee chattin' about life with the two of them. Also, they write so beautifully too! I had to pause several times to scribble down passages in my journal to look back on. I love how each one of them talks about how our relationship with God is the greatest relationship of all and how that main relationship flows into our identity and how we view ourselves and who we want to marry one day. Jeff is honest about his past with pornography and discusses how porn kills love, but how Jesus can redeem anyones past. I also appreciate on the other side of the spectrum how idolizing purity isn't healthy for the relationship either; how it can actually distort our view of God's grace. I'm thankful that they touched on how marriage wasn't intended to make us happy, but rather to make us holy. How the friction between two people shouldn't encourage us to pull away and quit, but to rather lean in and smooth each other out more and more into the character of Jesus. And lastly, I loved how the Bethke's talked about the importance of having a vision for your marriage. Businesses have a clear vision of what they want to accomplish and quarterly check-ins, but marriages--our biggest endeavor ever--don't. That needs to change! Thank you Jeff and Alyssa for writing this book!
Here is one of my favorite quotes from the book: "One of the best ways to guarantee relational health is to make the relationship proactive, not reactive. Create a vision and set goals for your relationship together. Implement rhythms. Form encouraging practices. Decide to Sabbath. To go on date nights. To give money to those who need it. Invite your neighbors over for dinner. Let your relationship be an intentional blessing to others." (pg 148)
*I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher*
September 12, 2017
I received an Advance Reader's Copy from the publisher and I still can't believe I got to read this book prior to its October release date!
If you're single and trying to understand how to be content in your singleness, this book is for you. If you're dating and pulling your hair out because you don't know if the guy/girl you're dating is "the one," this book is for you. If you're engaged, newly married, or have been married for years, this book is for you! Basically, no matter what season of life you're going through, this book will speak to you.
I'm thankful Jeff and Alyssa aren't afraid to be vulnerable in this book. They're raw about their past relationships and personal hardships that could only be dealt with by the grace of God. These two dive into some real talk about the misconceptions surrounding dating as a Christian and how our culture has twisted marriage. They remind us what God had in mind when he created us because His type of relationship is completely different from the one the world is telling us. The world attempts to convince us that if it gets difficult, it's acceptable to throw your hands up in the air because "oh well, at least you tried. It got hard and you wanted out. Or, it just wasn't for you."
I read this book because I wanted to learn how I can be a wife who loves my husband the way God intends, serves him because that's what I'm called to do, cares about his input, listens to his opinions, etc. Jeff and Alyssa give advice on how we can tackle the awesome and downright hard parts of marriage with Jesus at the center because let's face it, disagreement is inevitable in any relationship. But learning how to communicate and react to situations that honor God will determine the longevity of that relationship. We were created for intimacy and Jeff and Alyssa did a beautiful job reminding us what that means and how incredibly different it is from what society is trying so hard to tell us is "ok."
Please don't mark this as a "book you'll get around to someday" because I assure you, you'll learn SOMETHING from it. Whether it's learning to let go of a past relationship, learning how your baggage can carry into your marriage or something else entirely, I'm certain this book will hit you right there. It's a great book written by two people who aren't afraid to say "hey, we're not perfect either." This is a book you want to read!
If you're single and trying to understand how to be content in your singleness, this book is for you. If you're dating and pulling your hair out because you don't know if the guy/girl you're dating is "the one," this book is for you. If you're engaged, newly married, or have been married for years, this book is for you! Basically, no matter what season of life you're going through, this book will speak to you.
I'm thankful Jeff and Alyssa aren't afraid to be vulnerable in this book. They're raw about their past relationships and personal hardships that could only be dealt with by the grace of God. These two dive into some real talk about the misconceptions surrounding dating as a Christian and how our culture has twisted marriage. They remind us what God had in mind when he created us because His type of relationship is completely different from the one the world is telling us. The world attempts to convince us that if it gets difficult, it's acceptable to throw your hands up in the air because "oh well, at least you tried. It got hard and you wanted out. Or, it just wasn't for you."
I read this book because I wanted to learn how I can be a wife who loves my husband the way God intends, serves him because that's what I'm called to do, cares about his input, listens to his opinions, etc. Jeff and Alyssa give advice on how we can tackle the awesome and downright hard parts of marriage with Jesus at the center because let's face it, disagreement is inevitable in any relationship. But learning how to communicate and react to situations that honor God will determine the longevity of that relationship. We were created for intimacy and Jeff and Alyssa did a beautiful job reminding us what that means and how incredibly different it is from what society is trying so hard to tell us is "ok."
Please don't mark this as a "book you'll get around to someday" because I assure you, you'll learn SOMETHING from it. Whether it's learning to let go of a past relationship, learning how your baggage can carry into your marriage or something else entirely, I'm certain this book will hit you right there. It's a great book written by two people who aren't afraid to say "hey, we're not perfect either." This is a book you want to read!
August 18, 2017
I have always loved the content the Bethke's put out - from the YouTube videos, to their Instagram posts, other books, and most recently, their 31 Creative Ways to Love Him/Her. This book has by far been my favorite! Jeff and Alyssa speak with honesty and vulnerability and bring so much wisdom out of their story. I found myself asking questions about my own heart and looking into some of the prickly parts I need to work on. I am so thrilled to have been on the launch team for this book, and highly recommend it to anybody in any stage of life - single, dating, engaged, or married. There's something for everyone!
*I received an Advanced Reader Copy of this book.
*I received an Advanced Reader Copy of this book.
August 12, 2017
This book is absolutely LOADED with truth!!!! Before reading I thought I would gain relationship advice for others/my future self as I am currently single. But, this book has truth for those who are single, looking for a relationship, dating, engaged, or married!! I was captivated by both Jeff and Alyssa's writing, but I really connected with Alyssa on this one!! This couple is raw, real, and relatable - the hands and feet of God. They hold nothing back in this book, and I am so thankful for their words, stories, honesty, and advice!! I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher.
September 15, 2017
Love That Lasts has something for everyone. No matter what your relationship status or love life currently looks like, this book is for you. It was as if I was sitting with Jeff and Alyssa at their kitchen table drinking coffee and hearing their stories. It was as if I was directly getting this wonderful, real life advice from godly people who are still figuring it out, but sharing what they have found with grace and humility. It was so interesting to read their stories from both points of view. The person who has been fully immersed in the world, and on the opposite extreme, the church girl with the perfect image. It was proof that we all come into marriage with our own forms of brokenness and baggage no matter what our background is. And we are all in need of God's grace and life transformation. I found myself relating to both of them at different times and was able to find so much clarity and comfort for the season I'm in right now. I know God brought me this book at the exact time I needed it, but I also know that single Ana, dating Ana and engaged Ana would have thrived in light of reading this book as well. Love That Lasts gave me hope that no matter how different people are or where they come from, God can bring them together as one body and unify them. He can redeem their stories and restore their brokenness, and that was more than I ever could have asked for in a book. I received this Advance Reader Copy from the publisher.
September 14, 2017
This is a great book and a must read for anyone who is single, dating, engaged, newlyweds, or married for any time. This truly gives a great plan for how to make your love last by putting God First. We were meant for marriage; the Bible begins and ends with a wedding. We can take that and the advice (with scripture and lessons to back it up) to make our own marriages and future marriages last.
I enjoyed reading the experiences and pit falls of Jefferson and Alyssa and how I can relate as someone who has been married for 18 years. I will definitely have my teenage daughters read this book and will buy as a wedding present/engagement gift for family and friends.
I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher
I enjoyed reading the experiences and pit falls of Jefferson and Alyssa and how I can relate as someone who has been married for 18 years. I will definitely have my teenage daughters read this book and will buy as a wedding present/engagement gift for family and friends.
I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher
September 15, 2017
This book is a treasured gift to my misfit soul. I wish this book could have fallen into my hands when I was a young girl. Yet I received so much wisdom and conviction from its pages even now, when I sure wasn't expecting it. Jeff and Alyssa share the deepest broken parts of themselves and how Jesus shined redemptions light into the cracks...and some dog poop in the toilet. Get ready to laugh, cry, shout some Amens! and fold every page over.
-Hayley Johnson, Jesus lover, wife to hot husband, over-caffeinated mom to three girls, book worm and guacamole always
I received an Advanced Readers Copy from the author
-Hayley Johnson, Jesus lover, wife to hot husband, over-caffeinated mom to three girls, book worm and guacamole always
I received an Advanced Readers Copy from the author
September 15, 2017
Thoroughly enjoyed reading this book. I loved how they alternated between chapters so the reader can enjoy different writing styles and to explain how to create "love that lasts!" I found this book entertaining as well as beneficial for anyone single, dating, engaged, and especially those in the young family part of marriage. I loved the biblical aspects and reminders displayed regarding how Christ asks us to love each other and most importantly Him. I received an advance reader copy from the publisher.
October 10, 2017
Like many, I first became familiar with YouTube sensation Jefferson Bethke after his video, Why I Hate Religion But Love Jesus, went viral. I really appreciated Bethke’s timely message for those who falsely believe that Christianity is about earning one’s way to God via their own righteous living. I agreed wholeheartedly with the message of the video and for a while followed Bethke and his wife Alyssa on social media to see what other material they would produce. I receive their emails from time to time and when I saw that they were offering their latest book Love That Lasts, for free to members who participated on the launch team, I was eager to sign up.
I had read the blog post titled, "Earnestly Contending for the Statistics" by Summer White, co-host of the Sheologians podcast and was intrigued by how she pointed out that the Bethke’s tend to mention statistics to back up their positions when it comes to relationships and marriage, more than Scripture. My fandom for them began to decrease as a result but I decided it would be wise to read Love That Lasts for myself and see how it measures up to Scripture as well as White’s claims.
Overall, I enjoyed reading Love that Lasts and learning about the Bethke’s testimonies of coming to know Jesus as their Lord. There were many aspects of their personal backgrounds along with their love story that reminded me so much of my background and how my husband and I met.
From a literary standpoint, their style of writing is more conversational which was very unappealing to me as it ignores basic rules of grammar. However, the book is supposed to be geared toward those of the millennial generation so perhaps younger folks will prefer and appreciate this style. The book began with some personal testimony and then veered into the Bethke’s sharing advice on dating, admonition against porn use and then went into their love story.
As this book is written from the perspective of a Christian couple, I was highly disappointed by the lack of Scripture present within. There are a few Scriptures (I counted 9) alluded to throughout the book which readers can find by looking over the Notes section in the back, and there are 24 additional resources listed consisting of articles, books and quotes, but the overall use of the Bible is poor.
Since Jesus Himself is the Word (John 1:1, Revelation 19:13), and it is through knowledge of Him that Christians receive everything they need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3), it makes the most logical sense to read a Christian book about romantic relationships and compare it with the standard of truth the author(s) claim to uphold. It makes sense also, that the authors are able to prove their positions by providing supporting Scriptures but such proof in Love That Lasts remains to be seen.
My concerns with Love that Lasts are described below:
On page 73 of the book, Jefferson’s response to a statement about defeating porn use is, “We need to replace the no with a better yes. The only way to create lasting behavioral change is to provide a superior pleasure.” Biblically speaking, the only way to create lasting change is not simply by changing behavior, but the heart, and this requires turning from sin and trusting in Jesus alone for salvation and freedom from sin. Jefferson does mention later on the same page that Jesus is the superior pleasure yet he doesn’t give his reader any Scripture to support this or any direction on how to turn from sin and place their hope for salvation in Christ alone. Additionally, the language of this statement sounds very much like the unbiblical philosophies Lysa Terkeurst includes in her book The Best Yes. The Bethke’s have produced videos for Lysa Terkeurst’s latest book Uninvited so I’m curious about whether or not the language reference was intentional.
On page 78, Jefferson addresses those addicted to porn by telling them, “Let me tell you, you are so loved. I mean, like crazy-ferociously-pursued-and-loved-by-the-Creator-of-the-universe love. And guess when He loves you the most? In the very act of the sin, not after.” This is actually very contrary to what God has said in Scripture. God’s love is truly for those who have turned from their sin and trust in Jesus alone for salvation. Those who don’t love God are actually His enemies as Isaiah 59:2 says that their iniquities separate them from Him and that their sins have hidden His face from them so that He does not hear. The good news of the Gospel is that God made a way for sinners to be right with Him through Jesus alone (John 14:6). It is God who opens the eyes of the spiritually dead for them to see their need for Jesus as their savior (Ephesians 2:8-9). While God is sovereign in doing this, there is a responsibility on the part of sinners to repent (turn from sin) and pursue living like Jesus (1 Corinthians 11:1). As followers of Christ, Christians are commanded multiple times throughout Scripture to be holy as God is holy (Leviticus 11:44, Leviticus 11:45, Leviticus 19:2, 1 Peter 1:16) – the very moment one is in sin, they are actually doing the opposite of what God commands. For the believer, there is grace that abounds more than sin (Romans 5:20), but Paul reminds us that being covered by grace is not a license to pursue sinful living (Romans 6:1-2).
On page 121, in telling his side of their love story, Jefferson stated, “She’d broken up with me after a two-week mission trip where she had ‘heard from God.'” My concern with statements like these are that readers will take them as authoritative and will also try to hear from God. When looking at the Bible though, it is very clear that God doesn’t speak outside of His Word (Deuteronomy 4:2, Deuteronomy 12:32, Proverbs 30:6, Hebrews 1:1-2, Revelation 22:18). This may seem like a trite concern and not worth mentioning but the unbiblical concept of listening for God’s voice is growing and often the statements people claim to hear from God don’t actually align with Scripture.
My biggest concern with Love That Lasts is that readers aren’t pointed to Scripture and it is through Scripture that people come to know Jesus or become more like Him. As Christians, our desire for others to know Christ ought to compel us to share about Him. As this is a book on relationships and marriage, I was disappointed that there was no mention of how believers ought to treat members of the opposite sex (1 Timothy 5:1-2) and no mention of the beauty and purpose of marriage as it reflects Christ’s relationship to His bride, the church (Ephesians 5:22-33).
Being on the launch team, I had the opportunity to read the introductions for some of the team members and was sad to see some on the team who shared that they don’t love Christ (or some who claim to but are currently, unrepentantly pursuing sin in their relationships) but are fans of the Bethke’s. They were heartily welcomed on the team by Jefferson himself yet I question whether or not they truly know the good news of the Gospel.
Additionally, the Bethke’s have a promotional series for Love That Lasts on the television channel TBN which is the home network of many popular false teachers and teachers with unbiblical authority who promote unbiblical practices. Seeing the Bethke’s listed alongside people who are famous for preaching the false prosperity gospel and emphasizing experiences over Scripture is deeply disheartening. I watched the first episode of the series titled Communication and there was no Scripture used whatsoever. The thirty minute chat included the Bethke’s sharing their experience and opinions on communication. The episode also contains a video of Lysa Terkeurst elaborating on communication. Regarding Lysa, Jefferson says, “She’s on the Mount Rushmore of Christianity in regards to Bible women teachers.” I was really discouraged by the Bethke’s high regard for Lysa’s ministry as she teaches with unbiblical authority over men in her church and claims to hear God speak to her.
Like Love That Lasts, I was saddened at the total lack of Scripture in the episode. In addition to the video by Lysa, there is a video shown that Jefferson made about cell phone addiction. His video has some good points and thoughts but still, no Scripture. God doesn’t even receive a mention until the end of the video, when Alyssa prays and then follows with, “Communicate with Him, I guess that’s where it starts.” I would have loved to hear them begin the video with that and elaborate on that from Scripture. I also found it hard to follow along with what they were saying as they both speak quickly and constantly interrupt one another. I found this ironic since the episode is on communication.
In this day and age, I’ve seen many people eager to devour resources that contain the label “Christian” but very apathetic about God and His Word and how such resources actually match up to it. This is a dangerous dilemma and unfortunately, I see Love That Lasts contributing to it.
I’m afraid that those reading the book who haven’t turned from their sin and trusted in Christ alone for salvation will have a false assurance that it’s okay to be a Christian and simultaneously be pursuing a sinful lifestyle, which is so contrary to Scripture. Christians will have a lifelong battle with sin but they will desire to put to death the deeds of the flesh as, “. . . to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God,” (Romans 8:6-8).
When it comes to resources about relationships and marriage, Love That Lasts missed the mark and I do not recommend it.
If you are looking for solid, Biblical resources on relationships and marriage, I recommend With One Voice: Singleness, Dating, and Marriage to the Glory of God, Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart, Preparing for Marriage God's Way: A Step-By-Step Guide for Marriage Success Before and After the Wedding - Second Edition and When Sinners Say "I Do": Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage.
I received Love That Lasts compliments of Nelson Books in exchange for my honest review.
I had read the blog post titled, "Earnestly Contending for the Statistics" by Summer White, co-host of the Sheologians podcast and was intrigued by how she pointed out that the Bethke’s tend to mention statistics to back up their positions when it comes to relationships and marriage, more than Scripture. My fandom for them began to decrease as a result but I decided it would be wise to read Love That Lasts for myself and see how it measures up to Scripture as well as White’s claims.
Overall, I enjoyed reading Love that Lasts and learning about the Bethke’s testimonies of coming to know Jesus as their Lord. There were many aspects of their personal backgrounds along with their love story that reminded me so much of my background and how my husband and I met.
From a literary standpoint, their style of writing is more conversational which was very unappealing to me as it ignores basic rules of grammar. However, the book is supposed to be geared toward those of the millennial generation so perhaps younger folks will prefer and appreciate this style. The book began with some personal testimony and then veered into the Bethke’s sharing advice on dating, admonition against porn use and then went into their love story.
As this book is written from the perspective of a Christian couple, I was highly disappointed by the lack of Scripture present within. There are a few Scriptures (I counted 9) alluded to throughout the book which readers can find by looking over the Notes section in the back, and there are 24 additional resources listed consisting of articles, books and quotes, but the overall use of the Bible is poor.
Since Jesus Himself is the Word (John 1:1, Revelation 19:13), and it is through knowledge of Him that Christians receive everything they need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3), it makes the most logical sense to read a Christian book about romantic relationships and compare it with the standard of truth the author(s) claim to uphold. It makes sense also, that the authors are able to prove their positions by providing supporting Scriptures but such proof in Love That Lasts remains to be seen.
My concerns with Love that Lasts are described below:
On page 73 of the book, Jefferson’s response to a statement about defeating porn use is, “We need to replace the no with a better yes. The only way to create lasting behavioral change is to provide a superior pleasure.” Biblically speaking, the only way to create lasting change is not simply by changing behavior, but the heart, and this requires turning from sin and trusting in Jesus alone for salvation and freedom from sin. Jefferson does mention later on the same page that Jesus is the superior pleasure yet he doesn’t give his reader any Scripture to support this or any direction on how to turn from sin and place their hope for salvation in Christ alone. Additionally, the language of this statement sounds very much like the unbiblical philosophies Lysa Terkeurst includes in her book The Best Yes. The Bethke’s have produced videos for Lysa Terkeurst’s latest book Uninvited so I’m curious about whether or not the language reference was intentional.
On page 78, Jefferson addresses those addicted to porn by telling them, “Let me tell you, you are so loved. I mean, like crazy-ferociously-pursued-and-loved-by-the-Creator-of-the-universe love. And guess when He loves you the most? In the very act of the sin, not after.” This is actually very contrary to what God has said in Scripture. God’s love is truly for those who have turned from their sin and trust in Jesus alone for salvation. Those who don’t love God are actually His enemies as Isaiah 59:2 says that their iniquities separate them from Him and that their sins have hidden His face from them so that He does not hear. The good news of the Gospel is that God made a way for sinners to be right with Him through Jesus alone (John 14:6). It is God who opens the eyes of the spiritually dead for them to see their need for Jesus as their savior (Ephesians 2:8-9). While God is sovereign in doing this, there is a responsibility on the part of sinners to repent (turn from sin) and pursue living like Jesus (1 Corinthians 11:1). As followers of Christ, Christians are commanded multiple times throughout Scripture to be holy as God is holy (Leviticus 11:44, Leviticus 11:45, Leviticus 19:2, 1 Peter 1:16) – the very moment one is in sin, they are actually doing the opposite of what God commands. For the believer, there is grace that abounds more than sin (Romans 5:20), but Paul reminds us that being covered by grace is not a license to pursue sinful living (Romans 6:1-2).
On page 121, in telling his side of their love story, Jefferson stated, “She’d broken up with me after a two-week mission trip where she had ‘heard from God.'” My concern with statements like these are that readers will take them as authoritative and will also try to hear from God. When looking at the Bible though, it is very clear that God doesn’t speak outside of His Word (Deuteronomy 4:2, Deuteronomy 12:32, Proverbs 30:6, Hebrews 1:1-2, Revelation 22:18). This may seem like a trite concern and not worth mentioning but the unbiblical concept of listening for God’s voice is growing and often the statements people claim to hear from God don’t actually align with Scripture.
My biggest concern with Love That Lasts is that readers aren’t pointed to Scripture and it is through Scripture that people come to know Jesus or become more like Him. As Christians, our desire for others to know Christ ought to compel us to share about Him. As this is a book on relationships and marriage, I was disappointed that there was no mention of how believers ought to treat members of the opposite sex (1 Timothy 5:1-2) and no mention of the beauty and purpose of marriage as it reflects Christ’s relationship to His bride, the church (Ephesians 5:22-33).
Being on the launch team, I had the opportunity to read the introductions for some of the team members and was sad to see some on the team who shared that they don’t love Christ (or some who claim to but are currently, unrepentantly pursuing sin in their relationships) but are fans of the Bethke’s. They were heartily welcomed on the team by Jefferson himself yet I question whether or not they truly know the good news of the Gospel.
Additionally, the Bethke’s have a promotional series for Love That Lasts on the television channel TBN which is the home network of many popular false teachers and teachers with unbiblical authority who promote unbiblical practices. Seeing the Bethke’s listed alongside people who are famous for preaching the false prosperity gospel and emphasizing experiences over Scripture is deeply disheartening. I watched the first episode of the series titled Communication and there was no Scripture used whatsoever. The thirty minute chat included the Bethke’s sharing their experience and opinions on communication. The episode also contains a video of Lysa Terkeurst elaborating on communication. Regarding Lysa, Jefferson says, “She’s on the Mount Rushmore of Christianity in regards to Bible women teachers.” I was really discouraged by the Bethke’s high regard for Lysa’s ministry as she teaches with unbiblical authority over men in her church and claims to hear God speak to her.
Like Love That Lasts, I was saddened at the total lack of Scripture in the episode. In addition to the video by Lysa, there is a video shown that Jefferson made about cell phone addiction. His video has some good points and thoughts but still, no Scripture. God doesn’t even receive a mention until the end of the video, when Alyssa prays and then follows with, “Communicate with Him, I guess that’s where it starts.” I would have loved to hear them begin the video with that and elaborate on that from Scripture. I also found it hard to follow along with what they were saying as they both speak quickly and constantly interrupt one another. I found this ironic since the episode is on communication.
In this day and age, I’ve seen many people eager to devour resources that contain the label “Christian” but very apathetic about God and His Word and how such resources actually match up to it. This is a dangerous dilemma and unfortunately, I see Love That Lasts contributing to it.
I’m afraid that those reading the book who haven’t turned from their sin and trusted in Christ alone for salvation will have a false assurance that it’s okay to be a Christian and simultaneously be pursuing a sinful lifestyle, which is so contrary to Scripture. Christians will have a lifelong battle with sin but they will desire to put to death the deeds of the flesh as, “. . . to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God,” (Romans 8:6-8).
When it comes to resources about relationships and marriage, Love That Lasts missed the mark and I do not recommend it.
If you are looking for solid, Biblical resources on relationships and marriage, I recommend With One Voice: Singleness, Dating, and Marriage to the Glory of God, Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart, Preparing for Marriage God's Way: A Step-By-Step Guide for Marriage Success Before and After the Wedding - Second Edition and When Sinners Say "I Do": Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage.
I received Love That Lasts compliments of Nelson Books in exchange for my honest review.
October 23, 2017
I really wanted to love Love That Lasts.
Granted I'm not that familiar with Jeff and Alyssa Bethke. They are a young couple who have become increasingly well-known and popular in Christian circles in the last five years since Jeff's spoken word poem "Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus" went viral; they now live in Maui with their two young children, and create YouTube videos, host a podcast about relationships and faith, and have individually written several books. But, while I have not read their previous books or watched many of their YouTube videos, my initial impression (based on their videos) is that the Bethkes are a winsome couple who are not only lighthearted, joyful, and fun-loving but also thoughtful and intentional (like "throwing a party" to celebrate Sabbath as a way to instruct their children and to rest and re-fill as a family every week). They are genuinely likable, the kind of people who I feel like I'm on a first-name basis with even though I've never met them, and they discuss important topics with candor and maturity; plus, their media overall is top notch.
When I heard Jeff and Alyssa were publishing a book about love, relationships, and marriage, I was eager to read what they had to write. They mention in an interview that they feel there's a gap in marriage books written by older couples that don't necessarily speak to the issues in culture and society that young people are facing today, which I thought was a valid point (though I tend to think problems within marriage and relationships are ultimately deeper than surface-level cultural trends, yet I also recognize this world is more perverted than ever before); and furthermore, while I recognize the value of learning from the wisdom of older men and women specifically (Titus 2), it is similarly Biblical to exhort and learn from each other regardless of age ("Iron sharpens iron"!). And so I hoped Love That Lasts would be Jeff and Alyssa sharing truths and insights that are both Biblically based and culturally relevant, from a "young married" Millennial perspective.
Love That Lasts was, overall, what I anticipated. It is timely and real, discussing the challenges and evils in our world, from social media and a perverted definition of "love" to the pervasiveness and devastating effects of of p*rn, objectification, abuse, and divorce. In the midst of this, Jeff and Alyssa grew up with polar-opposite personal backgrounds and life experiences, as they write in the Introduction: "Alyssa had never even held a guy’s hand until she held mine when we dated in our twenties. I, on the other hand, lived with the “if it felt good, then do it” motto from the time I entered high school." Their story is the backbone of the book as they each share their unique experiences, personal struggles, and how they met, started dating and fell in love, broke up, got back together, and (finally) married. Jeff and Alyssa are characteristically authentic and vulnerable, and they share many nuggets of truth and wisdom throughout the pages, including what "Real Love" is, the importance of mentors, accountability, being complete in Christ, identity, intentionality, being friends first in a dating relationship, commitment, the purpose of marriage to make us holy (not happy), and much more.
Yet, while Jeff and Alyssa do well to acknowledge the issues and to address many from a Biblical perspective, Love That Lasts fell short for me. First, it lacks a clear, solid Biblical foundation. It is written from a Biblical perspective, yes, but it doesn't seem to start with Scripture as definitive, objective Truth about love, relationships, and marriage, and instead often mingles blanket statements about God with personal interpretations and experiences that can be a bit muddy, misleading, and a few times contrary to the Bible from my understanding. (For example, there are pragmatic, "you were made for more" rationales for not sleeping around, rather than explaining the Bible's clear position on it, i.e., Heb. 13:4, etc.) Second, Love That Lasts lacks a clear premise. While I agree with Jeff and Alyssa that "religious purity culture" has sometimes been legalistically upheld and skewed (as they posit throughout the book, and with the "religious" label), nevertheless purity and abstinence are Biblical, and in my opinion to suggest there's "a third and better way" unfairly casts the purity culture and purity by association in a negative light, as if having a warped perception from being told "sex is bad" all your life is wrong in the same sense as, in "the world's way", having sex before marriage. (I found myself getting defensive on this point while reading, mainly because I grew up in the "purity culture" to some extent, am grateful I did, - rather than dating casually, etc., etc. - and as a result in large part have a beautiful love story. 💕) Finally, and honestly the most disappointing personally, Love That Lasts lacks practical depth. Jeff and Alyssa seem so intentional, so I was hopeful they would delve into living out the "better way" and share real-life examples and suggestions, but though they touch on many wise insights in principle, most beg the question what or how (for example, what did you do differently, actually? what was some advice your mentors gave? what was your vision while dating, and now in marriage? how did you navigate social media, etc.?).
I have no doubt that Jeff and Alyssa Bethke are sincere, passionate followers of Christ who want to speak truth and light into a dark and hurting world, and in some senses the Church as well, and in so many good ways they do exactly that in Love That Lasts. Even though I have several overarching criticisms of the book (there is simultaneously too much and not enough storytelling, in a loose sense of the word) and therefore can't say I love Love That Lasts, there are still many valid and valuable truths and insights from a Biblical perspective that "expose the distorted views of love that permeate our culture" (Summary) and also help to redefine a right view of love, sexuality, dating, and marriage. I am encouraged and challenged by Jeff and Alyssa's honesty, grace, intentionality, and love for each other, Christ, the Church, and the world. They are a refreshingly mature, thoughtful young couple with an influential platform, and I pray they will continue to use it wisely. And, with them, that each of us as believers will "live in a way that when the end comes [...] we can say we lived well, loved well, and pointed to a bigger picture. [...] That when people saw us, they in some small way got a glimpse of the greatest love—Jesus." (Introduction)
Note I purchased this book and chose to write a review; it was not a complimentary copy sent to me in exchange for my review.
Granted I'm not that familiar with Jeff and Alyssa Bethke. They are a young couple who have become increasingly well-known and popular in Christian circles in the last five years since Jeff's spoken word poem "Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus" went viral; they now live in Maui with their two young children, and create YouTube videos, host a podcast about relationships and faith, and have individually written several books. But, while I have not read their previous books or watched many of their YouTube videos, my initial impression (based on their videos) is that the Bethkes are a winsome couple who are not only lighthearted, joyful, and fun-loving but also thoughtful and intentional (like "throwing a party" to celebrate Sabbath as a way to instruct their children and to rest and re-fill as a family every week). They are genuinely likable, the kind of people who I feel like I'm on a first-name basis with even though I've never met them, and they discuss important topics with candor and maturity; plus, their media overall is top notch.
When I heard Jeff and Alyssa were publishing a book about love, relationships, and marriage, I was eager to read what they had to write. They mention in an interview that they feel there's a gap in marriage books written by older couples that don't necessarily speak to the issues in culture and society that young people are facing today, which I thought was a valid point (though I tend to think problems within marriage and relationships are ultimately deeper than surface-level cultural trends, yet I also recognize this world is more perverted than ever before); and furthermore, while I recognize the value of learning from the wisdom of older men and women specifically (Titus 2), it is similarly Biblical to exhort and learn from each other regardless of age ("Iron sharpens iron"!). And so I hoped Love That Lasts would be Jeff and Alyssa sharing truths and insights that are both Biblically based and culturally relevant, from a "young married" Millennial perspective.
Love That Lasts was, overall, what I anticipated. It is timely and real, discussing the challenges and evils in our world, from social media and a perverted definition of "love" to the pervasiveness and devastating effects of of p*rn, objectification, abuse, and divorce. In the midst of this, Jeff and Alyssa grew up with polar-opposite personal backgrounds and life experiences, as they write in the Introduction: "Alyssa had never even held a guy’s hand until she held mine when we dated in our twenties. I, on the other hand, lived with the “if it felt good, then do it” motto from the time I entered high school." Their story is the backbone of the book as they each share their unique experiences, personal struggles, and how they met, started dating and fell in love, broke up, got back together, and (finally) married. Jeff and Alyssa are characteristically authentic and vulnerable, and they share many nuggets of truth and wisdom throughout the pages, including what "Real Love" is, the importance of mentors, accountability, being complete in Christ, identity, intentionality, being friends first in a dating relationship, commitment, the purpose of marriage to make us holy (not happy), and much more.
Yet, while Jeff and Alyssa do well to acknowledge the issues and to address many from a Biblical perspective, Love That Lasts fell short for me. First, it lacks a clear, solid Biblical foundation. It is written from a Biblical perspective, yes, but it doesn't seem to start with Scripture as definitive, objective Truth about love, relationships, and marriage, and instead often mingles blanket statements about God with personal interpretations and experiences that can be a bit muddy, misleading, and a few times contrary to the Bible from my understanding. (For example, there are pragmatic, "you were made for more" rationales for not sleeping around, rather than explaining the Bible's clear position on it, i.e., Heb. 13:4, etc.) Second, Love That Lasts lacks a clear premise. While I agree with Jeff and Alyssa that "religious purity culture" has sometimes been legalistically upheld and skewed (as they posit throughout the book, and with the "religious" label), nevertheless purity and abstinence are Biblical, and in my opinion to suggest there's "a third and better way" unfairly casts the purity culture and purity by association in a negative light, as if having a warped perception from being told "sex is bad" all your life is wrong in the same sense as, in "the world's way", having sex before marriage. (I found myself getting defensive on this point while reading, mainly because I grew up in the "purity culture" to some extent, am grateful I did, - rather than dating casually, etc., etc. - and as a result in large part have a beautiful love story. 💕) Finally, and honestly the most disappointing personally, Love That Lasts lacks practical depth. Jeff and Alyssa seem so intentional, so I was hopeful they would delve into living out the "better way" and share real-life examples and suggestions, but though they touch on many wise insights in principle, most beg the question what or how (for example, what did you do differently, actually? what was some advice your mentors gave? what was your vision while dating, and now in marriage? how did you navigate social media, etc.?).
I have no doubt that Jeff and Alyssa Bethke are sincere, passionate followers of Christ who want to speak truth and light into a dark and hurting world, and in some senses the Church as well, and in so many good ways they do exactly that in Love That Lasts. Even though I have several overarching criticisms of the book (there is simultaneously too much and not enough storytelling, in a loose sense of the word) and therefore can't say I love Love That Lasts, there are still many valid and valuable truths and insights from a Biblical perspective that "expose the distorted views of love that permeate our culture" (Summary) and also help to redefine a right view of love, sexuality, dating, and marriage. I am encouraged and challenged by Jeff and Alyssa's honesty, grace, intentionality, and love for each other, Christ, the Church, and the world. They are a refreshingly mature, thoughtful young couple with an influential platform, and I pray they will continue to use it wisely. And, with them, that each of us as believers will "live in a way that when the end comes [...] we can say we lived well, loved well, and pointed to a bigger picture. [...] That when people saw us, they in some small way got a glimpse of the greatest love—Jesus." (Introduction)
Note I purchased this book and chose to write a review; it was not a complimentary copy sent to me in exchange for my review.
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