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400 pages, Paperback
First published July 2, 2024
"she's a phantom in human form. like trying to catch the wind in your fist, unable to see it even while feeling it slip between your fingers."
“do i haunt your dreams, plague your thoughts, like you do mine?”
“and then she smiles, bright and big like the night sky hanging above us. i fear she could rival the stars.”
“Hate me enough to make me want you.”
“Let me dance for the both of us.”
“Let me swim for the both of us.”
₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊
"Prove it," I repeat, voice quiet. "Hate me enough to make me want you." I cup her jaw, feeling her eyes burning into mine. "Ruin me."
"Don't live to die. Die because you lived."
"Careful, Gray," he murmurs. "I was beginning to think you cared about me."
"Well, you're not exactly the most encouraging person to be tied up with."
"Under different circumstances," he pants, "I promise you I'm much more fun tied up."
"Prove it to me, Gray," I murmur against her ear. "Hate me enough to use me."
"I hate the way he's watching me, like he's ready to collect the pieces when I inevitably break."
"That's my girl,"
"Oh, sitting is easy," he argues. "It's the looking pretty part that can be difficult. Well," he adds sincerely, "not in my experience. But I'm sure others may struggle with that."
"I'm tired."
"So am I," he sighs. "Specifically of you."
"Up, Gray."
"Make me, Azer."
"Don't call me that,"
"Don't call you what?"
"Darling. That's what."
"Very good, Gray," he murmurs. "Being close to me always was the most difficult part for you."
"We still aren't dancing."
"So start leading, Azer."
"Yes, darling."
"Always trying to get me naked, aren't you, darling?"
"No, but I am always saving your ass, Prince."
"Your heart is pounding."
"That tends to happen when you touch me, yes."
"You cannot be nothing when you are everything to someone else."
"Don't do that,"
"Do what, darling?"
"That. The flirting."
"Dance with me?"
"For however long you want, darling."
"Say my name," I whisper. "Please."
"I had no choice in the matter. Do you think I could have stopped it if I tried?"
"Stop what?"
"Stop myself from falling in love with you!"
"Tell me you hate me, and I'll still count every heartbeat, every freckle, every shiver of your body, if only you say it with a smile. I may be a monster, but if you cut me, I'll bleed. And if you break my heart, Pae, you'll break me. So, if even a sliver of your soul longs for mine, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to deserve it."
"Darling"—he smiles—"I have never had to pretend to want you."
"Oh, but you are my undoing. My deliverance. My downfall disguised as a deity. You are my ruin."
"Call us even. Call me crazy. I don't care. Just . . . Just call me yours."
"Touch her again," he snarls, voice low, "and I'll slit your throat. She's mine."
"This is how I lose her. Not by death but by something just as binding. The command rings in my head. And to think I wasted so much time trying to hate her. To think I won't have enough time to love her. My heart aches because every beat belongs to her. And I may never get to tell her that."
"This is not how I will remember us. Not as enemies or traitors or monsters, but as two people dancing in the dark, swaying beneath the stars. Her feet atop mine, her head on the heart that beats only for her. Just Pae and Kai."
"I will smother every emotion but the one that belongs to her. I will love her until I am incapable of the feeling. She is the torture I may not survive. Eagerly, she is my undoing. Her gaze lifts, meeting eyes that are not my own. Eyes of the man who gets to have her—if she allows it. She was supposed to be my forever. Now I'll watch her become someone else's. Because the beast doesn't fet the beauty."
' Do I haunt your dreams, plague your thoughts, like you do mine?'
🗡️ 🏹 . 𖦹˙— "for the reckless souls who dare to love and be loved"
She’s alluring in the way most deadly things are. It’s captivating. No. No, it’s terrifying. It’s supposed to be terrifying, still thinking of her as something I’m trying to deserve. Still deeming her worthy of my desire. But she’s not. No matter what has already happened between us. She’s my prisoner and my mission. She is nothing to me.
“One landmark closer to my death.”
I look away to the street below us, not wanting to think about the possible truth in her words. I hate that I don’t know what Kitt plans for her. Or worse, what he plans for me to do to her.
My life is not my own. And, for that reason, she can never be mine.
“'call us even. call me crazy. i don’t care. just…' his eyes are pleading, brimming with emotion. 'just call me yours.'” ⋅ ࿐
𓏲 ₊♡𓂃There is such beauty in resilience, in the ability to laugh despite it all.⋆𓂃ִֶָ ⊹˚
⚔️𝓛𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓡𝓮𝓿𝓲𝓮𝔀 & 𝓢𝓹𝓸𝓲𝓵𝓮𝓻𝓼 𝓐𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓭⚔️
❥𝓜𝔂 𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱𝓽𝓼💭 ˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹
❥𝓚𝓪𝓲🖤˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹
🌹Her laugh alone could cure the most corrupted parts of me, and that is exactly what it's done since the day I met her.🌹
❥ 𝓟𝓪𝓮💙 ˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹
🍃He is my anchor, and I am willing to sink, so long as it is with him.🍃
❥𝓚𝓲𝓽𝓽💛˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹
❥𝓛𝓮𝓷𝓷𝔂❤️˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹
If she is Shadow, then I am Flame.
This girl is the very thing I can't seem to escape- can't seem to go anywhere without the remnants of her following. Where I am, she is. Whether it's in the flesh or in the fragments of my mind.
And where there is a flame, there is always a shadow.
She is my inevitable.
“I'm sick of running. And I won't spend the rest of my life doing it unless it's you I'm running back to.”
“Then I'll spend the rest of my life tracking you down,” he says quietly. “Glimpsing you in the shadows. Fighting you in the streets. Dancing with you in my dreams. Because living without you is only bearable when I know you are out there still living too.”
I used to welcome the idea of drowning in those blue eyes of hers. But now, seeing the disdain she stares me down with, I realize that drowning alone wasn't what I craved, but sinking together.
“Out here I am Kai and nothing more.” His throat bobs. “Out here I am powerless. A monster without an ability to hide behind. An Enforcer free from his masks. A man shouting his love for a woman.”
He continues to kiss my thumb, helping me wipe away every tear decorating my face. My eyes are puffy, face splotchy, but he looks at me with a reverence reserved for religion.
But I'm tired of breaking. Tired of having to lug around pieces of myself that I'm too tired to fit back together.
“Dammit, the minute you threw a dagger at my head, I knew I was done for. There was no longer a before you, only what I wanted with you.”
He's hurt. And I hate it.
That realization might just anger me more.
Because it is then that I understand just how terribly I will hurt anyone who dares hurt him.
Because, despite it all, I've come to realize that there is little I wouldn't sacrifice for him.
“Prove it to me, Gray,” I murmur against her ear. “Hate me enough to use me.”
“Touch her again,” he snarls, voice low, “and I'll slit your throat. She's mine.”
“Do I haunt your dreams, plague your thoughts, like you do mine?”
“Go on, my Silver Savior,” he muses bitterly. “Be my undoing.”
Seeing her enjoy life makes surviving mine suddenly worth it.
She tastes like a piece of the heaven I won't be going to.
We were inevitably imperfect for each other.
Kissing her is relief.
It's a delicate sort of demand.
She was supposed to be my forever.
Now I'll watch her become someone else's.
Because the beast doesn't get the beauty.
𓏲 ₊♡𓂃This is not how I will remember us. Not as enemies or traitors or monsters, but as two people dancing in the dark, swaying beneath the stars. Her feet atop mine, her head on the heart that beats only for her.
Just Pae and Kai.⋆𓂃ִֶָ ⊹˚