The Fae Book 1: Hatch and Harmony

Impatience. Urgency. Appetite. Control. I could feel the sweat breaking out on my forehead as I panted with the sheer pain of exactly what his emotions meant as they hammered at me relentlessly. It was unbearable, like being ripped apart from within... Ache. Outlet. Heat. Release. I had to clamp my lips together to keep from crying out, but nothing, nothing could stop the tears streaming from my eyes or the violent shaking that was inundating my entire body. I could barely breathe, my insides frozen in anguish... Hatch walked out first, with Teresa right on his heels. Right on his heels, her hand trying to stay on his back as he stalked toward the door. Her hair was a mess and her dress was wrinkled. Wrinkled as if it'd been pushed up in a careless way while someone was fucking her, maybe in a restroom or maybe in the alley behind the bar, up against the wall. The man himself looked right at me with those startling blue eyes of his, staring right into my eyes, and he walked to the door without pausing as if he hadn't seen me.

I enjoyed women, but I enjoyed them in limited circumstances and those circumstances were in a bed, against a wall, on a desk, in a pool, in the locker room, wherever. I loved sex and women served that need. Outside of sex, I had no use for them or their controlling, manipulative ways. Women wielded sex as a weapon and it was more effective than a gun to the head if you allowed it to be. I'd had enough of that growing up with frontrow tickets to my father's repeated mistakes. It was why I rarely went back to the same woman more than a few times. Any more than that, and they began to think there might be something there and they'd start plotting and scheming to get you to take it to the next level. What the fuck did that even mean?

Harmony was the most perfect woman I'd ever fucked, until that night she started her power play and I had to nip that shit in the bud. By the look on her face when I'd walked out of the Bar hallway with that random, she'd gotten the message loud and clear. It was a shame because we were explosive in bed together. As usual, though, she couldn't be content with what we had and let that be enough... Her little control tactic of showing up two hours late and keeping me waiting didn't turn out well for her, so now she was here trying to either pretend she was pregnant or get me to cough up money for some other man's baby.

"I came to see you and my baby." "She's not your baby," I said dully. "You're not on the birth certificate, there's no paternity test proving you're her father. I begged you to take one; you refused. Now, I find that I'm quite good with Lyric not having you in her life." "Then why did you have Willow send me that picture?" At that, I did look at him. "So you would know every single day for the rest of your life how badly you messed up and what you gave up." "I'll do a paternity test, whatever you want." "Too late; you had your chance. And then, on top of everything else you threw at me, you almost pulled a gun on us. Tell me, would you have shot me, a pregnant woman?"

"Harmony, I wish I knew what to say to you that could take away what I did to you or at least lessen the pain. Saying I'm sorry is completely inadequate; I'm aware of that, but I don't know what else to say, what else to do to make up for what I've done." "You can't make up for what you've done." "OK, then let me reframe it: I don't know what to do, what to say to help us move forward. That's what I want to focus on." "I'm sure you would," she hissed at me. "Selective amnesia would be really helpful for you. But unfortunately, that's not the way life works."

"Harmony, I don't know what you think happened that night, but you and I were not together. I thought you were playing games by not showing up -- that's been my experience with women -- and I was finishing a drink when she came up to me. When I stood up to leave, she made her move. I was frustrated and disappointed because I thought you were trying to manipulate me, and yes, I went out back with her. Was it the smart thing to do? No. But you and I had made no commitment to each other." "I was going to ask for your number that night. I obviously thought we had something more than we did." So much anger, evident in every tense line in her body, the flush on her cheeks. "I don't trust women," I told her. "In my experience, and there's been a lot, they try to
work you and they aren't honest. I jumped to the wrong conclusion and felt justified in moving on. When I came out and saw you sitting there, that just seemed to prove that you had kept me waiting on purpose."

"I want you to think about something, some plain talk," I told her after a minute. "We were fuck buddies, we both were attracted to each other, but we didn't really know jack shit about each other, did we? You said you were having feelings for me, but what were those feelings based on? Anything I'd actually done, any way I treated you outside of bed? No. If anything, Harmony, you were attracted to the potential you saw in me, and I was attracted to your looks and you were fun to be around. But that's not fair to either one of us, is it? You're so much more than I was willing to let myself see, and I'm not the potential you wanted to see instead of who I actually am right now." "What's your point?" "My point is, we have Lyric. What if we try, for her sake, to become actual friends -- not some guy with potential and not some fucking beautiful woman. What if we start fresh, learn about each other, and find out about each other the right way?" And see what happens after that, I added to myself.

"Are you going to allow yourself to have emotions for your own child?" "I did from the moment I saw her picture." "But only after you had that proof. You didn't believe me; you had to have proof." A little of the bitterness I felt crept into my voice. He took a step toward my hospital bed. "Harmony, I understand you're angry with me. I acted liked a jackass to you, and I'm sorry for that. Believe me, if I could have a do-over, I'd take it. But most men in this situation would require proof of paternity. The simple truth is, Lyric shouldn't exist. It's impossible from my end. So unfortunately, I'm sorry that it did take me seeing her and knowing that she could only be mine to believe I had a child. Your...your fairies made it possible, otherwise, she wouldn't be here. That's a lot to take in, a lot for a mind that's always been very logical and skeptical to wrap itself around. I know I'm playing catch up here, but I'm doing my best -- and I'm well aware my best isn't even close to good enough and I'm going to have to do a lot better. I want to do better."

"What do you want me to say, Dad? You want to hear how every single fucking day I have to be with her in that house, wanting something I can never have again because I messed up so badly? Do you want to hear how I notice every little thing about her and I count the hours after I leave her house until I can go back and see her? Do you want to hear that I've been fucking falling in love with her more and more every single day that I'm there and I can't do anything about it because I have to respect her choice? Do you want to hear that regret eats at my insides every day for the way I treated her and I have no one to blame but myself? Because I can tell you all of that is the absolute truth, but it won't make a damn bit of difference because she is done with me and has already moved on."

"I didn't fucking know, Harmony. I wouldn't have done it if I'd known how it would hurt you. I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't been so angry at you for what I thought you were doing. I wouldn't have done it. I'm sorrier than I can tell you for that night. Sorry that what I did hurt you so badly, sorry that I can't go back in time and have a do-over, sorry that I can't take your hurt away, sorry that I can't erase the pain of my stupidity from your mind. I regret everything about my attitude toward you; god! I've never been filled with so much regret and self-hatred about being a piece of shit human being who could hurt someone as much as I hurt you. The only thing I can change is tomorrow, and the day after that, and all the days after that. And after enough days, weeks, months -- however long it takes -- of proving to you that I'm not who I was then, you're going to forgive me, Harmony and then I'm going to give you everything I'm dying to give you right now."

I promise to love you more and more every day. I promise to keep trying to be a better man. I promise to teach our children how precious you are. I promise to keep your heart in my safekeeping. I promise to make so many good memories with you that there won't be room for the memories of all the ways I hurt you in the past. I promise when I leave this earth, your name will be said with my last breath.