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Laundry Files #2.9
Equoid
The "Laundry" is Britain's super-secret agency devoted to protecting the realm from the supernatural horrors that menace it. Now Bob Howard, Laundry agent, must travel to the quiet English countryside to deal with an outbreak of one of the worst horrors imaginable. For, as it turns out, unicorns are real. They're also ravenous killers from beyond spacetime...
At the publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management software (DRM) applied.
At the publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management software (DRM) applied.
65 pages, ebook
First published September 24, 2013
About the author
Charles Stross
157 books5,700 followersCharles David George "Charlie" Stross is a writer based in Edinburgh, Scotland. His works range from science fiction and Lovecraftian horror to fantasy.
Stross is sometimes regarded as being part of a new generation of British science fiction writers who specialise in hard science fiction and space opera. His contemporaries include Alastair Reynolds, Ken MacLeod, Liz Williams and Richard Morgan.
SF Encyclopedia: http://www.sf-encyclopedia.com/entry/...
Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_...
Tor: http://us.macmillan.com/author/charle...
Stross is sometimes regarded as being part of a new generation of British science fiction writers who specialise in hard science fiction and space opera. His contemporaries include Alastair Reynolds, Ken MacLeod, Liz Williams and Richard Morgan.
SF Encyclopedia: http://www.sf-encyclopedia.com/entry/...
Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_...
Tor: http://us.macmillan.com/author/charle...
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 424 reviews
January 7, 2018
Hello, Charles Stross, you’re my new friend.
Or, I guess mate I should say, since you’re English … or British? Scottish? What’s the proper term?
Anyway! Equoid, Stross’ 2013 Tor.com (Tor.com again demonstrating that it is the greatest thing since the ansible) short work that won the 2014 Hugo Award for Best Novella is a really cool book and I enjoyed it in an eldritch and unspeakable way.
First of all, it was funny and told with wit and charm. Any writer who can come up with a simile like this: "they went through the station like a tide of Ex-Lax" – has got a reader in me.
Secondly, this pays loving tribute to good ole H.P. Lovecraft. The work itself is Lovecraftian (I love typing that) and is a part of his Laundry Files series, which I will be checking out. Beginning with The Atrocity Archives in 2004, the Laundry Unit is a secret British agency specializing in the occult and paranormal, kind of like the Men in Black.
Finally, this is just a fun story and told by a very talented writer. Stross has a very original take on an old legend and gets some good mileage out of his urban fantasy theme.
Or, I guess mate I should say, since you’re English … or British? Scottish? What’s the proper term?
Anyway! Equoid, Stross’ 2013 Tor.com (Tor.com again demonstrating that it is the greatest thing since the ansible) short work that won the 2014 Hugo Award for Best Novella is a really cool book and I enjoyed it in an eldritch and unspeakable way.
First of all, it was funny and told with wit and charm. Any writer who can come up with a simile like this: "they went through the station like a tide of Ex-Lax" – has got a reader in me.
Secondly, this pays loving tribute to good ole H.P. Lovecraft. The work itself is Lovecraftian (I love typing that) and is a part of his Laundry Files series, which I will be checking out. Beginning with The Atrocity Archives in 2004, the Laundry Unit is a secret British agency specializing in the occult and paranormal, kind of like the Men in Black.
Finally, this is just a fun story and told by a very talented writer. Stross has a very original take on an old legend and gets some good mileage out of his urban fantasy theme.
February 24, 2018
Re-read 2/23/18:
As good as the first time, or perhaps better. And even when I know what's coming, I still shiver when all the implications are driven home. It doesn't matter how many times I've read this.
It still scares me shitless.
Original Review:
Oh my god that was a sharp one. I'm bowled over, not only because this was easily the best Bob Howard story I've read, including all of the novels, all of which I love, but because the tale was freaking sharp. There wasn't an ounce of fat on it, and it drove me into a shivering horror state even as I was expecting great hyperbole, great dry wit, and a character I love. What I didn't expect was the absolute chittering horror that I felt as I read it.
It wasn't HP Lovecraft's deathbed confession or purple prose, although that certainly got to me in the end. It wasn't the singularly nightmarish aspects of the unicorns, either, although it came DAMN CLOSE. It was the idea of all those little girls playing with all those little ponies in the boarding school. That got me. That got me to my core.
I had to put the novella down for a few minutes to fucking recover.
Now, I'm going to admit something. I have been a long time fanboy of Mr. Stross, and I devour all his works like they are candy and get super giddy over the idea of the Laundry Files and wish to the sweet heavens that the Eschaton series didn't have that fatal flaw that prevents him from writing more.
I'm predisposed to give him the benefit of lots of leeway because of the power of my never-ending fanboy powers.
Well, I'm telling you all, right now, that I'm forgoing all rights and status of being a fanboy and saying that this little gem of a story stands mightily and beautifully on its own without any kind of preamble, preconception, or good-will. More than that, I'm tempted to rank it up there with the very best novellas I've ever read. It has all the markings of the best. Tight story, great characters, and IMPACT. Oh god, the impact. I'm still scared shitless, and I'm an old hand at enjoying horror. What's more, this is great SF, too.
And what's more, it won last year's Hugo for best Novella.
I can't believe, with all my fanboy powers for both Hugos and Stross, I am JUST NOW getting around to reading this fantastic little gem. Maybe I ought to let one of those snails crawl onto my hand. I probably deserve it, now.
As good as the first time, or perhaps better. And even when I know what's coming, I still shiver when all the implications are driven home. It doesn't matter how many times I've read this.
It still scares me shitless.
Original Review:
Oh my god that was a sharp one. I'm bowled over, not only because this was easily the best Bob Howard story I've read, including all of the novels, all of which I love, but because the tale was freaking sharp. There wasn't an ounce of fat on it, and it drove me into a shivering horror state even as I was expecting great hyperbole, great dry wit, and a character I love. What I didn't expect was the absolute chittering horror that I felt as I read it.
It wasn't HP Lovecraft's deathbed confession or purple prose, although that certainly got to me in the end. It wasn't the singularly nightmarish aspects of the unicorns, either, although it came DAMN CLOSE. It was the idea of all those little girls playing with all those little ponies in the boarding school. That got me. That got me to my core.
I had to put the novella down for a few minutes to fucking recover.
Now, I'm going to admit something. I have been a long time fanboy of Mr. Stross, and I devour all his works like they are candy and get super giddy over the idea of the Laundry Files and wish to the sweet heavens that the Eschaton series didn't have that fatal flaw that prevents him from writing more.
I'm predisposed to give him the benefit of lots of leeway because of the power of my never-ending fanboy powers.
Well, I'm telling you all, right now, that I'm forgoing all rights and status of being a fanboy and saying that this little gem of a story stands mightily and beautifully on its own without any kind of preamble, preconception, or good-will. More than that, I'm tempted to rank it up there with the very best novellas I've ever read. It has all the markings of the best. Tight story, great characters, and IMPACT. Oh god, the impact. I'm still scared shitless, and I'm an old hand at enjoying horror. What's more, this is great SF, too.
And what's more, it won last year's Hugo for best Novella.
I can't believe, with all my fanboy powers for both Hugos and Stross, I am JUST NOW getting around to reading this fantastic little gem. Maybe I ought to let one of those snails crawl onto my hand. I probably deserve it, now.
February 28, 2018
Now this is what I call a good horror story!
Bob is called to a rural part of England to investigate a possible infestation of unicorns. The problem? They aren't fluffy white do-gooders that protect virgins like we know them from fairytales. These are the Lovecraftian version and let me tell you that they are bonechillingly wonderful!
There's a lot of smoke & mirrors going on which prompts wonderful investigative work amidst the typical dry humour about life-or-death assignments still being better for your health that the paperwork back at the office (which I have no problem believing). Not to forget gems like this:
What makes this story stand out so much is the atmosphere. Yeah, it has the typical Laundry Files humour but it is dark and full of disgusting creatures from the dungeon dimension which is why this gets full marks.
Bob is called to a rural part of England to investigate a possible infestation of unicorns. The problem? They aren't fluffy white do-gooders that protect virgins like we know them from fairytales. These are the Lovecraftian version and let me tell you that they are bonechillingly wonderful!
There's a lot of smoke & mirrors going on which prompts wonderful investigative work amidst the typical dry humour about life-or-death assignments still being better for your health that the paperwork back at the office (which I have no problem believing). Not to forget gems like this:
Americans think we Brits drink tea because we’re polite and genteel or something, whereas we really drink it because it’s a stimulant and it’s hot enough to sterilize cholera bacteria.
What makes this story stand out so much is the atmosphere. Yeah, it has the typical Laundry Files humour but it is dark and full of disgusting creatures from the dungeon dimension which is why this gets full marks.
March 9, 2022
Q:
Magic is a branch of applied mathematics, and I started out studying computer science (which is no more about computers than astronomy is about building really big telescopes). These days I specialize in applied computational demonology and general dogsbody work around my department. The secret service has never really worked out how to deal with people like me, who aren’t admin personnel but didn’t come up through the Oxbridge civil service fast-track route. In fact, I got into this line of work entirely by accident: if your dissertation topic leads you in the wrong direction you’d better hope that the Laundry finds you and makes you a job offer you can’t refuse before the things you’ve unintentionally summoned up get bored talking to you and terminate your viva voce with prejudice. (c)
Q:
After a couple of years of death by bureaucratic snu-snu (too many committee meetings, too many tedious IT admin jobs) I volunteered for active duty, without any clear understanding that it would mean more years of death by boredom (too many committee meetings, too many tedious IT jobs) along with a side-order of mortal terror courtesy of tentacle monsters from beyond spacetime. (c)
Q:
... while wearing an expression that says if it’s MySpace, she’s just been unfriended by the universe. (c)
Q:
...the thoughts it provoke focus on the urgent need to commit the author to an asylum for the violently insane...(c)
Magic is a branch of applied mathematics, and I started out studying computer science (which is no more about computers than astronomy is about building really big telescopes). These days I specialize in applied computational demonology and general dogsbody work around my department. The secret service has never really worked out how to deal with people like me, who aren’t admin personnel but didn’t come up through the Oxbridge civil service fast-track route. In fact, I got into this line of work entirely by accident: if your dissertation topic leads you in the wrong direction you’d better hope that the Laundry finds you and makes you a job offer you can’t refuse before the things you’ve unintentionally summoned up get bored talking to you and terminate your viva voce with prejudice. (c)
Q:
After a couple of years of death by bureaucratic snu-snu (too many committee meetings, too many tedious IT admin jobs) I volunteered for active duty, without any clear understanding that it would mean more years of death by boredom (too many committee meetings, too many tedious IT jobs) along with a side-order of mortal terror courtesy of tentacle monsters from beyond spacetime. (c)
Q:
... while wearing an expression that says if it’s MySpace, she’s just been unfriended by the universe. (c)
Q:
...the thoughts it provoke focus on the urgent need to commit the author to an asylum for the violently insane...(c)
May 18, 2018
If you want to read about some seriously weird, nasty, disturbing unicorns, grab yourself a copy of this free short story at http://www.tor.com/stories/2013/09/eq...
No rainbows, sparkles or virgins in sight.
The writing style was a little confusing in parts. Think a horror version of Harry Dresden/Peter Grant, just nastier. Some strange humour, to liven things up. The police station was a shambling gem.
It could help, if you like HP Lovecraft. I wouldn‘t know, as I have never read him.
Hugo Award for Best Novella (2014)
I am not going near any farm buildings anytime soon... But the first book of the Laundry Files is going on my maybe-baby-list.
4 eviscerated, screeching eldritch stars. Thank you, Tor.com!
No rainbows, sparkles or virgins in sight.
The writing style was a little confusing in parts. Think a horror version of Harry Dresden/Peter Grant, just nastier. Some strange humour, to liven things up. The police station was a shambling gem.
It could help, if you like HP Lovecraft. I wouldn‘t know, as I have never read him.
Hugo Award for Best Novella (2014)
I am not going near any farm buildings anytime soon... But the first book of the Laundry Files is going on my maybe-baby-list.
4 eviscerated, screeching eldritch stars. Thank you, Tor.com!
July 22, 2014
There will be a swear in this here review.
Ok.
Here's the thing.
I don't care how snappy your prose is.
How complete your homage to H.P. Lovecraft.
How much horror genre cred you're building.
How clever your inversion of the unicorn mythos.
How niftily you turned a legend of gleaming purity into something coolly twisted and dark.
How much of a good guy author you are.
You do not get to include a scene graphically depicting the sexual mutilation, rape, and killing of a thirteen-year-old girl.
Unless you have a very very very very good reason.
And if your reason is, as it appears to be here, horror kicks? Titillation? Providing motivation for a poor, poor young Lovecraft, portraying him as the actual victim for having witnessed it? Having been horrified but also, yes, gone tumescent for it? Providing a complete mimcry of H.P. Lovecraft's misogyny? And this all in the service of a story that is otherwise rather, well, flip?
You? Can fuck. Right. Off.
Ok.
Here's the thing.
I don't care how snappy your prose is.
How complete your homage to H.P. Lovecraft.
How much horror genre cred you're building.
How clever your inversion of the unicorn mythos.
How niftily you turned a legend of gleaming purity into something coolly twisted and dark.
How much of a good guy author you are.
You do not get to include a scene graphically depicting the sexual mutilation, rape, and killing of a thirteen-year-old girl.
Unless you have a very very very very good reason.
And if your reason is, as it appears to be here, horror kicks? Titillation? Providing motivation for a poor, poor young Lovecraft, portraying him as the actual victim for having witnessed it? Having been horrified but also, yes, gone tumescent for it? Providing a complete mimcry of H.P. Lovecraft's misogyny? And this all in the service of a story that is otherwise rather, well, flip?
You? Can fuck. Right. Off.
November 16, 2018
Bob gets mucky in this one. The most Lovecraftian work I've read by Stross. To be fair, I've only read three short works and one full length novel, but this wins hands down. I've visited Sussex, it seemed like such a nice place, not here. Bucolic charms are twisted into a rather gruesome tale of grotesque glamour.
Do not trust unicorns. If you wish to remain a devotee of the sparkly joyous version of the species, do not read this. Yikes.
Do not trust unicorns. If you wish to remain a devotee of the sparkly joyous version of the species, do not read this. Yikes.
March 15, 2014
I have no idea why this story appealed to me as much as it did. It was funny, cleverly written, and original, and yet... parts of it were pretty horrifying/sick (and this somehow turned out to be a good thing!). I'm not even really sure how to classify this novella, except for maybe "Urban Fantasy Lovecraft." I really enjoyed this one, but it is definitely not for everyone. I would warn you to read a bit of a more in-depth description before deciding if this novella is really for you.
I had never heard of this author before, but I will now be looking in to his other work immediately.
I had never heard of this author before, but I will now be looking in to his other work immediately.
June 24, 2015
My experience with Stross before this story? Nada. I have several of his books on my tbr but at this point you probably have a book on my list. I didn't realize this was set in the Laundry Files world so I wasn't sure how I felt about reading this out of sequence(I'm a little weird that way). In the end I don't think it made any difference but I will go back and start at the beginning with
The Atrocity Archives in the near future.
I guess you would call this urban fantasy, it reminds me of The Rook or a bit like
Monster Hunter International in that there is a government agency set up to combat supernatural forces, in this instance these forces are Mythos type creatures. There are several excerpts from Lovecrafts letters sprinkled throughout and as I worked along in the story it dawned on me what this story is about......unicorns?! Wait...what? Unicorns....and just when I'm about to go off on sparkly Twilight, My Little Pony rant I read a little further to discover that these unicorns aren't you're 12 year nieces ponies(or your 21 year old roommates, for all you bronies out there).
No my friends these are nasty, carnivorous beasts with glowing blue eyes.
When they focus on you, you simply know that they're wondering how you'll taste
There is cold comfort to be drawn from the sure and certain knowledge that the correct way to deal with the problem you're facing in your job involves napalm
Bob Howard is sent out to investigate a local stable/farm Edgebaston Farms even though he figures it will be a snipe hunt.
In my experience, your typical scenario is that some trespassing teenagers get stoned on 'shrooms, hallucinate flying saucers piloted by alien colorectal surgeons looking to field test their new alien endoscope technology and shit themselves copiously all over Farmer Giles' back paddock
Needless to say it's a little more complicated than that. I was pleasantly surprised by this story and the world Stross has created. There was a fair amount on snarky comedy as well, which I didn't think hard sci/fi-space opera guys were allowed to write.
You wouldn't believe the scope for mischief that the Beast of Redmond unintentionally builds into its Office software by letting it execute macros that have unlimited access to the hardware.
This was a pretty good UF with a dash of horror thrown in which really hit a sweet spot for me. I'll definitely be checking out the rest of this series.
The Atrocity Archives in the near future.
I guess you would call this urban fantasy, it reminds me of The Rook or a bit like
Monster Hunter International in that there is a government agency set up to combat supernatural forces, in this instance these forces are Mythos type creatures. There are several excerpts from Lovecrafts letters sprinkled throughout and as I worked along in the story it dawned on me what this story is about......unicorns?! Wait...what? Unicorns....and just when I'm about to go off on sparkly Twilight, My Little Pony rant I read a little further to discover that these unicorns aren't you're 12 year nieces ponies(or your 21 year old roommates, for all you bronies out there).
No my friends these are nasty, carnivorous beasts with glowing blue eyes.
When they focus on you, you simply know that they're wondering how you'll taste
There is cold comfort to be drawn from the sure and certain knowledge that the correct way to deal with the problem you're facing in your job involves napalm
Bob Howard is sent out to investigate a local stable/farm Edgebaston Farms even though he figures it will be a snipe hunt.
In my experience, your typical scenario is that some trespassing teenagers get stoned on 'shrooms, hallucinate flying saucers piloted by alien colorectal surgeons looking to field test their new alien endoscope technology and shit themselves copiously all over Farmer Giles' back paddock
Needless to say it's a little more complicated than that. I was pleasantly surprised by this story and the world Stross has created. There was a fair amount on snarky comedy as well, which I didn't think hard sci/fi-space opera guys were allowed to write.
You wouldn't believe the scope for mischief that the Beast of Redmond unintentionally builds into its Office software by letting it execute macros that have unlimited access to the hardware.
This was a pretty good UF with a dash of horror thrown in which really hit a sweet spot for me. I'll definitely be checking out the rest of this series.
October 24, 2015
4.5
This time Bob Howard is sent to the country. The assignment is 'right up to his street'. Since the title is revealing, you won't be surprised by the thing he finds. But you will have to admit it is pretty original take on that particular being.
'What the hell do the love letters of that old fraud H. P. Lovecraft have to do with the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs?'I loved it. I am not surprised it won the 2014 Hugo Award for Best Novella.
This time Bob Howard is sent to the country. The assignment is 'right up to his street'. Since the title is revealing, you won't be surprised by the thing he finds. But you will have to admit it is pretty original take on that particular being.
August 5, 2020
Equoid is my first encounter with Stross' Laundry Files. And not the last. I loved this peculiar mash-up of Lovecraftian mythology and unicorn tales. Lots of wits, and excellent twists. Some readers may find it disturbing.
February 4, 2016
Honestly, I wouldn't have tried to read this if it weren't a Hugo nominee. Given the Lovecraft connection+content warnings, I could predict I'd be unlikely to be into this, but given that it earned its place on the ballot fairly, I felt obliged to try it before voting. It started well enough: a humorous take on the horror of being an office drone with a Harry Dresden sort of weary hero. However, the descent into No further amount of humor and witty jabs at big government could save this story for me after that. I'm going to have to go read something else to cleanse my brain before I sleep. That leaves this novella firmly in the "Did not like it" category for me.
All that said, I'm still looking forward to reading Stross' novel nominee Neptune's Brood, which as far as I know has no tentacled rape monsters.
All that said, I'm still looking forward to reading Stross' novel nominee Neptune's Brood, which as far as I know has no tentacled rape monsters.
October 4, 2013
Stross's Laundry series is one of those concepts that is maddeningly obscure and yet awesome: Take equal parts Lovecraft Mythos, James Bond, and Bastard Sysop From Hell, season with British black humor and computer science jokes, pulp and that's the Laundry and it's brilliant.
In this novella (post-The Jennifer Morgue, pre-The Fuller Memorandum), Bob is up against flesh-eating alien parasites that look like horses and spread via mind-controlled girls. In short, unicorns, and they're out for murder. A novella is the perfect length for a Laundry series: Stross can spin a great yarn where the stakes of a small English town (and Bob Howard's tasty brain) is enough to keep you reading, the absurdity English bureaucracy is on full display, and the world-ending tension of CASE NIGHTMARE GREEN is safely backgrounded.
In this novella (post-The Jennifer Morgue, pre-The Fuller Memorandum), Bob is up against flesh-eating alien parasites that look like horses and spread via mind-controlled girls. In short, unicorns, and they're out for murder. A novella is the perfect length for a Laundry series: Stross can spin a great yarn where the stakes of a small English town (and Bob Howard's tasty brain) is enough to keep you reading, the absurdity English bureaucracy is on full display, and the world-ending tension of CASE NIGHTMARE GREEN is safely backgrounded.
February 2, 2017
3.5 stars. Good paranormal horror short about Bob being sent forth to hunt for unicorns, which have rather more tentacles and carnivory than Bob (or the reader) expects. This won the Hugo for Best Novella in 2014 and you can read it for free!
September 30, 2019
Vážení, jednorožci opravdu existují! A jak praví MVDr. Scullery: "Napalm a spálená země, to je jediná řeč, které ty bestie rozumějí."
Zatím asi nejtemnější a "nejhororovější" příběh z Prádelny.
Zatím asi nejtemnější a "nejhororovější" příběh z Prádelny.
July 28, 2014
Shockingly entertaining given the fact that it's Hugo nominated fiction and therefore has high potential to be a pretentious load of idea-driven unicorn poop. (Especially since the author's bio contains the words "hard science fiction," an anathema to character-based storytelling.)
Equoid is apparently elaborating on the events that took place in an earlier novel.(?) H.P. Lovecraft, he of the unreadable purple prose, must figure prominently in said work, and Equoid is in part an explanation of why Lovecraft hates unicorns, woodsheds, and possibly, sex.
Part of the story (backstory) is told via Lovecraft's letters to a young friend, warning the lad off mono-horned equines. Stross does a decent job of emulating Lovecraft's ponderous prose, while watering it down enough to make it readable. At least I think he does, since I've never gotten past the first paragraph in any Lovecraft work. My knowledge of Lovecraft is vague; I think he's the progenitor of Cthulhu and possibly tentacle porn. *Shrugs*
Fortunately, the majority of the tale is set in a version of the present, told first person by Bob Howard, an investigator with a (of course) shadowy branch of the British government tasked with keeping things of myth and magic in control.
Bob is called out to a quaint English village to determine if rumors of an equoid infestation are true. Using Lovecraft's letters as research, he learns that equoids, read "unicorns," aren't pretty white-gray Andalusians with horns glued to their foreheads. Instead they are tentacled creatures from some hellish other dimension who are intent on taking over the world, one horse farm at a time.
This particular batch of equoids has been aided and abetted by someone in the British goverment, who -- wouldn't ya know it? -- has been dabbling in eldrich magic. And soon Bob is up to his ankles in tiny malevolent My Little Ponies (female unicorns) and their mates, cone snails (think long spiral shells).
The strength of equoid lies with its writing, which features prose like this -- "There are bits of True Knowledge scattered throughout HPL's oeuvre like corn kernels in a turd" -- and not the plot. For all the dire portents of elder-god style evil, Equoid is paced and written like a cozy mystery, albeit one with tentacled horrors who eat virginal school girls.
Maybe because my school-age-girl self glutted herself on horror novels, I found the scenes of unicorn-made carnage banal and shaded in violet. It's great, however, to see unicorns depicted as something other than a beautiful horse with a spear on its forehead, because that idea sounds horrifying to me. As an actual horse owner, I have a dim view of equine "add-ons" like Sleipnir's extra legs or sharp pointy objects. Seriously, plain old vanilla horses are dangerous enough without added features.
So props to the author for the twist on unicorn canon. The story however, lacks suspense, possibly because the only people really imperiled are a few young girls who have zip-zilch-zero-nada-no character development. I mean, we never know anything beyond a name for the maidens in question; they're simply dropped on set, voila, just add water and they're in danger.
But Stross's voice in this is truly winning, wry, smart, and fortunately very British (and not watered-down for us Yanks). Also, I may be feeling extra warm toward Equoid because unlike fellow Hugo-nominee, Wakulla Springs, it contains actual elements of speculative fiction.
Equoid is apparently elaborating on the events that took place in an earlier novel.(?) H.P. Lovecraft, he of the unreadable purple prose, must figure prominently in said work, and Equoid is in part an explanation of why Lovecraft hates unicorns, woodsheds, and possibly, sex.
Part of the story (backstory) is told via Lovecraft's letters to a young friend, warning the lad off mono-horned equines. Stross does a decent job of emulating Lovecraft's ponderous prose, while watering it down enough to make it readable. At least I think he does, since I've never gotten past the first paragraph in any Lovecraft work. My knowledge of Lovecraft is vague; I think he's the progenitor of Cthulhu and possibly tentacle porn. *Shrugs*
Fortunately, the majority of the tale is set in a version of the present, told first person by Bob Howard, an investigator with a (of course) shadowy branch of the British government tasked with keeping things of myth and magic in control.
Bob is called out to a quaint English village to determine if rumors of an equoid infestation are true. Using Lovecraft's letters as research, he learns that equoids, read "unicorns," aren't pretty white-gray Andalusians with horns glued to their foreheads. Instead they are tentacled creatures from some hellish other dimension who are intent on taking over the world, one horse farm at a time.
This particular batch of equoids has been aided and abetted by someone in the British goverment, who -- wouldn't ya know it? -- has been dabbling in eldrich magic. And soon Bob is up to his ankles in tiny malevolent My Little Ponies (female unicorns) and their mates, cone snails (think long spiral shells).
The strength of equoid lies with its writing, which features prose like this -- "There are bits of True Knowledge scattered throughout HPL's oeuvre like corn kernels in a turd" -- and not the plot. For all the dire portents of elder-god style evil, Equoid is paced and written like a cozy mystery, albeit one with tentacled horrors who eat virginal school girls.
Maybe because my school-age-girl self glutted herself on horror novels, I found the scenes of unicorn-made carnage banal and shaded in violet. It's great, however, to see unicorns depicted as something other than a beautiful horse with a spear on its forehead, because that idea sounds horrifying to me. As an actual horse owner, I have a dim view of equine "add-ons" like Sleipnir's extra legs or sharp pointy objects. Seriously, plain old vanilla horses are dangerous enough without added features.
So props to the author for the twist on unicorn canon. The story however, lacks suspense, possibly because the only people really imperiled are a few young girls who have zip-zilch-zero-nada-no character development. I mean, we never know anything beyond a name for the maidens in question; they're simply dropped on set, voila, just add water and they're in danger.
But Stross's voice in this is truly winning, wry, smart, and fortunately very British (and not watered-down for us Yanks). Also, I may be feeling extra warm toward Equoid because unlike fellow Hugo-nominee, Wakulla Springs, it contains actual elements of speculative fiction.
January 4, 2015
I haven't read any of Stross's Laundry novels, but I've read a few of his short stories, so I know the premise: "the Laundry" is the codename for a secret British intelligence service whose job is to prevent zombie outbreaks, demonic possession, and invasions of our world by eldritch horrors from beyond the stars. Stross tells these stories with a mix of dark humor and horror — the Laundry is made up of clever civil servants saving the world on a regular basis, but they're still a civil service bureaucracy, with all that that entails.
In this novella, a "computational demonologist" named Bob is sent to a rural horse farm, at the request of a local veterinarian who knows just enough about the Laundry to call them in. The vet thinks something weird is going on in a local stable. What they find is unicorns.
Bob intersperses his chapters with excerpts from letters by the one and only Howard Phillips Lovecraft, which were enclosed in his file. HPL, it turns out, encountered a unicorn himself as a fourteen-year-old virgin, which explains a lot about how he grew up as an anxious, gynophobic wreck.
Unicorns, in the Laundry universe, are nasty. They are not even remotely related to horses, and when all else fails, they're the sort of thing you clean up with an air strike. Bob has to deal with a unicorn that is breeding. And worse, it's gotten smart.
Enjoyed this a lot — the Laundry stories are basically Lovecraftian fan fiction, and this one contained equal parts humor and horror. (Warning: there are some really unpleasant scenes, involving children.)
In this novella, a "computational demonologist" named Bob is sent to a rural horse farm, at the request of a local veterinarian who knows just enough about the Laundry to call them in. The vet thinks something weird is going on in a local stable. What they find is unicorns.
Bob intersperses his chapters with excerpts from letters by the one and only Howard Phillips Lovecraft, which were enclosed in his file. HPL, it turns out, encountered a unicorn himself as a fourteen-year-old virgin, which explains a lot about how he grew up as an anxious, gynophobic wreck.
Unicorns, in the Laundry universe, are nasty. They are not even remotely related to horses, and when all else fails, they're the sort of thing you clean up with an air strike. Bob has to deal with a unicorn that is breeding. And worse, it's gotten smart.
Enjoyed this a lot — the Laundry stories are basically Lovecraftian fan fiction, and this one contained equal parts humor and horror. (Warning: there are some really unpleasant scenes, involving children.)
January 15, 2016
Paranormal bureaucracy and a tongue-in-cheek British X-Files-y department investigating, essentially, a creature feature plaguing the English countryside. Equoid was well-written and kinda witty (but more by way of smiling wryly to myself than laugh-out-loud funny? I dunno, I just have pretty exacting standards when you can really really tell the author is trying to be witty; it takes a very deft hand to pull it off effortlessly, a la Douglas Adams).
The novella is truly, utterly horrific and disgusting in its material -- I have a pretty strong stomach but there was just something about the horror here there hit all my squick buttons. How it was mingled with humour was an interesting combination, going from hilarious digs at H.P. Lovecraft & jokes about unicorns to things that made me feel sick to my guts. Which, ultimately, contributed to my not really enjoying this that much. I think it's a largely personal thing, though, with this being personally off-putting for me, along with some mingled lingering trauma from having read too much Junji Ito (whom I looove) as a teen.
I've had people recommend the Laundry Files series to me before, and it does sound like it'd be right up my alley. I feel like I probably would've been better-served by having read those books before Equoid. (On that note, ugh, I hate it when series are nominated for awards! I'M SUCH A COMPLETIONIST.)
The novella is truly, utterly horrific and disgusting in its material -- I have a pretty strong stomach but there was just something about the horror here there hit all my squick buttons. How it was mingled with humour was an interesting combination, going from hilarious digs at H.P. Lovecraft & jokes about unicorns to things that made me feel sick to my guts. Which, ultimately, contributed to my not really enjoying this that much. I think it's a largely personal thing, though, with this being personally off-putting for me, along with some mingled lingering trauma from having read too much Junji Ito (whom I looove) as a teen.
I've had people recommend the Laundry Files series to me before, and it does sound like it'd be right up my alley. I feel like I probably would've been better-served by having read those books before Equoid. (On that note, ugh, I hate it when series are nominated for awards! I'M SUCH A COMPLETIONIST.)
June 24, 2014
I would recommend this to people who like H.P. Lovecraft and unicorns. Well, actually, unicorns don't come off too well in the book, so maybe if you like Lovecraft and dislike unicorns. Lovecraft doesn't come off too well either, but I think that's because he's a character in a universe where the horrors are real and where his books don't always accurately describe the horrors. So I think if you like Lovecraft, you're still on target to like this book.
I don't really like Lovecraft. I am up in the air on the subject of unicorns, but I don't like them in this book.
This is the first of Stross' Laundry Files works I've read, and I read it because it's been nominated for the Hugo for Best Novella. I generally like Stross, but I avoid some of his work where I don't think the subject is a good fit for my interests. I think I've been right to avoid the Laundry Files book so far. This is well-written, but it's not horror for people who don't like horror. (It's probably actually more creepy fantasy than horror, but I really don't like horror.)
I don't really like Lovecraft. I am up in the air on the subject of unicorns, but I don't like them in this book.
This is the first of Stross' Laundry Files works I've read, and I read it because it's been nominated for the Hugo for Best Novella. I generally like Stross, but I avoid some of his work where I don't think the subject is a good fit for my interests. I think I've been right to avoid the Laundry Files book so far. This is well-written, but it's not horror for people who don't like horror. (It's probably actually more creepy fantasy than horror, but I really don't like horror.)
December 23, 2013
"A host of small tentacles appeared around its open end, and it began to haul itself on suckers across the decay-slicked stones, proceeding in the direction of the stable doors & the darkness that I could even then sense lurking within." In Charles' Stross' Lovecraftian novella Equoid, we have poisonous cone snails, feral unicorns, a countrified farm/livery stable where all has run slub-slub, and an agent by the name of Bob Howard who works for a secret government agency known as "The Laundry". Bob is sent in to determine the nature of the inordinate amount of meat being procured by the stables owner, only to get sucked in to the thick of things. Think Cujo, but with a slobbering fanged, glow eyed unicorn instead. Great stuff!
January 4, 2023
A thoroughly nasty bit of horror fiction. Not my usual sort of thing, but I liked it a lot. Though I'm in no hurry to reread it. Online here: https://www.tor.com/2013/09/24/equoid/
As always, Stross's story notes make interesting reading: http://www.antipope.org/charlie/blog-... A lot of this stuff is Veddy British, but still. Plus interesting BG material on the first four Laundry novels. No spoilers that I noticed. Have fun....
As always, Stross's story notes make interesting reading: http://www.antipope.org/charlie/blog-... A lot of this stuff is Veddy British, but still. Plus interesting BG material on the first four Laundry novels. No spoilers that I noticed. Have fun....
December 10, 2017
4.5 Stars
Awesome science fiction thriller / horror / mystery. I loved the start of this series it is tailor made to my likes. This is my first Stross novel even though he has been on my to read list for a very long time.
Great characters.
Great world.
Great science fiction.
Lovecraft!
Gadgets.
And more.
I really liked it.
This is a novella with HPL unicorns!
Awesome science fiction thriller / horror / mystery. I loved the start of this series it is tailor made to my likes. This is my first Stross novel even though he has been on my to read list for a very long time.
Great characters.
Great world.
Great science fiction.
Lovecraft!
Gadgets.
And more.
I really liked it.
This is a novella with HPL unicorns!
December 29, 2022
A short novella length story that is #2.9 in the Laundry Files books. In this story, Bob is called in to investigate a potential unicorn infestation. From that it's obvious that Stross's take on unicorns is far removed from the cuddle sparkly ones that you usual come across. In fact, this one wanders much further into the realm of horror than my other readings in the series.
September 22, 2014
Equoid by Charles Stross is a Hugo winner, in a year that's had quite a bit of controversy. Initially, I was impressed by the story, but the more I think about it, the less I am. Intelligent, articulate, and witty, it has undercurrents that are dark and disturbing.
It's hard not to see echoes of Larry "Lord of Hate" Correia in Charles Stross' Equoid. Sure, there are fewer guns in Equoid than, well, anything that Correia writes, but I suspect that's only because Correia knows his firearms better than Stross. Both deal with a world under assault from supernatural monsters and both are occasionally influenced by the Lovecraftian. Both fall into the category of fiction that could best be described as a cross between horror and what happens when the victims are armed to the teeth. And both have a really great voice.
End comparison. Stross's hero is a government bureaucrat who calls in the artillery , while Correia's protagonists usually ARE the artillery, and while they both have different means to accomplish the same ends, they are very different voices.
In Stross's Equoid, Bob Howard is a computer geek that works for a secret British government agency. It's his job to look into the things that go bump in the night, as well as to file the appropriate paperwork to deal with it. It's a soul crushing job--and that's just a comment on the paperwork.
This week Howard has been sent out in to the countryside to look into a rumor about unicorns, and lest you keep that fond smile on your face, be warned that unicorns in this construction are anything but rainbows and sparkles. Rather, the threat of a unicorn infestation is a Lovecraftian horror that would drown the world and end humanity.
It's just another day for Howard, though.
If you pick this up, note that it's not the first in the series, but this is one of those times when you can jump in mid-stream and never miss a beat. Equoid by Charles Stross is winner of the 2014 Hugo in the novella category, I picked it up primarily for that reason, but, due to how much I enjoyed it, I suspect that I'll go back and find others in the Laundry series, of which it is a part, as well. Stross has a style that is equal parts intelligent, relying on a reader's knowledge and reading outside the story, and humorous.
If you like British humor--heavy in sarcasm and dripping with grim humor--you might enjoy dipping into Equoid. Bonus points if you've any taste for Lovecraft. Be warned, though, that there are some disturbing aspects to the story--especially if you like unicorns.
It's hard not to see echoes of Larry "Lord of Hate" Correia in Charles Stross' Equoid. Sure, there are fewer guns in Equoid than, well, anything that Correia writes, but I suspect that's only because Correia knows his firearms better than Stross. Both deal with a world under assault from supernatural monsters and both are occasionally influenced by the Lovecraftian. Both fall into the category of fiction that could best be described as a cross between horror and what happens when the victims are armed to the teeth. And both have a really great voice.
End comparison. Stross's hero is a government bureaucrat who calls in the artillery , while Correia's protagonists usually ARE the artillery, and while they both have different means to accomplish the same ends, they are very different voices.
In Stross's Equoid, Bob Howard is a computer geek that works for a secret British government agency. It's his job to look into the things that go bump in the night, as well as to file the appropriate paperwork to deal with it. It's a soul crushing job--and that's just a comment on the paperwork.
This week Howard has been sent out in to the countryside to look into a rumor about unicorns, and lest you keep that fond smile on your face, be warned that unicorns in this construction are anything but rainbows and sparkles. Rather, the threat of a unicorn infestation is a Lovecraftian horror that would drown the world and end humanity.
It's just another day for Howard, though.
If you pick this up, note that it's not the first in the series, but this is one of those times when you can jump in mid-stream and never miss a beat. Equoid by Charles Stross is winner of the 2014 Hugo in the novella category, I picked it up primarily for that reason, but, due to how much I enjoyed it, I suspect that I'll go back and find others in the Laundry series, of which it is a part, as well. Stross has a style that is equal parts intelligent, relying on a reader's knowledge and reading outside the story, and humorous.
If you like British humor--heavy in sarcasm and dripping with grim humor--you might enjoy dipping into Equoid. Bonus points if you've any taste for Lovecraft. Be warned, though, that there are some disturbing aspects to the story--especially if you like unicorns.
January 4, 2015
Brainycat's 5 "B"s:
blood: 3
boobs: 1
bombs: 0
bondage: 0
blasphemy: 4
Bechdel Test: FAIL
Deggan's Rule: FAIL
Gay Bechdel Test: FAIL
If you like the Laundry series, you'll like this short. It's a very quick read and treads well worn ground, but all the things I like about the Laundry are in abundance: sly digs at English culture, comically overdrawn computer science and good ol' fashioned whatdunnit in the vein of classic Dr. Who.The references to the eldritch gods and Crowley are like a fractal tesseract and provide the real meat of the story.
For people not familiar with The Laundry, this would work as a standalone. There's enough context provided to explain who the players and are and what they're doing, and the voicing, cadence etc are all exemplary of the series. For people familiar with the series, reading this out of order (like I have) didn't detract my enjoyment.
blood: 3
boobs: 1
bombs: 0
bondage: 0
blasphemy: 4
Bechdel Test: FAIL
Deggan's Rule: FAIL
Gay Bechdel Test: FAIL
Please note: I don't review to provide synopses, I review to share a purely visceral reaction to books and perhaps answer some of the questions I ask when I'm contemplating investing time and money into a book.
If you like the Laundry series, you'll like this short. It's a very quick read and treads well worn ground, but all the things I like about the Laundry are in abundance: sly digs at English culture, comically overdrawn computer science and good ol' fashioned whatdunnit in the vein of classic Dr. Who.The references to the eldritch gods and Crowley are like a fractal tesseract and provide the real meat of the story.
For people not familiar with The Laundry, this would work as a standalone. There's enough context provided to explain who the players and are and what they're doing, and the voicing, cadence etc are all exemplary of the series. For people familiar with the series, reading this out of order (like I have) didn't detract my enjoyment.
August 3, 2014
I'm not a H.P. Lovecraft devotee so I'm sure some of the homage aspects passed me by. However, while I have nothing against horror or gore even I though some of this was unnecessarily twisted
This was also my first exposure to the Laundry Files series. It's an interesting enough concept and I got the general gist of things, although I am sure I would have appreciated some of the characters and references better had I read the previous novels. However I did find the writing somewhat uneven. Sometimes it came across as humorous, but at other points it just seemed forced.
I did however enjoy the last third or so, so for that reason I rounded up to 3 stars.
This was also my first exposure to the Laundry Files series. It's an interesting enough concept and I got the general gist of things, although I am sure I would have appreciated some of the characters and references better had I read the previous novels. However I did find the writing somewhat uneven. Sometimes it came across as humorous, but at other points it just seemed forced.
I did however enjoy the last third or so, so for that reason I rounded up to 3 stars.
May 17, 2015
Other reviews say it well.
Yes, if you like the other Laundry Files novels, you'll probably like this novella.
Yes, it will help to have read at least one of the above.
Yes, there is a scene that some will find over the top, but it does establish that the Bad Thing really is a BAD thing.
Stross seems to be having a little more fun with this one than the longer ones.
I especially liked the reference to, "Something narsty in the woodshed"
A very good short read.
Yes, if you like the other Laundry Files novels, you'll probably like this novella.
Yes, it will help to have read at least one of the above.
Yes, there is a scene that some will find over the top, but it does establish that the Bad Thing really is a BAD thing.
Stross seems to be having a little more fun with this one than the longer ones.
I especially liked the reference to, "Something narsty in the woodshed"
A very good short read.
February 1, 2021
If you fancy unicorns and a good bit of Lovecraftian lore, this novella strikes true. Reader beware, some sexualized content may be icky but body horror is where Lovecraft excelled and Charlie does an amazing job building on Laundry history and our own fantasies about such creatures.
June 29, 2019
A fantastic Laundry Files story! I'll never think of unicorns in the same way again. The addition of the HPL letters was a wonderful idea, and fit the story perfectly. Can't wait to read more from Charles Stross.
June 17, 2014
Gods... I couldn't have enjoyed this more! Except if it was much longer!
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