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I Know You're Out There: Private Longings, Public Humiliations, and Other Tales from the Personals
Love lost, found, and kicked around
“It might be my imagination, but it seems like most people in the building tend to steer clear of me. I’m the one who gets the weird phone calls, the strange visitors, and disturbing mail.”
“My last great love affair didn’t work out—many don’t, but maybe the next one might, and if not, maybe the one after that. There may not be someone for everyone; there may not be a God in heaven, or peace on earth either. But that doesn’t mean you just sit around at home, doing nothing.”
“It might be my imagination, but it seems like most people in the building tend to steer clear of me. I’m the one who gets the weird phone calls, the strange visitors, and disturbing mail.”
“My last great love affair didn’t work out—many don’t, but maybe the next one might, and if not, maybe the one after that. There may not be someone for everyone; there may not be a God in heaven, or peace on earth either. But that doesn’t mean you just sit around at home, doing nothing.”
221 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2006
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 52 reviews
October 8, 2007
Grabbed this from the endcap at Target, while there grabbing a tiny shampoo and then running for the airport. I liked the title and the bear head, I scanned the premise: good enough for travel reading.
I didn't have any expectations of this book, so I guess I wasn't "disappointed" but I was... kind of bored? I dunno. I thought that it was going to have more to do with the crazy things that people say in the Personals, and less to do with the effed up background on the people who write them -- including those employed by the newspaper.
And maybe it was my misconception about what the book was really about that made things feel jumpy. The chapters would suddenly lunge from "this crazy guy who posts a personal ad" to an incredibly raw and painful story about a young brother that is REALLY depressing. Maybe it was supposed to be contrast? But it just felt... bumpy, jumpy.
I didn't have any expectations of this book, so I guess I wasn't "disappointed" but I was... kind of bored? I dunno. I thought that it was going to have more to do with the crazy things that people say in the Personals, and less to do with the effed up background on the people who write them -- including those employed by the newspaper.
And maybe it was my misconception about what the book was really about that made things feel jumpy. The chapters would suddenly lunge from "this crazy guy who posts a personal ad" to an incredibly raw and painful story about a young brother that is REALLY depressing. Maybe it was supposed to be contrast? But it just felt... bumpy, jumpy.
September 27, 2019
Probably closer to 2.5 stars, but there were portions that I enjoyed much more than I expected.
I was given this book when I was 15 by someone that I was crushing on at a point where my self esteem was very very low. You know how infatuation works. I took it as a sign and absolutely tore through the book. It's been twelve years, and this has been sitting on my bookshelf/windowsill off and on for that entire time. It's sun faded, water damaged, and yellowed.
I decided that it was finally time for me to get rid of the book (dropping it off in Logan Square's Little Free Library), but before doing that I wanted to read it one more time to see what's changed in a decade.
It's clear that Beaumier is a contributor to This American Life, and I was unsurprised to find a dedication to Sedaris in the back. It reads like a TAL story, so if you're looking for more of that, check the Little Free Library this weekend to nab my copy.
I was given this book when I was 15 by someone that I was crushing on at a point where my self esteem was very very low. You know how infatuation works. I took it as a sign and absolutely tore through the book. It's been twelve years, and this has been sitting on my bookshelf/windowsill off and on for that entire time. It's sun faded, water damaged, and yellowed.
I decided that it was finally time for me to get rid of the book (dropping it off in Logan Square's Little Free Library), but before doing that I wanted to read it one more time to see what's changed in a decade.
It's clear that Beaumier is a contributor to This American Life, and I was unsurprised to find a dedication to Sedaris in the back. It reads like a TAL story, so if you're looking for more of that, check the Little Free Library this weekend to nab my copy.
November 2, 2007
This is one of the funniest books I've ever read. So funny that I cannot believe I'd never heard about it. I thought I knew all the NPR humorists, but I stumbled across this gem a few days ago and couldn't put it down. A small part of me is paranoid that all you hipsters knew about this book ages ago, and I'm only catching on now.
One of my favorite This American Life segments is the prologue to "Time to Save the World." Michael Beaumier, who runs the personals ads in the Chicago Reader, talks about a shy man who placed a 'Missed Connections' ad every week about a new woman. Heard it? If not, I won't ruin it, but you should listen to it now. If so, you have an inkling of just how amazing these stories will be.
These are Beaumier's memoirs about working on the personals, helping people find their soulmates even though his relationship is on the fritz. How he gets involved in people's lives even though he knows he shouldn't. How he watches people gradually change their ads until they become something else entirely. But also how his mother collects Irish knick-knacks. And how his boyfriend is a hypochondriac. Man, that's a terrible summary. Just read it!
I know they're huge shoes to fill, but if you like David Sedaris or David Rakoff, you'll also like Beaumier. He's hilarious and disconcertingly wise.
One of my favorite This American Life segments is the prologue to "Time to Save the World." Michael Beaumier, who runs the personals ads in the Chicago Reader, talks about a shy man who placed a 'Missed Connections' ad every week about a new woman. Heard it? If not, I won't ruin it, but you should listen to it now. If so, you have an inkling of just how amazing these stories will be.
These are Beaumier's memoirs about working on the personals, helping people find their soulmates even though his relationship is on the fritz. How he gets involved in people's lives even though he knows he shouldn't. How he watches people gradually change their ads until they become something else entirely. But also how his mother collects Irish knick-knacks. And how his boyfriend is a hypochondriac. Man, that's a terrible summary. Just read it!
I know they're huge shoes to fill, but if you like David Sedaris or David Rakoff, you'll also like Beaumier. He's hilarious and disconcertingly wise.
November 2, 2007
Michael Beaumier was the personals editor for the Chicago Reader for seven years and I Know You're Out There is his reflections on that tenure: tales of the extremes of the personals ( the freaks, to put it kindly), stories of the myriad ordinary searches for love, behind-the-scenes with Beaumier and his small staff, and course of his own love- and family-life during that time.
With such a broad focus, and the fact that some of the chapters were previously free-standing pieces on This American Life, there's something of a disjointed feel to the book -- it's lying somewhat uneasily between a collection of completely separate essays and a coherent whole. But there's quite a bit to like here also. As you might expect, there's quite a bit of humor to be found in both the personalities and the process of looking for relationships via the personals. But there's also a piece about Beaumier's dead-as-an-infant brother that's surprisingly affecting. And his honesty about his gradually dissolving relationship with his boyfriend grounds the book, I think.
With such a broad focus, and the fact that some of the chapters were previously free-standing pieces on This American Life, there's something of a disjointed feel to the book -- it's lying somewhat uneasily between a collection of completely separate essays and a coherent whole. But there's quite a bit to like here also. As you might expect, there's quite a bit of humor to be found in both the personalities and the process of looking for relationships via the personals. But there's also a piece about Beaumier's dead-as-an-infant brother that's surprisingly affecting. And his honesty about his gradually dissolving relationship with his boyfriend grounds the book, I think.
June 17, 2007
I was disappointed by this book, largely because I was expecting it to have more (about) the tales from the Personals and less about the guy who edits the personals. Still, it had some very funny, some very touching parts. Not worth reading more than once.
January 31, 2022
Picked this one up from a secondhand book store when I was visiting my dad, not really knowing what to expect. Incredibly funny & raw look into love and relationships. Reminiscent of David Sedaris in the best way. I really enjoyed the way Beaumier moved the story along, it made the book easy to pick up and put down.
Overall, I really enjoyed this book. Not often will a book make me actually laugh out loud like this one did.
Overall, I really enjoyed this book. Not often will a book make me actually laugh out loud like this one did.
January 9, 2015
3.5
There were sections of this book that were 5 stars for sure. However, those amazing insights and poignant moments kept getting lost for me. I suppose it's kind of like a newspaper itself, having to sort through a lot of articles that don't reach me, yet still finding those pieces that do, and do so with a clutching that catches me and keeps me thinking.
There were times that Beaumier was able to transcend the de-personalized and connect me to those with whom he worked and times where I felt completely lost and wondered if where exactly what I was reading came from, sometimes it ran the line to fiction so closely that I found myself disbelieving. However, most of the time I was pretty much on board, I could tell that Beaumier was telling me true (if maybe a bit tall) tales.
The sections I enjoyed the most were those about his life and his family. In fact, I wish that he had concentrated more on those stories than the personals. Of course, I enjoyed reading about the Sumos, of course I enjoyed a good laugh at the guy who saw the love of his life sometimes twice in a week, yet could never approach these women outside of a personal ad. However, I more so enjoyed the rich and often humorous, sometimes sad, stories of his family life, growing up and his relationships with co-workers, friends and boyfriends.
I did wonder a bit how the Internet has affected this type of ad, but didn't go too much into that.
There were sections of this book that were 5 stars for sure. However, those amazing insights and poignant moments kept getting lost for me. I suppose it's kind of like a newspaper itself, having to sort through a lot of articles that don't reach me, yet still finding those pieces that do, and do so with a clutching that catches me and keeps me thinking.
There were times that Beaumier was able to transcend the de-personalized and connect me to those with whom he worked and times where I felt completely lost and wondered if where exactly what I was reading came from, sometimes it ran the line to fiction so closely that I found myself disbelieving. However, most of the time I was pretty much on board, I could tell that Beaumier was telling me true (if maybe a bit tall) tales.
The sections I enjoyed the most were those about his life and his family. In fact, I wish that he had concentrated more on those stories than the personals. Of course, I enjoyed reading about the Sumos, of course I enjoyed a good laugh at the guy who saw the love of his life sometimes twice in a week, yet could never approach these women outside of a personal ad. However, I more so enjoyed the rich and often humorous, sometimes sad, stories of his family life, growing up and his relationships with co-workers, friends and boyfriends.
I did wonder a bit how the Internet has affected this type of ad, but didn't go too much into that.
July 16, 2007
The book is a collection of stories and insights garnered from the author's stint as the personals editor for the Chicago Reader before the Internet became the cesspool, er, center, for finding your special someone. His anecdotes are humorous; even the sadder stories are not especially depressing, because Beaumier treats them lightly, but with respect for their quest in finding love (or sex). He intermixes the situations of his advertisers with those of his own personal life, which include a hypochondriac boyfriend with a hyperactive need to renovate their home and a rambunctious Irish family whose mother is more comfortable making a gin and tonic than dinner for her six kids and husband. The unintentional (or conscious) message of this highly amusing fast read may just be not to give up on love. It is easy to become cynical after failed dates, failed relationships, broken promises, broken marriages. But it is surprisingly far easier to find that person who will dress up like a ninja and punch your face, recite Shakespeare sonnets from memory, or have "VERY BIG FEET."
December 17, 2012
At times this book is devestatingly funny, at others it is poignant. This is the story of a man who works at a weekly newspaper, handling the personal advertisements. The ads themselves that are given are funny, naive, wrenching and pathetic and the stories, often, that accompany them, in various forms, largely follow the same patterns. But when we get to the memoir section, it often feels detached. We learn about one brother's search for romance, but this gets dropped, just around the time I had begun to think that the tedium might become important, without a second glance back. Frankly, as a memoir, it is lacking, and as something to laugh at, it is incomplete. As a whole, however, it is interesting and funny (you will laugh out loud) and occasionally very astute. So never mind the vacillating tone, the skips in chronology for no reason, the frustrating ego/deprecation that crops up, give it a read (it's quick) and laugh until strangers look at you funny.
May 20, 2008
This book is a cute, fast read, and not as salacious as you might hope. The author was (is?) the long-time personals editor at a Chicago alternative paper, and the chapters alternate from his views on the "advertisers" who place personals ads (for dating, sex, friendship, etc) to more autobiographical bits about growing up with his huge Irish Catholic family, and his more current troubles in his own stagnating long-term relationship. Interestingly, it is not until half-way through the book that it is revealed that his troubled relationship is with his boyfriend. I guess it is due to his impressive discretion at his job (a requirement) and his ability to not judge others that you don't even notice he's gay until he mentions it. The book feels more like a collection of separate essays that something cohesive, but it is still a fun, light read for the bus.
January 13, 2011
This book was solidly in the "ok" category. Entertaining enough, a fast read. Despite making it seem like the personal ads were the main point of the book, they actually were secondary. Beaumier tells stories about some of the odder personals advertisers, which are fun and all, and mixes them in with stories of his own life. Overall, I have no clue what the main "theme" of the book was supposed to be. It seemed more like a series of vignettes he pieced together haphazardly. Any single one of the stories would be entertaining on its own, but all together in book form, while presenting itself as a single solidified piece, doesn't work.
However, his best writing is about his family, and I would certainly pick up a book of his that focused mainly on that.
However, his best writing is about his family, and I would certainly pick up a book of his that focused mainly on that.
May 18, 2008
My best friend got this for me for Christmas... and since we are terrible at actually giving each other things on time, I just got it from her. HA. The book was cute.
This is one of those books I'm glad I read, I thoroughly enjoyed it - had I still been working at the bookstore, I would have been CHOMPING AT THE BIT to get my grubby hands on it since the author lived in Chicago and the book is about Chicago.
As it is, it was a cute, fast read. I liked it, will reccomend it, and will totally read his next book.
This is one of those books I'm glad I read, I thoroughly enjoyed it - had I still been working at the bookstore, I would have been CHOMPING AT THE BIT to get my grubby hands on it since the author lived in Chicago and the book is about Chicago.
As it is, it was a cute, fast read. I liked it, will reccomend it, and will totally read his next book.
July 2, 2011
This was very fun, although not what I expected. I'm GLAD it wasn't. Rather than poking fun at the bizarre, "pitiful" creatures who place personal ads, this series of essays speaks to how working with the people who place personals ads can speak to your own concepts of romance, love, loyalty, happiness, yap yap yap. Michael Beaumier is funny, smart, sarcastic and writes as if you two were just exchanging stories in a bar (without all the "you knows", ums and uncomfortable silences).
Definitely recommend it.
Definitely recommend it.
March 3, 2010
A memoir written by the former editor of the "Chicago Reader" personals. The book seemed to go back and forth between his work life and his outside life, it sometimes felt like it was digressing at points. It was more a collection of essays than a full-length book with themes/story-lines that went throughout the whole thing. I liked the premise, but didn't find the stories of the people/personals ads as funny as I thought... in actuality, I found his stories of his own family (especially his mother) a lot more interesting and humorous & wished more of the book had been dedicated to that!
September 1, 2014
I picked this book up in Half Priced Books on the bargain table. It looked entertaining, and I am always looking for funny memoirs. It wasn't what I expected. I expected mostly clips of personals and stories about them. What I got was some genuine wisdom on life, love, loss, and belonging. After the first two pages I knew that this book was somehow exactly what I needed at this point in my life. It has it's funny moments. I enjoyed the larger message of the book far more than the smaller stories. I will probably read this book many more times in my life as I truly enjoyed it,
January 19, 2021
I think I read this more in the summertime, but I am just now adding every book I've read this year to Goodreads because I haven't been keeping up.
I remember being mildly disappointed in these. There was one or two gems in the bunch, but overall, something like Postsecret mixed with the Best of Craigslist was what I was hoping for, and that's not what this is.
Great concept, but I sort of hope someone else tries their hand at it again because I feel a lot was left unexplored, and I wasn't particularly moved by what was explored here.
I remember being mildly disappointed in these. There was one or two gems in the bunch, but overall, something like Postsecret mixed with the Best of Craigslist was what I was hoping for, and that's not what this is.
Great concept, but I sort of hope someone else tries their hand at it again because I feel a lot was left unexplored, and I wasn't particularly moved by what was explored here.
March 8, 2007
Sometimes I read personals ads just for amusement. The things that some people write are just really out there, and you think that these people can't possibly be serious. But then you read a book like this, one written by the editor of the personals ad section, and you see that these people really do exist. And they really are that depraved. All in all, it was a very good book. I laughed out loud at many points.
June 23, 2007
Summertime, and the living is easy.....actually, I've just been reading a slew of memoirs/things you would hear on This American Life, and I picked this one up after I finished reading Dork Whore. DW is about sex and losing 'it' and travel, and spiritual fulfillment besides the yin in yang, while this is about love. Finding it, losing it, and trying all over again in the personal ads.
And really hating on poetry.
But it made me laugh, and the cover is inspired.
And really hating on poetry.
But it made me laugh, and the cover is inspired.
June 10, 2008
I really enjoyed this insider's view of an alternative newspaper's personal columns. And I liked that it wasn't just a "freak show," - the author was always compassionate and respectful and clearly aware that he was not above any of the people who submitted personal ads. I liked the way he wove his own story with the story of the personal ads - many times I would think, "Where on earth is he going with this?" but the story came together nicely in the end.
Read
June 28, 2008Despite its endorsements by sweethearts Ira Glass and David Rakoff, [Book:I Know You're Out There] was an exceeding disappointment. Instead of "Tales from the Personals," it should be "Personal Tales with work stuff thrown in once in a while." Beaumier does annoying things like referring to his significant other as "the boyfriend" nonstop. The personal ads of yore are clearly far less juicy than reading the Craigslist missed connections.
December 25, 2012
If you're looking for a quick, simple read, this is a good choice. It's mildly humorous and the stories Beaumier tells are entertaining. He has some useful insights, but nothing life chaining or radical.
The writing is a sloppy (many needless words), but that is part of its lightness. The personal ads are a contrivance that allows him to talk about anything get wants, which pushes any major theme or focus away.
The writing is a sloppy (many needless words), but that is part of its lightness. The personal ads are a contrivance that allows him to talk about anything get wants, which pushes any major theme or focus away.
June 16, 2016
Not really what I was expecting, but humorous enough to still be enjoyable. Would have been more interesting to me if there was more of a focus on the characters from the Personals, which is what I thought I was in store for. It's primarily about the author's life while he was doing this job, not the job itself, and the author unfortunately came off to me as a bit judgemental and pretentious throughout. There's some glimmers of self awareness that help alleviate that though.
October 8, 2007
Picked this one up while browsing at Target because it sounded like it might be fun, but I expected a book about the people who place personal ads, and while there is some of that, this is primarily the story of a young-ish man who works in the personals department of a Chicago newspaper. Wasn't great, wasn't bad.....probably forgettable.
Read
January 8, 2008I read this book in two days during a wicked snowstorm. It was cute, it wasnt really what I was expecting. I thought it would be more about the people that place personal ads and less about the author and his love life. However, it was interesting and a quick read during a really boring time at home. I wouldnt say it was life changing or anything, just cute and mind occupying.
July 25, 2014
I didn't actually read this whole book, but picked it up a couple times at a vacation house. And then I'd put it back down, because despite his professed affection for the "freaks" who kept him in a job by advertising in the personals, he is relentlessly mean in his descriptions of them. Not cool, even to someone who had a whole blog ripping on her dates.
December 19, 2016
I needed a break from all the heavy stuff I was reading and had this one sitting on my shelf for awhile. It did the trick. It was entertaining to read and interesting to see how much technology and dating has changed in just a short amount of time. Some of the stories were flat out funny and others were a little sad.
March 22, 2007
This was a really amusing read, especially for someone who's been doing the personal ad thing since god...probably way too long. The author handled the personals for a mainstream newspaper for a while. I really enjoyed it.
June 5, 2007
A very strange memoir of a cynical misanthrope who edits personal ads for a weekly newspaper. Musings on love, compatibility, his own struggling and failing relationship, and life as part of a large dysfunctional Irish Catholic family
July 30, 2007
Funny tales from writing the personals. It's a kinder, more empathic look at the world than Dan Savage's, but if you like his writing (or, um, humorous things in general) you'll undoubtedly enjoy this.
January 28, 2016
Absolutely wonderful
Hilarious, charming, heart breaking, and heart warming. What an absolutely wonderful book. The writing is done perfectly in a way that is so vivid and gets a good laugh. Fantastic.
Hilarious, charming, heart breaking, and heart warming. What an absolutely wonderful book. The writing is done perfectly in a way that is so vivid and gets a good laugh. Fantastic.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 52 reviews