Johnny Shaw > Quotes

“Even a desert hare will take a finger off the dumbass that tries to pet it. If the desert can make a bunny that angry, imagine what it does to the people.”
― Johnny Shaw, Dove Season

“Should've known when I met her mama. The big, fat acorn didn't fall too far from the big, fat tree.”
― Johnny Shaw, Big Maria

“i ain't got the energy to argue. i'm an old man and i got to take a shit.”
― Johnny Shaw, Big Maria

“A large part of our relationship was centered on our attempts to make each other laugh. I couldn’t think of a stronger foundation for a friendship. I suppose some people would find it superficial, but they’re just not funny enough to understand.”
― Johnny Shaw, Dove Season

“Sometimes you don’t win the war. You don’t even win any of the battles. All you have left to celebrate is the victory of getting home alive.”
― Johnny Shaw, Plaster City

“Anything can be a curse if it ain't a choice. If it's all you know. If you do it because your father did it. And you do it because it's familiar and safe and you're afraid to do something else. Even if all you want to do is anything else.”
― Johnny Shaw, Dove Season

“Girls that ate ribs, chewed tobacco, fought dirty, and had no idea what Pilates was. My kind of women.”
― Johnny Shaw, Plaster City

“The trampoline: the white trash swimming pool.”
― Johnny Shaw, Plaster City

“In film theory, it’s called the Kuleshov Effect. A blank expression taking on whatever emotion the context implies.”
― Johnny Shaw, Plaster City

“As the old saw says, you really do learn something new every time you get punched in the face.”
― Johnny Shaw, Plaster City

“but the bathrooms smelled like my grandparents on Thanksgiving night. I had pulled too many fingers in my day to forget that odor.”
― Johnny Shaw, The Snickerdoodle Kerfuffle

“He went from a fun-loving loose cannon to a monkey with a machine gun. Sure, it’s cute, but eventually someone’s going to get hurt.”
― Johnny Shaw, Plaster City

“Those who have power never deserve it and rarely know what to do with it. It’s not that power corrupts. It’s that power is corruption.”
― Johnny Shaw, Imperial Valley

“The secret to accomplishing anything while drunk is to accept”
― Johnny Shaw, Plaster City

“Boredom brings out the bingo in every old fart.”
― Johnny Shaw, Dove Season

“The weighty sound of Skinripper’s doom metal rose from the basement. The slow, tuned-down heaviness shook the floorboards. Gretchen couldn’t make out all the growled lyrics, but she made out the word “crepuscular.” No idea what it meant, but damn if that wasn’t the metalest word she’d ever heard. She walked into the kitchen, ripped some paper towel off the roll, stuck it in her ears, and opened the door to the basement. The power of the big arena sound almost knocked her backward. Skinripper was a power trio. Amanda “Louder” Lauden on drums. Jose “Pepe” Marrero on bass. Which left Gretchen’s brother Kurt “No Nickname” Ucker on guitar and vocals. One hundred decibels of plodding dread that sounded like Chewbacca in a suit of armor slowly falling down a staircase. In a good way.”
― Johnny Shaw, The Upper Hand

“Times when not doing something is stupider than doing something stupid.”
― Johnny Shaw, Big Maria

“Anything can be a curse if it ain’t a choice.”
― Johnny Shaw, Dove Season

“be told,”
― Johnny Shaw, Big Maria

“Whoever orders chicken cordon bleu at Chonchy Joe’s Gasoline and Beef Jerky Emporium is asking for the intestinal challenge that they will soon face.”
― Johnny Shaw, Dove Season

“An alcohol-free wedding reception is like masturbating for an hour without reaching orgasm. It’s fun at the beginning, but after a while it’s just exhausting and depressing and you want it to be over. Like that, but with dancing.”
― Johnny Shaw, Plaster City

“More than once a husband and wife had bumped into each other at Boog’s while trawling for strange.”
― Johnny Shaw, Big Maria

“The door was one of the few doors that was actually made out of door.”
― Johnny Shaw, Dove Season

“can’t digest food unless it has some E. coli in it for flavor. All this nutrition nonsense is horseshit.”
― Johnny Shaw, Plaster City

“The “Christian” thing to do would have been to let him suffer”
― Johnny Shaw, Dove Season

“The guy in the bed next to him was worse off than him. The poor bastard couldn’t talk. Instead he made noises that sounded like a duck trying to fuck a whoopee cushion. The”
― Johnny Shaw, Big Maria

“There is something about the desert that pisses everything off.”
― Johnny Shaw, Dove Season

“Apparently, nothing focuses a drunk like a quest.”
― Johnny Shaw, Plaster City

“I had always wanted to drive a police car. Been in plenty, but never behind the wheel. It was too good an opportunity to pass up.”
― Johnny Shaw, Plaster City

“Real life doesn’t come beautifully wrapped with a bow on top. Most events usually look more like a three-year-old’s attempt to wrap Mommy’s gift. Crinkled and torn paper, too much tape, and covered in glitter and stickers. But it isn’t for the lack of effort or the love put into the thing. Some people just can’t wrap for shit. No matter how hard people try, there will always be limits beyond our control, a ceiling to our influence and our ability.”
― Johnny Shaw, Plaster City