We are all bully capable.
The problem is some kids and adults are serial bullies. As a society we want to discourage bully mentality. Sometimes we don’t do enough and sometimes we do too much. There are hundreds of stories of people who don’t do enough, but I would like to point out that sometimes we do too much and in doing so we become the bullies ourselves.
There was a little girl, Amy, who had gotten suspended from school. She was 9. One of her friends did something mean so Amy told another friend she wanted to just kill her mean friend. This friend, the one she confided her hurt AND anger, told on her. Amy was interrogated the entire day in the school office, in part by an off duty police officer about what she said and why. She was scared but told the truth and confessed what she said. She went home at the end of the day in emotional turmoil and confessed to her parents. The parents didn’t hear from the school until several hours after school had ended. The parents were told that she would be suspended.
The parents and the child accepted the punishment and asked that Amy and the friends involved have no contact during the rest of the few weeks of school. The only thing her parents gave her permission to say if anyone asked was, “I am not allowed to talk about it” and if her friends tried to talk to her, “I am not allowed to talk to you”. Amy had been punished and had learned her lesson and it was time to move on, but the punishment was not over when she returned to school. Instead of moving on and helping her get past her mistake it was drilled into her nearly every day. As if not getting to communicate with her friends was hard enough; her teachers singled her out.
The teacher on recess duty said Amy was terrorizing kids on the playground. Terrorizing equals asking a boy to hurry up on the swing because another girl had been waiting for awhile. Amy is now a playground terrorist and labeled a bully. Ironic that she was suspended for not using her words wisely and yet an adult can call a child a terrorist? This made Amy cry every night and she decided to keep to herself the rest of the school year,
For the end of year field trip Amy is made to sit with the teacher on the bus instead of with friends to avoid any situations. Amy felt isolated since the rest of the kids thought it was funny. During class if Amy or the other girls even looked at each other across the room Amy was sent out to the hall. Why not both girls? Why not just call them both out in class and ask them to keep their eyes to themselves?
I think it is important that teachers learn to use their words wisely, and while I agree punishments need to be swift and fit the crime, it is also important to help a student overcome their mistakes not keep reminding them over and over everyday that they made one.
This story is based on a true story and many facts are left out on purpose for brevity. I tell this story because being a bully is not just something kids do. Sometimes just labeling someone a bully can create a bully. Amy got through the rest of the school year and is doing well. So far she is not the bully she was made out to be. I am proud of Amy.
All of us are responsible for our actions; in this case over reactions. Balance in all things.
Her 9 year old self was
Embarrassed and upset
She was being punished
For something she said
Something she regrets
And wants to take back
She learned about trust
And the power of words
But nobody cares
About the lessons
She’s learned
Now branded a bully
For defending herself
The world has turned ugly
As she catches eyes staring
Lips whispering and laughing
As she sits alone, friendless
As teachers separate her
Pushing a lesson
Already learned
I hold her as she cries
“Nobody likes me”
“Everyone hates me”
Words my mind has uttered
Far far far too many times
She felt alienated and small
And I was angry
Not at the children
But at the adults
Unintentional bullies
Waging war on our little ones
NOTE: I have the greatest respect for teachers. I have no tolerance for bullying
This makes me so angry. And so sad. How the fuck are kids going to have a CHANCE when there are adults beset against them? This is awful, and so much of it reminds me of aspects of my own childhood. I want to take Amy and give her a big hug and go and do a little bullying of her school-teachers for being absolute assholes.
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Too many amateurs practicing psychology today…
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Including me lol
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oh… well… uh… I mean, I do it too, but I grew up in the Bay Area in the 60’s and 70’s… nobody knows more about bad brain wiring than me…
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This story is so sad. We’ve all said stupid things before that we don’t mean. We are becoming a society ruled by fear which is causing us to make rush judgements. Rushing anything will provide bad results. I really hope Amy comes out of this okay.
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It only takes a quick search on Google to see how stupid our teachers and school administrators are. All the time I see stories about kids booted from school for dubious offenses. Then I see another story about a student committing suicide because he/she was being bullied and the school did nothing about it.
Schools are assholes.
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Reblogged this on An Upturned Soul and commented:
Beautiful post, wonderfully written, please read it.
Thank you for sharing!
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Amy was scapegoated. I know it well. I have lived with it throughout my entire life. Some of us just get the short end of the stick of life.
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