Snarky Humor Quotes

“And the next time you want to fill my locker with menstrual products, do me a favour and make them pads. I've never been a tampon girl myself”
― Michelle Quach, Not Here to Be Liked

“Elinor had some difficulty here to refrain from observing, that she thought Fanny might have borne with composure, an acquisition of wealth to her brother, by which neither she nor her child could be possibly impoverished.”
― Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility

“He bowed. "You hear correctly." His gaze didn't ;leave her, the examination making her skin crawl. He shook his head. "Astonishing. I never imagined I'd meet a real Nahid."
With a curse, Zaynab followed. "If I've not said it lately, I think I hate you."

"You know, for a magical being, you have a terrible sense of adventure," Nahri replied, touching one of the eddies of paint, a blue swell that looked like a wave.”
― S.A. Chakraborty, The Kingdom of Copper

“Yeah, kid. I almost got blown up. It was great.”
― C.M. Banschbach, Then Comes a Drifter

“The end is near!" the man shouted again.
"Is there still time for hot chocolate?" Riley asked.
The End Times Guy blinked. "Ah, maybe; I don't know."
"Oh, good," she said. "I'd hate to take on Hell without fueling up.”
― Jana Oliver, Forbidden

“I wasn’t giving this guy an inch. He disturbed me. I didn’t like things that disturbed me, which is why I was licensed to shoot most things that disturbed me. Unfortunately, humans were not on the list and sexual attraction was not considered a valid reason to shoot someone.”
― Angelia Sparrow, Spellbound Desire

“I know I'm asking a lot. You'd need to start talking, stop growling, and bathe. No offense meant, but you look like a crazy man the way you are.”
― Melissa Haag, Hope(less)

“Tech made all things possible, and therefore mandatory. Not to mention the fact that carrying around all this smartphone in your purse or pocket had become such a fantastic drag. Cranial implant was so much easier. Now they could be in touch with the hive 24/7 and have their hands free for whatever. Their cars drove them everywhere, too. Also left them free to, you know, do whatever.”
― Stanley Bing, Immortal Life: A Soon To Be True Story

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you cared,” he drawled, leaning against one of the pillars. “Consider me flattered, Kanoska.”
― Katherine McIntyre, Forged Alliances

“Well, Dax had wanted distraction, but he didn’t think meeting the infamous Tribe with a raging hard-on could be considered putting his best foot forward.”
― Katherine McIntyre, Forged Alliances

“It seems,” I said to my ex-fiancé in as calm a tone as I could muster, “you may have a chance to discuss non-human methods of weather prediction after all...because I’m reasonably certain that we are standing on a troll.”
― Stephanie Burgis, Snowspelled

“In what universe would it be okay for someone to take a redneck dip in a hotel fountain?”
― Ren French, Creating a Concierge

“Condoms are not like a glove; one size does not fit all. Bring your own.”
― Ren French, Creating a Concierge

“By the way, it was me. I farted. You're welcome. Get used to it. I'll do it again before you check out.”
― Ren French, Creating a Concierge

“New Orleans restaurants are so good, you'll want to slap your momma, you neighbor's momma, and your neighbor's momma's momma.”
― Ren French, Creating a Concierge

“I have no clue what she asked for. It sounded like a code during wartime, where coffee was the solider and she was the five-star general.”
― Ren French, Creating a Concierge

“It's my job to help the guests, even if I think they'll turn out to be a super-snotty, dripping little twat of distaste and ill repute.”
― Ren French, Creating a Concierge

“I'm impressed. I've never seen a piece of shit read before. Would you like an award?”
― Ren French, Creating a Concierge

“I speak New Orleans sassy black woman dialect. I love it.”
― Ren French, Creating a Concierge

“We, as a society, will never grow into a better world unless we change our outdated views of the world. We should not adopt and carry forward the way people have been mistreated in the past, but instead pave a way to love and acceptance, or the future generation will fail.”
― Ren French, Creating a Concierge

“Lady Beverly: What kind of bullshit answer is that, kiddo? I was born and raised here. I may be older that dirt now, but I was a street rat back in my day.”
― Ren French, Creating a Concierge

“Everyone knows you drink white wine with ass. I'm joking; don't drink any wine with ass. It doesn't pair well.”
― Ren French, Creating a Concierge

“I don't want your hanging meat parasailing toward me. Please, double bubble-wrap it, and put it in storage already.”
― Ren French, Creating a Concierge

“My safe word is pineapple.”
― Ren French, Creating a Concierge

“Frank: Dude. Bro. I'm not wearing underwear. Is it nippley outside?”
― Ren French, Creating a Concierge

“Many people have asked me, "Why title your book Creating a Concierge?" There is no correct answer. Call it creation, evolution, or chance, but ultimately it's what felt right.”
― Ren French, Creating a Concierge

“Besides so long as a man has not been actually killed he is our fellow-creature, though perhaps a very unpleasant one.”
― Samuel Butler, Erewhon

“Become an editor,' they said. 'You love books.' they said. I do love books; I just hate the people who write them.”
― Lesley Crewe, Recipe for a Good Life

“She glared at me as if I’d accused her of something, which I only occasionally did and never to her face. ”
― Candice Jarrett, Mortal Tether

“I squeaked and squirmed to get loose, but I was born with the upper body strength of a hamster.”
― Candice Jarrett, Mortal Tether