Dani Alexander Quotes

“Do you know what I did to the last guy that called me Tinkerbelle?"

"Slept with him?"

Darryl was silent for a second. "After that.”
― Dani Alexander, Shattered Glass

“Tell me something good about your life," I whispered, needing to hear that he wasn't as broken as I thought him to be.
Peter breathed into the handset for about two minutes. I began wondering if he was about to hang up, or had fallen asleep, when he answered. "You."
It was so quiet I almost didn't hear it. And then he hung up before I could ask him to repeat himself.
I fell asleep, grinning, with the phone still clutched in my hand and my milk souring on the coffee table.”
― Dani Alexander, Shattered Glass

“Peter to Austin:
"Hard-ons don't make you think less. They make you think stupid. Which makes me think you must have one 24/7.”
― Dani Alexander, Shattered Glass

“Your daughter is gay? Where are all these gay people coming from? Gay friends. Gay daughters of friends. Gay sisters-in-law. Gay suspects. I ask one guy for a kiss and suddenly I’m living in Ancient Greece.”
― Dani Alexander, Shattered Glass

“At some point all of this is going to catch up with me,” I said.

“What is?”

“Gay, boyfriend, job loss, career in the toilet, gay, criminals in my house, criminals in my bed.”

“You said the gay thing twice.”

“It deserves double billing.”
― Dani Alexander, Shattered Glass

“Do you know why I like dogs and not cats? Because when
you’re talking to dogs, they don’t walk away in order to rim
themselves.

~Austin to Cai's cat Begone Cai's, also known as the "fucking hairball with the crazies.”
― Dani Alexander

“What the fuck are you doing with your life?”

“Dating hookers, learning the gay, housing criminals, pissing off my fellow cops, and taking in what everyone says is a cat, but which I’m definitely sure is not a cat. I’m undecided on its actual species. I think it’s a cross between a rat and some kind of alien life—”
― Dani Alexander, Shattered Glass

“I would just like to throw out there that we can all stop talking about putting things up my ass. No fly zone. Do not enter. No parking.”
― Dani Alexander, Shattered Glass

“What is wrong with you?” He glared at me.


“I’m somewhat sure I’m suddenly gay,” I shrugged, “My father and mother are hypocritical abandoning homophobic assholes. The former defending my chief suspect in the biggest case of my life—something I’m sure you had a hand in. I’m obsessed with your freckles, your bunny slippers and your lips—which I should be getting points for not kissing while you’re incapacitated, by the way. I’m dating a whore while working on the vice squad—points to me again for not arresting your ass for that—and I’m ridiculously horny. Oh, and my fiancée won’t talk to me.”
― Dani Alexander, Shattered Glass

“Fucking cracker,” Alvarado hissed as he was shoved into the patrol car.


“Aw, that’s discrimination, right there.” I feigned hurt. “See, I see you as scumbag first, Alvarado. Or dick-cheese. Scumsucking pedophile. Asshole. The fact that you’re Hispanic doesn’t even factor into it.”
― Dani Alexander, Shattered Glass

“I was going to be mature about this. And ignore him.”
― Dani Alexander, Shattered Glass