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At a Loss For Words: a Post-Romantic Novel
She wasn’t looking for love. As a successful writer with an established career, a comfortable home and a supportive group of friends, her life was full. But then, 30 years after he broke her heart the first time, he walked into a book signing and back into her life. Spurred on by the idyll of a first love made good, they reconnect through emails―the bits and bytes of their messages re-forming into a real electricity between them. He is smitten. She is enthralled. But, strangely, love has left her with a nasty case of writer’s block. She gathers all the strength she can find in the text around her―using optimistic horoscopes, evasive fortune cookies and the inanely unhelpful suggestions of books on writer’s block―to fight against the understanding that a love can’t be sustained on language alone. Then, in a surprising and wickedly delicious resolution, she recognizes that truth and fiction can be one and the same in matters of the heart, and that in a “he said, she said” story, the writer always gets the last word. At A Loss For Words is another brilliant expression of Diane Schoemperlen’s gift for building the minutiae of everyday life into a profound understanding of women, men, love and imagination.
189 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2001
About the author
Diane Schoemperlen
65 books64 followersDiane Schoemperlen, short-story writer, novelist, teacher, editor (b at Thunder Bay, Ont 9 July 1954). Diane Schoemperlen grew up in Thunder Bay, Ont, and attended Lakehead University. After graduating in 1976, she spent a summer studying at the Banff Centre, under such writers as W.O. MITCHELL and Alice MUNRO. Since 1986, she has focused on her writing career and has taught creative writing at schools such as St Lawrence College and the Kingston School of Writing. She currently lives in Kingston, Ontario.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews
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July 21, 2014Stop me if you've heard this (or perhaps lived this) before. Here's the premise: girl meets boy at 20, he moves away for work, she mourns the relationship and gets on with her life. Thirty years later, he walks back into her life. They have an affair, kinda sorta, and then we get to read all the plodding emails between them.
I can't believe I read the whole thing. Its main virtue was being blessedly short. I kept going because I kept expecting our heroine to do something smart and unexpected, and my Kobo told me it wouldn't be much longer. Read at your own peril, unless you happen to be having a long-distance relationship (although that usually involves some real emotion) with a passive-aggressive man, in which case I guess you may relate to our (nameless, rather bloodless) heroine and her self-indulgent anguish.
I chose this book as a change from my recent diet of historical fiction. Argh. Ugh.
I can't believe I read the whole thing. Its main virtue was being blessedly short. I kept going because I kept expecting our heroine to do something smart and unexpected, and my Kobo told me it wouldn't be much longer. Read at your own peril, unless you happen to be having a long-distance relationship (although that usually involves some real emotion) with a passive-aggressive man, in which case I guess you may relate to our (nameless, rather bloodless) heroine and her self-indulgent anguish.
I chose this book as a change from my recent diet of historical fiction. Argh. Ugh.
October 6, 2016
another quick & engrossing read. this account of a relationship gone bad is all too familiar to me. i loved the humour, the lists, the characters, especially the main character, who i very much related to. this was both fun & heart-breaking to read. & too close for comfort. thankfully, reading is not something i do to feel comfortable.
November 13, 2018
I found this book in a strange place — in a stack of free theological books. Because of finding it there I hoped it would be a clean book. Either way everything about it pulled at me: a writer struggling to find words, stressed about life, wishing to be able to sleep, and most of all having to deal with a horrible relationship resurfaced.
I found it odd how I related so much to a fifty year old women's emotional, sarcastic, heart broken journey of a strained relationship.
I loved how she used second person POV to tell her story.
I love how the guy was presented so realistically perfect and heartless at once.
The book would have been so much better had it not been for so much content: some language (a small sprinkling of strong words), a lot of smoking as if it weren't that bad, and a few mentions of having sex.
I do like how the character came to realize this man's hold on her wasn't what could make her happy or not happy — it was a choice of hers. And she had lessons to learn.
I really enjoyed this book, but because of the content I'm giving it a lesser rating because I don't want to keep such a book on my shelves.
I found it odd how I related so much to a fifty year old women's emotional, sarcastic, heart broken journey of a strained relationship.
I loved how she used second person POV to tell her story.
I love how the guy was presented so realistically perfect and heartless at once.
The book would have been so much better had it not been for so much content: some language (a small sprinkling of strong words), a lot of smoking as if it weren't that bad, and a few mentions of having sex.
I do like how the character came to realize this man's hold on her wasn't what could make her happy or not happy — it was a choice of hers. And she had lessons to learn.
I really enjoyed this book, but because of the content I'm giving it a lesser rating because I don't want to keep such a book on my shelves.
May 10, 2019
Described as a post romantic tale, its really about a writer who can’t write, can’t find words, can’t move forward because she is stuck madly in love with a former first love who has resurfaced in her life only to again crush and slowly break her heart. The reader sees it first. The clues. The red flags. The unanswered emails. And the haunting realization that this story is not going to end well.
September 22, 2017
I enjoyed the slimness of the volume and the writing style, but not the plot. After a while I tire of the pining of obsessed women.
September 15, 2019
Well crafted but painful. Obsession is tedious.
July 15, 2020
I laughed a lot during this short novel. Funny characters and plot. I wouldn't re-read it mainly because the story lost a bit of its interest closer to the end. However it was worth my time!
August 28, 2020
Waste of time.
September 11, 2022
Truly painful to read. This sort of pathetic obsession should be written in a journal, maybe to be re-read and burned later. Holy smokes! Don’t share it, let alone look for a publisher! Embarrassing.
September 25, 2008
She can't eat. She can't sleep. She drinks too much coffee and smokes too many cigarettes. She can't focus. She's a writer who can't write. She checks for messages several times a day and her disappointment is palpable. What's wrong with her? She's in love. Such is the author's strength that she makes us feel everything her character is going through.This woman's first love has walked back into her life after many years while she's giving a reading in a bookstore. Her euphoria knows no bounds. It's a long distance relationship this time and she just can't get enough of his letters, emails, phone messages or the occasional day or two together. The bad news is that, between the exhilarating highs of passion and devastating lows of doubt and fear, she can't concentrate enough to work. This has never happened to her before. She doesn't want to panic but books on writing don't help much with their simplistic though well-meaning suggestions on how to get past the big WB-writer's block. She uses some of their ideas to great satirical effect in the novel, which reads much like journal entries. "Take some swings in a batting cage". "Write in the woods while leaning against a tree". In her mind these become as inane as "Make a paper clip chain six feet long or more." This is the story of words and the power we give to them during the throes of romantic love. We go over every word or phrase the object of our affection says. Was there more there than stated, some unspoken meaning, did he mean it seriously or was it just a casual remark? Is he as commited as he says or just a smooth talker? Our character finds sudden meaning in crossword puzzle definitions or horoscopes, things that emphasize her new feelings or sharpen her worry and pain. It's not long before the reader begins to squirm a little because you've see yourself behaving the same way. She's exposed us all a little, told the unspoken truth about how obsessed or even goofy we can be when we think we're in love. We all have friends who act like this and we know there's little reasoning with them when their under the influence of adoration. We suffer along with her but like our friends we sometimes want to shake her and tell her there's more to life than romance. The author has done a terrific job, with a slow reveal of the other side of the relationship. I reread large portions just to enjoy the way she uses language. Schoemperlen has several novels to her credit already but the format is different here. Some may not like that it's not a simple narrative but it works for her purposes very well. And some will think the story should have ended sooner but then so should some of our own rides on this rollercoaster of the heart. Four stars out of five.
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Book giveaways every week:http://freshinkbooks.blogspot.com/
June 9, 2011
3½ STARS
I wrote this review for HarperCollins early this year.
As a single, forty-something female, it’s frightening how much I relate to fellow Kingstonian, Diane Schoemperlen’s excellent new novel (January 2008), At A Loss For Words (A Post-Romantic Novel). I could swear this is a work of non-fiction, allowing readers a peak into Schoemperlen’s real life because it’s so full of truth. I figure that if I am deeply moved by it because of having had such a similar experience in dealing with a long distance relationship with a man who very quickly into our getting to know each other (after we had slept together of course) suddenly became so busy and had so many excuses as to why he wasn’t calling, emailing or driving the two hours east to see me – then I’m sure there are many women out there who feel the same way.
This is a WONDERFUL, well-written, humourous book about the desperate nature of human relationships and how we all question our sanity when we’re in love. Diane has managed to write just about everything that I felt about my most recent relationship (and others), although I’m sure I wasn’t quite as obsessive about writing to him as her unnamed character is! It was smart to write the characters without names because the reader can insert whatever name she or he want and suddenly, the story could be theirs. Remarkably, I even had the same Mr. Wonderful doll that my best friend gave me. However, after ending the relationship – because I found out that I wasn’t the only woman he was dating, but in fact he was sleeping with at least three other women at the same time which shed a bright light on his many excuses: why he was tired so often, couldn’t find the time to spend an entire day with me and was a pretty lousy lay – I threw out Mr. Wonderful because I realized that he doesn’t exist.
All men lie to the women in their lives. All of them. And we lie to them too. Diane knows that and has managed to maintain a sense of humour about the sad truth of it all. The way in which she writes about ideas to cure writer’s block and her use of references to horoscopes, websites and music all add to the contemporary realism of this story.
I will recommend this book to every woman that I know who is out there dating or thinking about it! How the human race manages to evolve, I do not know. Diane, call me! I’m sure we could talk!
There is an interview with Diane posted at The Savvy Reader:
savvyreader.typepad.com/my_weblog/200...
I wrote this review for HarperCollins early this year.
As a single, forty-something female, it’s frightening how much I relate to fellow Kingstonian, Diane Schoemperlen’s excellent new novel (January 2008), At A Loss For Words (A Post-Romantic Novel). I could swear this is a work of non-fiction, allowing readers a peak into Schoemperlen’s real life because it’s so full of truth. I figure that if I am deeply moved by it because of having had such a similar experience in dealing with a long distance relationship with a man who very quickly into our getting to know each other (after we had slept together of course) suddenly became so busy and had so many excuses as to why he wasn’t calling, emailing or driving the two hours east to see me – then I’m sure there are many women out there who feel the same way.
This is a WONDERFUL, well-written, humourous book about the desperate nature of human relationships and how we all question our sanity when we’re in love. Diane has managed to write just about everything that I felt about my most recent relationship (and others), although I’m sure I wasn’t quite as obsessive about writing to him as her unnamed character is! It was smart to write the characters without names because the reader can insert whatever name she or he want and suddenly, the story could be theirs. Remarkably, I even had the same Mr. Wonderful doll that my best friend gave me. However, after ending the relationship – because I found out that I wasn’t the only woman he was dating, but in fact he was sleeping with at least three other women at the same time which shed a bright light on his many excuses: why he was tired so often, couldn’t find the time to spend an entire day with me and was a pretty lousy lay – I threw out Mr. Wonderful because I realized that he doesn’t exist.
All men lie to the women in their lives. All of them. And we lie to them too. Diane knows that and has managed to maintain a sense of humour about the sad truth of it all. The way in which she writes about ideas to cure writer’s block and her use of references to horoscopes, websites and music all add to the contemporary realism of this story.
I will recommend this book to every woman that I know who is out there dating or thinking about it! How the human race manages to evolve, I do not know. Diane, call me! I’m sure we could talk!
There is an interview with Diane posted at The Savvy Reader:
savvyreader.typepad.com/my_weblog/200...
February 2, 2011
It sometimes happens that a book that no one particularly likes generates an excellent discussion. This was the case with Canadian writer Diane Schoemperlen’s book At A Loss For Words. One woman in my book club actually said: “I knew you wouldn’t want me to finish it.”
I didn’t actually have any trouble finishing the book, but not because it was the most original or beautiful or innovative book I’ve ever read about the nature of love. The story is rife with cliches and prose so purple you might think you’re scarfing grape jelly by the jar.
An unnamed woman rekindles a relationship with an old boyfriend. She and this guy (also unnamed) had a fairly serious thing which, one gathers, ended rather badly 30 years ago. She’s a writer, but since renewing her relationship with this guy, she’s unable to write. The story (such as it is) consists mostly of her lists of writing prompts and her e-mail correspondence with the man a sort of he said, she said only in this case it’s I said, you said.
To say that I didn’t believe a word of what they said to each other would be harsh, but really who talks like this?
“I do appreciate these thoughts. I want to say how much I welcome and treasure everything you say. Your letters are too wonderful! You lift my spirits immeasurably with all that you write. You warm me up on this gray damp day” (59).
As soon as this relationship is consummated, it begins to unravel. The woman starts clinging and the man starts pulling away and the denouement is neither original or shocking. In addition, you sort of wanted to shake her a little; I mean, she’s a successful writer and she’s not 20- couldn’t she sort of see this coming?
Still, who hasn’t been in love with the wrong guy…maybe even the wrong guy on more than one occasion. Hands up! So, while none of us were enamoured with Schoemperlen’s rather writerly tale, we had lots and lots of fun talking about rekindled passion, first love and our very first (after 10 years in book club) discussion of orgasms.
I didn’t actually have any trouble finishing the book, but not because it was the most original or beautiful or innovative book I’ve ever read about the nature of love. The story is rife with cliches and prose so purple you might think you’re scarfing grape jelly by the jar.
An unnamed woman rekindles a relationship with an old boyfriend. She and this guy (also unnamed) had a fairly serious thing which, one gathers, ended rather badly 30 years ago. She’s a writer, but since renewing her relationship with this guy, she’s unable to write. The story (such as it is) consists mostly of her lists of writing prompts and her e-mail correspondence with the man a sort of he said, she said only in this case it’s I said, you said.
To say that I didn’t believe a word of what they said to each other would be harsh, but really who talks like this?
“I do appreciate these thoughts. I want to say how much I welcome and treasure everything you say. Your letters are too wonderful! You lift my spirits immeasurably with all that you write. You warm me up on this gray damp day” (59).
As soon as this relationship is consummated, it begins to unravel. The woman starts clinging and the man starts pulling away and the denouement is neither original or shocking. In addition, you sort of wanted to shake her a little; I mean, she’s a successful writer and she’s not 20- couldn’t she sort of see this coming?
Still, who hasn’t been in love with the wrong guy…maybe even the wrong guy on more than one occasion. Hands up! So, while none of us were enamoured with Schoemperlen’s rather writerly tale, we had lots and lots of fun talking about rekindled passion, first love and our very first (after 10 years in book club) discussion of orgasms.
January 12, 2009
At A Loss For Words is a very original story in form and in style. The un-named main character shares with us her reconnection with a former love from 30 years ago, through her thoughts and letters to him, and her trouble with writer's block.
This is a quiet and sweet love story. I really liked how the characters expressed themselves through email, the discussions they had, and the stories they shared. The style of writing used is so beautiful, it's not something I have encountered previously. I really liked seeing the main character's daily life, visiting with friends, seeing a sign in a playing card or a horoscope, and the lists she found in books to help with writer's block. And, after awhile trying not to think about him, when he didn't respond back to her emails or wondering what his ... meant.
After awhile I felt the main character got a bit whiny and a bit obsessive which made it a little harder to read. And then, something happened which gave me a whole new perspective on the story. I thought I had the story all figured out and then this revelation took me by surprise! It was so great and I did not see it coming!
This is a sweet love story with a beautiful writing, an original concept and a great twist!
This is a quiet and sweet love story. I really liked how the characters expressed themselves through email, the discussions they had, and the stories they shared. The style of writing used is so beautiful, it's not something I have encountered previously. I really liked seeing the main character's daily life, visiting with friends, seeing a sign in a playing card or a horoscope, and the lists she found in books to help with writer's block. And, after awhile trying not to think about him, when he didn't respond back to her emails or wondering what his ... meant.
After awhile I felt the main character got a bit whiny and a bit obsessive which made it a little harder to read. And then, something happened which gave me a whole new perspective on the story. I thought I had the story all figured out and then this revelation took me by surprise! It was so great and I did not see it coming!
This is a sweet love story with a beautiful writing, an original concept and a great twist!
June 24, 2016
"Fun post-romantic read"
The title called it a post-romantic novel; I guess it's fitting for a story that talks of romance in the past tense, literally. The protagonist having re-established a relationship with her ex-first-love after thirty years, experienced the heartbreak of abandonment all over again. Diane Schoemperlen's writing is fun in this book; the contrasting memories of "in love" versus "out of love" was hilarious - how embarrassing it is for someone to look back at her proclamation of love for a beloved deemed unworthy on hindsight - that's why hindsights are always better thought-out, or in truth, we just had more time lingering over the same thought. Mind you, the protagonist did sound a bit hysterical for my liking, but that might be part of the fun of seeing how things unfold in another person's mind.
The title called it a post-romantic novel; I guess it's fitting for a story that talks of romance in the past tense, literally. The protagonist having re-established a relationship with her ex-first-love after thirty years, experienced the heartbreak of abandonment all over again. Diane Schoemperlen's writing is fun in this book; the contrasting memories of "in love" versus "out of love" was hilarious - how embarrassing it is for someone to look back at her proclamation of love for a beloved deemed unworthy on hindsight - that's why hindsights are always better thought-out, or in truth, we just had more time lingering over the same thought. Mind you, the protagonist did sound a bit hysterical for my liking, but that might be part of the fun of seeing how things unfold in another person's mind.
October 21, 2008
Probably my favourite of Diane Schoemperlen's books that I've read so far. It was sometimes painful to read because I identified with the main character. I would catch myself thinking things like "we do that, don't we?" But the format was a bit repetitive (for stylistic purposes I guess, but it didn't work as well as maybe it could have). I found the writer's block exercises a bit annoying. I also wasn't too fond of the way the two main characters wrote to each other; I liked the narrator's voice a lot more when she was just talking.
I can't decide if I like the last-page revelation or not. In retrospect it was hinted at, yes, but it changes the whole story and I don't know if it was necessary.
I can't decide if I like the last-page revelation or not. In retrospect it was hinted at, yes, but it changes the whole story and I don't know if it was necessary.
February 6, 2010
A rather depressing post-modern epistolary book. Written in emails between two lovers who reconnect as adults. The two were high-school sweethearts, and he leaves and breaks her heart, and he ends up doing it again. The protagonist, a successful author, suffers from writer's block during this second affair, now much later in life, and it's truly rather depressing how much she lets this man affect her. She wants to be in love so badly, but he obviously is so much more career-oriented and grows tired of her neediness. The situation is complicated by the fact that he lives in another city (presumably Ottawa) and he responds with less and less regularity. Overall, a sad, depressing book. Disappointing.
August 19, 2012
Once I got used to the author's unusual form, I liked this book very much. But I have to admit that it took me a while to settle in to the lists, horoscopes, point forms, he said-she said construction of this novel (which incidentally reminded me a bit of Jeanette Winterson, another favorite writer of mine).
I could identify with the obsessive love affair gone wrong, really is there anyone alive over the age of 40 who hasn't been played the fool for love? I wondered several times how much of this novel was autobiographical, but then that's the hallmark of good fiction, letting us believe that this truly could have happened.
I could identify with the obsessive love affair gone wrong, really is there anyone alive over the age of 40 who hasn't been played the fool for love? I wondered several times how much of this novel was autobiographical, but then that's the hallmark of good fiction, letting us believe that this truly could have happened.
September 20, 2012
At first I was smitten with the style of this book -- a long anti-love letter to a former lover. Unfortunately, it didn't really go anywhere. It read as one long stream of consciousness without the structure of chapters and after a while became quite tedious to read. I'm not sure whether this was intended or not, but I ended up feeling like the guy in this story did about the very clueless protagonist. Lady, he's just not that into you!
January 4, 2009
I laughed, winced and sometimes wanted to cry for the narrator. The book makes you question the difference between love and obsession; it makes you wonder if you've behaved strangely in your past relationships; and it makes you think twice about e-mailing people things they probably don't care about (like your horoscope).
A perfect post-break-up read.
A perfect post-break-up read.
February 3, 2011
Unusual and oddly compelling. The story unfolds through a series of email from a woman to her (former) lover, and becomes every clearer through the accummulation of little, very real details. Uncomfortably intimate -- I felt like I was reading someone's personal diary, and worried that she was exposing herself too fully. Quite unique.
April 15, 2014
Short, funny, and bittersweet. Probably the best single stream-of-consciousness novel that I've enjoyed...not that I've encountered many in my reading over the years. There are moments of sheer hilarity, mixed in with moments of tear-your-hair-out frustration, and moments of utter despair. I guess that's love in a nut shell...
December 27, 2014
Rather contrived although somewhat interesting novel about a writer who reestablishes a relationship with a passive aggressive, who after over a year of frustrating behavior leaves her again. Some great humour
but t also the feeling that Schoemperlen is just trying to fill pages in whatever way she can- horoscopes, writers block tips, etc. First full book read on our beach.
but t also the feeling that Schoemperlen is just trying to fill pages in whatever way she can- horoscopes, writers block tips, etc. First full book read on our beach.
December 31, 2008
Funny, witty story about a writer with writer's block and an obsession with a man that really "isn't that in to her." Can you write fiction when you are living a fictitious life? Story is written as a series of emails.
August 17, 2009
At A Loss For Words
I liked this “little book” about a writer who can’t write because her love affair has gone bad. The writing is smart and funny and follows the feel and spirit of the relationship – form high to low to high again.
October 7, 2009
A tedious portrait of a self-indulgent and self-absorbed woman who projects all of her desires on a man, and then is hurt that he doesn't return her feelings. This book gave me great insight into what Glenn Close's character must have been feeling in Fatal Attraction. Written as one long whine.
March 8, 2010
It's actually... pretty much what I write, sometimes. Only, I wouldn't write it if I had anything to write about. Maybe a little too girly for me, but well, you can't get everything. I like that she's a writer... Who can't write at the moment. Nice read actually. Picked it just for the title.
Currently reading
July 6, 2011Just starting this one...little book , should be a quick read. That was quick...not going to even get far into this one...do not like her writing style...he said, she said, too lazy to do dialogue as far as I am concerned. I'll save it for you in case you like it Christy.
October 4, 2012
A quick and enjoyable read. Schoemperlan's writing crackles with wit, intelligence, and deep, dark sarcasm. I always enjoy her work! Her book of short stories, called "Forms of Devotion," is also fantastic.
December 22, 2013
Though it was a unique way to write a novel, bit it was a bit of a drag to read. It felt too forced at times and repetitive too. She could have given more form and life to the main characters. I felt as if I am reading a story within a story.
February 8, 2015
Schoemperlen finds yet another interesting way to tell a story. Had me grinning (wryly) at the myriad ways one might attack writers' block, and then there's the annoying man of the story whose name we never learn (Everyman?). Fun read.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews