How to Hug a Porcupine Quotes

“Even if toxic people are right about what is "good," they are wrong if the approach is not healthy.”
― John L. Lund, How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing With Toxic & Difficult to Love Personalities

“Remember all frustration is based on unmet expectations. If we did not expect anything we would not be frustrated.”
― John Lund, How to Hug a Porcupine

“LIVE TO YOUR OWN DEFINITION OF ENOUGH. You can at least please yourself. If your expectation is ‘pleasing others,’ you have no control over doing so, because the toxic personality will keep redefining the standard in such a way that you can never measure up. The thing to keep in mind about a toxic person is that you are ‘darned if you do’ or ‘darned if you don’t.’ They are going to be frustrated with you, regardless of your behavior. You cannot be governed by their frustration. Keep in mind that they use the frustrations of others as a tool to manipulate, control, and intimidate. They also have endless lists of expectations. Just as you get close to doing everything on the list, Aaron will change the list. He can never let you be enough.          “When you see the insanity of this treadmill, you will come to realize that toxic people are ‘crazy makers.’ They drive you crazy trying to please them. The crazier your life becomes, the more in control they become; and because you are going crazy, the focus can be on your aberrant behavior. You are the one out of your mind, and they are the ones who are justified. Most toxic people were raised that way in their families. They were never enough as individuals, as children, or as siblings, so, what’s the big deal? Not measuring up, not being enough, trailing barbs, constant criticism, or blame-fixing is normal to them.”
― John Lund, How to Hug a Porcupine

“Most of them lack the knowledge and the skills of positive reinforcement.”
― John Lewis Lund, How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing With Toxic & Difficult to Love Personalities

“A toxic personality is one you cannot please. He or she is incapable of giving total acceptance. YOU WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH.”
― John Lewis Lund, How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing With Toxic & Difficult to Love Personalities

“There is a difference between appropriate and inappropriate selfishness. Seeking to become your healthiest and best self is an appropriate selfishness. Wanton disregard for others becoming their best selves and exploiting them for selfish purposes is by definition an inappropriate selfishness.”
― John Lewis Lund, How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing With Toxic & Difficult to Love Personalities

“Toxic people cannot fully give you love. When they give you love, it is a reward... They fear that unconditional love will result in a loss of control... Most toxic people believe they themselves are not sufficient, so how could anyone else be enough?”
― John Lewis Lund, How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing With Toxic & Difficult to Love Personalities

“An emotionally healthy person accepts responsibility for his own happiness and unhappiness and owns his expectations and behaviors.”
― John Lewis Lund, How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing With Toxic & Difficult to Love Personalities

“Most toxic people cannot make a personal progress plan for their own individual lives short of perfection.”
― John Lewis Lund, How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing With Toxic & Difficult to Love Personalities

“True parenting involves gradually transferring the responsibility for life to the shoulders of the child.”
― John Lewis Lund, How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing With Toxic & Difficult to Love Personalities