Mayonnaise Quotes

“[Hadley] "I have a fear of mayo, so I've actually gotten pretty good at it over the years."
[Oliver] "You have a fear of mayo?"
She nods again."It's in my top three or four."
"What are the others?" he asks with a grin. "I mean what could possibly be worse than mayonnaise.”
― Jennifer E. Smith, The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight

“All Carolina folk are crazy for mayonnaise, mayonnaise is as ambrosia to them, the food of their tarheeled gods. Mayonnaise comforts them, causes the vowels to slide more musically along their slow tongues, appeasing their grease-conditioned taste buds while transporting those buds to a place higher than lard could ever hope to fly. Yellow as summer sunlight, soft as young thighs, smooth as a Baptist preacher's rant, falsely innocent as a magician's handkerchief, mayonnaise will cloak a lettuce leaf, some shreds of cabbage, a few hunks of cold potato in the simplest splendor, restyling their dull character, making them lively and attractive again, granting them the capacity to delight the gullet if not the heart. Fried oysters, leftover roast, peanut butter: rare are the rations that fail to become instantly more scintillating from contact with this inanimate seductress, this goopy glory-monger, this alchemist in a jar.
The mystery of mayonnaise-and others besides Dickie Goldwire have surely puzzled over this_is how egg yolks, vegetable oil, vinegar (wine's angry brother), salt, sugar (earth's primal grain-energy), lemon juice, water, and, naturally, a pinch of the ol' calcium disodium EDTA could be combined in such a way as to produce a condiment so versatile, satisfying, and outright majestic that mustard, ketchup, and their ilk must bow down before it (though, a at two bucks a jar, mayonnaise certainly doesn't put on airs)or else slink away in disgrace. Who but the French could have wrought this gastronomic miracle? Mayonnaise is France's gift to the New World's muddled palate, a boon that combines humanity's ancient instinctive craving for the cellular warmth of pure fat with the modern, romantic fondness for complex flavors: mayo (as the lazy call it) may appear mild and prosaic, but behind its creamy veil it fairly seethes with tangy disposition. Cholesterol aside, it projects the luster that we astro-orphans have identified with well-being ever since we fell from the stars.”
― Tom Robbins, Villa Incognito

“Parce que la vie, c'était un peu comme la mayonnaise. Faite de choses simples, comme des jaunes d'oeuf et de l'huile, et qu'il ne fallait surtout pas brusquer mais qu'un effort régulier transformait en le plus savoureux des mélanges.”
― Romain Puértolas, La petite fille qui avait avalé un nuage grand comme la tour Eiffel

“The moment I put it in my mouth and bit down...
... an exquisite and entirely unexpected flavor exploded in my mouth!
It burst across my tongue, rushed up through my nose...
... and rose all the way up to my brain!"
"No! It can't be!"
"How is that possible?! Anyone with eyes can see there's nothing special to that dish! Its fragrance was entirely inferior to Asahi's dish from the get-go!"
"That there. That's what it is. I knew something wasn't right."
"Asahi?"
"Something felt off the instant the cloche was removed.
His dish is fried rice. It uses tons of butter, soy sauce and spices.
Yet it hardly had any aroma!"
"Good catch. The secret is in one of the five grand cuisine dishes I melded together...
A slightly atypical take on the French Oeuf Mayonnaise. ."
"Ouef Mayonnaise, or eggs and mayonnaise, is an appetizer you can find in any French bistro. Hard-boiled eggs are sliced, coated with a house-blend mayo and garnished with vegetables.
Though, in your dish, I can tell you chose very soft-boiled eggs instead.
Hm. Very interesting, Soma Yukihira.
He took those soft-boiled eggs and some homemade mayo and blended them into a sauce...... which he then poured over his steamed rice and tossed until each and every grain was coated, its flavor sealed inside!
To cook them so that each individual grain is completely covered...
... takes incredibly fast and precise wok handling over extremely high heat! No average chef could manage that feat!"
" Whaaa?!
Ah! It's so thin I didn't notice it at first glance, but there it is, a very slight glaze!
That makes each of these grains of rice a miniature, self-contained Omurice!
The moment you bite into them, that eggy coating is broken...
... releasing all the flavors and aromas of the dish onto your palate in one explosive rush!"
No wonder! That's what entranced the judges. That sudden, powerful explosion of flavor!
"Yep! Even when it's served, my dish still hides its fangs. Only when you bite into it does it bite back with all it's got.
I call it my Odorless Fried Rice.”
― Yuto Tsukuda, 食戟のソーマ 36 [Shokugeki no Souma 36]

“When the crab arrives, I realize I've barely given any thought to Ann and her ministrations. To my surprise she has added a few finishing touches of her own. The crab sits snugly in its pink shell, beside a neat mound of delicately green mayonnaise. How has she colored it green?
"This could be made into a curry," pronounces Mr. Arnott. "In Madras, curried sea oysters are considered the pinnacle of fine food. Anything can be curried... fish, fowl, even eggs."
"Eggs?" Again, he has intrigued me.
"Indeed eggs," he says. "Hard-boiled and placed in a hot curried gravy, they are quite delicious."
I taste the mayonnaise, trying to fathom how Ann has greened it. Simultaneously I try to commit Mr. Arnott's recipe for curried eggs to memory, while also checking the seasoning in the crab.
"Do you think the crab would benefit from a little more lemon juice?" I ask. "Or perhaps chili vinegar should have been used."
"It is certainly fresh." He slowly savors the crab upon his tongue. "It tastes of the sea.”
― Annabel Abbs, Miss Eliza's English Kitchen

“Is mayonnaise an instrument?”
― Napoléon Bonaparte

“It’s weird how the mind remembers the silly details. I still can’t remember the colour of my wife’s eyes, but I can remember that we were arguing about mayonnaise.”
― Matthew Munson, Shoal: A Thanet Writers Anthology

“That day, getting through my world was like trying to swim in a pool of warm mayonnaise while carrying two bowling balls.”
― Andrew Smith