Coping Mechanism Quotes

“You might imagine that a person would resort to self-mutilation only under extremes of duress, but once I'd crossed that line the first time, taken that fateful step off the precipice, then almost any reason was a good enough reason, almost any provocation was provocation enough. Cutting was my all-purpose solution.”
― Caroline Kettlewell, Skin Game

“If your world is out there and you are in here then the only things that will gather within these walls are time and bitterness. Eventually, that bitterness will eat away at you and leave nothing behind but resentment and hate.”
― R.D. Ronald, The Zombie Room

“That night, before bed, he goes first to Willem's side of the closet, which he has still not emptied. Here are Willem's shirts on their hangers, and his sweaters on their shelves, and his shoes lined up beneath. He takes down the shirt he needs, a burgundy plaid woven through with threads of yellow, which Willem used to wear around the house in the springtime, and shrugs it on over his head. But instead of putting his arms through its sleeves, he ties the sleeves in front of him, which makes the shirt look like a straitjacket, but which he can pretend—if he concentrates—are Willem's arms in an embrace around him. He climbs into bed. This ritual embarrasses and shames him, but he only does it when he really needs it, and tonight he really needs it.”
― Hanya Yanagihara, A Little Life

“Because women tend to turn their anger inward and blame themselves, they tend to become depressed and their self-esteem is lowered. This, in turn, causes them to become more dependent and less willing to risk rejection or abandonment if they were to stand up for themselves by asserting their will, their opinions, or their needs.

Men often defend themselves against hurt by putting up a wall of nonchalant indifference. This appearance of independence often adds to a woman's fear of rejection, causing her to want to reach out to achieve comfort and reconciliation. Giving in, taking the blame, and losing herself more in the relationship seem to be a small price to pay for the acceptance and love of her partner.

As you can see, both extremes anger in and anger out-create potential problems. While neither sex is wrong in the way they deal with their anger, each could benefit from observing how the other sex copes with their anger. Most men, especially abusive ones, could benefit from learning to contain their anger more instead of automatically striking back, and could use the rather female ability to empathise with others and seek diplomatic resolutions to problems. Many women, on the other hand, could benefit from acknowledging their anger and giving themselves permission to act it out in constructive ways instead of automatically talking themselves out of it, blaming themselves, or allowing a man to blame them. Instead of giving in to keep the peace, it would be far healthier for most women to stand up for their needs, their opinions, and their beliefs.”
― Beverly Engel, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing

“Self-mutilation is a very different issue to suicide. It is a controlled pain personal to you, allowing you to live/exist to some degree.”
― Richy Edwards, A Version of Reason: In Search of Richey Edwards

“And tomorrow we'll do the same again. And again. Until one day you get up and find out that whatever it was didn't kill you after all.”
― Robin Hobb, Assassin's Apprentice

“Denial can be a most useful, temporary shield. Unfortunately, such flimsy armor will not last a lifetime. It is best to face your past, and do so quickly, before your past returns to face you.”
— André Chevalier”
― Nikki Sex, Accuse

“Over the years I have developed and employed a variety of such coping mechanisms, mostly focusing around a philosophy I call, “Live Because.”

“Live Because” is in contrast to what I’ve termed “Live Despite,” which is the idea that people can live rich, full lives in spite of their physical or emotional barriers. “Live Because” takes this a step further by suggesting that in many cases, patients can live a more fulfilling life with their illness than they could ever have done without it.

Ehlers-Danlos syndrome has transformed me from a frequently petty and self-absorbed person into the person I am today (still somewhat self-absorbed, but a lot less petty, and with a clearly defined purpose of alleviating whatever suffering I can). I am better because of my illness, and not just in spite of it.

But this process was, and still is, a journey. Chronic illness is nearly always accompanied by depression, and the need to constantly remain one step ahead of my illness has left me fearful and exhausted. I could never go through this alone...

A part of me will always be angry; such is the process of mourning the pieces of oneself that are lost to chronic disease. I have learned to accept the duality of being bitter and at peace; ignorant and enlightened... while still laying a foundation of hope for the possibility that I can still realize my personal dreams and ambitions, even if not in the exact ways I had expected.”
― Michael Bihovsky

“There are abusive individuals whose worst little demons are greed, sloth,envy, gluttony, pride and wrath enslaved by their god which is money. They usually set their false assumptions, wrong judgments, gossips and lies forceful than the ones who hold the truth but what they missed out is that the victims of their aggressions, the targets of their wrong accusations and the recipients of their repetitive harassments carry what is truly essential and what lives longer, that is: truth and goodness, both of which shall always prevail against their vicious, evil manners.”
― Angelica Hopes, Landscapes of a Heart, Whispers of a Soul

“Come on! Laugh at it all! Or at least laugh at something!
All the shit will still be there to deal with when you're done,
but you'll be in better shape to deal with it!”
― Shellen Lubin

“I coped, in the grand tradition of children everywhere, by retreating into my imagination.”
― Tana French, In the Woods

“I wasn’t empty because others abandoned me, but because I had abandoned myself.”
― L.M. Browning, Drive Through the Night

“...everybody lies. It’s a necessary coping mechanism. That’s easy for me to forget with the constant voice in my head reminding me of every little transgression, like it’s something unnatural, wrong, and harmful. And sometimes it is. But sometimes, it’s just what we need to do to protect ourselves.”
― Melanie A. Smith, Everybody Lies

“A mind inclined to misery is a mind that must keep busy.”
― Criss Jami

“they say actions speak louder than words;
tell me why we swallow poetry
like it's some kind of cure.”
― t. e. talbott, melancholia in the milky way

“One can forgive the past offences of cons, cowards, swindlers, scammers, pathological liars, financial, political parasites, mob lynchers, compulsive liars, digital aggressors, group political narcissists, bullies, vile, vicious slanderers, and vindictive deceivers. Still, it is wiser to NEVER EXTEND TRUST AGAIN nor give a second or third chance to repetitive, abusive opportunistic users, habitual offenders, and toxic bullies who happen to be Machiavellian manipulators.
~ Angelica Hopes, Sfidatopia
Book 2, Stronzata Trilogy”
― Angelica Hopes

“When modern man gets rid of an old, shameful illusion, he usually replaces it with a new one, subtler and more sophisticated, and therefore more potent.”
― Giannis Delimitsos

“It was her coping mechanism - tying ribbons over open wounds.”
― Rachel Harrison, The Return

“Bonnie was so drunk she could hardly walk. ... I had always felt sorry for her, having to live the life she was living, never a minute’s peace. She had often told me she was happier when she had something to drink. So I did not blame her for staying drunk most of the time, if it made her feel better.”
― Blanche Caldwell Barrow, My Life with Bonnie and Clyde

“I developed this compulsion to clean as a sort of protection ritual performed when I felt even the slightest bit abandoned, an eventuality that tormented my young imagination.”
― Michelle Zauner, Crying in H Mart

“People always try to explain the things they don’t understand, and convert them into a form that fits with their beliefs, so they can cope with them. Over time, these things become legend, folklore, perhaps even a religion.”
― Thorsten Brandl, The Palladium

“Rest is no longer associated with “recovery” as part of the coping cycle, but instead is associated with an intentional space of stillness and deep, internal connection that we consciously create by building this space into our day-to-day activities [..].”
― Heather Dominick-Kosmicki Dominick-Kosmicki

“I was born to an unwed female in a settlement that makes Windhaven look like a tolerant, welcoming paradise. She was shunned for bearing a child out of wedlock, and forced to give birth to me alone in a tent in the dead of winter.'

Horror lurched through her. She'd known Cassian was low-born, but that level of cruelty because of it... 'What of your father?'

'You mean the piece of shit who forced himself on her and then went back to his wife and family?' Cassian let out a cold laugh that she rarely heard. 'There were no consequences for him.'

'There never are,' Nesta said coolly. She blocked out the image of Tomas's face.

'There are here,' Cassian growled, as if he sensed the direction of her thoughts. Cassian gestured to the city below, hidden by the mountain and the House blocking the view. 'Rhys changed the laws here in the Night Court, and in Illyria.' His face hardened further. 'But it still requires the survivor to come forward. And in places like Illyria, they make life a living hell for any female who does. They seem it a betrayal.'

'That's outrageous.'

'We're all Fae. Forget the High Fae or Lesser Fae bullshit. We're all immortal or close to it. Change comes slowly for us. What humans accomplish in decades takes us centuries. Longer, if you live in Illyria.'

'Then why do you bother with the Illyrians?'

'Because I fought like hell to prove my worth to them.' His eyes glittered. 'To prove that my mother brought some good into this world.'

'Where is she now?' He'd never spoken of her.

His eyes shuttered in a way she had not witnessed before. 'I was taken away from her when I was three. Thrown out into the snow. And in her so-called disgraced state, she became prey to other monsters.' Nesta's stomach twisted with each word. 'She did their backbreaking labour until she died, alone and...' His throat worked. 'I was at Windhaven by then. I wasn't strong enough to return to help her. To bring her somewhere safe. Rhys wasn't yet High Lord, and none of us could do anything.'
...
'It's a story for another time. But what I meant to try to explain is that through it all, through every awful thing, the training centred me. Guided me. When I had a shit day, when I was spat on or pummelled or shunned, when I led armies and lost good warriors, when Rhys was taken by Amarantha- through all of that, the training remained. You said the other day the breathing helped you. It helps me, too. It helped Feyre.' She watched the wall rise in his eyes, word after word. As if he waited for her to rip it down. Rip him down. 'Make of that what you will, but it's true.'

Oily shame slithered through her. She'd done that- brought this level of defensiveness in him.

Heaviness weighed on her. Started gnawing on her insides.

So Nesta said, 'Show me another set of movements.'

Cassian scanned her face for a heartbeat, his gaze still shuttered, and began his next demonstration.”
― Sarah J. Maas, A ​Court of Silver Flames

“What if, instead of seeking oblivion by escaping from the world, we
turn toward it? What if instead of leaving the world behind, we
immerse ourselves in it?”
― Anna Lembke, Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence

“I was grieved that my life had come to this point; it had all happened so quickly. I just found myself running from one thing to the next and the things I was using to cope started more problems in and of themselves. The cycle spiraled out of control when one coping mechanism created consequences that led to the next coping mechanism, which created consequences, and on and on, without ever addressing the hurt and confusion inside.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“Often, what we call 'anxiety' is a coping mechanism we lean on, a disguise for the deeper, unexplored fears that truly drive our emotions.”
― Manal El-Ramly, Transcending Anxiety: From Fear to Freedom: Transforming Unacknowledged Fears Into a Life of Freedom and Happiness Book

“No way.” Fjor shook his head. “I stab things. I don’t discuss emotions. Stabbing is cleaner, and that’s saying something, because stabbing is generally quite messy, as far as coping mechanisms go.”

“Stabbing isn’t a coping mechanism,” I stubbornly pointed out. “It’s just murder.”

“Or relief.” Fjor pulled out one of his daggers, caressing the blade as he looked at me in this carefully considering way that made me stumble back a step. “Or a tool to keep things the way I want them,” he added slowly.

“How—” Vidrol deadpanned, glancing from Fjor to me. “How did you ever get her to kiss you?”
― Jane Washington, A Castle of Ash

“Pessimism ain't the fucking antidote, don't get me wrong. But a healthy dose of it does a lot of good.”
― Duncan Ralston, Dead Men Walking: a Novelette

“I became a teenager when I discovered how to give myself that feeling of wholeness, even if it lasted only for a moment even if it got me into huge trouble, it was the closest i could come to... to.. i don't remember.”
― Lynda Barry, One Hundred Demons

“Maybe a little scream. Maybe a little laughter might just be what we need to get through our pain.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson, Stamerenophobia