“[Olivia:] “It’s just that I was already at my calorie limit for the day before I had the liquor, and I want to go to Europe in my skinny jeans.”

[Tobias:] “What the hell are skinny jeans?”

“They’re the jeans that you buy that are too small so that someday you can wear them and feel awesome.”

He put his fork down and stared at me, openmouthed. “There are so many things wrong with that sentence. I don’t even know where to start.”

“It’s okay. This is advanced self-loathing. You’d have to be a woman to understand it at this level.”