Stream It Or Skip It: ‘Bad Boys: Ride or Die’ on VOD, Another Noisy Fracas Leaning on Will Smith and Martin Lawrence’s Comic Chemistry

Bad Boys: Ride or Die (now streaming on VOD services like Amazon Prime Video) fires up the action-comedy formula you either love or love to hate: Will Smith and Martin Lawrence cutting it up while gunning down the bad guys. Now this is the point in the review where one mentions The Slap and how the film may be a key part of Smith rehabbing his image – so far, so good it seems, since it was a theatrical hit, grossing $388 million internationally – then moves on to say that this is the second film in the franchise for director team Adil El Arbi and Bilall Fallah, who famously helmed the shelved Batgirl movie in-between the two. They’re absolutely up for taking over Michael Bay’s role as excessive overdirector extraordinaire, and have managed to churn out another noisy mess that’ll please fans and leave the rest of us opting for “die” over “ride.” 

BAD BOYS: RIDE OR DIE: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

The Gist: Marcus (Lawrence) and Mike (Smith) are late. They tear through Miami in Mike’s Porsche and what with one thing and another – and there are so many one things and another in this plot – they end up on the business end of a holdup and, far more concerning, mired in a hopelessly unfunny, crummy callback of a Skittles joke. What, you may ask, are they late for? Surprise: Mike’s wedding! Our playboy buddy is finally settling down so he now has somebody he cares about who can be kidnapped by bad guys and be saved in the third act. But this first act isn’t about him. No, Marcus has a heart attack in the middle of the wedding reception, prompting a near-death experience that has him meeting their beloved late cop boss Conrad Howard (Joe Pantoliano) in the afterlife, prompting Marcus to believe he’s not going to die even if he moonwalks through traffic or dives into a gator pool. Which he will do, of course, with the hopes of inspiring our laughter. (Godspeed, audiences, godspeed.)

Marcus’ recovery also prompts his wife (Tasha Smith, replacing Theresa Randle in the role) to declare him a vegetarian who’s officially off the snacks, prompting further product placement opportunities, e.g., the following one-liner: “I think you’re gonna be Ding-Dongless.” When will we get to the plot that inspires our dynamic-duo protags to shoot bullets at bad guys and dodge explosions? Hopefully never, because a character comedy might be a refreshing turn for this franchise, but alas, ’tis but a dream. Some evil penisheads frame Conrad for the nasty work of drug cartels in an attempt to deflect blame from themselves – or something like that – and Marcus and Mike don’t take kindly to their old boss’ name being dragged through the slop, especially after seeing him invoke the title of the movie so emotionally in a posthumous video: “You’re my bad boys,” he says. Sniffle sniffle honk, so touching! So they work to Get To The Bottom Of This, which of course requires them to shoot bullets at bad guys and dodge explosions.

And so our guys get into scrapes. Mike even has a panic attack in the middle of one, but that’s a subplot left to wither and die among the 300 other subplots, which involve the following: Mike’s ex and current cop boss Rita (Paola Nunez). Would-be mayor Adam Lockwood (Ioan Gruffudd). A Miami PD hacker guy (Alexander Ludwig) and a Miami PD gun lady (Vanessa Hudgens). Mike’s imprisoned, ex-Cartel son Armando (Jacob Scipio). Conrad’s U.S. Marshal daughter Judy (Rhea Seehorn) and her daughter Callie (Quinn Hemphill). Primary bad guy James McGrath (Eric Dane). Reggie (Dennis McDonald), Marcus’ badass U.S. Marine son-in-law. A return cameo by John Salley and a new cameo by Tiffany Haddish. Am I forgetting anybody? Random thug no. 5? The product-placement wrangler? The biggest maniac involved with this movie, whoever designed the set for the bad guys’ headquarters? Jerry Mathers as… The Beaver? Either way, let it be known that this will all get more violent before it gets less violent.

What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: In the ’80s v ’90s cop-related action-comedy franchise wars, Beverly Hills Cop is very much > Bad Boys. Note: Don’t be surprised if the financial success of the recent Bad Boys movies inspires the long-discussed Rush Hour 4 into production.

Performance Worth Watching: Lawrence is considerably more inspired than a sleepy Smith here – but more compelling is how the movie puts McDonald at the center of its best action sequence, suggesting he may play a significant role in a fifth Bad Boys, should the world be gifted with the goddamn thing.

Memorable Dialogue: I don’t think “I’m pretty sure my soul has a dick, Marcus” is quite on par with “… and some Skittles,” but at least it’s less concerned with egregiously representing a brand. 

Sex and Skin: None. 

Our Take: The rapid-fire back-and-forth between Lawrence and Smith is the Bad Boys trademark, and let it be known, it feels significantly toned down here. In fact, their most inspired (relatively speaking) exchange doesn’t occur until a denouement set at a barbecue, when they bicker over who gets to man the grill. It sure seems like fans of their comic chemistry – the fuel for this otherwise rote style-over-substance cops-and-robbers franchise – will be disappointed. Smith seems simply not into it, and Lawrence compensates by piling on the silliness at every opportunity. Maybe it’s the screenplay, which stumbles through an overcomplicated plot laden with who-cares soap-opera dramatics. Or maybe it’s the fact that Bad Boys for Life marked a (relatively speaking) fresh return for the duo, and Ride or Die seems content to draft on its predecessor’s goodwill.  

On paper, such toning-down of the Smith-Lawrence blibberblabber – which I’ve found to be occasionally funny, but mostly grating – should be welcome. But Bilal and Adil are so enamored with their own quasi-clever method of composing action sequences, they compensate for their leads’ lack of verbal obnoxiousness (yes, relatively speaking) with their own brand of visual obnoxiousness: spinning drone-cams, first-person-shooter POVs, CGI helicopter wrecks, edits of highly edited edits. Their method at first seems nifty, then evolves to indulgent, then ultimately ends up being annoying. A third-person set piece that cuts between on-the-ground action and POVs via security cams is inspired, exciting even, but it feels like the only strand of spaghetti they throw at the wall that actually sticks. 

Which is to say Ride or Die is overwritten and overdirected to the point of being tiresome. I just felt worn out by it, not in a just-had-an-invigorating-workout kind of way, but in a just-got-groceries-the-day-before-Thanksgiving kind of way. It’s loud and wearying, its laughs and thrills too few and far between. Those expecting more of the same will get that, and plenty of it; these movies have never been known for its minimalism and restraint. Inevitably, bad movies end up reviewing themselves with their own dialogue, and in this instance, Smith bellowing “Stop this stupid shit!” sure feels like a call to put a bow on this exhausted franchise.

Our Call: SKIP IT. Enough already!

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan.