John Oliver Gloats Over J.D. Vance’s Bizarre “Couch-F*****” Rumor: “He Hasn’t Officially Denied It”

John Oliver had a field day on Last Week Tonight while discussing the bizarre rumors plaguing Donald Trump‘s pick for vice president, Ohio Senator J.D. Vance, claiming he allegedly had sexual relations with a couch.

The rumor stemmed from a user on X, who claimed that Vance allegedly wrote about using two couch cushions to masturbate in his bestselling memoir Hillbilly Elegy. The claim spread like wildfire, though it was quickly disproven.

“J.D. Vance sucks so much that it says something that for a few days this week, the Internet ran wild with a joke tweet that he was the first VP pick to have admitted in a New York Times best-seller to fucking an inside-out latex glove shoved between two couch cushions, with a citation to a page number from his memoir,” Oliver explained on the late night HBO show, per The Hollywood Reporter.

But the comedian had a few thoughts as to why the claim spread so quickly – including that Vance’s team refuses to address the rumor, even just to deny it.

“It is not in his book, but I think the reason it spreads so fast might be that A, nobody read that fucking book, and B, it was incredibly easy to believe, because if you ask me to draw a man that fucks his couch, 10 times out of 10, I’m drawing this guy,” Oliver said, referencing a photo of Vance.

He doubled down, adding, “If you ask me to play Two Truths and a Lie with this man, before he even open his mouth, I shout, ‘The truth is he fucks his couch!’ I’ve never seen someone with more couch-fucker energy.” 

Oliver railed against the politician with several couch-related jokes and metaphors, including: “If you told me the reason you find coins in between couch cushions is because J.D. Vance always leaves a tip, I’d be like, yeah, yeah, that sounds right.”

But the Last Week Tonight team did try to do their due diligence and reach out to Vance’s team to ask if Vance “ever had sex with a couch.”

“They — and this is true — hung up on us, which is, and this is critical, not a ‘no,’ is it?” he said. 

He also pointed out that the Associated Press recently pulled an article with the headline, “No, J.D. Vance did not have sex with a couch,” claiming it did not go through the outlet’s “standard editing process.”

Oliver certainly understood that decision, but he added that Vance will continue facing this allegation until he outrightly denies it.

“We care a lot about facts and precise phrasing on this show. So I can tell you, you can’t say J.D. Vance didn’t have sex with a couch definitively,” Oliver explained. “You can say that he didn’t write about doing that in his book because that is provable, but that’s not the same as asserting he never fucked a couch, especially because he hasn’t officially denied it.”