Adam Sandler Was “Almost Inhuman” Multitasking on ‘You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah,’ Says Director: “He Can Do Everything!”

It’s no secret that Adam Sandler likes making movies with his family. His wife, Jackie Sandler, has appeared in over 30 of his films. Their daughters, Sadie and Sunny Sandler, have appeared in over 20. But Sandler’s new Netflix movie, You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah—which began streaming today— takes it to an entirely new level. Fifteen-year-old Sunny Sandler doesn’t have a brief cameo; she’s the lead in this sweet coming-of-age story that feels like the spiritual successor of Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. Sunny stars as Stacy Friedman. Her real-life sister, Sadie, plays her on-screen sister, Ronnie. Her real-life dad plays her on-screen dad, and her real-life mom plays her on-screen BFF’s mom. It’s a total Sandler family affair.

“I’ve never experienced anything like it,” director Sammi Cohen told Decider in a recent phone interview when asked about working with all four Sandlers. “And I don’t know if I ever will again.”

Cohen, who uses they/them pronouns, was brought on to the project because Sandler—who produced the film via Happy Madison Productions—was looking for a young, Jewish director to bring to life writer Alison Peck’s script, adapted from Fiona Rosenbloom’s novel. All four Sandlers were already attached to play their roles. Cohen, who also directed Hulu’s recent teen movie Crush, felt an initial twinge of anxiety at the thought of being “the new kid in the family.” That feeling quickly dissipated when they arrived at the Sandler household.

“The Sandlers made me part of the family,” Cohen said. “A Jewish family is very much a Jewish family. There’s a lot of talking and excitement and eating. The girls did my nails.” The director bonded with Sunny and Sadie over everything from Euphoria to 16 Candles to Urban Outfitters. And of course, they discussed being Jewish. “We talked about what we love about our world that we wanted to put on screen.”

In the movie, Sunny’s character obsesses over her upcoming bat mitzvah, which she believes will make or break her social status for the rest of her life. She’s not concerned about her mitzvah project or reciting her haftorah. (Though she acknowledges those things are important to “old people and God and stuff.”) She’s worried about the party. She’s got a floppy-haired 7th-grade hottie to impress, after all. Fittingly, right before You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah began production, Sunny had her actual bat mitzvah, which Cohen attended. “It was this beautiful way that life mirrored this movie we were making.”

In real life, Sunny is not quite as party-obsessed as her character. In fact, Cohen found that both Sunny and Sadie “work harder than most adults I know.” Both girls took a keen interest in the craft of filmmaking, and by the end of the shoot, they were running up to Cohen with “a glint in their eye,” with a spot-on prediction of the shot Cohen was about to film next. It’s a trait inherited from their father, according to Cohen. “Adam is one of the hardest working people I have ever met in my life. It’s clear the girls take on that as well.”

On set, Sandler took on the role of filmmaker, producer, actor, and dad. “No one thing suffers,” Cohen said. “He’s really able to wear all these hats. He does everything. It’s almost inhuman. I’m like, it’s unfair, he can do everything!” Sunny and Sadie loved having their dad on set to lighten the mood—Cohen calls him “the sweet Jewish goofy dad we all want”—but at the same time, he gave the director space to work with his girls. For the scenes with two or more Sandlers together, the natural family chemistry took over. A silly moment where Stacy’s father mimes spilling coffee on her in a car was improvised during rehearsal, which Cohen told CBC News was “a little peek into Adam as a dad.”

The girls’ on-screen mother, Bree, is played by Broadway star Idina Menzel—an Uncut Gems reunion. “I joke that this the happy-marriage-prelude to Uncut Gems,” Cohen told Decider. “Adam loved working with her, and we all agreed she was a natural fit for the Friedman family.”

Cohen further got to know the Sandlers by accompanying the family to Temple and Hebrew school. The director strove to include specific, Jewish moments in the film from those excursions. “There was a lot of tenderness, care, and consideration around the religion,” they said. “We really wanted to be respectful. I remember walking through Sunny and Sadie’s school with Adam, and seeing that the clocks had Hebrew on them. It was also a space that felt warm and inviting—it never felt cold and scary.”

Cohen also took care to make the film feel inclusive for all types of Jewish kids, including non-binary kids. At the beginning of the movie, Stacy attends a b’nai mitzvah, a gender-neutral mitzvah option that didn’t exist when Cohen was younger. It’s a small, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment, but one that meant a lot to Cohen, who had a bat mitzvah. “I did not have that as a kid, and I think that would have made me feel… it would have been really special. Actually, it still is.”

The positive Jewish representation in You’re Not Invited to My Bat Mitzah feels especially crucial in the face of the recent controversy caused by another Netflix film: Bradley Cooper’s upcoming Leonard Bernstein drama, Maestro. Cooper, who is not Jewish, has his nose enlarged by prosthetics to play the famous Jewish composer. When the first trailer for the film dropped last week, audiences criticized the film for not only casting a non-Jewish actor but for playing into anti-Semitic stereotypes on top of it. Cohen, coming fresh off a movie made for and by Jewish people, said they understand the negative reaction from the community.

“I don’t want to criticize anyone else, ” Cohen said carefully. “But it’s important for me to bring authenticity when we’re talking about Jewish people seeing [other] Jewish people on screen.” Cohen said the issue hit particularly close to home because they were made fun of as a kid for their nose. Ironically, one movie that makes Cohen feel validated is another Cooper film. “Lady Gaga in A Star Is Born—that shot of her nose made me feel so beautiful. It’s really hard when you’re made fun of as a kid for features that society tells us are weird and ugly. But they’re not. They’re beautiful. But I think it is important to be authentic. I hope we see more authentic representation in the future.”

It doesn’t get much more authentic than You’re Not Invited to My Bat Mitzah. The feeling of love, joy, community, and celebration that emanates from the Sandler family (both blood-related and honorary) is palpable. In the end, Stacy gets to have her party moment, though not quite in the way she expected. You can’t see them, but in the finale scene, Cohen was out on the dance floor, Cha-Cha-Sliding alongside their cast. “Jews, we know how to throw a party,” Cohen said. “What we do is fun!”