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Not many people know what really happened during the infamous Trump Tower meeting of June 2016, but it appears that Larry David is one of them. The Curb Your Enthusiasm creator has penned an insider’s take on the clandestine pow wow for the New York Times from the perspective of one Steven Yablonsky, a janitor who was hiding in a closet at the time and thus knows exactly how things transpired.

“As it happens,” he writes, “I was fired yesterday for not putting up the ‘wet floor’ sign in the lobby, and a few people took a tumble, including Tiffany, so now I can finally reveal all.”

The main takeaway of this imagined scenario is that, at least as far as Donald Trump Jr. and Paul Manafort are concerned, it really was about adoption — much to the chagrin of the Russian operatives who were ready and willing to deliver dirt on Hillary Clinton. “Hold it, hold it. Wait a second. First off, that would be illegal. That would be conspiring with an enemy to commit election fraud,” Manafort says after the initial offer is made.

Don Jr., meanwhile, is distraught at the very idea of some people being unable to have children of their own: “I know relations between our great countries have been frayed. But that shouldn’t be what this is about. This should be about hardworking families who want to experience the joys of parenthood. Can’t you put yourself in their shoes? ”

Also discussed: how similar chicken salad is to tuna fish (“They taste the same. That I don’t get”), whether or not the FBI should be called, and the difference between collusion and coffers. Read the whole piece here.