Fun
Frisky
Nostalgic
Intense
Adventurous
Choked Up
Curious
Romantic
Weird
Ahh Valentine’s Day. A time to cuddle up with your sweetheart and celebrate your love for each — ugh, wait a second. Valentine’s Day is the worst. Even if you’re in a happy and healthy relationship, it’s still pretty gosh darn awful. All that fuss over roses and chocolates? Seriously, you know you’ve found the one when he or she is indifferent to this Hallmark rodeo.
That being said — if you’re one of the cool kids who prefers to not celebrate Valentine’s Day in the traditional sense but is sensitive to any case of FOMO, why not partake in a horror movie marathon?! This isn’t just any old horror binge-watch, however, this is a one that will make you feel awesome about being single (or someone who’s simply anti-Valentine’s). According to these ten fright flicks below, chasing after love just gets you into trouble. And occasionally killed. So order some Seamless, turn off those lights, and get ready to stream the scariest picks here to remind you you’re much better off alone. Here they are, in order of how fatally devoted our protagonists are (or were… R.I.P.) in the name of sweet, sweet love.
'Let the Right One In' (2008)
OK, in all fairness, Oskar’s little vampire friend, Eli, did make his life much better. She gave him a reason to get up in the morning by feeding on his bullies! Let’s not forget, however, this blood-sucking little 12-year-old terrorized the entire town and killed a whole slew of people. But if it’s all in the name of love, it’s somewhat forgivable. Right? All conjecture aside, this modern horror masterpiece is worth watching no matter what: it’s moving, it’s stunningly shot, and holy moly, can these youngsters act.
'Honeymoon' (2014)
After newlyweds Bea (Rose Leslie of Game of Thrones) and Paul (Harry Treadaway) tie the knot, they retreat to a secluded cabin in the woods for the rustic romantic getaway of their dreams (seems like something your Brooklyn friends would do, right?). But when Bea begins sleepwalking and exhibiting bizarre behavior, Paul is deeply concerned for his new bride’s safety, as well as his own. Directed by newcomer Leigh Janiak, Honeymoon is a smart, spooky, sexy delight.
'My Bloody Valentine' (1981)
Sorry, but this campy slasher just had be included. Yes, because of its goofy title. When a sinister folk tale surrounding Valentine’s Day begins to show signs of truth, a group of lovebirds becomes the prime target of a deranged murderer. And you better believe he hates Saint Valentine way more than you. With the tagline, “Cross your heart… and hope to die,” you can’t help but be intrigued by the hilarity that is sure to ensue upon streaming this hopelessly ’80s horror flick.
'Vacancy' (2007)
On their way home from a miserable family reunion, soon-to-be divorced newlyweds David (Luke Wilson) and Amy Fox (Kate Beckinsale) break down on the side of a dark highway where one lone motel sits, nearly empty. Upon deciding to stay the night until they can get their car fixed, David and Amy discover a set of sinister snuff films that appear to have been made in the very same room in which they’re staying. Soon it’s a fight for survival for this broken young couple who are up against a group of dangerous men with a twisted fetish. The real moral of the story? Neither of them would have been there had they avoided their doomed marriage in the first place. Dummies.
'Bug' (2006)
Directed by William Friedkin — yes, the same William Friedkin of The French Connection and The Exorcist — and written by Tracy Letts (who wrote the play on which it’s based), the criminally underrated Bug stars Ashley Judd and Michael Shannon as on-the-run strangers holed up in the same isolated motel. But when the two accidental companions become something more, their collective paranoia about their lives outside the dingy walls is fueled by a crippling bug infestation.
'Audition' (1999)
When a forlorn widower auditions a group of young women to be his new bride, he becomes particularly enthralled by one potential date in particular, who takes his darkest fantasies and twists them into her own… and let’s just say hers aren’t of the sexual nature. Tersely directed with a legendary, one-hit wonder performance from femme fatale, Eihi Shiina, Audition is not only a reminder that being alone has its benefits, but it’s also one of the smartest horror movies you haven’t seen.
'Knock Knock' (2015)
When devoted family man Evan (Keanu Reeves) is left to his own devices for the weekend, an unruly hurricane brings two of the most beautiful damsels in distress, Genesis (Lorenza Izzo) and Bell (Ana de Armas), to his doorstep. But a kindly, neighborly act turns into a one-night romp and Evan is left with a dark, dirty secret and two violent stalkers who plan to make a game out of his weakened state. Think of it like Fatal Attraction but with two of Glenn Close.
'Fatal Attraction' (1987)
Speaking of! OK fine, so this isn’t a traditional horror tale in the blood and guts sense, but goodness gracious this movie is terrifying. Even almost thirty years later. Why? Because this is everyone’s worst fear if they consider cheating. If you haven’t had the privilege of watching Michael Douglas have the living daylights scared out of him, Fatal Attraction follows a businessman’s seemingly foolproof one-night stand with a beautiful stranger who takes their night together far more seriously than he.
'Cloverfield' (2008)
Rob (Michael Stahl-David) attends a party in hopes to win over the woman of his dreams, but when a deadly giant emerges from New York City’s East River, a night of potential romance becomes a race against the clock to exit the island. But alas, even when his friends are being eaten by a savage monster and having their chests (quite literally) explode from its poisonous probes, Rob is still adamant about being the knight in shining armor, erm, purposely distressed skinny jeans.
'The Fly' (1986)
When Geena Davis falls for the sexy scientist version of Jeff Goldblum, little does she know she’s putting her life at risk in the name of love… and getting to run her hands through that glorious mullet. Directed by the inimitable David Cronenberg, The Fly is a definitive horror romance as it is incredibly gross.
